by ·5 Comments
Sex Q&A: Prostitute Role-Playing, Women's Bible Study, Sexy Evangelism, and Semen Consistency 1

We’ve got quite a mailbag for your today!

Wife “MA” writes:

My husband likes to call me names and imagine that I am a prostitute during sex. I have a difficult time playing along and not taking it personally. Is this ok in God’s eyes? Should I just toughen up and let him have his fantasy?

The Bible doesn’t get into specifics about what exactly is ok in the bedroom. El Fury and I believe that as long as it is between the husband and the wife, and acceptable to both, it’s not a sin. If your conscience is telling you that you are sinning, you should listen to it and pray about the matter. If something continues to make you uncomfortable, you should definitely talk to your husband about it. We find it helpful to focus conversations like this in a positive direction. Rather than saying “I don’t like it when you…”, you can approach it more like, “this makes me uncomfortable, but I really want to explore together, how we can try something similar that’s exciting for both of us?” Check out our role-playing section for some ideas that might be more to your liking.

Husband “ES” writes:

I’d love an outside female opinion. My wife’s and my sex life hasn’t panned out how I thought it would be. After more than a decade of marriage and four kids, I have rarely felt like our relationship was a priority to her. Work, friends, family, and kids all seem to take precedence over me. Sometimes we have sex once a week, but often we go weeks or months with her rejecting or ignoring my desire for sex. We have had direct talks. We have gone to martial counseling, she stops attending when sex comes up.

I have read yours and many other blog and books. I try not to have a contract or demand payment of sex. I do try to woo her. I plan all the dates, arrange the sitter, plan vacations. I recently thought we were on the cusp of making some improvements.

But then six months ago she started going to a women’s “Bible study”. The group leaders believe that I only want sex is because I’m “addicted” and have issues I need to resolve. (I’m not perfect but I don’t watch porn or masturbate) The group told my wife we should stop having sex for 40 days until I’m “better”, and my wife agreed!

My heart broke. I am furious. This group has become yet another higher priority over me. Really, I don’t know what my next step is for sex, or even how our marriage will look with this “women’s Bible study” calling the shots. Please help!

Pray, pray, pray! We’ve seen God work miracles in marriages. It can be hard for men and women to understand each other, especially in the realm of sex because typically men have higher libidos than women do. It could be helpful for her to understand that nearly all men will want more sex, and there is nothing perverse about it — it’s how God designed us. With that in mind, there is not going to be a point where you stop pursuing your wife for sex. It’s a healthy, on-going desire. She should understand that you will always want her sexually, and she’s the way God intends to meet your need. God’s will is for your sex life with your spouse to be abundant!

Here are a couple of posts you might want to read with your wife:

El Fury adds: I suggest taking every possible Godly step to extricate your wife from that group of women. They’re harming your marriage and could end up destroying your family.

Wife “BE” writes:

Thank you for sharing this wealth of information. I’m sure so many Christian women like myself find themselves sinking in loneliness with nowhere to go for non-judgemental discussion. This site is a good refreshment.

I’ve been having a strange and shameful sexual fantasy recently, and I need some input on whether it’s ok and worth exploring. In my fantasy, I’m wearing a short skirt with no panties, and a silky blouse with no bra. Then I go out and do some outdoor street-preaching. Why do I want to do this ? I’m not even sure … could it be that I want to be looked at as a whore while I speak about holiness and repentance? Maybe even if no one knows, maybe it’s the idea of being a Godly woman whose private and sacred bits are uncovered.

This fantasy has been a huge turn on for me, I can’t help indulging in it while touching myself. Even though I’d love to take it a step forward, I’m terribly apprehensive … first of being found out by someone within the crowd listening, and second by maybe going too far and grieving the Holy Spirit. I really need help.

Fantasies and thoughts can be strange and interesting — we don’t really know where they come from! God tells us to share our testimony with others… if you were carrying out this fantasy in real-life would you really be focused on bringing others to Christ? Would it simply make evangelism somehow more exciting or thrilling? Would you be using people as unknowing props? The fantasy does sound like a really fun role-playing scenario, but I encourage you to pray about it and have an open heart to God’s response. I can’t be your Holy Spirit, but if living out the fantasy will lead you or someone else into sin then it’s pretty clear you shouldn’t do it.

Finally, husband “DI” writes:

I have a question for you but first I want to say that my wife and I have really enjoyed and grown a lot in our marriage because of this site and the advice you guys offer! So thank you so much!

