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Husband “TN” writes:

I was recently introduced to your podcast and love what you and your husband are doing. It’s needed in the Christian space and I believe it will really help married couples unlock new desires and pleasures.

My wife and I have been married for 16 years and have been pretty good about staying intimate. But over the years and having kids I’ve noticed it gets harder. Our kids want to sleep with us at times and it distracts us from having that alone time.

My wife and I recently had a breakthrough while revisiting our love languages. We did them years back, and we were surprised to see that they had changed a little. Both of us now feel increased desire for physical touch.

We have also been exploring new things in bed. My wife has been experimenting with touching herself, and this as opened new doors of pleasure for us.

We want to keep unlocking new experiences in this area but we’re not sure what to try as far as lubes, vibrator, etc. Anyway I feel weird reaching out, but I want to take our sex to a new level and give my wife orgasms in the way that’s best pleasing to her, so I’m doing my homework.

That’s wonderful you are exploring new things together!

First, let’s talk about lube. Lube has been a wonderful thing in our sex life! If we’re doing oral, we usually do that before using lube so that we don’t have to taste it (you can buy flavored lube, but we don’t). Your saliva should be enough lubricant that you don’t need additional lube. We use lube when El Fury plays with my lady bits with his hand. Sometimes we need a little more before penetration, and sometimes not. If you’re playing with your wife with your hand you can usually tell if more is needed, but don’t be afraid to ask her how she’s feeling.

We typically buy simple generic water-based jelly lube from and it gets the job done for less than $5 per bottle. Water-based lube is cheap and easy to clean up. We even keep some in our vehicles… just in case.

Second: vibrators. Vibrators can vary a lot, and we own a bunch of them. Our go-to favorite is the egg vibrator, but you’ll have to experiment to find out what your wife likes best. Every woman is different, so play around and explore. If your wife as never used one before, start low and slow — and use plenty of lube. Enjoy the exploration together, and discover how the vibrator can be used to increase your intimacy.

El Fury adds: In addition to lube and vibrators, there are probably many ways that you can incorporate your wife touching herself into your sex life. Have her put on a show for you while you touch yourself. As she gets proficient, you can go hands-free in any position.

Leave a comment and tell us how you discovered the wonders of lube and vibrators in your sex life!

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The female body is pretty amazing, but can women really have ten kinds of orgasms? Sexy Corte and I will tackle this topic together.

(Note: This post will refer to the diagrams in our earlier post, All About Female Orgasms (Safe Diagrams) which covers some of the orgasm types described below.)

1. Clitoral orgasms.

El Fury: Obviously yes, despite the fact that some men don’t seem to know how to rub a clitoris. (diagram)

Sexy Corte: I’m amazed at how tiny a clitoris is, and how it can make me feel such big things. Clitoral stimulation is how I orgasm. That’s it. Other techniques listed below can heighten that experience, but without focused stimulation on my clitoris, it doesn’t go anywhere. It can take 20-30 minutes of focus to get to orgasm, and sometimes even longer. Husbands, my best advice to make your wife love sex is to learn to navigate her clitoris. Use your hand or a vibrator, you will know when you are on the right track. Human females are the only females that can orgasm. What a gift from God!

2. Vaginal orgasms.

For many of us, this type of orgasm remains elusive. That’s because most women (50-75 percent) can’t orgasm from vaginal penetration alone.

… another researcher found that part of the vagina (where the G-spot zone is located) is inextricably linked with the internal parts of the clitoris. Thus, “vaginal” orgasms could actually be clitoral orgasms by another name.

El Fury: This is the idealized kind of orgasm that you see depicted in movie love scenes. They’re real, and some women can have them easily, but most women benefit from clitoral stimulation.

Sexy Corte: I am one of the majority that cannot orgasm this way. However, my favorite way to orgasm is with vaginal sex combined with EF using a vibrator on my clitoris. Never gets old.

3. G-spot orgasms.

The G-spot is an orgasmic erogenous zone on the front wall of the vagina and is made up of the urethral sponge and Female Erectile Network. It swells upon arousal, and G-spot orgasms are said to be more intense, longer-lasting, and more full-bodied than clitoral orgasms.

Hitting the G-spot can also result in female ejaculation or “squirting.”

El Fury: The G-spot combined with internal parts of the clitoris probably lead to what people call “vaginal orgasms”, discussed above. Curling two fingers in a “come here” motion inside the vagina is the easiest way to manually stimulate the G-spot (diagram).

