Sexy Corte and I just had an awesome experience: sex outside at night under the Perseid Meteor Shower. We were watching the meteors with the kids for a while, but eventually they went inside for bed and we were left alone on a blanket under the stars. We had two firsts: first time to be completely naked outside, and first time for Sexy Corte to have an orgasm outside! It was amazing. What will always stick with me is the image of my lovely wife on top of me, silhouetted against the starry sky, with meteors flashing around her naked body as she climaxed.
Photographer-and-Model is a fun role-playing scenario that can help facilitate sexual communication and vulnerability. You can probably figure out the basics yourself: one spouse plays a Photographer, and the other plays a Model who is being photographed. This post is going to assume that the husband is the photographer and the wife is the model, but feel free to switch roles.
(If you haven’t read the how to do sexual role-playing post yet you might want to start there. Don’t worry… it’s normal to feel a little silly and awkward at first!)
Photographer-and-Model is fun for several reasons:
- Photographer leads, Model follows. It’s the Photographer’s responsibility to lead the session and tell the Model how to act and pose, and it’s the Model’s job to follow direction. Having clearly defined roles can create space for each spouse to exercise his or her creativity without being overrun by the other.
- Clearly communicated desires. The Photographer has permission within the scene to directly state his desires for the Model. This is a great opportunity for a spouse who has difficulty expressing his desires out of shyness, or for fear of judgement or rejection. The Photographer should be bold and clear, and should have confidence in the Model’s support and obedience.
- Uninhibited physical exhibition. The Model has the opportunity to flaunt her body at the Photographer’s direction. For a spouse who is shy or reluctant to show off her body, this is a chance to set her inhibitions aside and receive praise and admiration from her spouse for her beauty and grace.
Getting started is easy!
- Camera: Will you use a real camera, or just a prop? If you’re using a real camera, make sure you both agree on what will happen to the pictures later — delete, save, print-and-delete, or something else.
- Outfits: Pick out some costumes or outfits for the Model to wear during the photo shoot. We assume the Model will be getting naked eventually, but she doesn’t have to start that way.
- Location and props: Your bedroom or home is probably the easiest location for a nude photo shoot, but more power to you if you can find another option! Either way, get all your props and sets ready before you get started.
- Tone: What’s the tone of the role-playing? Is the Model reluctant to get naked or perform sex acts on camera? Or does she already know this is a nude photo shoot? Is she being paid to perform? Does she need to be talked into it? Or maybe the Model wants to take things farther than the Photographer does!
Here are some things the Photographer can do and say:
- You’re a brilliant artist and the Model is your canvas.
- Speak in statements, not questions. Don’t ask the Model to do things — tell her what to do, how to pose, what to wear, and what mood or expression you want from her.
- Make sure to use a real physical object as a prop camera, even if you aren’t taking real pictures. The prop can make you feel bolder and more official if you’re feeling shy or hesitant, and it can even give you some psychological “protection” when you hide behind it. Don’t underestimate the value of props!
- Stay fully clothed for most of the role-playing, until it’s time for the Model to perform a sex act on you. Being clothed will create some psychological distance between you and the Model and heighten the sexual tension.
- “Beautiful”, “perfect”, “lovely”, “magnificent”, “graceful” — praise the Model’s beauty and physical performance. Say these things frequently throughout the shoot, and never be critical or demeaning. The Model is making herself physically and visually vulnerable, so be sure to praise and affirm her.
- “Stand up”, “sit down”, “kneel”, “lie down” — tell the Model how to position her body.
- “Look at me”, “look away”, “look over there” — tell the Model how to position her head and face.
- “Freeze”, “hold still” — have the Model hold still while you take pictures.
- “Be happy”, “be shy”, “be surprised”, “be embarrassed”, “be excited”, “be sexy” — tell the Model what attitude or expression you want from her.
- Use your hands on the Model to position her exactly how you want.
- Tell the Model when to change outfits. (If you want to push her role-playing, tell her to change back and forth and see how obedient she can be without complaining.)
- “Take off your top”, “take off your bra”, “take off your dress”, “take off your panties” — push the Model towards nakedness, but it doesn’t have to be monotonic. You can have her remove her bra, and then change into a different outfit; or try the same outfit but without a bra on beneath it.
