Lingerie Fashion Show and Role-Playing 1

We’ve had house-guests for several days and my wife Sexy Corte has been working hard to host them; I took them to the airport very early this morning, and Sexy Corte told me that if I could do it without waking her up she’d do something “special” for me — how could I refuse an offer like that? Thusly motivated, I got our guests to the airport, sent a kid off to school, and then slipped back into bed to cuddle Sexy Corte like a ninja.

So here’s what I’m planning for our special event: a lingerie fashion show! Here are some ideas for how you can do this yourselves. The role-playing elements are optional!

This activity will require some preparation:

  • Pick a time that the wife is feeling sexy and confident with her body. This probably isn’t the best activity for right after a big meal or when recovering from an illness. You can track her cycle and plan for an evening when she’s near ovulation and likely to be at peak arousal.
  • The wife should select three to five outfits to try on. These can be lingerie, or anything she feels sexy in. The husband can pick some clothes for her also if he’s confident in what she’ll like! The husband should lay out the clothing before the activity begins so it’s ready to use.
  • The husband should wear something the wife likes him in, which for us means I’ll wear a suit or sports coat.
  • Prepare the space with low light, thumpy music, and a chair for the husband.
  • Gather whatever lube, vibrators, washcloths, and other toys you’ll need.

Scenario:

  • The wife is a lingerie Model.
  • The husband is a fashion show Director, photographer, lingerie purchaser, or some other role that leads him to direct the attire and behavior of the model.
  • The core activity of the scenario is the Model trying on various outfits while the Director watches and directs her.
  • The Director and Model can tease and stimulate each other during the show, and have sex when they just hold off any longer!

Here are some things the Model can do or say:

  • The Model’s attitude can be played in many different ways depending on your inclination. You can be shy, confident, desperate for work, eager to make a sale, chaste, or less-then-chaste.
  • Even if you’re playing shy, the Model should show off her body for the Director. You’re trying to get the job or make the sale, so you should proactively display yourself and your lingerie. Invite him to “try out” the lingerie while you’re wearing it by touching your body and teasing you.
  • Take your time getting dressed and undressed. You’ll be changing clothes several times, so have fun with it.
  • “What do you want me to try on first?”
  • “Can you help me take this off?” / “Can you help me put this on?”
  • “Do you like how I look from behind?” / “from the front?”
  • “How do you want me to stand?” / “Do you want me to kneel down?” / “Do you want me to bend over?”
  • “Do you want a closer look?”
  • Let go of your inhibitions! No one has a perfect body, but your husband thinks you’re beautiful — that’s why he wants you to model lingerie for him!

Here are some things the Director can do or say:

  • The Director’s attitude should be confident. Know what you want. Are you evaluating the Model before offering a job, or considering which lingerie to buy, or something else? Be goal-oriented and direct the Model in a way that helps you make your decision.
  • Stay fully clothed for most of the scenario, until it’s necessary for you to remove something “for testing purposes”. For example, you may need to remove your pants in order to test how accessible the Model’s body is in the lingerie.
  • “Beautiful”, “perfect”, “lovely”, “magnificent”, “graceful” — praise the Model’s beauty and physical performance. Say these things frequently throughout the show, and never be critical or demeaning. The Model is making herself physically and visually vulnerable, so be sure to praise and affirm her.
  • “Stand up”, “sit down”, “kneel”, “lie down” — tell the Model how to position her body.
  • Use your hands on the Model to position her exactly how you want. Explore her body while you’re “evaluating” each outfit.
  • Tell the Model when to change clothes.
  • “Spread your legs”, “bend over”, “get on all fours”, “arch your back” — put the Model into sexually revealing positions, with or without clothes. You’ve got to get a good look at this lingerie from every angle!

When you can’t stand the sexiness anymore, have sex! Talk about your favorite parts of the activity, and stay positive. What did you especially enjoy? Was there anything you wouldn’t choose to do again?

