This page generates random sexual “truths” and “dares” written for married couples. Reload the page for new options! (Note: Some dares are specifically for a husband or wife, so reload if you get a mismatch.)Continue reading
Are you looking for a fun gift idea for your spouse? Surprise them with a sexy scavenger hunt! I recently created this for El Fury’s Christmas present, but it can work for birthdays or any other occasion you want to make your spouse feel loved. I will describe what I did, but there are endless variations, so make it your own and tailor it to your spouse’s interests.
The preparation required three steps. First, I ordered a three gifts to make the scavenger hunt an experience — Bailey’s Irish Cream, lingerie, and a book of sexy games. Second, I wrote some riddles whose solutions would direct El Fury around the house looking for these gifts. Third, on the day of the hunt I hid the gifts and the clues around the house while El Fury was distracted. At the last moment before we left for dinner I set the first clue on the counter so he would see it right away when we got home.
The first clue explained the rules and directed El Fury to the first present, the bottle of Bailey’s. He took the hint and we poured ourselves a tasty beverage to enjoy for the rest of the hunt. I made sure to alternate gifts with sexy acts, and the second riddle led El Fury to remove his pants so I could perform oral on him for a few minutes while he sipped his Bailey’s. The third riddle led him to the sexy lingerie, and he enjoyed watching me put it on right away. Make sure that you’re building arousal as your sexy scavenger hunt proceeds! The fourth clue directed us to engage in three minutes of foreplay, which was pretty easy since I was wearing lingerie and he had no pants on. Riddle number five led us upstairs where El Fury (eventually) found the book of sex games. We picked a game to play, made love, and then finished off the scavenger hunt with a special dessert.
El Fury was very excited to go on a sexy scavenger hunt, and felt loved that I had put thought into creating a sexy experience for us. He especially loves when I pre-meditate our intimate times together because he knows that I’m thinking about him in that way. Has anyone else tried a sexy scavenger hunt? Do you have have ideas to add?
Husbands, I’ll be very direct: if you wife isn’t having regular orgasms then she isn’t going to love having sex. She might enjoy the intimacy of sex, she might like to give you pleasure, she might do it out of obligation, but she isn’t going to love it.
“How often should we have sex?” There isn’t one right answer, but here’s what we say: each spouse should have as many orgasms as he or she wants. Often that means that the husband will have more orgasms than the wife does, and we think that’s fine as long as the wife has as many orgasms as she wants. In our marriage, I have an orgasm every day and Sexy Corte has an orgasm about twice a week on average. Her orgasm frequency can be pretty bursty though — sometimes she’ll have an orgasm four days in a row and get exhausted, and sometimes she won’t have an orgasm for a week and get really angsty. (It’s hot when she’s angsty).
This formula is pretty simple to follow as long as everything is going smoothly, but from experience and reader emails we’ve noticed two common problems that lead to wives not having all the orgasms they want:
- Some wives give up because they feel self-conscious about the effort required.
- Some wives give up because their husbands don’t put in the effort required.
When a wife gives up on having the orgasms she wants it’s very easy for her to become disillusioned with sex and resentful towards her husband. It’s a fact of biology and relationships that men tend to orgasm more easily than women, and husbands and wives should both be sensitive to this reality.
Let’s look at problem #1 first: yes, sometimes it’s a lot of work for a woman to reach orgasm, both physically and emotionally. Sometimes it takes a lot of time and energy. Sometimes it requires a vibrator. Sometimes it requires oral or fingers. Sometimes it’s messy. Sometimes it’s loud. Sometimes it’s exhausting. Sometimes the kids won’t go to sleep. Sometimes it’s easier to just watch TV.
“Why are male orgasms so easy and female orgasms so hard?!” I don’t know, but get over it! Wife, you don’t need to feel guilty or selfish for wanting an orgasm even if it’s difficult. Some women we’ve heard from didn’t think they could have orgasms at all, but it turned out they only needed a little coaching and openness. It isn’t “noble” or “selfless” for a wife to talk herself out of a satisfying sex life, so don’t make yourself a martyr. Take ownership of your needs, talk with your husband, and be open to trying new things. Get the orgasms you want!
Solving problem #2 starts with a question for husbands: Does your wife know that you’ll do whatever it takes to give her an orgasm? Maybe you’ve given her signs that make her think her orgasms as too much work and she’s pulled back from what she really wants. Maybe you’ve been too quick to accept her hesitation when she does want an orgasm but isn’t sure you’re willing to put in the work. Maybe you haven’t been creative or skillful enough. A wife who is self-conscious or reluctant to speak up for herself might interpret these kinds of behaviors as a lack of desire on your part to give her pleasure. She might think that you think her orgasms are too much trouble.
Husband: be direct and explicit. Tell your wife frequently that you want to pleasure her and you’ll do whatever it takes.
And then enthusiastically do whatever it takes!
- Ask her what she wants and needs. You may think you already know, but you may be wrong.