My question is this… having talked with my wife many times about finishing in her mouth and getting her thoughts on it, what it comes down to for her is that she doesn’t like the consistency of my semen. She has this problem with other foods as well, like yogurt. Is there anything that can be done to change the consistency of semen? I drink lots of water so that isn’t a problem. I know you can change the taste of semen (like with pineapple), but how about the consistency?

From what we read, it does seem like drinking lots of water is important, so good job. Beyond that, there doesn’t seem to be much solid information about changing the consistency or texture of semen. That said, here are a few ideas that might help your wife.

  • Your wife can try taking your penis deeper into her mouth so that most of the semen just goes down her throat. Then she won’t have to worry about texture much at all.
  • Your wife can hold something else in her mouth while she performs oral, like a mint or gum. This will “dilute” the texture of your semen and may also create an
    enjoyable sensation for you.
  • You can ejaculate more frequently. Semen can get very thick or viscous if you haven’t ejaculated in a while.

If you and your wife try these, please report back and let us know how they go. Meanwhile, here are a few related posts:

Have a great week everyone. We’re praying that God would give you a joyful and abundant sex life with your spouse.

Please use the contact pages for Sexy Corte and El Fury to send us your questions. We will only share your question if you give us permission, and we’ll never reveal your name or any other identifying information. You can ask questions anonymously, or use a free anonymous email server like Mailinator.

If you liked this, please share it!

by ·3 Comments
Face-to-Face "Comfy" Foreplay Position 2

Sexy Corte’s favorite foreplay is what we call “comfy position”:  we lie down on our sides, face-to-face, and cuddle with her top leg over my hip while my lubed finger plays with her lady bits. Usually I’m on my left side and she’s on her right side; she rests her head on my left arm and cuddles up against me, and I reach between her legs with my right hand. We use a bunch of lube so my fingers are slick, and then I rub her gently until she wants me to stop.

Comfy position is relaxing and easy on our bodies, so we can do it for as long as Sexy Corte likes. She doesn’t choose to reach orgasm this way, but she finds it hypnotic and relaxing. It’s pretty similar to how I feel when she’s giving me a blowjob, but it’s a lot less work! She could orgasm in this position if we persisted (or used a vibrator) but we seem to use it exclusively for foreplay. We call it “Phase 1” of our usual sex routine.

We’ve written about orgasmic meditation, but it’s not a practice that has really stuck with us. I think comfy position has taken its place as foreplay, and it achieves many of the same goals for Sexy Corte and myself. I enjoy pleasuring her, and she enjoys receiving pleasure in a relaxing, comfortable position.

If you liked this, please share it!

by ·7 Comments
10 Years of Sex Blogging 3
El Fury and I have been blogging about sex for 10 years! We got the idea while driving home from a marriage class at our church. We both felt a burden for married couples after listening to people share their hopelessness for their sex lives. After a decade of our own marriage, and hearing questions and feedback from our readers, we have learned a lot!
  • We are lifelong learners. I love that at any moment we can stumble upon something we didn’t know about ourselves or our spouse. If you are curious and willing to play and explore, there is a lot to discover. Even when I think we have all of our moves down, El Fury can simply rub me in the right spot while doing something else and I can’t believe how it drives me crazy.
  • Play is important. Sometimes we take things too seriously. Life has a lot of responsibilities. You should definitely take your marriage seriously, but don’t forget to play with your spouse. Play is one of the best forms of bonding in a relationship. When was the last time you made your spouse laugh? Sex is a form of play, so make sure to incorporate playfulness into your sexuality.
  • It’s easy to fall into a pattern. Calendars fill up and time passes with a sort of inertia. Your sex life can get caught up in that. Your sex life should not be all novelty, but guard from letting it be only routine. Even one night of novelty every few months can keep your sex life feeling lively. Be intentional in planning a few times a year to create space for something different.
  • When I am in a season of low libido, it’s not that I need less sex but more orgasms. I have gone through periods in our marriage where my libido is lower. During times like this I am usually busier in other areas of life, feeling stressed, and am having fewer orgasms because I feel like I don’t have enough time or energy. I feel like I want to avoid sex altogether. When this has happened and I put in the effort to have one more orgasm a week, my attitude totally changes.
  • It takes two to tango. When we have problems, whether it is in our sex life or another part of our relationship, these are best resolved when you humbly acknowledge your role in the problem. Before a discussion about a problem, ask yourself, how have I contributed to this. Then go first. This is the problem I see, here is how I think I have contributed, here is how I think you have contributed, do you think that’s a fair assessment, and how do we resolve this and move forward. Whenever we approach arguments like this I always look back and think they went well.
  • Communicate. Most of the questions we get from our readers can be solved by communication. Get comfortable talking to your spouse about sex. Most of the time this can be really positive! I loved it when you did… If you are in the habit of talking about sex with your spouse, then it’s easier when you do have a problem.
  • Connection is circular. I feel most connected to El Fury when we are having good quality time together. For me, that is usually in the form of good conversations and play. When I feel connected to him, I feel like having sex. El Fury feels most connected to me when we are having good sex. That in turn makes him feel like engaging in good quality time together. Our needs feed each other’s needs. When this is a circular flow, it’s great! At times, this can get out of flow. When this happens, one of us needs to go first. The great thing is, then it is easy to get back in.
We pray this is a blessing to your marriage and your sex life! For those of you that have learned great lessons from your sex lives, please leave a comment and share!
If you liked this, please share it!

