The Perks and Pitfalls of Sex Research — A really excellent post! We’ll add: The most important sex research for your marriage is the research you do with your own spouse. Be an intentional student of your spouse and you’ll learn a lot.
I finally understand why chicks did motorcycles: built-in vibrating seats. Yep, that’s right, you can install a vibrator directly into the passenger seat of your bike to give your wife quite an exciting ride.
(And apparently there are vibrating bicycle seats too?)
But why should motorcycle riders have all the fun? When I saw these products I realized that it would be pretty easy to replicate the experience in our sensible sedan. If you or your spouse are just a little bit handy with electricity it’s simple to build your own 12-volt car-powered over-the-clothes vibrator!
Here are the three parts you need to buy — all easily available from eBay or other online sources for under $20 total.
12-volt male plug (for cigarette lighter).
12-volt dimmer knob.
12-volt vibrating massage motor (Uxcell is the most likely brand). I suggest getting a motor that includes the plastic housing, seen below.
Once you have all the parts, assembling the device is pretty easy. For car use I didn’t install the vibrator into the seat — you don’t straddle a car seat like you do a motorcycle seat, so that positioning wouldn’t be ideal anyway. You’ll need some wire-cutters (or needle-nose pliers) and a small screwdriver.
Measure your distance. How far will the vibrator need to reach from your cigarette lighter to the wife’s lady bits? Make sure to leave some slack, but you don’t want too much wire or you’ll get a tangled mess. You should also decide where you want the dimmer knob located, so you need to decide on length for the wires from the plug to the knob, and from the knob to the motor.
Cut the wires. And strip 1/4 inch of insulation from the tips of each wire so you can install them into the knob switch.
Install the wires into the knob switch. Use a small screwdriver to install your four wires into the receptacles on the knob switch. For DC (direct current) power, red wires are positive/+ and black wires are negative/-.
Test. Plug it in, turn on the car, and make sure it works. When you turn the knob the motor should modulate its power. If it doesn’t work, make sure your wiring is correct — is the metal of each wire in contact with the metal in its switch receptacle? Are reds in positive and blacks in negative? If your wiring is right and it still doesn’t work you may have a defective part.
Bundle the wires. If you have pairs of loose wires you can bundle them together to neaten things up. Use small zip ties and/or electrician tape to protect the pairs of wires and hold them together to reduce tangles.
Your new car toy has two incredible benefits:
Over-the clothes power. The 12-volt motor should be much more powerful than a battery-operated vibrator! This means the wife doesn’t need to get undressed to use it — it can reach through her clothes! You know we’re a fan of using a wireless remote vibrator that tucks into Sexy Corte’s panties, and it’s great for when we’re walking around, in a restaurant, or in a theater, but it also requires advanced preparation. She has to put the vibrator in her panties before we leave, and it can be awkward to reposition because it’s buried under layers of clothes. You can’t use this car vibrator walking around, but when you’re using it in the car you don’t need to mess with the wife’s clothes.
Infinite duration. As long as you’ve got gas in the car you’ve got vibration! The wireless remote vibrator we use can go for around 45 minutes, but this car vibrator never runs out of juice. You can use it in tons of ways: coming and going from your date; park and play while the wife performs oral; on a road trip (keep quiet and put a movie on in back!); the wife can build up sexual tension with edging while she drives home from work or the store; the husband can tease her by controlling the knob. Limitless fun!
We hope you enjoy this project. Leave a comment and tell us what you think, especially if you build a car vibrator for yourself!
Date nights are essential for intimacy and connection, especially after you have kids. It’s fun to go out to dinner, see a movie, go for a hike, or do an escape room — and it can be just as fun (and even more relaxing) to have a stay-date at home after the kids are in bed. However you do it, date nights are great!
One of the things we’ve realized over the past several years is that we really don’t like staying up late. No matter how late we’re out, those darn kids wake up at the same time every day! In fact, by the time we get home from a date at 10 or 11 we’re pretty wiped out. Sex takes energy, even after a romantic, intimate evening together. But after a date with your spouse you’re supposed to have sex, right? It feels anticlimactic to just crawl into bed and go to sleep.
Fortunately there’s a simple solution: have sex before you go on your date. It can be right before you leave, during nap time in the afternoon, or in the morning before the kids come knocking — give each other an orgasm to kick-off your date right! Here are some advantages to having sex before your date:
No pressure: There won’t be any pressure to make sex the capstone of your date when you get home late. We find that it’s especially hard for Sexy Corte to summon up the energy for an orgasm late at night, no matter how great a time we’re having. Time of day has a big impact on many wives, and it doesn’t always line up with date night.
