Truth-or-Dare "Truths" for Married Couples 2

Truth-or-dare can be tons of fun, but after you’ve been married for a few years it might start to feel like there aren’t any interesting “truths” left! So instead of asking about the past, here are some ideas for sexual truths that are focused on the present, and that have answers that may change over time. These truths are intended to be evergreen topics that evoke the embarrassment/confessional tone of truth-or-dare questions even for couples that have been married for a while. Hopefully they’re challenging enough to balance with the sexual dares that come easily to mind.

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Sexy Scavenger Hunt 3

Are you looking for a fun gift idea for your spouse? Surprise them with a sexy scavenger hunt! I recently created this for El Fury’s Christmas present, but it can work for birthdays or any other occasion you want to make your spouse feel loved. I will describe what I did, but there are endless variations, so make it your own and tailor it to your spouse’s interests.

The preparation required three steps. First, I ordered a three gifts to make the scavenger hunt an experience — Bailey’s Irish Cream, lingerie, and a book of sexy games. Second, I wrote some riddles whose solutions would direct El Fury around the house looking for these gifts. Third, on the day of the hunt I hid the gifts and the clues around the house while El Fury was distracted. At the last moment before we left for dinner I set the first clue on the counter so he would see it right away when we got home.

The first clue explained the rules and directed El Fury to the first present, the bottle of Bailey’s. He took the hint and we poured ourselves a tasty beverage to enjoy for the rest of the hunt. I made sure to alternate gifts with sexy acts, and the second riddle led El Fury to remove his pants so I could perform oral on him for a few minutes while he sipped his Bailey’s. The third riddle led him to the sexy lingerie, and he enjoyed watching me put it on right away. Make sure that you’re building arousal as your sexy scavenger hunt proceeds! The fourth clue directed us to engage in three minutes of foreplay, which was pretty easy since I was wearing lingerie and he had no pants on. Riddle number five led us upstairs where El Fury (eventually) found the book of sex games. We picked a game to play, made love, and then finished off the scavenger hunt with a special dessert.

El Fury was very excited to go on a sexy scavenger hunt, and felt loved that I had put thought into creating a sexy experience for us. He especially loves when I pre-meditate our intimate times together because he knows that I’m thinking about him in that way. Has anyone else tried a sexy scavenger hunt? Do you have have ideas to add?

Do Whatever It Takes to Give Your Wife as Many Orgasms as She wants 4

Husbands, I’ll be very direct: if you wife isn’t having regular orgasms then she isn’t going to love having sex. She might enjoy the intimacy of sex, she might like to give you pleasure, she might do it out of obligation, but she isn’t going to love it.

“How often should we have sex?” There isn’t one right answer, but here’s what we say: each spouse should have as many orgasms as he or she wants. Often that means that the husband will have more orgasms than the wife does, and we think that’s fine as long as the wife has as many orgasms as she wants. In our marriage, I have an orgasm every day and Sexy Corte has an orgasm about twice a week on average. Her orgasm frequency can be pretty bursty though — sometimes she’ll have an orgasm four days in a row and get exhausted, and sometimes she won’t have an orgasm for a week and get really angsty. (It’s hot when she’s angsty).

This formula is pretty simple to follow as long as everything is going smoothly, but from experience and reader emails we’ve noticed two common problems that lead to wives not having all the orgasms they want:

  1. Some wives give up because they feel self-conscious about the effort required.
  2. Some wives give up because their husbands don’t put in the effort required.

When a wife gives up on having the orgasms she wants it’s very easy for her to become disillusioned with sex and resentful towards her husband. It’s a fact of biology and relationships that men tend to orgasm more easily than women, and husbands and wives should both be sensitive to this reality.

Let’s look at problem #1 first: yes, sometimes it’s a lot of work for a woman to reach orgasm, both physically and emotionally. Sometimes it takes a lot of time and energy. Sometimes it requires a vibrator. Sometimes it requires oral or fingers. Sometimes it’s messy. Sometimes it’s loud. Sometimes it’s exhausting. Sometimes the kids won’t go to sleep. Sometimes it’s easier to just watch TV.