by ·0 Comments
Oral Sex: "My Wife Had an Epiphany" 4

There’s nothing more wholesome and heartwarming than hearing from a reader that you’ve helped make a significant improvement in his or her sex life.

I expect most of Stavvy’s World is NSFW, but I figured this was worth sharing. Here is YouTube’s attempt at an auto-generated transcript, lightly edited by me for clarity:

Remember the guest, the man who was in a relationship where he never got his dick sucked by his wife? And you made some comments like, you know, 20-30 seconds is good enough.

I was listening to that episode in the car with my wife and she heard that, and she had an epiphany, like she didn’t realize you could suck a man’s dick for just 20 seconds and it’d be okay, like he doesn’t have to finish.

I’ve been married for 15 years, I’m an old man, this is awesome her hearing that, and she asked me like, does does it actually count if it’s only like 20-30 seconds?

I’m like yeah it counts!

I had the same type of wife who never wanted to suck my dick, and I’ve been married so long I just made peace with it so long ago. But both of us hearing that episode it’s like, man, it’s like every time brother, like hell yes dude, not a time goes by when we have sex that she doesn’t suck my dick now, for even like half a minute, it’s great.

It’s awesome!

The reaction from the hosts is priceless, and we get it — we love hearing from readers who have been blessed by our content, too!

In Level-Up Your Sex Life we wrote about the what husbands and wives write to us about the most:

  • Husbands want more blowjobs
  • Wives want more orgasms

Blowjobs to completion are awesome, but don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good! As Flight of the Conchords taught us, “two minutes in heaven is better than one minute in heaven”.

If you liked this, please share it!

by ·2 Comments
Still Feeling It Later 5

It turns me on to think that after we have sex, Sexy Corte will be feeling it for the rest of the day. “Feeling it” can include a wide range of phenomena:

  • Lingering arousal, her own wetness
  • My fluids leaking out of her over time
  • Mild(!) vaginal soreness
  • Sore butt from spanking
  • Muscle tiredness
  • Jaw ache
  • Just the thought of my semen inside her

As I write out this list, it strikes me that some of these after-effects may be unpleasant for my wife; I’m not sure what to make of that. We’ve written a bit about drawing on your spouse’s body and marking your territory, so maybe that’s part of it. It just turns me on to think that Sexy Corte’s body is constantly pulling her attention back to our recent sexual encounter. Like maybe she’s occasionally thinking throughout the day, “Man, he sure fucked me good.”

If you liked this, please share it!

by ·3 Comments
Treat Your Spouse with a Sex Menu 6

Create a “sex menu” to treat your spouse to a special night that really hits the spot. Your spouse will love having a bunch of delicious activities to choose from, and you’ll both be able to enjoy the anticipation all day if you share the menu in advance.

Your menu should include four courses:

  • Appetizer: I’m sure you know what kind of foreplay your spouse enjoys, so put a few of his or her favorites on the menu for the opening course.
  • Entree: The entree is the main event of the evening: it can be a favorite sex position, a game, a role-playing scenario, or whatever you want to offer your spouse.
  • Her Dessert: If Sexy Corte wants an orgasm, she always has hers before I have mine. If you’re like us, then the first dessert selection should be tailored to the wife’s orgasmic needs (unless she doesn’t choose to have one). If the wife is creating the menu as a treat for her husband, it can be especially sweet to offer to let him choose how she comes. The menu can include toys, positions, or even orgasmic vocalizations.
  • His Dessert: What better way to end your sexual meal than with the husband’s orgasm? Of course there’s the question of how he wants to come and in what position, but he can also be offered a selection of places to ejaculate: her mouth, vagina, body, butt, or whatever she’s up for offering.