Lingering arousal: Date nights are a great opportunity to talk positively about your sex life together — what you like, what you want to try, how it feels when your spouse touches you just — like — that. If you have sex before your date, the lingering arousal can fuel your conversation. It’s hot to look at your spouse across the restaurant table and know that you just rocked their world!
Mementos: You can carry a memento of your recent sex with you on your date. For example: a secret hickey or lingerie. It’s a huge turn-on for me just knowing that my semen is still inside Sexy Corte when we go out. We’ve also talked about the idea of me finishing on her body and SC wearing it under her clothes, but we haven’t done it yet.
The downside of having sex before your date is that you lose some of the angsty build-up, but hey, there’s no rule that you can’t have sex again after! (Or during.)
So when do you have sex on date night? I’m sure we’re not the only ones who are tired when we get home!
When Sexy Corte and I go out on a date we usually do dinner plus an activity. (Usually not a movie, because there’s hardly ever anything we want to see.) But for our last date night, instead of an physical activity we decided to focus on each other by having a great conversation. Our lives are so busy that when we have time to sit down and really talk it’s usually about something “important”, and we often revisit the same topics: our amazing kids, our upcoming activities, our friends, our church, etc. Those are all great, but for this date we used a fantastic tool created by The Generous Wife to prompt us in different directions: A Year of Questions for You and Your Spouse.
The list of questions is available as a PDF, and it’s intended to give you one question to discuss with your spouse every day for a year. For our date, however, we used random.org to pick random questions for us (1 – 366) and we went through about a dozen over the course of two hours. The questions covered a lot of territory and we learned a lot about each other — almost like we were first dating again!
We also used our new wireless vibrator during dinner, which is always a blast. It’s pretty sexy to watch your wife get all flustered when you buzz her while she’s trying to decide what language she wants to learn or what she liked best about her first job. The vibrator turns her on, and her arousal drives me insane. Important tip: make sure you have a fully charged vibrator at home for after your date! The wireless one she’s wearing will eventually run out of juice, and you don’t want to leave her hanging.
One of my most memorable dates with El Fury involved our car, a napkin, and a skirt. We had had a crazy day with the kids and both of us needed a little break. Last minute we asked a friend to watch them so that we could get out for a few hours. I threw on a skirt and a nice top, we dropped the kids off and went out for ice cream. El Fury didn’t know that I had a little trick up my sleeve.
In the middle of our date, I wrote him a note on a napkin and slid it over to him. He unfolded it, read it, and got a sly smile on his face. The note simply said, “I’m not wearing any panties”. He was too distracted after that, so we immediately finished our ice cream and got out of there. We drove to the nearest dead end we could find. All he had to do was pull down his pants a little, and all I had to do was hop on. We had amazing sex, definitely in my top 5!
I love it when El Fury is thoughtful and romantic. For him, and probably most men I would guess, it meant a lot to him that I thought out and planned a sexual surprise. He likes knowing that I think about and initiate a lot of our sexy time. Something so simple can go a long way. Women, think of a way to surprise your husband sexually.
El Fury and I found ourselves on an unexpected date recently. We were in the middle of a 3 1/2 hour car ride. The kids were all asleep in the back. We were listening to old music, talking, laughing. The sounds of the 90’s reminded us of high school. It was a blast! We lost track of time as the miles flew by. I realized I felt like I was on a date with my husband. It was reassuring to know that we could still spontaneously connect, even with all the kids in the car.
What are ways you have found to “date” while not on a date?
Some of my favorite dates have been here at home. With small children, it can be hard to arrange for a babysitter and go out. Luckily kids need a lot of sleep and after the kids go to bed, the adults can play.
The key to home dates is to be intentional. Sitting on the couch together watching TV doesn’t count. Plan something! But also be flexible and allow for some spontaneity. Our last home date was so simple. All we did was make dinner and dessert together, but it turned into a memorable evening.
Remember, there are no boundaries at home. You aren’t in public, so why not turn the entire experience into a long session of foreplay? By the time the date is done (if you make it that long) you will be so hot for each other that the sex will be fantastic. A stroke here, a little suck or caress there. By the time we were done making dessert we were having so much fun with the whipped cream we practically ran upstairs.
Be romantic. Be creative. Have fun with each other! Does anyone else have ideas for home dates?