“Why are male orgasms so easy and female orgasms so hard?!” I don’t know, but get over it! Wife, you don’t need to feel guilty or selfish for wanting an orgasm even if it’s difficult. Some women we’ve heard from didn’t think they could have orgasms at all, but it turned out they only needed a little coaching and openness. It isn’t “noble” or “selfless” for a wife to talk herself out of a satisfying sex life, so don’t make yourself a martyr. Take ownership of your needs, talk with your husband, and be open to trying new things. Get the orgasms you want!

Solving problem #2 starts with a question for husbands: Does your wife know that you’ll do whatever it takes to give her an orgasm? Maybe you’ve given her signs that make her think her orgasms as too much work and she’s pulled back from what she really wants. Maybe you’ve been too quick to accept her hesitation when she does want an orgasm but isn’t sure you’re willing to put in the work. Maybe you haven’t been creative or skillful enough. A wife who is self-conscious or reluctant to speak up for herself might interpret these kinds of behaviors as a lack of desire on your part to give her pleasure. She might think that you think her orgasms are too much trouble.

Husband: be direct and explicit. Tell your wife frequently that you want to pleasure her and you’ll do whatever it takes.

And then enthusiastically do whatever it takes!

As long as what the wife desires involves only the two of you, is consensual, leads to mutual satisfaction, and is done in faith then you should do it. Be proactive. Don’t make your wife nag you. Be a student of her sexuality and put in the effort to become proficient with her body!

For a husband or wife who feels they need a little education, check out this post: All About Female Orgasms (Safe Diagrams).

“If Mama Ain’t Happy, Ain’t Nobody Happy.” Husbands: if you want to maximize your sex life you need to do whatever it takes to give your wife as many orgasms as she wants. Wives: if you aren’t getting the orgasms you really want then you need to speak up and be a little more selfish!

Leave a comment and let us know if you are putting in the effort in your marriage to give you spouse all the orgasms he or she wants.

Happy New Year 2020: Share Your Best of 2019 5

Happy New Year to all our readers! We hope your Christmas was amazing and that 2020 is a blessed year for your marriage. Thank you for reading our blog and for sharing your experiences and challenges with us. If you enjoy our blog or podcast please share them with a friend!

It’s incredibly gratifying to hear from our readers, whether it’s in celebration or heartbreak. Please use this comment thread to share your best sexual experience from 2019 and any sexual goals you may have for your marriage in 2020.

We’ll go first!

Best sexual experience from 2019: Having sex on a paddle-boat in a lake after midnight under a full moon. The whole night was amazingly intimate, and the lake sex topped it off.

Sexual goals for 2020: Learning for El Fury to give and Sexy Corte to receive orgasms more easily in a greater variety of positions. We’re making progress on this existing goal, and we’re going to continue in 2020.

Your turn! (If you don’t see the comments section, scroll all the way down on the individual post and click “load comments”.)

Best Christian Sex Links of the Week 6

It’s time for a Christmas edition of the best Christian sex links we find around the interwebs! There are some pretty great ideas here.

4 Things to Do When You’re Too Tired for Sex — not instead of sex, but suggestions for managing your time and energy more effectively.

Transform Your Negative Reactions into Greater Intimacy — “How can he ask that? Doesn’t he ever listen to me? Why is he thinking about that all of a sudden? I don’t even want to think about that!

Make Your Home Sex-Friendly for Holiday Guests — Beds, locks, privacy, clean sheets. We also suggest a box of baby wipes on the nightstand.

Two posts about hand jobs — is there something in the air?

And since it’s Christmas: How To Give Your Husband a Blowjob. What’s a similar act of service for a husband to bless his wife with? Sexy Corte doesn’t enjoy cunnilingus in a similar fashion, so does anyone have any suggestions?

A few sexy advent calendars:

Tips for wives on how to initiate sex, and a podcast episode for a wife who wants to seduce her husbandBe proactive!

Can We Get More Christians Talking About Sex? — Readers, please consider sharing our blog and podcast with your friends!

There’s something sexy about the idea of “taming” a bratty wife, and this episode will give you some ideas for how you can role-play as a bratty wife and dominant husband.