- More foreplay
- Use a vibrator
- Perform oral on her
- Use your fingers
- Use the position that’s best for her, even if it’s not best for you. You can always switch after she climaxes.
- Lift weights, get fit
- Make yourself more attractive
- Learn to restrain your orgasm
- Be patient!
As long as what the wife desires involves only the two of you, is consensual, leads to mutual satisfaction, and is done in faith then you should do it. Be proactive. Don’t make your wife nag you. Be a student of her sexuality and put in the effort to become proficient with her body!
For a husband or wife who feels they need a little education, check out this post: All About Female Orgasms (Safe Diagrams).
“If Mama Ain’t Happy, Ain’t Nobody Happy.” Husbands: if you want to maximize your sex life you need to do whatever it takes to give your wife as many orgasms as she wants. Wives: if you aren’t getting the orgasms you really want then you need to speak up and be a little more selfish!
Leave a comment and let us know if you are putting in the effort in your marriage to give you spouse all the orgasms he or she wants.
Desire for a woman ebbs and flows in tune with her cycle. It can be hard enough for a woman to know what sort of “mood” she is in, let alone for her husband to be able to determine if she wants an orgasm or not. Here are some ways that I figure it out:
- During ovulation I am ready to go. I know I want an orgasm and I can feel that desire all day long. There is usually not a lot of guess-work on these days. Husbands and wives, pay attention to her cycle so you can capitalize on these days. Plan ahead and reserve time to devote to having sex.
- It’s amazing that one week later PMS can hit. Again, not a lot of guess-work: I most definitely do not want an orgasm. Usually I want extra space and minimal touching.
- Then there are the times in between. When we start to have sex El Fury often asks me “what are you in the mood for?” and I’m not sure how to answer. Many nights I don’t know how my body is going to respond. We have learned to give it a little time to let my body tell me what I want. If I don’t feel aroused after a little foreplay, we have sex and I don’t have an orgasm. Other times, a few minutes of foreplay can get me turned on and I’ll have a great orgasm. It can take some cuddling, kissing, and touching to get in the mood. If you jump right into sex you may be missing some opportunities.
Pay attention to yourself. It’s helpful to know how often you need to orgasm to feel sexually satisfied. For me it’s two or three times a week. For El Fury, it’s more frequent. Don’t deny yourself orgasms just because you aren’t immediately aroused and haven’t taken the time to let yourself get in the mood. Our bodies are complicated!
Tonight, don’t be rushed, take some time and make out for a little while!
Rings with engraving on the inner face can be bought online for under $15, so why not create one for your spouse with a sexy secret inside? No one in public will know what’s written there, so you can be as dirty as you want. Here are a few ways you can use your secret message ring:
- As a signal. A ring that says “I need you inside me”, “I’m going to devour you”, or “I’m gonna rock your world” sends a pretty clear message about what’s going to happen that evening. Put it on your spouse to set the mood for the day.
- As a reminder. Did you know that semen can live inside a woman’s body for a few days? Give her a ring that says “I’m still inside you” that she’s only allowed to wear for two days after you’ve had sex.
- As a secret message. The rings are so cheap that you can buy several outwardly identical ones with different messages. Put one on your spouse in the morning and tell them not to read the inside until they get to work. Create rings for your favorite positions, locations, or sexual activities. Or wear it yourself to signal that sex is on the way, while leaving your spouse in suspense about what exactly is planned.
Carrying a sexy secret in public between you and your spouse is a lot of fun, and we’ve written a few other posts on the topic:
Leave a comment to tell us what you think!
It’s been a while since we’ve done a link round-up, so let’s see what other Christian sex bloggers have been writing about!
- Learning to Like Giving Your Husband Oral Sex — We get more emails on this topic than any other, and we’ve written a lot about oral sex including: oral sex in the Bible, swallowing and enjoying it, stimulating her while she performs oral sex, and overcoming your gag reflex.
- Speak Up — No one can read your mind, so learn how to speak up about your needs and desires and then gratefully receive what you’ve asked for.
- Write your foreplay desires on index cards — If speaking up is hard, take a baby step by writing things down. If you need some ideas, check out “would you rather”.
- Activate, Participate, Instigate — As we’ve written before: enthusiasm and responsiveness. Also helpful when you want your husband to initiate sex.
- How do you know when orgasm is close? — A great discussion for pre-orgasmic wives and their husbands!
- Why I bought a vibrator — Vibrators are great fun!
- Use towels for stealthy sex — Might be especially useful if you’re sharing a hotel room.
- Befriend your wife’s cycle — Understand how she feels before and during her period, recognize when she’s ovulating, and figure out some mutually pleasurable ways to have period sex.
- Hinting for sex — Don’t do it… just be direct.
- Teasing your husband — We’ve got lots of great games for this!
- Pursuing your wife — Create sexual tension to get her revved up.
Share some more links in the comments!
This guy is rad — you can tell from the girl’s eyes that she is surprised and impressed with his mastery. The man’s thumbs-up at the end says it all: no big deal.
