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Here’s a daring activity for your next date: bring a vibrator for the wife to use in the passenger seat while the husband is driving. It seems pretty self-explanatory, but here are some ideas to make the most of it.

  • Prepare your sex kit. Bring her favorite vibrator, some lube, and some washcloths to clean up.
  • Dress appropriately. That is, the wife should wear a dress or skirt and either remove her panties when she gets in the car, or simply go without — either way can be very sexy.
  • Put him in the drivers seat. Even though the wife is holding the vibrator, put the husband in charge of controlling how she uses it. Let the husband decide what power level to use, where she places the vibrator and her fingers, and when or if the wife can have an orgasm. If the wife wants something, she can ask … or beg. He can tell her to go faster or slower, how to to use her fingers, or to get right to the edge of orgasm.
  • Put on a show. The husband should be focused on driving safely, and the wife should do her best to put on a show for him — presentation is everything! She should pull up her dress, throw her legs open, and moan his name loudly as she pleasures herself. Ask the husband what he wants to hear — his name, moaning, purring, or her begging to feel him inside her.
  • Private in public. The wife’s head and shoulders will be visible, but her lower body will be hidden and no one will be able to hear her moaning. This makes for an exciting but safe way to explore sex in public.
  • Arriving at her destination. When she’s close and he’s ready, the husband can give his wife permission to orgasm. Maybe the ride out is a just a warm-up, and she doesn’t get to finish until the ride home. Either way, she should make her orgasm part of the show for him — make it long, and loud, and sensual… whatever will drive him wild.
  • Afterwards. Did you just start your date, or are you home? The husband will be pretty aroused by this point, so I hope the wife is ready for it. If you’re home, well, you know what to do. If you’re still out… it’s time to turn the heat up even higher.

If this idea turns on you and your spouse, here are a few other posts that might connect with you:

If you try this yourself, leave us a comment and let us know how it goes.

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Sexy Corte’s favorite foreplay is what we call “comfy position”:  we lie down on our sides, face-to-face, and cuddle with her top leg over my hip while my lubed finger plays with her lady bits. Usually I’m on my left side and she’s on her right side; she rests her head on my left arm and cuddles up against me, and I reach between her legs with my right hand. We use a bunch of lube so my fingers are slick, and then I rub her gently until she wants me to stop.

Comfy position is relaxing and easy on our bodies, so we can do it for as long as Sexy Corte likes. She doesn’t choose to reach orgasm this way, but she finds it hypnotic and relaxing. It’s pretty similar to how I feel when she’s giving me a blowjob, but it’s a lot less work! She could orgasm in this position if we persisted (or used a vibrator) but we seem to use it exclusively for foreplay. We call it “Phase 1” of our usual sex routine.

We’ve written about orgasmic meditation, but it’s not a practice that has really stuck with us. I think comfy position has taken its place as foreplay, and it achieves many of the same goals for Sexy Corte and myself. I enjoy pleasuring her, and she enjoys receiving pleasure in a relaxing, comfortable position.

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There’s nothing more wholesome and heartwarming than hearing from a reader that you’ve helped make a significant improvement in his or her sex life.

I expect most of Stavvy’s World is NSFW, but I figured this was worth sharing. Here is YouTube’s attempt at an auto-generated transcript, lightly edited by me for clarity:

Remember the guest, the man who was in a relationship where he never got his dick sucked by his wife? And you made some comments like, you know, 20-30 seconds is good enough.

I was listening to that episode in the car with my wife and she heard that, and she had an epiphany, like she didn’t realize you could suck a man’s dick for just 20 seconds and it’d be okay, like he doesn’t have to finish.

I’ve been married for 15 years, I’m an old man, this is awesome her hearing that, and she asked me like, does does it actually count if it’s only like 20-30 seconds?

I’m like yeah it counts!

I had the same type of wife who never wanted to suck my dick, and I’ve been married so long I just made peace with it so long ago. But both of us hearing that episode it’s like, man, it’s like every time brother, like hell yes dude, not a time goes by when we have sex that she doesn’t suck my dick now, for even like half a minute, it’s great.

It’s awesome!

The reaction from the hosts is priceless, and we get it — we love hearing from readers who have been blessed by our content, too!

In Level-Up Your Sex Life we wrote about the what husbands and wives write to us about the most:

  • Husbands want more blowjobs
  • Wives want more orgasms

Blowjobs to completion are awesome, but don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good! As Flight of the Conchords taught us, “two minutes in heaven is better than one minute in heaven”.

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Wife “ER” writes:

I noticed that you guys had an episode for husbands on how to navigate the clitoris. Do you have one for penis’s that maybe I’m missing? If you don’t have one, I’d like to see you guys create one for the wives!

Your wish is our command!

