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We Need Better Sexual Haptic Technology 1

It’s amazing that vibrating haptic suits can help deaf people enjoy music, but it makes me notice that sexual haptic technology seems to be pretty stagnant.

After a year of research, Belquer’s team finally settled on a haptic suit — similar to the one used for virtual reality or video games — with 24 vibrating plates or actuators. Twenty are attached to the vest, which fits snugly around the body. The remaining four are wrapped around each wrist and ankle.

A software program allows musicians and DJs to easily integrate the haptic suits into their program. While the vibrations are not synched to the songs, they complement the music experience.

We Need Better Sexual Haptic Technology 2

Vibrators have been around for 200 years and there a million kinds of vibrators and dildos… and that’s about it. Sure, there are other novelty haptic sex toys for both men and women, but none of them seem to be particularly popular or effective. People are working on sex robots, but the best “sex robot” we’ve seen has been the one that vacuums our floors. I suppose that adding remote control capability to vibrators was a significant advancement, but it seems like so much more can be done! Here are some user stories for sexual haptics, written from the perspective of a husband — but all these stories could be written from a wife’s perspective also.

  • Hold Hands. I’d like to hold hands with my wife remotely.
  • Kissing. It’s sure hard to imagine how this one would be possible, but I’d like to be able to kiss my wife remotely.
  • Hugging and holding. I’d like to be able to hug and hold my wife remotely.
  • Detect arousal. I’d like to know my wife’s arousal level remotely.
  • Finger tracing. I’d like to be able to run my fingers over my wife’s skin remotely.
  • Gaze alerts. I’d like my wife to know when I’m looking at her breasts or butt, or otherwise checking her out.
  • Fingering. I’d like to be able to finger my wife’s clitoris and vagina and feel her wetness and arousal remotely.
  • Squeezing. I’d like to be able to squeeze my wife’s breasts or butt remotely.
  • Direct stimulation. I’d like to be able to remotely control my wife’s level of sexual arousal.

We get a ton of emails from husbands and wives who are geographically separated for various reasons (e.g., military service) and struggle to maintain intimacy, and we don’t have a ton of good advice for them. It might seem far-fetched to imagine that haptics could ever bridge this gap and facilitate true intimacy, but there are literally millions of marriages that would benefit from more advanced sexual technology.

(The image at the top of the post is of the TESLASUIT, which is available for $13k and doesn’t appear to have any sexual technology.)

Is there anything I missed in my list above that you’d want to do with sexual haptic technology? Leave a comment and let us know.

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Male Sexual Health Episode on Huberman Podcast 3

If you’re a man or married to one you’ll probably benefit from this episode of Andrew Huberman’s podcast about Male Sexual Health. Huberman has Dr. Michael Eisenberg as a guest and they discuss the two primary dimensions of male sexual health: fertility and potency. The episode has lots of great… uh, tips… and ideas for what to discuss with your doctor and how to understand the meaning of various tests and procedures.

If you’re a husband, you have a responsibility to take care of your sexual health, both for your own benefit and for the benefit of your wife.. There are a few negative stereotypes that sometimes work against husbands:

  • Men shouldn’t go to the doctor unless it’s an emergency
  • Erectile dysfunction is shameful and shouldn’t be discussed
  • A decline in male sexual health is an inevitable consequence of aging
  • Fertility is primarily a female problem

It’s important for us husbands to overcome these stereotypes so that we can talk with our wives and doctors about our health and then take action to protect and improve our sexual health. The Bible is clear that a husband has a responsibility to satisfy his wife’s conjugal rights:

1 Corinthians 7:2-5

2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Husbands: we’ve got a job to do, and we have to keep our tools primed and ready!

(Note: We wrote in 2014 that the term “conjugal rights” includes a lot more than only sex, so go read that post for a deeper understanding.)