Sexy Corte: When EF has tried to stimulate this area it hasn’t done much for me, but I’m open to keep trying.

4. Cervical orgasms.

Many women don’t even know this type of orgasm is possible. The cervix itself, lies at the very back of the vagina, past the G-spot. It’s the entrance to a woman’s uterus and protrudes into the vagina like a rounded button resembling the head of a penis.

Cervical orgasms have been described as deeper, full-bodied, expanded orgasms, like an ecstatic tingling experience or “a shower of stars.”

While clitoral orgasms have a quick peak and release, G-spot and cervical orgasm come in waves of bliss, with a pleasurable sensation that can last for hours. Some women say that cervical orgasms are almost “spiritual” in nature.

El Fury: The whole area around the cervix seems to be sensitive to stimulation. In addition to the cervix itself, the anterior fornix (diagram) and posterior fornix (diagram) can be stimulated for orgasms.

Sexy Corte: Hmm, this sounds like a necessary experience. Let’s try to achieve this soon!

5. U-spot orgasms.

This tiny orgasmic spot is just above your urethral opening but is often neglected, poor thing. The U-spot is a highly sensitive erogenous zone that can create strong orgasms and also takes part in female ejaculation.

It is located in the vulva, just above the vagina and below the clitoris, surrounding the urethra opening (above and to either side) like an upside-down “U.” It is a highly-sensitive bundle of nerves, as well as erectile tissue that can feel extremely erotic when stimulated.

El Fury: This seems likely to be another extension of the clitoris.

Sexy Corte: This whole area is sensitive, and stimulation here is required for me to orgasm. Keeping stimulation focused here during sex makes the experience amazing.

6. Anal orgasms.

This type of orgasm is on people’s bucket list more and more. Why? The anus opening and anal canal are distinct erogenous zones on their own, rich in nerve endings and super-sensitive to stimulation and penetration.

The “rosebud,” or anal opening enjoys soft sensual massage with lots of lubricant. The anus itself should be penetrated very slowly, based on the receiver’s preference.

Stimulation of the anus, perineum, and rectum can engage the pelvic and pudendal nerves, which are implicated in the orgasmic response.

El Fury: Well, we’re working on this intermittently. Anal stimulation seems to be most pleasurable when combined with clitoral stimulation.

Sexy Corte: It is arousing when EF plays around in that area. Actual penetration is currently more distracting than arousing. If he is playing around there it can make my orgasm more intense.

7. Throat-gasms.

This type of orgasm is a bit strange, I’ll admit. But reportedly, women can experience an oral or throat orgasm during oral sex on a penis, particularly when they are deep-throating while giving a blow job (a dildo also works).

The throat is connected to the vagus nerve, cervix, and uterus, according to orgasm researchers Beverly Whipple and Barry Komisaruk, which can trigger orgasms.

That’s why moaning and making lots of sounds during sex or solo pleasure is a good thing. It increases your orgasmic potential and helps to move the orgasmic energy throughout the body.

Full-body orgasms? Yes, please!

And, get this: The mouth and throat are highly-sensitive erogenous zones that contain more nerve endings than the vagina.

El Fury: I’ve written several times about how awesome it is for Sexy Corte to have an orgasm while performing oral sex on me. It’s one of my favorite things in the world. I suppose the world would be a better place if semen tasted like chocolate and women could have orgasms from deep-throating, but this seems incredibly far-fetched to me.

On the other hand, I completely agree that audible sexual responsiveness really improves sex. Talking, moaning, yelling, and crying out during sex will definitely intensify the experience.

Sexy Corte: I do orgasm while giving EF oral, but that is the direct cause of him stimulating my clitoris at the same time. I definitely agree that a good moan gets me going. I respond in an auditory way, which is helpful for EF to know if he is on the right track. If all of the kids are out of the house it’s really fun to let loose!

8. Nipplegasms.

This type of orgasm is luscious and sensual. A nipplegasm is an orgasm that results from nipple stimulation. Approximately 29 percent of women have said they experience these types of orgasms.

Studies done with brain imaging (fMRI) machines now prove that the same part of the brain, known as the “genital sensory cortex,” lights up when the nipples are stimulated, the exact same area that lights up when the clitoris and vagina are stimulated.

So, the nipples and breasts like the genitals can be highly orgasmic.

Sucking on the nipples releases the “love hormone” oxytocin, which is responsible for producing contractions in the uterus, and can produce orgasms. It is also the feel-good-after-sex hormone that makes you all dreamy and lovey-dovey.

