We’ve written about shower sex and the human loofah, but this post is focused on how to actually get clean while showering with your spouse.
If you’ve showered together then you probably know what can go wrong: you bump in to each other a lot, and you have to wait for access to the soap and water. Horrible! Sexy Corte and I have developed a shower dance that deconflicts our use of shower resources, and there’s one simple trick that makes it all possible: we get in and out of the shower at different times.
If we get into the shower at the same time, then we both want access to the water and soap at the same time too, and one of us has to wait on the other. However, if we stagger our entrances to the shower then our work is syncopated and we aren’t both trying to do the same thing at the same time. Magic! Usually I let Sexy Corte get in first, and then I get in after she gets wet. (Ahem.) In this way, we can naturally alternate our use of water and soap so that neither of us has to wait on the other.
Here’s an example sequence of events. As you can see, because we get in at different times we can easily take turns doing activities that require the water (bolded).
Sexy Corte gets in the shower and gets wet. El Fury does whatever, outside the shower.
Sexy Corte shampoos her hair. El Fury gets in and gets wet.
Sexy Corte rinses her hair. El Fury soaps his face.
Sexy Corte conditions her hair. El Fury rinses his face.
Sexy Corte rinses her hair. El Fury soaps his body.
Sexy Corte soaps her body. El Fury rinses his body.
Sexy Corte rinses her body. El Fury gets out.
Sexy Corte turns the water up to 200 degrees, washes her face, etc. El Fury dries off.
This post sure is exciting, isn’t it? Well, here’s a sex angle: if taking a shower with your spouse is easy and convenient, you’re more likely to have sex in the shower.
Do you take showers with your spouse? Leave a comment!
She soaps her body & he soaps his own? Boring!! Soaping each other is very sensual. You could condition her hair & massage her scalp—in case you aren’t aware, a woman getting her hair washed at the salon by a hairdresser is often compared to being almost as good as sex!! Much better that she think of the last shower with her husband when she is leaned back for that salon experience—she could come home wanting her new hairdo messed up…😉
Husbands, if you want your wife to be more enthusiastic about sex then it’s important to maintain proper hygiene and basic physical fitness, and we’re going to give you some very practical tips in both of these areas.
The other day, I saw a familiar lament on Reddit r/relationships. “My husband does not brush his teeth,” a 41-year-old woman wrote, “and I’m at my wits end.” She describes his horrible breath, how she has told him she doesn’t want to kiss him, and that when she nags him enough to do something about it, he swishes mouthwash around for a second and thinks that’s enough.
Gross. Husbands, would you want to kiss your wife if her mouth was disgusting? Brush your teeth. Some elements of attractiveness are beyond your control, but you’ve got a responsibility to be your best you for your spouse. Your body will never be perfect, but that’s no excuse to neglect what you’ve got.
Maybe tooth-brushing is pretty obvious, but the test of “would you put your own mouth there?” is applicable to any part of your body that you’d like your wife to put her mouth on.
I bet more wives than husbands use loofahs when they shower, but that might change if your spouse transforms into a human loofah! You don’t need a loofah costume (although you could use one), you just need your naked body and some soap. The idea is simple: the wife covers herself in soapy bubbles and then washes her husband by rubbing herself all over his body. Then they switch roles and the husband washes his wife in the same way. Fun and efficient!
Here are a few ideas for making the most of your human loofah experience.
No hands. Using your hands is easy-mode!
In the dark. Turning off the lights will enhance the experience for your other senses, especially touch.
Mirroring. Use your corresponding part to wash your spouse — e.g., wash her chest with your chest, and her butt with your butt.
Sexy parts. Wash your spouse’s whole body using only your sexy parts.
If you’re a husband like me, then you love giving your wife a huge, body-shaking, scream-inducing orgasm. There’s just about nothing better. Most advice for more and better orgasms focuses on techniques you can use in the bedroom, but some researchers have looked in a different direction: qualities of men who give great orgasms. Here are the male traits that lead to more and better orgasms for their partners, as identified by the study, along with some related links from our site.