- “Spread your legs”, “bend over”, “get on all fours”, “arch your back” — put the Model into sexually revealing positions, with or without clothes.
- “Keep looking at the camera” — if your Model is shy, she may unconsciously look away from the camera when she’s in a sexually revealing position.
- “Cover yourself with your hands” — have the Model protect her modesty.
- “Touch yourself”, “stimulate yourself”, “penetrate yourself” — tell the Model to perform sexual acts on her own body, and be as explicit as possible.
- Take pictures while the Model performs oral sex on you.
- Take pictures while you penetrate the Model.
- Take pictures while the Model climaxes.
- Take pictures of your semen in or on the Model’s body or face.
In this scenario the Model doesn’t really have to say much! Here are some tips for playing her role:
- Bluntly: Do what you’re told and keep your opinions to yourself. Your spouse, the Photographer, may not know anything about how to do a real photo shoot, and if you give him suggestions or “helpful” criticism it may shut him down completely. Let the Photographer play the brilliant artist! (But speak up if you want to slow down or stop, of course.)
- If the Photographer asks for help or acts unsure of himself, just tell him “you’re doing great, I’m having fun, and I’m happy to do whatever you tell me”. The Photographer is making himself vulnerable by taking responsibility for the shoot, so be sure to praise and affirm him without undermining his lead.
- Let go of your inhibitions! No one has a perfect body, but your husband thinks you are beautiful — that’s why he wants to photograph you.
- Give it your all. Posing, acting, and following directions are harder to do than you might think at first. Don’t ask questions, even to clarify, just do your best to give the Photographer what he wants.
When you can’t stand the sexiness anymore, have sex and finish up. Talk about your favorite parts of the scene, and stay positive. What did you especially enjoy? Was there anything you wouldn’t choose to do again? And check out the role-playing tag for more ideas!
Have you ever role-played Photographer-and-Model, or even taken real sexy picture of your spouse? Leave a comment and share your tips with us.
I love it when we sleep naked but Sexy Corte isn’t too keen on the idea right now. There are several reasons why she is reluctant to sleep naked, and yet I can’t help but pursue it. (Sexy Corte and I just talked about it this morning, and this post isn’t a passive aggressive note to her!)
First off, a quick recap of previous post about sleeping naked:
- The benefits of sleeping naked and waking up early: improved relationship, improved vaginal health, reduced stress and anxiety, look younger, lose weight, improved self-esteem, better sleep.
- Tips for wives on staying warm in the winter while still sleeping mostly naked: thigh-high socks! Women also tend to have an easier time reaching orgasm when their feet are warm.
- Sexy Corte herself writes that sleeping naked is very sexy. “Not only does your skin feel amazing right up against your spouse’s, but feeling nice and silky sheets as you sleep is an added bonus. If your spouse is always wanting sex in the morning, but you have a hard time rousing yourself for it, sleeping naked is an excellent way to get yourself in the mood. Those last lucid dreams can turn very erotic, especially if you are naked snuggling. You are sure to wake up with a voracious sexual appetite!”
- Commenter Bald Buy Mike offered a great suggestion a few months ago: “In the next couple of days we will be buying a heating pad for our bed. This goes on like the fitted sheet, but it’s padded and heated! I never knew these existed until a few days ago! All problems solved.”
We bought a heating pad and Sexy Corte loves it. We bought her thigh-high socks which she doesn’t love, but she does like to wear leg warmers which are pretty similar. I think she’s warm enough at night to sleep naked, but she still doesn’t like to for a few reasons that we haven’t solved yet.
- Kids. Our darn kids still wake us up at least once a week in the middle of the night, and it’s a hassle to get dressed to take care of them. Sexy Corte has a robe she could throw on when it’s her turn to handle them, but the robe isn’t hanging right by her side of the bed. Maybe I could install a hook nearby?
- Handsy husband. When Sexy Corte sleeps naked I tend to get a little handsy and it makes it hard for her to fall asleep. I know… I try not to… but she’s so sexy! It’s even in her name. I blame her, for being so hard to resist. I need more self control.
- Sex fluids. We most frequently have sex in the evening, which makes it hard for Sexy Corte to avoid panties and a pantyliner because she’s leaking semen. We like having sex in the morning, but on school days it’s tough. I’m not sure how to solve this one.