El Fury: Breasts and nipples are great, and stimulating them can certainly lead to arousal. But orgasm?

Sexy Corte: My nipple sensitivity emerged after breast-feeding our first child. That event awakened something and made me feel arousal when EF would touch my breasts. It heightens arousal but I have never had an orgasm from nipple play.

9. Body-gasms.

These types of orgasm can seem mythical, until you actually experience them.

Expanded or full-body orgasms are those that are not localized to just the genital region, but can spread all over the body. This can happen when multiple erogenous zones are stimulated simultaneously, such as a combination orgasm with the clitoris and G-spot.

These type of orgasms can lead to multiple orgasms, and “super orgasms” (continuous or long-lasting orgasms). Energy orgasms can also spread through the entire body, as well.

El Fury: I love giving Sexy Corte powerful orgasms and multiple orgasms, and those two things often go together. Even though they take work on both our parts to accomplish, they’re well worth it.

Sexy Corte: I have never experienced this, but I have had orgasms that I have felt in other areas of my body. For example, I’ve had an orgasm that produced such a strong emotion that I cried. Orgasms do impact my body in a way that I shake after for a while. They feel super, but I’m not sure I’ve experienced the super orgasm.

10. Mindgasms.

This type of orgasm seems a bit “out there,” as in out-of-body experience. Mindgasms, also called breath and energy orgasms, are a type of full-body orgasm that may begin in the genitals, but then the raw sexual energy is channeled up the chakras and throughout the body.

Both men and women can experience full-body, breath, and energy orgasms, and it requires no direct stimulation of the genitals. Yes, that means hands-free. It can be a sexual experience, a very spiritual and enlightening experience, or both.

This type of amazing orgasm has been described as feeling like waves of ecstatic, electric energy coursing through your entire body and making you tingle all over. They can last much longer than ordinary orgasms, even hours, with the after-glow effects lasting even days.

El Fury: I’ve heard of this, but never experienced it. Our bodies can do strange and incredible things, and using breathing techniques to induce altered mental states via hypoxia is an age-old practice. But hands-free, no-touch orgasms? I’m guess skeptical.

Sexy Corte: I think this would be really fun to try, although I am skeptical we could achieve orgasm this way. It sounds sexy to sit with your spouse, not touch each other, but guide each other to arousal only through communication without touch. Then move on to touching!

We’d be really curious to hear from our female readers: how many of these orgasms have you had? What’s next on your bucket list? Leave a comment below!

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Quality is better than quantity. That statement is beneficial in many ways. But what if quantity is the quality? Husbands often view sex through that lens. We get a lot of emails from readers asking about frequency. Men want their wives to have more sex. Women wonder why their husbands want to have sex so much, and often comment that they don’t enjoy it. Here are some thoughts on how to improve the quality and the quantity.

As a couple: Communication can fix a lot of problems. Sex can be awkward to talk about, but the more you communicate about your sex life the easier it is to talk about. How often do each of you need an orgasm to feel satisfied? In a week? A month? Pay attention and notice when you feel aroused. What time of day works best to have sex? What can you do to meet your spouse’s needs? Is there something you can do to make sex better? Remember, you are the only person that can meet your spouse’s sexual needs.

For husbands: If you want to have quantity, you need to increase the quality. Your wife is not going to want to have sex if you don’t bother getting her aroused, or making sure  that she is having all of the orgasms that she wants. Shift your focus from just having sex to making sure your wife is enjoying it. Around 70-80% of women need direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm. That means only 20-30% of women can orgasm through standard penis-in-vagina sex. We have wives tell us that after years of marriage they just experienced their first orgasm. If your wife is one of the majority, you have to be more creative to give her an orgasm. For many women it takes 20-45 minutes of clitoral stimulation to orgasm. Use your hand or a vibrator, and stay there. Men can be aroused in an instant, but arousal can be a lengthy process for a woman. Notice her throughout the day and be intentional in words, touch, etc. When you start to have sex, spend a while in foreplay. Sex can be painful for your wife if she is not aroused. Husband, you might be surprised by how much your wife wants to have sex when she’s having frequent orgasms!

For wives: Quantity has a quality all of its own. You might be surprised at how often your husband would want to have sex if you were available. Find out what your husband needs to feel satisfied. It’s ok to have sex and not have an orgasm, as long as you are sexually satisfied overall. Be available to your husband. Remember, you are the only person your spouse can have sex with. He will never grow tired of having sex. Pray for the right attitude towards meeting his sexual needs. Sex is not a burden, it is a gift. Sometimes it is a tricky gift to figure out! Find what makes you enjoy sex, then pursue doing that together. Your husband almost certainly wants to give you pleasure, but may not know how. If you have never had an orgasm, explore how to make that happen with your husband. An orgasm is the key to unlocking the pleasure of sex.