Sense of humor: We haven’t written a lot about humor explicitly, but we find that it arises naturally when we get out of our comfort zone, try new things, and free ourselves to look silly. Most recently: Pirates and Poetry Night.
Wealth: Not much to say here, but probably less relevant in a marriage than in a dating relationship.
The researchers wrote: “Orgasm intensity was related to how attracted (women) were to their partners, how many times they had sex per week and ratings of sexual satisfaction.”
“Those with partners who their friends rated as more attractive also tended to have more intense orgasms.”
“Sexual satisfaction was related to how physically attracted women were to their partner and the breadth of his shoulders.”
“Their partner’s sense of humor not only predicted his self-confidence and family income, but it also predicted women’s propensity to initiate sex, how often they had sex and it enhanced their orgasm frequency in comparison with other partners.”
It’s important to realize that all of these qualities are relative. You don’t have to be the richest, handsomest, funniest man in the world — you just have to display some measure of these qualities to your wife! Husbands, however you rate yourselves now, consider ways to move up a notch. Lay off the snacks. Lift some weights. Do some power poses in the bathroom before you go to bed. Buy some shirts that fit.
A new study published in the journal JAMA Dermatology on Wednesday confirmed just how widespread the practice is. Sixty-two percent of a nationally representative sample of 3,316 women said they opted for complete removal of their pubic hair; 84 percent reported some grooming.
But while previous research showed that women groom to facilitate sexual activity, this survey found the overwhelming majority said they did so for hygiene.
That perception troubled researchers. “Many women think they are dirty and unclean if they haven’t groomed,” said Dr. Tami S. Rowen, an obstetrician-gynecologist and the lead author of the study.
Of course, what a person means by hygiene may not line up with the medical definition. Hair “down there” really gets in the way of oral sex — it’s distracting, especially when it tickles your nose or gets stuck in your teeth.
Your mileage may vary, but we enjoy the intense, sensual smoothness of bare skin.
Any suggestions on how to get my wife to shave “down there”? She tried once when we were first married, but she said it itched SO bad that she’d never do it again.
I LOVE giving her oral…but sometimes the jungle is unbearable.
I recently read that introducing new activities to your spouse is like “breaking in a horse”. The concept is that you try something a little bit at a time until it becomes comfortable. Then you go a bit further. Is that how to approach this, or…?
Her other two comments/objections about shaving are: 1) she would look like an adolescent (which I never thought about until she mentioned it, and that’s something I wish I could erase), or 2) that I must have seen the idea somewhere (porn or whatever). So I was quite disheartened because all I wanted was a nicer landscape to traverse… not anything weird.
Any help/suggestions/insight would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks for the email! You know, I understand because I also don’t like to shave all the way. However, I have found that if I remove everything except a “landing strip” it is a lot more comfortable. This is also called a “French” style, and it leaves a strip of hair visible in front. Hair is removed from the areas you need to clean, but left on the area where I find shaving to be most bothersome and itchy. It might be a good compromise for her. Like you said, she can remove a little bit of hair at a time based on her comfort level.
You should also definitely explain to her that hair gets in the way with oral — it can be very distracting, especially when it gets stuck in your teeth! I feel the same way when El Fury hasn’t shaved for a while and I’m licking his balls. As an added bonus, El Fury and I have both experienced greater sensitivity after we shave. Your skin feels so clean and smooth, your spouse’s touch or tongue feels amazing!
Please use the contact pages for Sexy Corte and El Fury to send us your questions. We will only share your question if you give us permission, and we’ll never reveal your name or any other identifying information. You can ask questions anonymously, or use a free anonymous email server like Mailinator.
Husbands: if you want your wife to be more enthusiastic about sex then it’s important to maintain proper hygiene. Most of the tips in this post are common sense male upkeep, but it never hurts to review the basics. Some of the items are matters of taste — yours or you wife’s. That doesn’t mean that you have to do whatever your wife says, but at least have the discussion with her and be intentional; don’t pick something she finds repulsive.
