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In our last post we wrote about praying explicitly for your sexual desires, and after you talk with God it’s time to talk with your spouse! This post will give you some ideas for how to do that. (You should also check out How To Talk With Your Spouse About Sex.)

In this post we’re going to continue using the same examples we used previously, taken from Level-Up Your Sex Life. In that post we write that the top need shared with us by wives is for more orgasms, and the top need shared with us by husbands is for more oral sex. One of these is a desire for more of a specific sex act, and the other is a general desire for more orgasms — hopefully you can adapt the ideas in this post to whatever your personal circumstances are.

Remember the key verses we discussed:

James 4:2-3
(2) You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. (3) You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.

After you’ve shared your explicit requests with God, here are some concrete conversational steps you can take to share them with your spouse.

  • Pray first. Read the previous post on praying for your sexual desires, and ask God before you ask your spouse. Remember: God wants your sex life with your spouse to be awesome.
  • Go in with the right attitude. Let your words demonstrate the fruits of the Spirit: kind, gentle, loving, joyful, patient.
    • “I really enjoy having sex with you.”
    • “Our sex life is really important to me, and I’m eager to make it as awesome as possible.”
    • “I think you’re very sexy. You’re the only person I ever want to have sex with.”
    • “I have something I’d like to ask you for. It’s something that’s important to me that I want to share with you.”
    • “I’ve been praying about our sex life, and there’s something I want to ask you.”
    • “It’s ok if you don’t respond right now. You can take time to think and pray about it yourself.”
    • “I’d also love to know anything I can do for you.”
  • Be direct, specific, and explicit with your request. Your spouse can’t read your mind! Maybe you’ve been giving hints and leaving clues, but you aren’t married to Sherlock Holmes. It takes courage to let yourself be vulnerable by speaking your desires out-loud to your spouse and facing possible rejection. Hopefully your spouse will appreciate your openness!
    • “I really enjoy when you give me a blowjob, and I’d like you to do that more often.”
    • “I really like having an orgasm with you, and I’d like to do that more often.”
    • “Would you be willing to do that once a week?” “Once a month?” “Every time we have sex?”
    • “I’d like to have three orgasms each week. Would you be willing to try that?”
    • “You often do X, but would you consider doing Y instead?”
  • Listen for your spouse’s response. Your spouse may enthusiastically agree to your request… or maybe not. Maybe your spouse will have questions or concerns. Maybe your spouse just isn’t sure how to respond immediately. Be quiet and create conversational space for your spouse to think and respond. Don’t jump in with arguments or persuasion. Just listen. You’ve been thinking and praying about this for a long time, but this may be the first time your spouse has considered your desire. It might take several days for your spouse to respond — that’s ok! Chill.
  • Negotiate. After your spouse has responded in full, it’s time to negotiate. If your spouse simply agrees to your request, then shut up. Don’t talk past the sale. If your spouse is reluctant or unwilling, then you need to have a discussion about how you might be able to reach a compromise. You may not get everything you want, but maybe you can get some of what you want. The ins-and-outs of negotiation are beyond the scope of this post, but the point isn’t to change your spouse’s mind. The point is to find a compromise that is satisfying to both people. Don’t invalidate your spouse’s response, but explore the space and see what’s possible.
    • If your spouse simply agrees with your request: “That’s great, thank you so much. I love you.”
    • “Then would you be willing to give me a blowjob once a week?” “Once a month?”
    • “Would you be willing to give me an orgasm twice a week?”
    • “What if we reserve Friday nights for this?” “Or Saturday morning?”
    • “What if we try it a few times and see?” “Can we try it for a month and see how it goes?”
    • “How about if we do it occasionally, but not every time?”
    • “Is there anything I could do to make it easier or more appealing for you?”
    • “I understand, thanks for considering it.”
    • “Can we talk about this again in a few months?”
  • Make a specific and explicit agreement. Hopefully you’re able to find some kind of resolution that satisfies both of you, even if it’s just “try and see”. You don’t need to write a contract, but make sure that you’re on the same page so that expectations are aligned. You can always change things later, but you’ll both be frustrated and annoyed if your spouse thinks you’ve agreed to something you haven’t.
    • “Yes, I’d be happy to give you a blowjob every week.”
    • “Yes, I’d be happy to give you three orgasms every week.”
    • “Yes, let’s do this every Friday that we’re able to.”
    • “Yes, let’s try it on our next date.”
    • “Yes, let’s try it for a month and see how it goes.”
    • “Thanks for sharing this with me, I’m glad we talked.”
  • Be grateful and follow through. Needless to say, when you make an agreement you need to follow-through on it. Don’t make your spouse “remind” you. Be proactive, joyful, and enthusiastic. If you’re the receiving spouse, make sure you notice when you get what you asked for. Be grateful and joyful, and don’t forget to thank God for granting your request.
  • Keep praying. Pray without ceasing. Maybe your spouse agreed to your request… or maybe not. Either way, keep praying. God never gets tired of our requests, and he’s eager for your sex life with your spouse to be great! God is always at work, so keep your eyes open and thank him for what he’s doing around you every day.