Remember that you are a team. You love each other. If both spouses in a marriage focus their energy on pleasing the other, your own needs will get met along the way.

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Here are a few emails from readers that are worth sharing with the community but don’t require long responses from us. (Some of these responses are from Sexy Corte, some are from El Fury, and some are from both of us.)

Reader “TH” asks:

How can I get my wife to read your site without knowing I sent it?

It’s best to cultivate an open channel of communication with your spouse! However, it can be difficult to get the ball rolling at the beginning. We suggest using Mailinator.com to send anonymous emails — you can even use this service to ask us a question if you don’t want to share your real address with! Simply make up a Mailinator address, or use marriedchristiansex@mailinator.com to send your email. (Note: Mailinator is a good way to send anonymously, but it’s hard to get a response back because the service deletes all incoming messages every hour.)

Wife “DO” asks:

Hello! I would like to ask more details on the Old Faithful position. Is it like 69? Does the wife’s butt face the husband’s face?

Just wanted to say thanks for setting up this website, it has been very informative and educational for married Christian couples who need all the help they can get.

For Old Faithful the husband lays on his back and the wife kneels to his side facing him, with her knees spread and near one of his hips. Then the wife bends down over the husband to perform oral sex. The husband reaches up between the wife’s legs to stimulate her at the same time. See also: “New Faithful”, and “Stimulate Both Spouses While One Is Performing Oral”.

Wife “IJ” asks:

My husband and I have been married for ten years and our sex life is AWESOME! And while I know that my husband loves it, I am often the “initiator “ which I don’t mind but I would love for him to be the sex beggar occasionally.

He works hard and doesn’t get enough sleep sometimes so I know he’s tired and I’m a stay home mom of two and I try to do things to make it easy for him at home. For example: I have dinner ready when he gets home, I lay out his towel and washcloth and always have his clothes clean and hung up so that he doesn’t have to lift a finger at home. We were both married before (unfortunately) so I don’t know if there was a lot of rejection there, but I’ve been very open that I’m ok to do it anytime and I’ve never said no. It may just be personality because he does really love it, I want to be clear that there’s no problem there and he’s very considerate of me. I just wonder if you have any advice on how to help him initiate more. Thank you, I just found y’alls website today… I love it.

It sounds like your sex life is pretty great, so yay for you guys!

It’s common for a wife to want/expect her husband to initiate, because women tend to be more “responsive” sexually, and men tend to be more “spontaneous”. Of course, everyone is different and there’s nothing at all “wrong” with you initiating more than your husband.

So, there’s nothing “wrong”, but you’d still like your husband to do more of the initiating. The best thing you can do is tell him! You may be thinking… “but if I tell him to initiate, aren’t I the one initiating?” Maybe, but he can’t read your mind.

Here are some ideas for what to say to him (if these are true):

  1. I love our sex life. You really satisfy me.
  2. I’d love it if you would initiate more. I don’t know if you’re waiting for some signal from me, but don’t bother. I’ll never say no. Just do it and you’ll see. (If he is worried about rejection, tell him explicitly that you won’t turn him away.)
  3. Here are some ways that I’ll signal that I want you: sleep naked, secret message panties, flash my boobs, etc. Make up an “innocent” signal that tells him to hit on you.

Wife “TJ” asks:

Thank you so much for this site. It has helped me and my husband so much!  We have been married for over 24 years and we have only just begun to view sexual intimacy and pleasuring one another in the correct way. I was much too uptight and focused on being a proper, good church girl. I wouldn’t dare admit I was enjoying our sexual encounters, nor would I give him a lot of attention sexually. It’s very sad looking back. We’ve both talked very openly about this over the last few weeks and it’s like we’re on a honeymoon period!  We’re trying things on your site and it’s incredible how close our relationship has become from the sexual intimacy we’ve been sharing. So, thank you so much!

My question is this: I’m having a harder time climaxing from clitoral stimulation (or any kind of stimulation).  We have sex daily, and on most days multiple times.  I’ve talked with him and he understands that I don’t expect to have an orgasm every time we have sex, but he wants me to at least once a day.  Is this difficulty coming from us having sex so often that I can’t get aroused enough to climax, as I did when we went days (and sometimes weeks) between intercourse?