Podcast Notes has a good summary of the male sexual health episode; here are their key takeaways:

  • Obesity is a risk factor for lowering testosterone and sperm quality
    • Fat aromatizes testosterone into estrogen
  • Testosterone and sperm quality are barometers of health in men
  • Taking exogenous testosterone without medical need can dramatically reduce endogenous testosterone and sperm count & quality
  • Semen quality doesn’t just relate to fertility – it’s an excellent marker for overall men’s health
    • Men with higher semen tend to live longer, go to the doctor less, and have lower rates of cancer
  • Less than 10% of erectile dysfunction is due to a hormonal issue (e.g., low testosterone); most are related to restricted blood flow and could be a foreshadowing of cardiovascular health
    • The first path of treatment (if all else is healthy, not obese, not smoking, etc.) is oral therapy like Viagra or Cialis
  • Don’t assume sperm is healthy just because you ejaculate – about 50% of men have low semen quality
  • To improve sperm quality: avoid heat (sauna, hot tub), don’t smoke, use alcohol in moderation (or avoid it altogether), avoid drugs (especially benzodiazepines and opioids), use marijuana minimally, stay active and at a healthy weight

If reading this post has made you discouraged, don’t be! We don’t have to be perfect, we just have to work towards the best possible version of ourselves. Each of us can take small steps towards improved sexual health, and over time we can maintain and increase our well-being.

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Visual and Mental Attraction 4

The video seems to be targeted at men and the thumbnail says “UNDERWEAR” over the image of a beautiful woman —  so is that visual or mental stimulation?

In A Little Wager we wrote about a bet between me and Sexy Corte, and if I win she has to show me he breasts every time she comes into my office. I look forward to winning the bet and collecting my visual stimulation as payment, but the mere prospect of winning the bet has provided me with months of mental stimulation already.

As for Sexy Corte, my impression is that if she’s not already aroused then she’s most likely to be stimulated through touch.

What about you and your spouse? How are you each most apt to be stimulated?

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Divorce Lawyer James Sexton on the Number One Predictor of a Break-Up 5

Sexy Corte and I just listened to divorce lawyer James Sexton on the Lex Fridman podcast, and he offered a bunch of interesting relationship advice from his perspective as a person who has had a front-row seat to thousands of divorces. (We shouldn’t need to say it, but we will: we don’t endorse all his advice!)

Sexton says that the number one predictor of a break-up is disconnection — when spouses stop trying to impress each other and stop doing the little things that demonstrate their love for each other. He illustrated this idea with a story called “granola and blow jobs” that you can read on his blog.

I was speaking with a female client once, during a long wait in Family Court before a divorce was finalized. I asked her when she knew her marriage was officially over and she told me, in an uncharacteristically nostalgic and melancholy tone, that it was NOT when she caught him texting with his mistress, and NOT when she found the bank records that showed he was gambling his entire bonus rather than bringing it home. It was months before all that when she noticed, for the first time, that he stopped buying her granola.

“There was this particular brand of granola that I like and when we were first dating and married he would always notice when I was running low on it and get me a new bag of it when he would go to Whole Foods for lunch (he worked in the Time Warner Center above the Whole Foods). I never mentioned it to him – I don’t know that I really noticed all that much that he did it – but it was a nice feeling – that he noticed I was low on my favorite granola, and that he knew it was my favorite, and that he was thinking of me while he was in Whole Foods and brought it home for me and didn’t even think to point it out and try to “get credit” for all of that. It was just something he did because he was thinking of me and knew this silly small unique thing gave me pleasure. One day I noticed I was out of that granola and he hadn’t bought it for me. I was a little surprised but I didn’t think much of it. The next time I ran out I left the bag on the counter as a subtle hint – but he never bought it for me again. I think there was a part of me that knew, at that moment, I was no longer on his radar and things were heading south.”

I asked her if there was anything like that on her end of the relationship and she replied flatly:

“Blow jobs.”

I almost spit out my coffee.

“I know it sounds silly and it might be inappropriate to say – but I used to give him blow jobs a few times per week. It took all of five minutes in the morning and for the rest of the day he was all giddy and happy. I got a kick out of how much he enjoyed it. But after some time married I started sleeping in a bit more and I just didn’t think to take that five minutes to do it. Plus I had this feeling of, I don’t know, resentment – like I don’t OWE him a blow job and I’ve got 50 things to do today – he can wait until I get home tonight and we can have sex so both of us enjoy it. But I guess that was his granola in some ways. I don’t know.”

So there it is. Granola and blow jobs.