Humans have been representing the penis in art for thousands of years. From the Obelisks of Egypt to the Rockets of Jeff Bezos to “unique roman artifacts”, our fascination with the phallus is enduring. For those of us without a rod, or staff, or Johnson, the penis can be a tricky place to navigate.

The balls are a great place to begin with foreplay. Licking the balls all around is like soothing an ache. El Fury describes this as luxurious. Use the tongue for foreplay and your hand for an accessory to aid in orgasm. Cup the balls while he uses his hand, or if you are performing oral.

At the opposite end is the head of the penis. The head is the most sensitive area, so it is important to be gentle and avoid direct hand contact. Treat the head as the playground of the tongue. Swirl, flick, lick — the tongue can do anything to drive the head of the penis crazy. There is a spot on the under-side of the head (ball side) called the frenulum. With enough time and attention a man can orgasm just from extended focus in this area. The head is also a great place to tease when the wife is on top. Allow just the head inside the vagina and see how long it takes before the husband loses control. It’s fun to bounce up and down with the slightest movement, plus it feels great.

Connecting the balls and penis is the shaft. This area seems to be the least sensitive, but craves attention in order to orgasm. During sex or oral, taking the shaft in deep will push him over the edge. In a technique that El Fury calls “Around the World” the wife can start on the head, then take her tongue down the shaft, around the balls and back up the other side. The shaft is where to hold during a hand job.

Similar to the clitoris, the penis can vary from man to man. It’s important to explore together. It means a lot to a husband if the wife loves and appreciates his penis.

Wives, if you have any great tips for navigating a penis please share them in the comments!

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If you’re a man or married to one you’ll probably benefit from this episode of Andrew Huberman’s podcast about Male Sexual Health. Huberman has Dr. Michael Eisenberg as a guest and they discuss the two primary dimensions of male sexual health: fertility and potency. The episode has lots of great… uh, tips… and ideas for what to discuss with your doctor and how to understand the meaning of various tests and procedures.

If you’re a husband, you have a responsibility to take care of your sexual health, both for your own benefit and for the benefit of your wife.. There are a few negative stereotypes that sometimes work against husbands:

  • Men shouldn’t go to the doctor unless it’s an emergency
  • Erectile dysfunction is shameful and shouldn’t be discussed
  • A decline in male sexual health is an inevitable consequence of aging
  • Fertility is primarily a female problem

It’s important for us husbands to overcome these stereotypes so that we can talk with our wives and doctors about our health and then take action to protect and improve our sexual health. The Bible is clear that a husband has a responsibility to satisfy his wife’s conjugal rights:

1 Corinthians 7:2-5

2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Husbands: we’ve got a job to do, and we have to keep our tools primed and ready!

(Note: We wrote in 2014 that the term “conjugal rights” includes a lot more than only sex, so go read that post for a deeper understanding.)

Podcast Notes has a good summary of the male sexual health episode; here are their key takeaways:

  • Obesity is a risk factor for lowering testosterone and sperm quality
    • Fat aromatizes testosterone into estrogen
  • Testosterone and sperm quality are barometers of health in men
  • Taking exogenous testosterone without medical need can dramatically reduce endogenous testosterone and sperm count & quality
  • Semen quality doesn’t just relate to fertility – it’s an excellent marker for overall men’s health
    • Men with higher semen tend to live longer, go to the doctor less, and have lower rates of cancer
  • Less than 10% of erectile dysfunction is due to a hormonal issue (e.g., low testosterone); most are related to restricted blood flow and could be a foreshadowing of cardiovascular health
    • The first path of treatment (if all else is healthy, not obese, not smoking, etc.) is oral therapy like Viagra or Cialis
  • Don’t assume sperm is healthy just because you ejaculate – about 50% of men have low semen quality
  • To improve sperm quality: avoid heat (sauna, hot tub), don’t smoke, use alcohol in moderation (or avoid it altogether), avoid drugs (especially benzodiazepines and opioids), use marijuana minimally, stay active and at a healthy weight

If reading this post has made you discouraged, don’t be! We don’t have to be perfect, we just have to work towards the best possible version of ourselves. Each of us can take small steps towards improved sexual health, and over time we can maintain and increase our well-being.

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The video seems to be targeted at men and the thumbnail says “UNDERWEAR” over the image of a beautiful woman —  so is that visual or mental stimulation?

In A Little Wager we wrote about a bet between me and Sexy Corte, and if I win she has to show me he breasts every time she comes into my office. I look forward to winning the bet and collecting my visual stimulation as payment, but the mere prospect of winning the bet has provided me with months of mental stimulation already.

As for Sexy Corte, my impression is that if she’s not already aroused then she’s most likely to be stimulated through touch.

What about you and your spouse? How are you each most apt to be stimulated?