Do you and your spouse frequently sleep naked? Do you have any obstacles? Do you have any suggestions for how we can overcome ours?
Sleeping naked is good for your health and your marriage — but how can you stay warm while sleeping naked in the winter?
If this podcast is a blessing to you, please leave us a 5-star review on iTunes or wherever you listen to podcasts.
How did you sleep?: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/mental-techniques/how-did-you-sleep/
Sleep naked and wake up early: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/marriage-advice/sleep-naked-and-wake-up-early/
Wives: how to sleep warm and sexy in winter: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/information/wives-how-to-sleep-warm-and-sexy-in-winter/
Better sleep leads to better sex, which leads to better sleep: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/information/better-sleep-leads-to-better-sex-which-leads-to-better-sleep/
I love it when I can combine an ordinary activity into something sexy! A few months ago I decided to give yoga a try. It’s difficult for me to go to a class, but I was able to find lots of videos online — 30 Days of Yoga with Adriene is my favorite series. One weekend afternoon I wanted to spend time with El Fury, but also wanted to do my yoga video. Hmm, what to do? Bam! Naked yoga.
We have tried two variations on naked yoga. The first time we both got naked and did yoga together in our room, then had sex after. However, doing yoga doesn’t seem to be El Fury’s thing. The second time we tried it, I got naked and did yoga while El Fury played a game on his tablet and casually watched me. We were both aroused and had sex after. There is something very alluring about having your spouse watch you do something so intimate and vulnerable.
I like naked yoga because it feels like a form of play with your spouse. It’s important in a marriage to be able to play with one another. Play is one of the most basic human interactions, and sex can be a form of play too.
What other everyday activities can you add a sexy flavor to? Leave a comment if you have any ideas!
From “Kafka on the Shore” by Haruki Murakami:
“Is it okay if I imagine you naked?”
Her hand stops and she looks me in the eyes.
“You want to imagine me naked while we’re doing this?”
“Yeah. I’ve been trying to keep from imagining that, but I can’t.”
“It’s like a TV you can’t turn off.”
She laughs. “I don’t get it. You didn’t have to tell me that! Why don’t you just go ahead and imagine what you want? You don’t need my permission. How can I know what’s in your head?”
“I can’t help it. Imagining something’s very important, so I thought I’d better tell you. It has nothing to do with whether you know or not.”
“You are some kind of polite boy, aren’t you,” she says, impressed. “I guess it’s nice, though, that you wanted to let me know. All right, permission granted. Go ahead and picture me nude.”
“Thanks,” I say.
Try this with your spouse and leave a comment to tell us how it goes.
This post is also available as a podcast: Podcast #015: You Should Sleep Naked, Even in Winter
Sleep and sex really seem to complement each other, and not just because you’re likely to do them in the same place. If you want to sleep better and have more and better sex, try sleeping naked and waking up early.
1. You’ll fall asleep faster.
2. You’ll sleep better.
3. You’ll improve your relationship.
4. You’ll reduce stress and anxiety.
5. You’ll have more sex.
6. You’ll improve your vaginal health.
7. You may lose weight.
8. You’ll look younger.
9. You’ll boost your self-esteem.
The survey of 2,000 Americans, split evenly between self-identified early birds and night owls, found that early birds have more sex per week, on average, than their late-night counterparts.
The survey shows early-risers have sex an average of three times per week, compared to twice per week for late-risers — an impressive 50% advantage for early-risers. That’s more than 50 additional sexy times per year — maybe 2500 over the course of your married life. Seems worth it to me.
How do you and your spouse sleep? Are you intentional about what you wear, when you sleep, and when you wake up? Share your ideas and experience in the comments.
(Side note: I couldn’t find an image of a man and woman together waking up early and happy. Go figure.)
Finding time to have sex can be hard when you’ve got jobs and kids, and if you wait for the end of the day you may be frequently frustrated by a lack of energy and enthusiasm. Sexy Corte and I have found that the morning is often the most efficient and reliable time of day for us to have sex, but it does require some planning.
We’ve written before about the benefits of having sex before date night instead of after, and the same benefits apply to morning sex. Quote:
- Oxytocin: Orgasms get your bonding hormones flowing, which will jump-start intimacy for your date.