What are the little things you do for your spouse that demonstrate your love? Don’t forget to consider your love languages (and podcast episode)! If you want your spouse to feel loved you should try to speak in their love language, not only your own. If you want to feel more loved, learn to recognize when your spouse is trying to show you love in their native love language, even if it’s not your own.

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"If good sex is clean water, women live in a swamp and men live in a desert" 6

This quote from a Reddit user was aimed at single men and women, but the metaphor is from the Bible. Proverbs and Song of Solomon both use the imagery of refreshing water to represent the sexual life of a married couple.

Proverbs 5:15-18

Drink water from your own cistern,
running water from your own well.

Should your springs overflow in the streets,
your streams of water in the public squares?

Let them be yours alone,
never to be shared with strangers.

May your fountain be blessed,
and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.

Song of Songs 4:12-15

You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride;
you are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain.

Your plants are an orchard of pomegranates
with choice fruits,
with henna and nard,
nard and saffron,
calamus and cinnamon,
with every kind of incense tree,
with myrrh and aloes
and all the finest spices.

You are a garden fountain,
a well of flowing water
streaming down from Lebanon.

The idea behind the quote from Reddit is that women can have as much bad sex as they want (swamp water), and men can’t get any (no water). We can’t speak for single people, but unfortunately this lament isn’t far off from what we hear from many married Christians! In Level-Up Your Sex Life we quoted emails from a bunch of readers who gave two-pronged advice:

If you’re looking to level-up your sex life consider taking these tips from our readers: as many orgasms as the wife wants, and oral sex for the husband.

Every person is different and every marriage is different, but what we hear from our readers most of the time is that Husbands Want Quantity, Wives Want Quality. As Sexy Corte wrote:

Quality is better than quantity. That statement is beneficial in many ways. But what if quantity is the quality? Husbands often view sex through that lens. We get a lot of emails from readers asking about frequency. Men want their wives to have more sex. Women wonder why their husbands want to have sex so much, and often comment that they don’t enjoy it. Here are some thoughts on how to improve the quality and the quantity.

God wants sex with your spouse to be an overflowing fountain of pure, refreshing water! What can you do to bless your spouse with abundant refreshment?

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Sex Q&A: Lots of Questions from Newlyweds 7

Here are a selection of emails we’ve gotten recently from newlyweds.

Almost-Husband “AI” writes:

Hi Sexy Corte, I’ve been visiting this page for a while and have enjoyed what you and your husband have been doing. I really appreciate it. I’m a virgin and am about to get married. I’m excited and very nervous. Me and my fiance have been talking about our expectations and have been very clear with each other how excited we are to have sex. We are both very sexual, we make jokes and dirty references (we are remaining pure however) and I’m asking as a male for some advice for the first time. I’ve seen the post someone else made where they asked a similar question and I guess I’m looking for an updated if there is one necessary. I just don’t want to disappoint her and want to make sure our first time is as special as possible.

(Note: Here are the earlier posts: Sex Q&A: About to Be Married, First-Time Sex and Follow-Up: First-Time Wedding Night Sex.)

I love that you and your future wife are already communicating about sex, that is setting a tone for a great sex life and a great marriage! Your wedding night will be special because it will be your first time together. Don’t put too much pressure on it though. You will have years together to explore each other and learn how to please each other best. Sex in the beginning of marriage isn’t polished, and it’s good to be able to laugh and fumble your way through a little. And that’s beautiful. Keep the focus on each other, your intimacy and love for each other, and less on the performance. I pray that God would bless your marriage and bless your sex life. Let us know how it goes!

Wife “HZ” writes:

Hello, I’m a newly wed, married for almost 7 months. I have yet to orgasm and don’t know how to get there… My husband and I have tried a lot… stimulation with hands, mouth, vibrator, long foreplay etc… nothing has worked yet. Though we love our sex life, we’re both getting discouraged that it’s taking this long. My husband is very supportive and encouraging, but sometimes I think maybe I’ll never orgasm, that maybe there’s something wrong with me and my body isn’t able to? Is that a possibility? Do you have any tips or ideas I could try to get myself there?

Thanks for your email. It can take a while to figure these things out, so have patience and keep trying. Every woman is different, so you have to explore and find out what best pleases you. It’s unlikely that your body can’t orgasm at all.