If this podcast is a blessing to you, please leave us a 5-star review on iTunes or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Sexual Role-Playing: Bratty Wife: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/mental-techniques/role-playing-bratty-wife/

How to Do Sexual Role-Playing: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/mental-techniques/how-to-do-sexual-role-playing/

Shakespeare’s “The Taming of the Shrew”: http://www.pubwire.com/DownloadDocs/PDFiles/SHAKESPR/COMEDY/SHREW.PDF

Orson Scott Card’s “The Taming of the Shrew” in modern English: http://www.hatrack.com/osc/other/tamingoftheshrew/tamingoftheshrew.pdf

John Wayne’s Western adaptation, “McLintock!”: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0057298/

The Origin of Spanksgiving 7

Background: Last week we wrote a serious post about giving thanks for your spouse’s sexuality, but this week is intended to be more tongue-in-cheek — Sexy Corte thinks this post will get me in trouble, which is why there’s a disclaimer. It’s inspired by Sexy Corte playfully wishing me “Happy Spanksgiving” when we woke up on Thanksgiving morning. Remember that role-playing or games with submissive elements like this are intended to be playful and enjoyable for both spouses — and feel free to swap the roles if you desire!

Everyone knows that Spanksgiving is observed the week after Thanksgiving, but many people aren’t familiar with the origin of this beloved tradition and aren’t sure how to celebrate it with their spouse.

Hundreds of years ago when the pilgrims first came to America their lives were very difficult and survival was uncertain. Because of God’s grace and their own hard work, the pilgrims were eventually able to thrive in their new home. On the day after their great celebratory feast, pilgrim wives were eager to make a special display of thanks for everything their husbands had done throughout the previous year. They met together and decided that as a show of devotion, thanks, and submission each wife would present her butt to her husband for ceremonial spanking — and this was the beginning of Spanksgiving!

A modern wife who wants to demonstrate gratitude to and for her husband will still follow this tradition. The details have varied over time, but most Spanksgiving celebrations include similar elements. In front of her husband the wife will remove all her clothes, and as she removes each piece of clothing she will thank him for something he has done for her that year. When she is naked, she will lay herself across his lap to present her butt for spanking. Then the wife will ask the husband for a number of spankings that corresponds to her gratitude for him, with the traditional number being around 10 — perhaps a bit more or fewer depending on her level of thankfulness. The husband will then deliver the appropriate number of spanks while the wife counts them out loud. The spanks will be applied with a firm hand, and the wife will often request them to be done harder if she doesn’t believe they are fully capturing the essence of how thankful she is. When the spankings are complete the husband and wife will cuddle and make love, concluding the ceremony.

What a beautiful tradition! Now that you know the origin of Spanksgiving you can feel more confident honoring the custom in your own marriage. Leave a comment to share your experiences with Spanksgiving!

Give Thanks for your Spouse's Sexuality 8

The Bible has a lot to say about giving thanks to God for His blessings in our lives.

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Colossians 3:17

“Whatever you do” includes your sex life with your spouse! To celebrate Thanksgiving, here’s a list of 10 elements of your sex life that you can thank God and your spouse for. For each item, write down something specific that your spouse is or does that you are especially thankful for.

  1. Body: What parts of your spouse’s body are you most thankful for?
  2. Appearance: What about your spouse’s appearance are you most thankful for?
  3. Behavior: What sexual behaviors of your spouse are you most thankful for?
  4. Words: What sexual words of your spouse are you most thankful for?
  5. Intimacy: What forms or moments of intimacy with your spouse are you most thankful for?
  6. Giving pleasure: What ways do you give pleasure to your spouse that you are thankful you can do?
  7. Receiving pleasure: What ways does your spouse give you pleasure that you’re thankful for?
  8. Position: What sexual position are you most thankful for?
  9. Sexual activities: What sex games or activities that you do with your spouse are you most thankful for?
  10. Trying hard: What is your spouse working on sexually for your benefit that you’re thankful for? Not that your spouse has necessarily accomplished it yet, but you’re thankful that they’re trying.

There’s no need to stop at 10 — maybe these will just get you started! If you want to share your thanks, leave a comment and let us know what a blessing your spouse is to you.