Leave a comment and let us know how your explicit conversation goes!

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It turns me on to think that after we have sex, Sexy Corte will be feeling it for the rest of the day. “Feeling it” can include a wide range of phenomena:

  • Lingering arousal, her own wetness
  • My fluids leaking out of her over time
  • Mild(!) vaginal soreness
  • Sore butt from spanking
  • Muscle tiredness
  • Jaw ache
  • Just the thought of my semen inside her

As I write out this list, it strikes me that some of these after-effects may be unpleasant for my wife; I’m not sure what to make of that. We’ve written a bit about drawing on your spouse’s body and marking your territory, so maybe that’s part of it. It just turns me on to think that Sexy Corte’s body is constantly pulling her attention back to our recent sexual encounter. Like maybe she’s occasionally thinking throughout the day, “Man, he sure fucked me good.”

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Create a “sex menu” to treat your spouse to a special night that really hits the spot. Your spouse will love having a bunch of delicious activities to choose from, and you’ll both be able to enjoy the anticipation all day if you share the menu in advance.

Your menu should include four courses:

  • Appetizer: I’m sure you know what kind of foreplay your spouse enjoys, so put a few of his or her favorites on the menu for the opening course.
  • Entree: The entree is the main event of the evening: it can be a favorite sex position, a game, a role-playing scenario, or whatever you want to offer your spouse.
  • Her Dessert: If Sexy Corte wants an orgasm, she always has hers before I have mine. If you’re like us, then the first dessert selection should be tailored to the wife’s orgasmic needs (unless she doesn’t choose to have one). If the wife is creating the menu as a treat for her husband, it can be especially sweet to offer to let him choose how she comes. The menu can include toys, positions, or even orgasmic vocalizations.
  • His Dessert: What better way to end your sexual meal than with the husband’s orgasm? Of course there’s the question of how he wants to come and in what position, but he can also be offered a selection of places to ejaculate: her mouth, vagina, body, butt, or whatever she’s up for offering.

Consider including a Daily Special — this should be something that… well… you aren’t eager to do every day but that is available now for a limited time only.

As for the menu itself, there are a ton of options.

  • Text or email: A wonderful distraction to receive at work.
  • Printed menu: Turn the menu into a craft and create a souvenir for your spouse — and a prop that you can use again in the future.
  • Write on your body: This option might be the most sensual: write the course selections all around your body for your spouse to find and consider.

Wives may also consider “How to Present Your Body to Your Husband For His Admiration” to play up the sexy-server angle. If you’re lucky, your husband might give you more than just a tip!

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Happy New Year! New Years is a time of looking back and looking forward, resembling a cycle of death and rebirth. The old year has come to an end. The new year stretches ahead of us like a field of possibility. A lot of people make resolutions. There is hope for change, for something new, for something better. I think it is the potential that is the most exciting. When God created us with free will He gave us the ability to shape our futures. What an incredible gift! El Fury and I take New Years as an opportunity to discuss the past and future in an effort to enhance the present. We look at the past year and discuss what we are thankful for, what we could improve upon, and what went really great. Then we look forward and discuss our goals, how we want to grow, what we want to do. As you are making your resolutions, make sure to set goals with your spouse. Include some sexy goals!

Have a discussion with your spouse to help you shape what your sexolutions can be:

  • If both of us have the sex life that we dream of, what does that look like?
  • When we look back at the end of 2024 and thinking, we had a great sex life, what were the things that happened to make that true?
  • What did we feel to make that true?
  • What did we do to make that true?
  • What did we avoid to make that true?
  • What are the things we should start? Stop? Continue?
  • What would you be willing to give up this year to have an awesome sex life? Is that time? Alcohol? Sleeping in?
  • What would you be willing to change about yourself? Look inward, specifically about yourself. Don’t ask what the other person could change.

In your discussion, focus on being positive, forward looking. This isn’t the time for the airing of grievances. You are shaping your future with your spouse, make it exciting and joyful.