How long have you tried foreplay for? When I was ‘new’ to having an orgasm, it could take me 45 minutes to an hour. There are times it can still take that long! Having an orgasm is like a muscle that you have to train. When you and your husband are intimate, have the mindset that you are going to work on finding what feels best for an extended period of time. Use lube and have him focus around your clitoris. If he finds a spot that feels good, have him focus there. Make sure you are focusing around the clit, taking enough time, and using lube as needed. Use his hand or a vibrator. Just relax and explore together.

If this persists, you can always talk to your doctor about it. Being married and having sex can take some time to get used to. There is a lot to figure out! You have your whole lifetime together to find out what you like. It can be really fun to discover new things together! I prayed for you that God will open this up for you. Let us know how it goes!

Wife “RO” writes:

Hi! My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years now. I’m currently in counseling and diving into my childhood pains and beliefs. We were both virgins when we got married and since we’ve been married our experience with sex has been up and down.. at least for me and my emotions.

I grew up with movies, pornography and fantasies defining what sex was to me. This made me expect sex to be perfect and extremely pleasurable, but getting married was a wake up call! It takes so much vulnerability and work just to feel connected and successful in our sex life. Recently we went 6 months without sex… that’s so sad! I would help him out with hand jobs and he would occasionally help me out. I noticed that I fantasize about being pursued sexually, however when my husband actually does pursue me I find myself thinking “all he wants is sex” and “he doesn’t really care about you” and other similar thoughts. Then we end up not having sex.

I guess my question is, have you experienced this? How have you pushed through and continued to have sex everyday without feeling abandoned, like that’s all your hubby wants? I know I struggle with even allowing myself to feel turned on so I know I need to dig into this more with possible counseling.

Thanks for your email. I have come to understand that EF will never stop wanting sex. It isn’t all he wants, but it is a biological need that drives him to pursue sex more frequently than I do. Every person is different and has different drives. I know he doesn’t only want sex because we do have many other interests and activities together. Our relationship isn’t only about sex. Sex is a big part of our relationship, and often sets the tone for our interactions outside of having sex.

Your past can shape you but it doesn’t define you. The Bible tells us to set aside the things that entangle us and to move forward. Focus on creating sexual memories with your husband and explore what you like together so that your mind can dwell on what you and your husband have done together instead of how sex was previously defined for you. It’s great that you are talking through these things with your counselor. That can be extremely helpful to sort out your thoughts.

Praying that God would heal you and bless your marriage and bless your sex life!

We get a lot of emails, but we try to read and respond to them all. Please leave us a comment with your advice to these newlyweds!

Please use the contact pages for Sexy Corte and El Fury to send us your questions. We will only share your question if you give us permission, and we’ll never reveal your name or any other identifying information. You can ask questions anonymously, or use a free anonymous email server like Mailinator.

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Vibrators: A Cure For "Hysteria" 8

Were vibrators invented by 19th-century doctors to cure women of “hysteria”? It’s story so good we all want it to be true — but it probably isn’t. From Mara Hvistendahl writing in Scientific American:

For a sex toy, the vibrator’s roots seem amazingly antiseptic and clinical. Prescribed as a cure for the curious disease hysteria, the device for decades found clinical application as a supposed medical therapy.

Derived from the Greek word for “uterus,” hysteria occurred in women with pent-up sexual energy—or so healers and early physicians believed. Nuns, widows and spinsters were particularly susceptible, but by the Victorian era many married women had fallen prey as well. In the late 19th century a pair of prominent physicians estimated that three quarters of American women were at risk.

The prescription of clitoral orgasm as a treatment for hysteria dates to medical texts from the first century A.D. Hysterical women typically turned to doctors, who cured them with their hands by inducing a “paroxysm”—a term that hides what we now know as a sexual climax. But manual stimulation was time-consuming and (for the doctors at least) tedious. In The Technology of Orgasm: “Hysteria,” the Vibrator and Women’s Sexual Satisfaction, science historian Rachel P. Maines reports that physicians often passed the job off to midwives.

Thanks to the vibrator, doctors and midwives could give their hands a rest and patients could get the treatment they needed… in the comfort of their own homes.

