A little while ago El Fury did a post on How to Help Your Wife Orgasm. I think he made all great points, but there is one thing I would add. Time of day. This can also link back to communication, but I think it’s important to mention. Time of day has become a big factor for me with when I orgasm, especially with whatever season of life we are in. When El Fury and I were first married and had fewer commitments, this was much less of an issue. Anytime was pretty much the best time.
This changed significantly when kids got thrown in the mix. We still kept our sexy time routine, but since it takes much longer for me to orgasm, it especially impacted my schedule. It’s hard to be almost there and be able to finish when a baby cry starts blaring through a monitor! If something like that starts happening regularly, it can become pretty sexually frustrating. When you have a big adjustment like kids, career, etc. in life it’s important to also adjust your sex routine to make sure both spouses are getting the amount of sexual satisfaction they want.
Here are some different ways that we have adjusted our schedules to allow enough time for me to orgasm.
1. Set an alarm for snuggling and/or sex in the morning. If you are too sleepy, even just having that extra time to snuggle in the morning is a great way to start the day.
2. If you have kids that nap, get in the bedroom as soon as they go to sleep. As they start getting older, you can try to enforce “quiet time” so you can still get some time alone.
3. Set bedtime schedules and stick to them. Your marriage needs time alone and if you are anything like us, this time is best the few hours we have together after the kids go to bed. We fiercely guard bedtimes.
4. Have sex first. Right now in our season of life, I have the most energy right after the kids go to bed. This is when I have majority of my orgasms. I love it when we have sex, then go play a board game or watch TV. If we wait to have sex until we are both ready for bed and about to fall asleep, I am usually wiped from the day and not as much in the mood to orgasm.
As our kids get older and bedtimes change we have had to make periodic adjustments. Pay attention and figure out when you have the most energy in the day and are feeling the most sexy. Then communicate that with your spouse and make it a goal to have sex at that time. Your husband wants to give you an orgasm so help him figure out when is the best time to do that.
We are the other end of the “kids” thing since we are empty nesters. However, the last point you made about not waiting until actual bedtime is relevant.
Actually, the older we get, the earlier we like to enjoy each other. One other difference for us is that the kids do not interrupt us now which certainly has its perks!
It is also fun to schedule sex when the kids are going down for a nap or their “quiet time”. It makes it a bit more naughty for some reason. We remember those times.
My advice is to enjoy each other often intimately and also enjoy the wonders with your children in non-intimate times. Your children grow up quickly.
Thanks for the comment, great advice!
We put the little ones down for a nap, and then put a movie on for the older children and give them snacks. The rules are that they are not allowed to disturb us unless there is blood or fire or someone is actually dying. The kids are happy enough and just think we’re having a nap, which we often end up doing afterwards.