Consider including a Daily Special — this should be something that… well… you aren’t eager to do every day but that is available now for a limited time only.

As for the menu itself, there are a ton of options.

  • Text or email: A wonderful distraction to receive at work.
  • Printed menu: Turn the menu into a craft and create a souvenir for your spouse — and a prop that you can use again in the future.
  • Write on your body: This option might be the most sensual: write the course selections all around your body for your spouse to find and consider.

Wives may also consider “How to Present Your Body to Your Husband For His Admiration” to play up the sexy-server angle. If you’re lucky, your husband might give you more than just a tip!

If you liked this, please share it!

by ·6 Comments
Doctors and Scientists Agree: Bras Are Bad for Breast Health 7

Doctors say that bras may be bad for breast health. Hey, it’s science!

Ditching a bra could make your breasts perkier, experts have claimed.

Women’s health specialists and plastic surgeons have suggested that the tight pressure from a bra can weaken tissues around the breasts over time, causing them to droop.

The uplifted look is also said to be due to the gradual strengthening of back muscles that happens when you’re unsupported, improving posture.

If only some scientist were courageous and dedicated enough to devote a lifetime to studying breasts. Oh wait!

A 15-year study conducted by Dr Jean-Denis Rouillon, a sports science expert from the University of Besançon, France, revealed that bras did more harm than good when it came to perkiness.

In the study, he examined changes in the breasts of hundreds of women over many years.

He concluded that women who didn’t wear bras had nipples that were seven milliliters higher than those who did.

Dr Rouillon said in a radio interview: ‘Medically, physiologically, anatomically—breasts gain no benefit from being denied gravity. On the contrary, they get saggier with a bra.’

What about personal testimony?

Dr Lucky Sekhon, a board-certified OB/GYN and reproductive endocrinologist, told Well+Good that people have long believed the opposite – that not wearing a bra causes drooping.

This, she says, is a common misconception.

Women who have gone long periods without wearing a bra often report that this leads their breasts to being firmer, rounder, and perkier over time.’

So there you have it — unless you hate health and science, you should stop wearing a bra.

If you liked this, please share it!

by ·2 Comments
Sex Q&A: Aroused While Sharing a Hotel Room with Friends 8

Wife “NN” writes:

I had a very uncomfortable situation recently. My husband and I went for a weekend away with our really good friends, and we decided to save some money by sharing a hotel room. We made a rule: no sex while both couples are in the room. We agreed we would give each other time alone during the trip. Anyway, the first night we go out and we all get pretty drunk, especially my husband. That night, I woke up in the middle of the night and I could hear our friends whispering. I peeked out from under my covers and could not believe my eyes. They were clearly having sex.

At this point, my husband was completely passed out and I pretended to be sleeping. My girlfriend was trying to be quiet but I could clearly hear her moaning. I must have dozed off again, and when I opened my eyes my girlfriend was facing me and her husband was spooning her. What was worse was the blanket was off and her legs were open and I could see everything, including his penis going in and out of her vagina. I had no idea what to do so I pretended to sleep, and this continued for a hour or more. In the morning my husband was oblivious to what I witnessed, and he went to the gym. I went to the bathroom and when I came out my girlfriend was standing completely naked in front of me and hugged me. I am so embarrassed. I want to tell my husband but he will just laugh. Along with all this embarrassment, I really got turned on by watching them and I’m not sure what to do. Help?

This does sound like an awkward situation. I think it’s ok to talk to both your friend and your husband about it. It’s good to have boundaries, and it sounds like your friends crossed yours. You don’t have to dwell on what happened, but acknowledging it can clear the air and then you can move on in your relationship. If it’s still bothering you after some times has passed, talking about it with your husband and laughing together might help you move on.

As for being aroused, I don’t think you need to feel bad about it. Your body responded to what it was seeing. If your mind is dwelling on it, try to turn your thoughts towards your husband and your sex life with him. We can’t always control what happens to us, but we can use every experience in life for God’s glory.

Please use the contact pages for Sexy Corte and El Fury to send us your questions. We will only share your question if you give us permission, and we’ll never reveal your name or any other identifying information. You can ask questions anonymously, or use a free anonymous email server like Mailinator.