Patients were happy, too. The number of health spas offering vibration therapy multiplied, and the service was so popular vibrator manufacturers warned doctors not to overdo it with the modern appliance: if they met relentless patient demand, even mechanical vibration could be tiring. By the turn of the century needlework catalogues advertised models for women who wanted to try the treatment at home, making the vibrator the fifth electric appliance to arrive in the home—after the sewing machine, the fan, the teakettle and the toaster.

Ok, it’s a great story, but Fern Riddell is here to ruin our fun.

So did the real Dr Granville invent an electronic device for massage? Yes. Was it anything to do with the female orgasm? No. He actually invented it to help stimulate male pain relief, just as massage is used today.

Victorian doctors knew exactly what the female orgasm was; in fact, it’s one of the reasons they thought masturbation was a bad idea. A few theorised that it might be beneficial to a woman for her period pain, but the majority of doctors saw the art of self-pleasure as highly dangerous to your health.

This attitude was not because they were on some sort of anti-pleasure, or anti-sex crusade, but because orgasms were actually important to the Victorians. Marriage guides discussing the sex act often claimed that a woman in a sexually satisfying relationship was more likely to become pregnant, as the wife’s orgasm was just as necessary to conception as her husband’s. A book called The Art to Begetting Handsome Children, published in 1860, contains a detailed passage on foreplay, and shows us that, for the Victorians, sex, pleasure and love were concepts that were universally tied together. In A Guide To Marriage, published in 1865 by the aptly named Albert Sidebottom, the advice to young couples exploring their relationship for the first time is that “All love between the sexes is based upon sexual passion”. This is something I’ve come across time and again in researching Victorian attitudes to sex: sexual pleasure, and especially female sexual pleasure, really mattered.

So if doctors were using vibrators to treat their female patients, everyone knew exactly what was going on. The idea that female orgasms were discovered by humanity a mere 200 years ago is absurd when you think about it — our ancestors were just as sexual as we are and knew how to have a good time. But the story is still fun, and might make for an enjoyable doctor-patient role-playing scenario!

Addendum: There is merit to the use of sexual intimacy to heal and recover from grief or stress, but that’s more psychological than medical. If any wives out there have experience treating their “hysteria” with “paroxysms” please let us know in the comments!

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"She's dirty and amenable" -- Sexual Fantasies About Your Spouse 9

Having sexual fantasies about your spouse is great, and sharing your fantasies with each other is a good way to deepen your sexual relationship.

Earlier this week Sexy Corte was on her period and going out with the kids for a playdate with some of their friends. She joked, “I know what you’ll be doing while I’m gone”. An evening with the house to myself?!

Me: “Playing video games.”

Her: “And jerking off.”

She was right, of course, and when she came home she asked about my fantasies.

Me: “Fantasy Sexy Corte is always home with me, and always eager to please!”

Her: “Oh yeah? And what exactly does Fantasy Sexy Corte do, hmmmm?”

Me: “She’s dirty and amenable.”

Now, Sexy Corte is very open minded and agreeable, so this isn’t a knock on her at all. But Fantasy Sexy Corte will give me an hour-long blowjob while I play video games. Sharing these fantasies with Sexy Corte is a fun way to expand our sexual conversation, and every real sex act we do starts in one of our minds as a fantasy.

Your spouse should be the focus of your sexual energy, in “real life” and in your fantasies. Be as open as you can when sharing your fantasies with your spouse, and when your spouse shares with you be sure to listen without judgement or offense.

Do you share your sexual fantasies with your spouse? If so, how do those conversations go?

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Role-Playing: Shoplifter and Police Officer 10

Lots of people ask us for more role-playing scenarios, so here’s one we haven’t tried yet: shoplifter and police officer.

(If you haven’t read the how-to do sexual role-playing post yet, you might want to start there. Don’t worry… it’s normal to feel a little silly and awkward at first!)

The setup: The shoplifter is suspected of stealing something, and the police officer has been called to investigate. This scenario seems particularly suitable for either spouse to play either role, but I’m going to write this up as if the wife is the Shoplifter and the husband is the Officer. It’s important to remember that role-playing is play. Both spouses should be comfortable and have fun, even though the play puts the Officer in a position of power.