If you like this idea, here are a few related posts that you might enjoy:

Leave a comment and let us know how you make the most of your lingerie!

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Escape the "Friend Zone" in Your Marriage 2

We get a lot of emails from married individuals and couples who get along with each other just fine, but don’t have the awesome sex life they long for. What can you do if your marriage has entered the dreaded “friend zone”?

This video from Charlie Houpert at Charisma on Command is primarily focused on single people who are trying to escape the friend zone with a person they’re attracted to, but the principles in the video are also applicable inside a marriage. The main difference for married couples is, of course, that “just move on” isn’t an option — but on the plus side, it’s very likely that the couple already has some level of mutual attraction!

After the video I will offer some thoughts on each of the main points.

Point 1: Take responsibility — you put yourself in the friend zone when you aren’t transparent with your feelings.

This point is really the most important and we’ve written it before: be specific and explicit about what you want. Your spouse can’t read your mind, and you can’t read theirs. You have to use actual words to express your desires. If you don’t say what you want, your spouse is very likely to think that you are satisfied and everything is great. Or maybe your spouse has unspoken desires too!

Point 2: The most reliable way to escape the friend zone is to focus on bettering yourself.

Rather than begging for more attention, make yourself more attractive. We’ve written posts like:

In addition to the things above, if you want more and better sex then you should invest time into making sex with you more fun for your spouse: enthusiasm and responsiveness can go a long way. (Yes, your spouse can and should work to make sex more fun for you also, but that’s less under your control.)

Point 3: Steady your nerves so you can be transparent with as much confidence as possible.

You’ve got to be bold! Pray. Be humble. Be direct.

Point 3a: Clearly imagine the worst case scenario of “going for it”.

What’s the worst that can happen? Most likely the worst outcome is that your spouse will be uninterested or noncommittal, either towards your specific request or your general desire for a closer sexual relationship. That would be disappointing, but at least you’d know where you stand.

The biggest fear is that your spouse will react with contempt, disgust, or rejection. Ouch. But you can probably set up the conversation in a way to avoid that reaction, which we describe in How To Talk With Your Spouse About Sex. In What Does Your Spouse REALLY Want Sexually? we write about the importance of “saying yes” and being open to your spouse’s requests, which is critical if you’re the spouse who is being approached.

Point 3b: Spell out what “not going for it” is costing you.

Sometimes we’re afraid of saying something, but we lose sight of the fact that saying nothing also has consequences. Do you want to live out the rest of your life wishing that you had said something decades ago? We have received emails from couples who have been married for 30+ years and are only now learning how to communicate about sex and build the awesome sex life God intends for them. They could have been having great sex that whole time, but they didn’t go for it.

Don’t let time slip away.

Point 3c: Avoiding rejection actually lowers your self-esteem, whereas facing your fear increases your self-esteem.

You can praise God and feel good about yourself no matter how the conversation goes. When you act in faith, your faith grows. Each time you talk with your spouse about sex it gets easier and more comfortable.

Point 4: Reveal your feelings without being needy.

This is about how you close out the conversation.

“I love you, and I want to have a great sex life with you. I will do what it takes to be a great lover and to bring you pleasure. Let’s take our sex life to the next level together. What do you say?”

And then just listen and accept the response you get. If your spouse is on board, then awesome! If your spouse is hesitant, then reaffirm your love and keep working on yourself. If your spouse rejects you, bring your tears to God.

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What Does Your Spouse REALLY Want Sexually? 3

When your spouse asks what you want sexually, do you give a safe answer because you aren’t sure how he or she will respond to the full truth? Paul Byerly writes this with regards to husbands specifically, but the same is true for wives.

In my post a couple of weeks ago, I said, “Ask him what he wants you to do for him sexually. Then when he’s told you, ask him what he really wants.”

The safe answer isn’t a lie, but it isn’t the full truth. The safe answer is in line with your spouse’s expectations — it won’t surprise your spouse, and it won’t rock the boat. The safe answer says that everything is “pretty good”, and maybe I’d like 10% more oral sex.