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Here are a couple of emails from wives whose husbands “only want anal”.

Wife “ZE” write:

My husband and I have had a difficult marriage of nearly 12 years, but sex has been something we can always come back to, leaning on the openness and intimacy it fosters. A couple years ago we tried anal, and although very uncomfortable and usually painful for me, we kept trying every couple months to try to get it to be enjoyable for me. I enjoyed it once or twice (with alcohol involved) but now that we do not drink alcohol it’s uncomfortable and painful to me, even with a lot of prep and lube.

I got so frustrated with the pressure to have anal sex that I made him promise not to even ask for it because I just don’t like it. Of course now that it’s taboo he wants it even more. His promise only lasted a few months. Sometimes he goes for days unable to orgasm any other way because he keeps thinking about anal. He is unable to orgasm on his own since we’ve been married, and if he has a biological need (very painful, swollen testicles) I need to be involved in some way. He does not like porn because it feels like cheating to him (which is just fine with me!). Recently, we tried again, and I didn’t even say i didn’t want to because I know he will keep asking and be likely unable to orgasm without it, but it hurts and i don’t like it and I just want to never feel pressured to do it again. Our formerly awesome glue of a sex life is coming undone. What can we do?

This seems like a difficult situation. I think frank, direct communication is best. Anal hurts you, and you need to explore other ways. It seems likely that with communication and experimentation that the two of you will be able to find other sexual activities that he enjoys. It seems unlikely that he will not be able to find another sexual activity that can bring him to orgasm. Are there other seemingly “taboo” things that the two of you can explore together?

If he is unable to move past this, it sounds like there could be a mental block; you should encourage him to speak to a therapist that can advise him on overcoming this situation. Sex is as much mental as it is physical.

Encourage your husband that you want to have a great sex life with him — you aren’t rejecting him, it’s just not physically safe for you to engage in this activity anymore.

El Fury adds: My opinion is that it’s not beneficial to pressure your spouse, whether that’s pressure to have anal sex or pressure to “promise you’ll never do that again”. I suggest taking life one day at a time. Use wisdom and prudence to let a “no” stand for a while before asking again.

Wife “DN” writes:

I found this site because I was looking up Christian sex counseling. To say this was a God-thing is an understatement!

A little background: My husband and I have been married for 22 years and have five children. [snip a lot of details about family history and chaos]

All that to say, I’m lost in despair. We’ve discussed the same things more or less for 22 years. It started with expectant touching. I didn’t get touched unless it was to communicate desire. My touches were read as desire nearly 100% of the time. So less than 6 months into our marriage, I was not showing much affection and was annoyed with his. You can imagine how that has progressed over two decades and five kids.

We still have sex. Often. 2-3 times a week on average. Because I love him and still want to commune with him and vice versa. But often that’s not enough for him, and penis-in-vagina sex is no longer enough. He wants anal when I’m still super uncomfortable with just talking dirty. And he wants to finish in my mouth when he knows my texture issues. It is becoming a problem to the point that he has to fantasize about either one to finish… and that’s not even enough anymore. At this point I’m afraid to even try either act, because I’m afraid he might like it too much and then want to do it every time. I almost never used to give him oral due to a large amount of discomfort for me, but have figured out ways around it. He is very appreciative… and wants it EVERY time. It is still not my favorite thing to do. Plain, vanilla sex is often all I feel up for. But if it’s not more than that, he has an especially hard time popping off. I’m not trying to be a gatekeeper. But that’s exactly what I’ve become.

Communication is so important, especially about sex. Have some conversations — what is your husband’s ideal sex life? What is yours? How often would it be ideal to have sex? You can compromise to make sure you are both satisfied. It’s ok to communicate to set expectations. If you are trying something new that you are uncomfortable with, let him know that you are willing to do this once in a while but you don’t want to do it all of the time. Then establish how often you would be comfortable. You can even communicate about physical touch. Tell him that sometimes you just want a hug, or to touch him, without it being interpreted sexually. Non-sexual physical touch is really important for intimacy.

Like the husband of “ZE” above, it sounds like your husband has a bit of a mental block that he needs to work around. Practicing regular penis-in-vagina sex will hopefully build back up his ability to finish. Spend some time yourself looking for new “taboo” activities that you might enjoy and suggest them to your husband! There are so many things to do that you can mutually enjoy, and your husband just might be surprised at what you’re willing to try. Discuss things that excite you both instead of getting fixated on things that are uncomfortable for you.