Wives: feel free to send this post to your husbands if they need some help.
Hands. Wash your hands frequently. It’s good for your health, and it feels better for whomever you touch. Wash your hands when you get home, after you change a diaper, after you play with your pet, after you use the bathroom, after you pick your nose, before you cook, before you eat, and before sex.
Shower. It’s not rocket science: take a shower every day, preferably before bed or whenever you’re most likely to have sex. I don’t wash my hair every day, but I do rinse it out. I find that maintaining some of the natural oils in my hair makes it feel and smell better, but this is a matter of taste.
Wash your feet, don’t just let shower water run over them and assume they’ll magically get clean.
Shave. Sexy Corte likes the feel of my face when it’s smooth, but likes the look when I have a short beard or stubble, so I change it up sometimes. It’s fine if you want to wear facial hair, but it needs to be maintained. Beards that accentuate the jawline make your face look strong, so shave your neck if you wear a beard. Here’s Hugh Jackman pulling it off.
Also be a man and use a real razor, not an electric shaver or a disposable. I just bought a Edwin Jagger Kelvin razor that’s pretty sweet — you can find lots of options on Amazon for around $30. It doesn’t matter what you get, anything will be better than what you’re using.
Shave with the hair rather than against it, and touch up any strays that aren’t cut the first time.
Eye brows. You don’t need to go to a salon to get waxed, but get some control over your brows. Do you think it’s unmanly to discipline your eye brows? You can look like a unibrowed cave troll if you want to, but you’re leaving money on the table. Once you have a real razor instead of an electric shaver you can use it to at least shave around your eye brows and keep them in their intended place. Once you’re ready for advanced mode, get some tweezers and pluck the hairs that are out of bounds. It isn’t hard, and it will add some crisp lines around your eyes, so you don’t look like a big hairy smudge.
Nose. If you have hair sticking out of your nose you need to do something about it. You can pluck it, but ouch. In this case, an electric trimmer is your best option. Get one that looks like a tiny comb instead of the kind that looks like a tube. You’ll know what I mean when you start looking.
Blow your nose or clean it out in the shower. Don’t pick it in public or sniff constantly if you aren’t deathly ill.
Ears. Same as nose hair: eliminate. Wash around and inside your ears. Use an ear cleaning kit to remove the wax buildup. You’ll hear better, too. Scrub around the backs of your ears.
Face. Wash your face with face soap that removes the oil and dirt from your pores. Scrub it a little with a washcloth to remove the dead skin. Use acne cream if you need to. If your face gets oily during the day, take some time to wipe it off.
Teeth. Brush them at least twice a day, and don’t forget to brush your tongue! An anti-bacterial mouthwash will also improve your breath for a little while and may improve general mouth health. Floss before bed. Floss? Apparently daily flossing can add years to your life by reducing inflammation in your gums. It sounds crazy, but flossing is good for lots of other reasons.
Arm pits. Use antiperspirant deodorant.
Nails. Clip and file your nails instead of biting them. Your wife’s lady bits will thank you. Keep your toenails short so you don’t scratch your wife’s legs up when you’re spooning.
Clothes. Wash your clothes regularly. Don’t weak stuff that stinks. Even if you “just wore it around the house” yesterday, it’s not clean anymore.
Sheets. Wash your sheets at least once a week. Just because you shower before bed doesn’t mean you never need to wash your sheets, trust me.
Moisturize. Especially important in dry weather, not just for soft skin but to prevent cracking. Keep some lotion outside the shower and slap some on when you get out. Don’t buy anything expensive — a very thin rub of Vaseline will do nicely, and it’s dirt cheap.
Sneezing and coughing. Don’t sneeze or cough into your hand, use your elbow. It’s a lot more sanitary.
Penis. Pretty important to keep him clean if you want your wife’s face to spend any time with him. Make sure to give him a good washing when you’re in the shower, pulling back the skin if necessary. I also rinse and dry him off after I pee to avoid unpleasant smell or taste in spontaneous situations. It wouldn’t hurt to let your wife know you’re keeping him clean, in case she has any concerns or suggestions.