- No pressure: There won’t be any pressure to make sex the capstone of your date when you get home late. We find that it’s especially hard for Sexy Corte to summon up the energy for an orgasm late at night, no matter how great a time we’re having. Time of day has a big impact on many wives, and it doesn’t always line up with date night.
- Lingering arousal: Date nights are a great opportunity to talk positively about your sex life together — what you like, what you want to try, how it feels when your spouse touches you just — like — that. If you have sex before your date, the lingering arousal can fuel your conversation. It’s hot to look at your spouse across the restaurant table and know that you just rocked their world!
- Mementos: You can carry a memento of your recent sex with you on your date. For example: a secret hickey or lingerie. It’s a huge turn-on for me just knowing that my semen is still inside Sexy Corte when we go out. We’ve also talked about the idea of me finishing on her body and SC wearing it under her clothes, but we haven’t done it yet.
Your whole day will be better if you kick it off with sex! So how can you prepare for morning sex?
- Be proactive. You probably won’t just tumble into reliable morning sex — you have to be intentional. Talk with your spouse about it, and decide how you’re going to communicate your interest (or lack thereof) in the morning when you’re both drowsy. Decide before you go to sleep if you’re likely to have sex the next morning or not.
- Set an alarm. We actually set three alarms! First alarm is for if Sexy Corte wants an orgasm that morning; otherwise we cuddle. Second alarm is for if we’re going to have a quickie. Third alarm means that it’s actually time to get out of bed. (We may be classically conditioning ourselves to have sex when the alarm rings.)
- Be prepared. Keep your tools ready: lube, vibrator (with batteries), rags, and whatever else you need. Having to find some missing essential can really break your momentum.
- Sleep naked. As Sexy Corte wrote: “Not only does your skin feel amazing right up against your spouse’s, but feeling nice and silky sheets as you sleep is an added bonus. If your spouse is always wanting sex in the morning, but you have a hard time rousing yourself for it, sleeping naked is an excellent way to get yourself in the mood.” Wives should try some thigh-high socks in the winter to stay warm and sexy — as an added bonus, women have an easier time reaching orgasm when their feet are warm.
Do you have any tips for morning sex? Leave a comment to share.
The period between Halloween and New Year’s is our favorite time of year. It’s almost Thanksgiving… what are you thankful for? How about a bunch of links?
Naked and unashamed. Nakedness is intimate, honoring, and unifying.
Tips for being intimate in front of mirrors. We don’t use mirrors, but we could try! We have a few loose mirrors around. Do you get seven years of good luck?
6 ways to boost the sexual energy in your marriage. Way #7: put the kids to bed.
Become more engaged in love-making. Historically, women were thought to be more sexual than men.
Top 10 positive things to say to yourself about sex. Psyche yourself up!
Random sex position: Landslide.
Please leave a comment and hit one of the share buttons. Have a great day!
Hey there, it’s been a while! Time for some awesome sex links. We’ve got some catching up to do!
When you’re making love, simply ask yourself these two questions:
What feels good right now?
Where do I want to be touched right now?
What Does He Really Want Sexually? — Don’t ask if you don’t want to know. It’s hard to share what you really want.
Slow Side by Side Sex — A relaxing position.
Don’t have sex in the dark — Watching your spouse orgasm is amazing. Maintain eye contact.
“My Husband Can’t Make Me Submit to Him or Respect Him!” — Husbandly love and wifely submission are not optional, they are commanded by God.
10 Foam Roller Exercercises To Relieve Muscle Soreness And Better Sex — Shoot, we just threw our foam roller away!
Sleeping Naked: 5 Amazing Reasons It’s Good For Your Health — We used to do better with this… but kids.
Can Sex Be Used as Comfort? Yes, But… — Good post. Do you and your spouse use sex to comfort each other? I don’t think Sexy Corte and I do, but maybe we could try?
What a quickie taught us about sexual intimacy. — “He told me what he wanted: a good orgasm that happened as soon as possible.”
Sometimes, Your Husband Needs a Girlfriend — Remember how we acted when we were dating?
That’s it for now! If you’ve got a link you want to share please post it in the comments.