The Shoplifter and Police Officer scenario is fun for several reasons:

  • Power exchange. The power dynamic between the Officer and the Shoplifter is fun to play with. The Shoplifter can’t leave until the Officer is satisfied — satisfied that nothing was stolen, of course. The Officer may be completely upright in his approach, but he needs to search the Shoplifter very thoroughly before he can let her go. Or maybe the Officer has other intentions and sees this as an opportunity to take advantage of the beautiful and vulnerable Shoplifter. Or maybe the Shoplifter decides to seduce the Officer so she can escape with her stolen goods. There are several different ways to play the scenario.
  • Familiar emotional hooks. Even if you’ve never shoplifted or caught a shoplifter, the emotional hooks in this scenario should be pretty straight forward. The Shoplifter wants to get away, with or without her stolen goods. The Officer wants to catch the thief… or maybe he can be convinced to look the other way. Can the Officer find the stolen items that the Shoplifter has hidden around her body? Can the Shoplifter talk her way out of the situation, or maybe use her mouth in some other way?
  • Clear goals. The goals are pretty straight forward, since we know the Shoplifter is guilty. Phase 1: The Shoplifter has hidden a few small items around her body, and the Officer needs to find them. The Shoplifter will try to avoid being searched, but she grudgingly complies with the Officer’s instructions. Phase 2: Eventually the Officer will find the stolen items and tell the Shoplifter that she’s in big trouble. The Shoplifter will realize the seriousness of the situation and try to find some other way out. How far is she willing to go to satisfy the Officer and avoid arrest?

Here’s a note that the Officer can send to the Shoplifter in advance to set things up. (You can adjust the language if the Shoplifter is initiating the scenario.)

You are being detained for suspicion of shoplifting. You will meet Officer El Fury in the detention room at 8pm so that he can question you and search you for stolen goods. This is a very serious situation, and your cooperation is required. (Hide 1-3 small items (like jewelry) on your person and meet me in our bedroom at 8pm.)

Each spouse should complete their preparations before the designated start time. Potential props to prepare in advance:

  • Jewelry or stolen goods. The Shoplifter should hide some small, valuable items on her person.
  • Detention room. The Officer should prepare the detention room with any investigatory props they may want to use: notebook and pen, handcuffs, (fake) camera, (fake) tape recorder.
  • Lube, vibrator, washcloth. All the usual tools and toys.

Here are some tips for the Officer and ideas for things he can say.

  • Dress like a police detective, including a badge, a notebook for clues, and handcuffs.
  • Attitude. You should stand and loom over the sitting Shoplifter. Walk around her in a superior manner. Ask intrusive questions and make her defend herself from your accusations.
  • Questions. Ask a lot of vague and threatening questions.
  • Searching. Put your hands all over the Shoplifter and search her for stolen goods. Make her remove her clothes, one piece at a time. Dismiss her objections, since you’re just doing your job.
  • “You’re not leaving this room until my investigation is complete.”
  • “I’m sure you’re innocent, but I’ve got to search you just to make sure.” “You don’t have anything to hide, do you?”
  • “Do you know why you’re here?” “When I search you, am I going to find anything?”
  • “If you have stolen anything I’m going to find it, and you’re going to go to jail.”
  • “You’re going to jail unless you convince me otherwise.”
  • “Take off your shirt. Fold it and put it on the table.” Make a show of searching her shirt and then feeling around her naked skin.
  • “Take off your pants/skirt. Fold them and put them on the table.”
  • “I need you to take off your bra. You could have something hidden in there.” Rub your fingers all over her skin, as if there could be something hidden anywhere.
  • “I need you to take off your panties. I can’t let you go until I’ve finished searching you.”
  • “Lift up your arms.” “Spread your legs.” “Turn around and bend over.”
  • “I can’t give you your clothes back until my investigation is complete.”
  • “I can feel how wet you are. I can see your nipples are hard. Is this turning you on?” “It looks like this is arousing you. Are you enjoying this? Do you think this is a game?”
  • “Considering all this jewelry you stole, you’re going to spend the next two years in jail. Why shouldn’t I arrest you?”
  • “If you want me to let you go, you’re going to have to give me a reason.” “Why should I risk my job for you?” “What’s in it for me?”
  • “I really don’t want to send you to jail. Maybe we can find you a way out of this. What can you offer me?”
  • “I know you’re a naughty girl. Why don’t you show me how naughty?”
  • “Are you a good girl or a bad girl?” “Good girls get down on their knees. Bad girls get spanked first.”
  • “Yes, you can pay your fine directly to me. One orgasm for each of us.”
  • “You did the crime, now you have to put in the work to get us both off.”