Why are husbands reluctant to go beyond the safe answer?

Most decent guys are concerned they are oversexed perverts. Of they fear their wife would see them as such if they knew what he really wants. So if she asks, he gives her the mildest stuff and sees how she reacts. If he sees or thinks he sees any non-positive reaction, he’s done. He will make a point of never asking for anything more than that. The other thing that will shut him down is not doing what he mentioned in the next month or so.

A husband wants to be respected and accepted, and going beyond the safe answer risks judgement and rejection from the person he loves and needs most in the world.

What about wives? There are always exceptions, but typically wives aren’t worried about being rejected for being too “crazy”. We’d love to hear from readers on this, but Paul writes that some wives are reluctant to ask for reliable orgasms.

A lot of women sell themselves short here. For example “I don’t need to come every time” is true for some, but some who say that would really, really like to orgasm at least 99% of the times they have sex. Or maybe when she was young not climaxing every time was okay, but it’s been a problem for more than a decade and she doesn’t know how to ask for a change.

You need to put in some patient, trusting effort to get past the safe answer. It will take time for you both to open up and share at a deeper level. Sexy Corte and I talked about Harnessing Your Sexual Fantasies in a recent podcast episode, so listen there for some tips on having this conversation.

If you want to know his deepest sexual desires, you’ll have to coax it out of him a bit at a time. Besides his fear, odds are he really doesn’t know what he wants. He never expects to get it, so thinking about it just makes him unhappy. Other guys could give a long list of things they want to try, and the reality is they would cross many things off the list after trying them once or twice. It’s hard to know if you will enjoy something until you try it.

It’s not uncommon to try something new and discover that it wasn’t as fun as you expected. Frankly, 95% of the sex positions you’ll find online are like that. It’s ok to try something new and then set it aside. Maybe you’ll try again later, or maybe neither of you will feel like doing it again. Sexy Corte and I felt this way about me ejaculating on her face and body. Some people really enjoy that, but for us it was unfulfilling.

If you want to thrill him and give him all the things he didn’t even know he wanted, you can. Just keep asking what he wants. Show him you won’t freak out and he will open up a bit more. Do some of what he talks about, and he will open up even more. If he brings up something you don’t think you want to do, tell him you’re not up to that right now, and ask him to suggest a couple of other things.

Assuming the request is within the boundaries God has set, if at all possible, say “yes” with enthusiasm — this alone will level-up your sex life. Saying “yes” should be a no-brainer for husbands: if your wife wants more orgasms then hop to it! For wives with … creative … husbands it might be more intimidating to say yes to everything, but here are a couple of ideas that can make it easier.

  • “I’ll do my best, but we might need to shift gears if it isn’t working.” Sex can be difficult, so you should both be free change things if it isn’t working in the moment. Commit to try your best even if you aren’t sure you can succeed.
  • “I’ll be happy to do this once in a while, but I’d rather not do it every time.” Some sexual activities are best in moderation, and not appealing for every sexual encounter. Offer a frequency — say, once a month — and be enthusiastic when the time comes.
  • “I don’t think I can do that right now, but how about next week?” Maybe the mood, time, or energy level just isn’t suitable right now, but you’re willing to psyche yourself up and prepare for this activity a bit later.
  • “I’m not comfortable with that right now, but you can ask me again in three months.” This answer isn’t great, but you can use it if you’re really unsure or uncomfortable with the request but don’t want to close the door completely. Give your spouse an opportunity to ask again, and look for a way to say yes.

The spouse doing the asking must show love, consideration, and restraint. Nagging and pestering aren’t attractive or effective for building up your sex life. If you don’t get a “yes” try not to withdraw from your spouse or the conversation. It’s good to be direct and honest, even if you don’t get what you want. Take your request to God and see how he answers. If you do feel moved to ask your spouse again, consider waiting several months and take a simple “yes” or “no” without turning the request into an interrogation.