Nothing’s hotter than expertly popping off your wife’s bra and getting your hands on her sweet, sweet breasts. It’s true: men love boobs. But unfortunately, our wives’ breasts are often imprisoned out of our reach.
Sure… your wife could remove her bra herself… but that’s like letting someone else unwrap your birthday present! No, you must have the glory of uncovering her breasts… but there’s a problem! Your wife has been unhooking bras for years and is very experienced at it. If you fumble, you’ll look foolish during your moment of victory! What to do?
Step 1: Scout the terrain. The “hook and eye” is the most common type of bra clasp, but as you can see in the diagram below there are many others. I know bras aren’t that interesting when your wife’s boobs aren’t inside, but go check out her collection and see how her various bras work. Take special note if she has any front closure bras — these are the worst! You can fumble with the strap in back forever until she delicately informs you that the clasps aren’t even there. Get familiar with her bras, and you you won’t be surprised later when the pressure’s on.
Step 2: Practice before the game. Now that you know what kinds of clasps are on your wife’s bras, take a few minutes to practice opening them. Then do it with your eyes closed! Learn to recognize the clasps by touch, because when you do it for real you may be in the dark or reaching around her body. Lucky for us husbands, bra clasps are all designed to be openable with one hand, so practice that way. To practice: lay the hooked bra face-down on a flat surface (with the clasp up) and reach out to open it in one smooth motion. You may need to put some tension on the straps while they’re hooked in order to create a realistic simulation.
Step 3: Go slow to go fast. This part is key! When you’re actually in position to take off your wife’s bra, don’t rush yourself. You don’t have to flick the clasp open the second your touch her bra. Your wife doesn’t know that bra removal has begun until your fingers begin manipulating the clasp! So before you start trying to open it, run your fingers over the clasp in the course of rubbing your hands across your wife’s back. She’ll think you’re merely touching her for arousal, but you’re also using the opportunity to identify her bra. After you know what kind of bra you’re dealing with, practice opening it in your mind. When you’re ready for the big moment, move your hand away from her bra for several seconds (or longer), and then move back in and unclasp her bra with a single confident motion. Moving your hand away after scouting and then back will make the unclasping seem like a fast, expert, effortless maneuver.
Step 4: Enjoy! Your mastery of her bra has impressed your wife and earned you access to her intimate delights. Claim your just reward and enjoy the fruits of your labor.
Do you have any tips to share for husbands trying to conquer that most frustrating of undergarments? Leave a comment!
Do you want to drive each other crazy all day, and then have amazing sex that evening? Every time you reload this page you’ll get a new foreplay activity — pick a new one every hour, or whenever you have a moment of privacy with your spouse. Just two rules:
- Whatever it says, do it
- No orgasms allowed until the end of the day
|Foreplay activity:||Wife kisses Husband's hands and arms|
We recently came into possession of some Mardi Gras beads and created a fun and simple game. (You can get strands of beads very cheaply online or at the dollar store.)
- I carry strands of beads in my pocket.
- At an opportune time, I pull out some beads and offer them to Sexy Corte.
- Sexy Corte earns the beads by flashing her boobs.
- Alternatively, she can be proactive and flash me for beads at any time.
- Her accumulation of beads throughout the day is a sexy visual reminder of our game.
- At the end of the day we can tally up her score and try to set a new record.
The only problem with the game is that when our kids see the beads they turn into Gollum.
Do you have any games like this that you play with your spouse? Leave a comment!
It’s been a while since we’ve posted some links, and I was shocked to see how many of the blogs we had linked to in our sidebar no longer exist! Crazy.
These link posts might seem easy, but they’re actually some of the most time-consuming posts we write. It’s a lot of work to survey the internet for Christian sex content, but we think it’s valuable for two reasons:
- We want to bring our readers the best content
- We want to share the best readers with other blogs
So, without further ado…
- Take advantage of your husband’s visual vulnerability — it’s easy and fun to turn your husband on in public and even help him relax.
- Husbands should create sexual tension — I’ve got notes for a post about “how to touch your wife” that I still need to write.
- When your husband wants more variety — we write a lot about new things to try, but we also encourage couples to prioritize “vanilla” sex.
- Let her handle it — especially when she’s indisposed but still being generous.
- Are you a fan of your husband’s manhood? Tell him! — how to admire your husband’s penis.
- Most women can’t orgasm from intercourse alone — adding manual clitoral stimulation is great, and a bullet vibrator can be very empowering.
- Helping your wife orgasm, more often, and if she never has — how a husband can help and give his wife stronger orgasms.
- Open wide — “Many wives feel uncomfortable spreading their legs really wide. But there’s something really arousing to a husband about his wife confidently, unabashedly opening up that area fully so he can have access to see, touch, and pleasure her.”
- Learning to respond positively to your husband’s pursuit.
- If you’re still hungry, Forgiven Wife has lots more links!
If you want to share another link, please leave it in a comment!