Have you encountered this before?  Do you have suggestions to help me?  Is it possible for a woman to have an orgasm daily or multiple times every day?

Sexy Corte responds:

This is our favorite type of email to receive. I will say that I’m the same, it’s hard for me to have an orgasm every day. I do alright two days in a row, but if I try for three it’s a lot of work! I do best having 2-3 orgasms per week. Other times, I’m happy to have sex without an orgasm because El Fury does want to have one every day. Also, there’s a big difference in the time required — it takes him less than 10 minutes, for me it takes 20-30. I hope this helps and that your sex life with your husband continues to be fun!

And finally, a recommendation from wife “BA”:

I recommend that you try glow in the dark temporary tattoos! I put them all over my breasts, charged them up with a cell phone flashlight, and it made quite the impression in a dark bedroom. Husband keeps searching for them on Amazon now!

We will have to check those out!

We love to hear from our readers, so drop us a line.

Please use the contact pages for Sexy Corte and El Fury to send us your questions. We will only share your question if you give us permission, and we’ll never reveal your name or any other identifying information. You can ask questions anonymously, or use a free anonymous email server like Mailinator.

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Sexy Corte has written about egg vibrators previously, and they’re definitely our most-used sex toys. However, egg vibrators aren’t ideal for every situation! Sometimes the little egg just doesn’t give you enough to hold on to, and in those situations you need to have a wand vibrator handy. There are a lot of different brands, but really only three key features that we’ve come across:

  • Rechargable. Get a model with a built-in rechargeable battery. Plug-in vibrators never run out of power, but the cords just get in the way when you’re using them.
  • Variable power. Every model we’ve seen has a variable power setting, but make sure you don’t buy one without.
  • Standard size head. Check the size of the massaging head and make sure it matches the “standard” size of the Hitachi Magic Wand. Hitachi doesn’t even make the Magic Wand “massager” anymore, but all the vibrator accessories you’ll find will be sized to fit this classic sex toy.

Here are some tips for getting the most out of your wand vibrator.

  • Reach. A wand vibrator can be used in positions that don’t work with an egg, like doggy style. It’s hard for the husband to reach all the way around to keep an egg in place, but with a wand vibrator the wife can hold it in place herself. Any sort of rear penetration position can benefit from the enhanced reach of a wand vibrator.
  • Duration and diffusion. The head of a wand vibrator is a lot larger than an egg vibrator, which can be good or bad. It’s bad if the wife needs focused power on her clitoris to reach orgasm, because the wand vibrator may not be direct enough even if it’s powerful. However, for teasing games or bondage sessions that are intended to last a while, the larger vibration area of the wand head can be less intense and more pleasant.
  • Accessories. There are a ton of accessories for “standard” wand vibrators! Some of them look quite… alien… but there’s certainly no lack of variety to explore.

wand vibrator accessories 1

wand vibrator accessories 2There are even accessories for husbands!

wand vibrator accessories 3

 

So even if you have an egg vibrator, a wand vibrator is a completely different toy and well worth picking up. If you’ve got any questions, tips, or recommendations please leave them in the comments!

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The Marriage Bed has a fascinating survey on female orgasm during intercourse with or without clitoral stimulation. As the charts show, most women need clitoral stimulation to climax regularly. I am definitely one of them. I have never had an orgasm with intercourse only. Intercourse feels great to me, but it can’t get me there without some help.

Part of what I found most interesting about the survey was reading the comments at the end. Women are all so different! We have very different bodies and very different sex lives. I found myself feeling envious when I read about the women that could orgasm easily with intercourse alone. Conversely I felt very grateful when I read about women that had a very difficult time.

After reading through the comments I felt convicted for my emotional response. God gave us the bodies we have, so there is no sense in wishing for something different. If we aren’t experiencing the pleasure we want to have, we need to communicate and work with our spouse to figure out how to achieve our desired level of sexual satisfaction. I think most husbands want to give their wives orgasms, but they might need some help figuring out what feels good. Don’t be afraid to communicate! When we first started using a vibrator, I was afraid to ask if we could use it. I didn’t want El Fury to feel slighted or like I preferred it over him. It took me some time to realize that he understands, loves and accepts my body just the way it is. He cares about getting me to climax, and if we have to use a vibrator while he is inside me, it doesn’t bother him at all. I love our sex life! If we hadn’t been able to communicate and willing to experiment, I probably still would never have had an orgasm. I’m glad I didn’t miss out on that!!

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