Here are some tips for the Shoplifter and ideas for things she can say.

  • Dress in clothes that will be fun to search and remove, and that you can hide your stolen goods in. Hide the goods all over your body so the Officer has to search everywhere to find them all.
  • Attitude. There are a lot of ways you can play this. You can be bratty and annoyed that you’re under suspicion, or scared at the prospect of going to jail, or angry and defiant, or eager and apologetic. Mix it up and change your attitude through the course of the scenario. Though you might be resistant and resentful, you should (eventually) comply with the Officer’s requests. If you want the scenario to get more physically rough then make sure you talk about it beforehand.
  • Make the Officer’s job difficult. Never reveal any stolen items, make him find them. Deny and deflect. Turn away. Refuse to follow instructions (at first).
  • “This is ridiculous, I didn’t steal anything.” “You can’t prove anything.” “Let me go.”
  • “You want to search me? No way, you can’t do that.” “You can’t just touch me like that!”
  • “Wait, I could go to jail? For what?” “I don’t know how that got there.”
  • “Why do I have to take off my shirt? Can’t you just pat me down or something? Ok ok, fine, I’ll take it off.”
  • “My pants too? This is ridiculous.”
  • “You want me to take off my bra? Is this necessary?” “And my panties?”
  • “Ok, so I stole a few things. It’s not that big a deal. You found them, so can I go now?”
  • “Can I have my clothes back and get dressed?”
  • “Maybe there’s some other way we can deal with this.” “Is there some way I can pay a fine to you right now and make this all go away?”
  • “Listen, I don’t want to get arrested.” “What do you want me to do?” “Just tell me, I’ll do anything to avoid jail.”
  • “I’ve never done this before.” “I can’t believe I’m doing this.”
  • “I’m a good girl. Let me prove it to you.”
  • “Yes I’m a bad girl, but I’ve never been caught before. You deserve some kind of reward.” “Maybe you can teach me to be a good girl.”
  • “So if I give us each an orgasm then I can go?” “I’ll do whatever it takes.”

Afterwards, break the scene and leave your roles. The game is over (for now), so go back to being your normal selves. Have a good cuddle. Talk about your favorite parts of the scene. Later on, after the glow wears off, discuss anything you didn’t like and wouldn’t choose to do again. If your spouse really liked some element that wasn’t your favorite, negotiate and compromise and find the common ground that works for your marriage.

Have you ever role-played with your spouse in a scenario like this before? Did you enjoy it? Leave a comment and share your experience.

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Bifecta: Sex and Duolingo 11

We’ve written about bifectas before, but here’s a weird one: combining sex and Duolingo. Duolingo is an app for learning languages — Sexy Corte is learning Italian, and I’m learning Latin. We both have long daily streaks going, so we rarely miss a day. The other night I wanted to have sex but Sexy Corte hadn’t done her Duo yet so we compromised: we’d have sex while she learned Italian. Very efficient!

In this instance Sexy Corte wasn’t in the mood to go for an orgasm for herself, so while we had sex we chatted and laughed at the odd situation while she tried to focus on pronouncing Italian phrases into her phone. I can’t quite figure out why, but the whole experience was extremely arousing to me. If you had asked me beforehand if I’d find this sexy I probably wouldn’t have thought so, but it was. Thinking about doing it again is arousing, even though I can’t explain why.

It may seem silly, but it’s pretty fun combine mental exertion with sexual stimulation — it seems like there’s something arousing to me about her being focused on a task while we had sex. I really want to see if Sexy Corte can focus on Italian while I’m playing with her clit. If she were being stimulated to orgasm the whole experience would be very different — I’d love to give her an irresistible orgasm while she cried out in Italian. I feel like it’s more difficult for me to become undistractably aroused… I get very task-focused and the arousal doesn’t stick. See also: Tie, Tease, Trivia.

Have you ever done anything like this? Do you have a favorite bifecta? Leave us a comment and tell us about it. We’re always looking for something new to try.

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