Do you know what your spouse really wants? How did you find out? Let us know in the comments!

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How can you harness your sexual fantasies to strengthen intimacy in your marriage? This episode is a dialogue between El Fury and Sexy Corte.

If this podcast is a blessing to you, please leave us a 5-star review on iTunes or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Sexual Novelty: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/tag/novelty/

Sex Games: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/category/sex-games/

Sexual Role-Playing: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/tag/role-playing/

The Importance of Enthusiasm: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/mental-techniques/the-importance-of-enthusiasm/

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Perfect Example of Trying Again 4

This post is a follow-up to conversation we had with wife “LT” about the struggles she and her husband were having with doggy style. LT was very open about their challenges, and several of our readers shared their experiences and guidance in the comments to the earlier post. You can go read the first exchange at the link above, but to refresh your memory LT started her email with:

Hey, I’m struggling with something and I hope you can offer me some advice. My husband and I have been married for over 10 years. Two weeks ago we finally tried having sex in the doggy style position. I had an open mind, but I absolutely hated it.

To their great credit LT and her husband decided to try doggy style again; here’s how it went.

Thank you once again for all your help. You and your husband have been very kind. I’ve read and reread your advice and all the comments, and my husband and I decided to try again. We’ve spoken about it, and I explained, to the best of my ability, how it made me feel. I told him that it is really difficult for me and that I need him go very slowly, and I need him to hold my hand during it.

So, we decided to try it again. We did for a few minutes, but at some point in time, it began to feel too intense. The feelings of vulnerability were too intense. Everything was just too intense. My husband was lovely, he was going very slowly and held my hand in his the entire time. He also would ask me how I am doing all the time. It was very sweet. I was really trying to let the feelings pass, and really tried to enjoy the new sensations. I wanted to enjoy it. I wanted to do it for my husband, and I wanted to do it for myself. But, at some point in time I just broke into tears right there in bed with us still “doing it”. I do not know what it was, but I was just completely overcome with emotion. I cannot remember the last time I was that emotional, but it resonated through my entire body. I just sobbed. I was just so embarrassed. My poor husband was trying his hardest to console me, but it was just pouring out of me.

After, I guess, about an hour of this, we finally made love “normally” face-to-face and it was perfect. I really enjoyed it. I thank you and all the readers for their advice, it was very helpful and insightful. But, I feel that I just really need more intimacy when we make love and I just cannot picture myself ever enjoying sex in that position.

P.S., Feel free to share on the blog if you feel like it would help the discussion. Sorry that I was not a success story.

Let’s begin with the postscript: we think this experience was a great success! Let’s count the ways.

  • They communicated openly and honestly. It’s hard to have difficult conversations with your spouse about sex. LT was very specific about how she felt and what she needed, and her husband was receptive to her needs. We get zillions of emails from people who are so embarrassed to talk directly with their spouse about sex that they spend decades wishing without ever asking. Good conversations about sex increase intimacy and improve your sexual experiences with your spouse.
  • They tried again. It’s easy to give up when things get difficult. It’s easy to evade and avoid. It’s easy to not talk about it. It’s easy to do what’s comfortable and safe. It’s easy to try once and quit. LT and her husband overcame all these excuses and put their best effort into trying again, and that’s a success.
  • They shared emotional intimacy. Both LT and her husband were willing to be extremely vulnerable with each other. It’s really beautiful to read about their emotional intimacy from LT’s perspective, and it’s obvious that they’re willing to share the depths of their souls with each other. Emotional intimacy is often deepened most by sharing difficult experiences, and demonstrating vulnerability and trust is a big success.
  • They finished strong after the frustration. Even after the emotionally draining attempt with doggy style LT and her husband stuck together and made a “perfect” intimate experience. It can be hard to maintain or restart a sexual encounter when it gets disrupted, especially by perceived “failure”, but LT and her husband put in the work to finish strong and end with a success.