Balls. Shave the whole area. You and your wife will be pleased. Even if you don’t take my advice to shave, you’ve got to discipline your pubic hair and trim it back. You’ll smell better, stay cleaner, and your penis will look larger.
Butt. Wash your butt crack when you shower. Get in there and scrub it clean. Again, it won’t magically get clean just because water runs down your body.
Get a bidet attachment for your toilet like the Luxe Bidet Neo 120 so you can clean your butt every time you poop. They’re easy to install and cost less than $50. You’ll love it, and your wife can use it to clean herself too, front and back. If you got poop in your hair you wouldn’t just wipe it off with a piece of paper and call it good, would you?
Got any great male hygiene tips to share? Leave a comment!
Everyone loves to be spontaneous when it comes to sex, and many couples feel that a lot of planning or scheduling can ruin the mood. However, a little advance preparation can grease the wheels (insert lubrication joke here) for future spontaneity. One of the biggest deterrents to spontaneous away-from-the-bedroom sex can be worrying about the aftermath: sex is messy! So here’s a simple tip: take an old wash cloth with you wherever you go. It’s easy to stash a washcloth in the glove box of your car, in your backpack, in your purse, or in your briefcase. You’ll be ready for spontaneous sex whenever you’ve got 10 minutes to kill alone with your spouse and you won’t have to worry about cleaning up.
Even for the bedroom Sexy Corte and I keep a drawer full of old wash cloths right next to the bed. We call them our “sex rags” — not a very sexy name, but very handy for after sex that isn’t near shower time.
XXX Church has a post with some tips for great sex in your marriage (thanks for the pointer, SC). There’s definitely no shortage of tips on the internet, but here are my top two from this post:
#1 Twice a week.
#5 NO More Excuses.
For #1, I think twice a week is pretty modest. I guess if you’re at twice a month then quadrupling that would seem like a bonanza (or a hassle), but really, this is a very low bar. Sexy Corte and I have young kids, jobs, hobbies, etc., and we do it 8-10 times a week. If that sounds crazy to you, then one of both of these is true:
You don’t want to have sex that much
Your spouse doesn’t want to have sex that much
If it’s both of you, then great. I’d still recommend having sex twice a week, but whatever. If you both want to miss out then that’s up to you.
If your spouse wants it and you don’t, then you need to check yourself before you wreck your marriage. Introspect. Maybe your spouse can “improve” something to increase your libido, but honestly, your lack of desire is primarily your problem to fix. So get on it. This is #5 above: no more excuses.
If you’re desperate for sex and your spouse isn’t interested, then maybe there are some things you can do to help the situation. Here are some basics:
Hygiene. Seriously, are you clean? Are your sexy bits clean? Do you shower, or stink? How’s your breath? This is pretty basic, but it’s worth mentioning.
Grooming. Do you make an effort to be attractive? Do you shave your face or legs (or balls)? Do you put on something sexy? Or do you expect your spouse to swoon for a slob?
Attitude. Is your attitude crappy? Do you complain a lot or pick fights over stupid stuff? Are you grateful for your spouse, or bitter? Are you helpful and understanding, or dismissive and impatient? Are you like Christ?
Enthusiasm. When you initiate sex are you demanding, resentful, whiny, desperate… or enthusiastic? Everyone loves to have fun, so be excited! “Want to try something crazy?” “Look what I just read on Married Christian Sex!” “I can’t wait till we’re alone together later….” Be flirty and fun. Build up anticipation.
Pray! Yes, God cares about your sex life, and He wants it to be awesome. If it isn’t all you want it to be, then pray about it. Confess your sins, look inside yourself and change what needs to change. Pray that God would be at work in your spouse too. Pray that God would give you a great sex life, and that your spouse will want it as much as you. God works through prayer.
I’ve still got to write my post about enthusiasm….