If you liked this, please share it!

by ·2 Comments
A Wife's Guide to Navigating the Penis: Head, Shaft, Frenulum, and Balls 9

Wife “ER” writes:

I noticed that you guys had an episode for husbands on how to navigate the clitoris. Do you have one for penis’s that maybe I’m missing? If you don’t have one, I’d like to see you guys create one for the wives!

Your wish is our command!

Humans have been representing the penis in art for thousands of years. From the Obelisks of Egypt to the Rockets of Jeff Bezos to “unique roman artifacts”, our fascination with the phallus is enduring. For those of us without a rod, or staff, or Johnson, the penis can be a tricky place to navigate.

The balls are a great place to begin with foreplay. Licking the balls all around is like soothing an ache. El Fury describes this as luxurious. Use the tongue for foreplay and your hand for an accessory to aid in orgasm. Cup the balls while he uses his hand, or if you are performing oral.

At the opposite end is the head of the penis. The head is the most sensitive area, so it is important to be gentle and avoid direct hand contact. Treat the head as the playground of the tongue. Swirl, flick, lick — the tongue can do anything to drive the head of the penis crazy. There is a spot on the under-side of the head (ball side) called the frenulum. With enough time and attention a man can orgasm just from extended focus in this area. The head is also a great place to tease when the wife is on top. Allow just the head inside the vagina and see how long it takes before the husband loses control. It’s fun to bounce up and down with the slightest movement, plus it feels great.

Connecting the balls and penis is the shaft. This area seems to be the least sensitive, but craves attention in order to orgasm. During sex or oral, taking the shaft in deep will push him over the edge. In a technique that El Fury calls “Around the World” the wife can start on the head, then take her tongue down the shaft, around the balls and back up the other side. The shaft is where to hold during a hand job.

Similar to the clitoris, the penis can vary from man to man. It’s important to explore together. It means a lot to a husband if the wife loves and appreciates his penis.

Wives, if you have any great tips for navigating a penis please share them in the comments!

If you liked this, please share it!

by ·0 Comments
New Year's Sexolutions 10

Happy New Year! New Years is a time of looking back and looking forward, resembling a cycle of death and rebirth. The old year has come to an end. The new year stretches ahead of us like a field of possibility. A lot of people make resolutions. There is hope for change, for something new, for something better. I think it is the potential that is the most exciting. When God created us with free will He gave us the ability to shape our futures. What an incredible gift! El Fury and I take New Years as an opportunity to discuss the past and future in an effort to enhance the present. We look at the past year and discuss what we are thankful for, what we could improve upon, and what went really great. Then we look forward and discuss our goals, how we want to grow, what we want to do. As you are making your resolutions, make sure to set goals with your spouse. Include some sexy goals!

Have a discussion with your spouse to help you shape what your sexolutions can be:

  • If both of us have the sex life that we dream of, what does that look like?
  • When we look back at the end of 2024 and thinking, we had a great sex life, what were the things that happened to make that true?
  • What did we feel to make that true?
  • What did we do to make that true?
  • What did we avoid to make that true?
  • What are the things we should start? Stop? Continue?
  • What would you be willing to give up this year to have an awesome sex life? Is that time? Alcohol? Sleeping in?
  • What would you be willing to change about yourself? Look inward, specifically about yourself. Don’t ask what the other person could change.

In your discussion, focus on being positive, forward looking. This isn’t the time for the airing of grievances. You are shaping your future with your spouse, make it exciting and joyful.

Here is a list of sexolutions that you can try with your spouse in 2024:

  • Have 1 more orgasm per week than what you are already having. This might require some effort. You might have to get up a little earlier. You might have to muster up the desire. If anything is worth putting effort into, it’s your marriage. You will never regret having an orgasm with your spouse!
  • Introduce novelty into your sex life. Try one of the games on our site. Try having each of you write down 6 ideas and draw them randomly once a month through the year.
  • Date. Go out. Pick a frequency. Once a month, once a week, once a quarter. Ask a babysitter to commit to a regular time.
  • Have sex outside once this year.
  • Have sex in a different room of your house.
  • Have sex at a different time of day.
  • Try a different style of music during sex.
  • At least once this year try something that is outside of your comfort zone.
  • Talk about your sex life with your spouse. Most of the questions we get on our site would be solved with communication. The more you talk about sex with your spouse the easier it gets.

Be specific. Try not to just say ‘have more’ or ‘do less’. If your goals are more specific you are more likely to achieve them. Write them down. Set reminders to check them. We pray that when 2025 begins you can look back on 2024 and be able to confidently say that it was one sexy year.

If you liked this, please share it!