Here is a list of sexolutions that you can try with your spouse in 2024:

  • Have 1 more orgasm per week than what you are already having. This might require some effort. You might have to get up a little earlier. You might have to muster up the desire. If anything is worth putting effort into, it’s your marriage. You will never regret having an orgasm with your spouse!
  • Introduce novelty into your sex life. Try one of the games on our site. Try having each of you write down 6 ideas and draw them randomly once a month through the year.
  • Date. Go out. Pick a frequency. Once a month, once a week, once a quarter. Ask a babysitter to commit to a regular time.
  • Have sex outside once this year.
  • Have sex in a different room of your house.
  • Have sex at a different time of day.
  • Try a different style of music during sex.
  • At least once this year try something that is outside of your comfort zone.
  • Talk about your sex life with your spouse. Most of the questions we get on our site would be solved with communication. The more you talk about sex with your spouse the easier it gets.

Be specific. Try not to just say ‘have more’ or ‘do less’. If your goals are more specific you are more likely to achieve them. Write them down. Set reminders to check them. We pray that when 2025 begins you can look back on 2024 and be able to confidently say that it was one sexy year.

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Celebrate Christmas by adorning your spouse’s body with sexy and seasonal decorations! In a comment on “The Origin or Spanksgiving” wife Lucy wrote:

I would love more posts about how to play around with spanking as foreplay – specifically, I appreciate how you often present it as a way you’re appreciating your wife’s body and enjoying sensations together; it doesn’t have to be about punishing or embarrassing someone. I get people are into that, but for me I just get excited by the fact my husband especially likes handling that part of my body. I don’t need to play out that this is some kind of discipline to enjoy him being stronger and eager to grab me.

Sexy Corte and I aren’t particularly into “punishment” play, but I sure do like her butt. So this Christmas season I’ve been using markers to decorate her butt with festive drawings and messages such as:

  • Christmas trees, lights, and decorations
  • “Merry Christmas!”
  • “Naughty and nice”
  • “Who wants cookies?”

Here are a few ideas for spicing up your decoration experience:

  • Draw while having sex in doggy style or jockey position.
  • Have the wife guess what was drawn on her butt (or vice versa if the husband was the canvas)
  • Draw long-lasting elements with sharpies, and augment them daily with washable markers. For example, draw a Christmas tree with a sharpie, and then add new ornaments every day with washable colored markers.
  • Keep a tally of your sexual accomplishments, for example: number of orgasms for each spouse, list of positions you’ve done, or a bucket list to check off as you do it.
  • Write out the lyrics to your favorite Christmas carol and sing-along together.
  • Flash the decorations as required to create a festive holiday food.

If you’ve got any other ideas for decorating your bodies for Christmas, share them in the comments!

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The video seems to be targeted at men and the thumbnail says “UNDERWEAR” over the image of a beautiful woman —  so is that visual or mental stimulation?

In A Little Wager we wrote about a bet between me and Sexy Corte, and if I win she has to show me he breasts every time she comes into my office. I look forward to winning the bet and collecting my visual stimulation as payment, but the mere prospect of winning the bet has provided me with months of mental stimulation already.

As for Sexy Corte, my impression is that if she’s not already aroused then she’s most likely to be stimulated through touch.

What about you and your spouse? How are you each most apt to be stimulated?

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Having sexual fantasies about your spouse is great, and sharing your fantasies with each other is a good way to deepen your sexual relationship.

Earlier this week Sexy Corte was on her period and going out with the kids for a playdate with some of their friends. She joked, “I know what you’ll be doing while I’m gone”. An evening with the house to myself?!

Me: “Playing video games.”

Her: “And jerking off.”

She was right, of course, and when she came home she asked about my fantasies.

Me: “Fantasy Sexy Corte is always home with me, and always eager to please!”

Her: “Oh yeah? And what exactly does Fantasy Sexy Corte do, hmmmm?”

Me: “She’s dirty and amenable.”

Now, Sexy Corte is very open minded and agreeable, so this isn’t a knock on her at all. But Fantasy Sexy Corte will give me an hour-long blowjob while I play video games. Sharing these fantasies with Sexy Corte is a fun way to expand our sexual conversation, and every real sex act we do starts in one of our minds as a fantasy.

Your spouse should be the focus of your sexual energy, in “real life” and in your fantasies. Be as open as you can when sharing your fantasies with your spouse, and when your spouse shares with you be sure to listen without judgement or offense.

Do you share your sexual fantasies with your spouse? If so, how do those conversations go?

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My favorite Christmas gift this year was a sexy coupon book from Sexy Corte. The booklet has 27 coupons, including three blanks. One of my goals for 2023 is to use all the coupons before the end of the year!