El Fury adds: Lots of husbands want to have anal sex, and lots of wives are hesitant or uncomfortable. Here’s an an earlier post about anal sex that goes into more detail: Sex Q&A: “What is your view on anal sex?”. From the emails we receive, many wives are afraid that if they have anal sex once then that’s all their husbands will ever want — and the emails we respond to in this post show that some husbands actually do feel that way! However, if you want to enjoy sexual exploration in your marriage then both spouses need to be both open and practical. There has to be room to try new things, and also a recognition that some activities are only for once-in-a-while.
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Husband “TN” writes:

I was recently introduced to your podcast and love what you and your husband are doing. It’s needed in the Christian space and I believe it will really help married couples unlock new desires and pleasures.

My wife and I have been married for 16 years and have been pretty good about staying intimate. But over the years and having kids I’ve noticed it gets harder. Our kids want to sleep with us at times and it distracts us from having that alone time.

My wife and I recently had a breakthrough while revisiting our love languages. We did them years back, and we were surprised to see that they had changed a little. Both of us now feel increased desire for physical touch.

We have also been exploring new things in bed. My wife has been experimenting with touching herself, and this as opened new doors of pleasure for us.

We want to keep unlocking new experiences in this area but we’re not sure what to try as far as lubes, vibrator, etc. Anyway I feel weird reaching out, but I want to take our sex to a new level and give my wife orgasms in the way that’s best pleasing to her, so I’m doing my homework.

That’s wonderful you are exploring new things together!

First, let’s talk about lube. Lube has been a wonderful thing in our sex life! If we’re doing oral, we usually do that before using lube so that we don’t have to taste it (you can buy flavored lube, but we don’t). Your saliva should be enough lubricant that you don’t need additional lube. We use lube when El Fury plays with my lady bits with his hand. Sometimes we need a little more before penetration, and sometimes not. If you’re playing with your wife with your hand you can usually tell if more is needed, but don’t be afraid to ask her how she’s feeling.

We typically buy simple generic water-based jelly lube from and it gets the job done for less than $5 per bottle. Water-based lube is cheap and easy to clean up. We even keep some in our vehicles… just in case.

Second: vibrators. Vibrators can vary a lot, and we own a bunch of them. Our go-to favorite is the egg vibrator, but you’ll have to experiment to find out what your wife likes best. Every woman is different, so play around and explore. If your wife as never used one before, start low and slow — and use plenty of lube. Enjoy the exploration together, and discover how the vibrator can be used to increase your intimacy.

El Fury adds: In addition to lube and vibrators, there are probably many ways that you can incorporate your wife touching herself into your sex life. Have her put on a show for you while you touch yourself. As she gets proficient, you can go hands-free in any position.

Leave a comment and tell us how you discovered the wonders of lube and vibrators in your sex life!

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Sexy Corte and I had been alternating sick for several weeks and hadn’t been kissing, and it’s crazy how much I missed it! We were still having sex, but missing out on kissing was affecting me more than I realized. I think we’re over the hump now, and we need to rebuild the habit of frequent kissing.

We’ve written several posts about how to maintain intimacy while sick, but if you’re concerned about contagion it’s pretty hard to keep kissing!

Maybe kissing is like vanilla sex: it seems routine, but is much more important for your relationship that you may realize.

Go kiss your spouse!

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We get this question from readers a lot, so here are a few techniques for delaying the husband’s orgasm. Every man is different, so what works for one may not work for another. These ideas are also no substitute for talking with your doctor if you think you may have a medical issue.

  • Have an orgasm earlier in the day. Enlist your wife’s help in the morning so that you can last longer in the evening for her benefit.
  • Shallower penetration. In general, the the more surface area of your penis is being stimulated the faster you’ll climax. Control depth to control orgasm. Focusing on just the head of the penis will maintain stimulation but probably make it much harder to climax.
  • Reduce visual stimulation. Men tend to be visual creatures. The more you can see of your wife and the actual penetration the harder it will be to delay orgasm. Same goes for auditory stimulation. Reduce these stimulants to avoid going over the edge.
  • Switch to a different position. Changing positions can be enough to slow things down and give you a chance to back off from your orgasm. If you need to, switch to a less comfortable position (for you) — for example, if you’re used to lying down, try a standing or kneeling position instead. (Assuming you want your wife to climax first, keep her comfy!)
  • Gently tug on the balls. The husband or wife can wrap a hand around the husband’s balls and gently pull them away from his body. Depending on your position his balls can be hard to reach, but this works well in positions other than face-to-face, like doggy style and oral.
  • Think unsexy thoughts. This doesn’t work very well for me, but it seems like the #1 suggestion from others.
  • Train yourself to be aroused by your wife’s orgasms. I’m not exactly sure how I’ve accomplished this… I’ll need to think about it and write another blog post. I can hold off my orgasm for a long time until Sexy Corte has hers — and then I fall off the cliff. I think I’ve conditioned myself to have an orgasm in response to hers.

Do you have any other tips for delaying the husband’s orgasm? Leave a comment and share your wisdom.

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