I used the first coupon last night for a baby oil massage. I’ve never been oiled-up all over my body before, and it was a pretty luxurious feeling. Sexy Corte oiled herself first — which was fun to watch — and then oiled me by rubbing her body all over mine — no hands allowed. When we were both dangerously slippery we had sex and then took a bubble bath together. 10/10 — would recommend.

What makes a coupon book such a great gift?

  • Anticipation. It’s like telling your spouse, “look at all the sexy things I’ve got in store for you!” Every coupon is something fun to look forward to.
  • Potential. The three blank coupons are full of potential! It’s fun just to imagine what I might want to write on there. There are only three coupons, but I can think of 100 things I could write. It’s like I’ve got three wishes from my own sexy genie!
  • Initiative. I love that Sexy Corte took the initiative to give me the coupons, and thereby gave me “permission” to take initiative and use the coupons when I want to. Even without the coupons I could have asked her to do any of these things, but now I feel confident asking for them because she has intentionally given me this power.

You can find dozens of sexy coupon books on Etsy and elsewhere, or you can make your own! If you’re having trouble thinking of ideas, ask your spouse what he or she wants, browse our blog, or use the random sex adventure generator.

(The image for this post is from the SNL skit “Dick in a Box”.)

Have you ever given or received a sexual coupon book? What was your experience with it?

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After I wrote the post Write Your Sexual To-Do List On Your Spouse’s Body Sexy Corte recognized something. She said, “I know how you think. You like to summon me.” She’s right.

Since then, we’ve been playing with this idea a bit. The thought of having Sexy Corte at my beck-and-call really turns me on, but she’s a very busy lady and highly conscientious. She doesn’t want to drop what she’s doing to fool around at my whim.

Here are some things that have worked for us. You can obviously reverse all these tips if the wife is summoning the husband. Remember: this is playful and should be enjoyable for both spouses.

  • Discuss in advance. If I’m interested in playing this game during the day I’ll float it with Sexy Corte in the morning. If she’s in a playful and happy mood, then great; if she has a frantic or frustrating day ahead of her, then nope. You can’t read each others’ minds, so you need to communicate.
  • Set clear expectations. “Come down to my office” is pretty vague. Without some context Sexy Corte might come downstairs to review bills or put away groceries rather than to fool around. “Come to my office and show me your boobs” is more direct and clear.
  • Be flexible. It might be fun to playfully summon your wife immediately, but if your wife is highly conscientious then interrupting her while she’s busy will dampen her libido. Try something like, “Come to my office when you’ve completed your current project” or “Come to my office when you have five minutes to fool around” might work better.
  • Be responsive. When the wife receives the message she should acknowledge it and provide an estimated time of arrival. “Yes sir! I’ll be there in 20 minutes” or “I’m sorry sir, I just got called away. Let’s try tomorrow.” (The “sir” makes the game more fun for me, but do whatever works for you!)

Do you ever summon your spouse for sexy fun? What works for you? Leave a comment and share.

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If you want to make sure to remember your sexy plans, write your to-do list on your spouse’s body!

Last week I texted to ask Sexy Corte to come down to my office so we could talk about our to-do list. She came down eagerly, because she’s extremely conscientious and loves organizing. Then I bent her over my desk, pulled down her panties, and wrote “fuck me harder sir!” on her butt. I didn’t tell her what I’d written, and it turned me on like crazy to know that the first thing she did when she went upstairs was to check herself out in a mirror.

Later that night we made sure to get our to-do list done, and seeing my writing on my wife’s skin during doggy-style was an incredible feeling. Sexy Corte repeated back to me what what I’d written, and a very conscientious and fulfilling time was had by all.

Here are some more ideas for using your spouse’s body as a sexy to-do list. Make sure to use non-toxic markers!

  • Checkboxes for foreplay. Draw five empty squares on your wife’s breasts, above your husband’s manhood, or wherever you’re inclined. Throughout the day take time to lick your spouse and check off a box each time you do.
  • Secret messages. Write a secret message on a part of your spouse’s body that your spouse will struggle to find or read. Quiz your spouse later to to make sure he or she figured it out.
  • Achievements. The wife can draw a line on her husband’s manhood to show how far she can take him into her mouth. You could also write check-marks or timestamps on your spouse’s body each time he or she has an orgasm.
  • Timestamps. Whenever you see any of your spouse’s interesting body parts, write down the current time on the part you see.
  • Places. If you have sex in an unusual place, write the time and place on an (in)appropriate part of your spouse.

Do you have any other ideas for using your spouse’s body as a to-do list? Leave a comment and let us know what you think!

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