LT’s story is a perfect example of trying again. LT and her husband put their best effort into trying doggy style, and even though the attempt didn’t go as planned they were successful in several ways that are more important than merely “accomplishing” a specific sexual position.

Near the end of her email LT writes, “I just cannot picture myself ever enjoying sex in that position.” Is she right? Should they try again again? LT and her husband gave doggy style their best effort and LT didn’t enjoy it, so it’s reasonable for them to think that it’s time to move on. There’s no need to burn yourself out (or your spouse) by repeating the same frustrations over and over. After you “try, try again” and give some sexual activity your best effort, give yourself (and your spouse) permission to let it go…

… for now. No one knows what the future will bring. People change. Give it a few months, or a year, and try again with an open mind. You never know — you might surprise yourself!

What’s your experience with trying again? Are there any sexual activities that you have a hard time with? Have you had any great experiences trying again? Please share with us in the comments!

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Sex Q&A: Wife on Doggy Style: "I felt too exposed and vulnerable" 5

The doggy style position occupies a prominent place in our mental landscape and carries a lot of different connotations, both positive and negative. Wife “LT” wrote to us about her mental, emotional, and physical struggle with the position and agreed to let us share her emails in the hope that this discussion will be helpful and that other women would offer their perspective on doggy style as well.

Wife LT began:

Hey, I’m struggling with something and I hope you can offer me some advice. My husband and I have been married for over 10 years. Two weeks ago we finally tried having sex in the doggy style position. I had an open mind, but I absolutely hated it.

Firstly, I hated the lack of eye-contact. Not being able to see or kiss my husband made me feel very insecure. I tried looking back at him as much as I could, but it was physically awkward turning my head. I also felt that the position was too submissive. I felt too exposed and vulnerable. I had no control. My husband and I have a very equal relationship, and being so submissive felt wrong to me. I really missed the intimacy and closeness of the missionary position. I just did not feel loved. As we were doing it, all I could think about was how much I wanted for my husband to just tell me that he loves me and for him to kiss me. At some point I even reached out and held my husband’s hand as I was craving some sort of a connection. I held his hand the entire time until he had orgasmed. Being able to hold his hand during it made it slightly more bearable.

When my husband finished, I went straight to the bathroom and cried. Now I regret ever doing it, and I never want to feel like that again. I guess my question is whether what I am feeling makes sense, and how do I tell my husband about this as he seemed to have enjoyed it. Thank you so much.

I wrote back:

I understand your struggle with this position. It’s a position that in certain contexts can indicate a level of inferiority. You feel like it lacks intimacy and puts you in a role that you feel like you aren’t being respected by your husband. I hope my thoughts can help you see doggy style in a different way and encourage you to communicate your thoughts to your husband.

First, I would focus on the truth that you know about your husband rather than project speculative thoughts onto him. In general, do you feel like you have a close, intimate relationship with your husband? Do you feel like your husband holds you in high regard and respects you? If both of those are true, then you have no reason to fear that doing this position will make your husband think less of you or your relationship. For El Fury, the angle of this position allows him to connect with me in a different way because he can push deeper inside of me. It’s different from other positions. Because of that, it feels incredible to him. For me, if I am highly aroused, it feels great to me as well for that same reason, he touches a part of me that he otherwise wouldn’t reach. With that said, we usually only do doggy style after I orgasm. If we start with it, I’m usually not aroused enough and it can be painful.  I tell you that because I’m thinking it will help you to understand why your husband might like that position.

For the vulnerability aspect, submission doesn’t have to mean it’s demeaning. Vulnerability is an indication of trust, which can be incredibly intimate. When El Fury and I try new things, I know that I can trust him not to go too far, or lose control, or do anything that would hurt me. Knowing that is very meaningful to me. I think from his end, knowing that I trust him with those things is meaningful to him as well!

I think it would be great for you to talk to your husband. Ask him questions, find out what he liked about it. Tell him your concerns and make a plan together on if you will incorporate this position into your sex lives in the future. In my own marriage, this position is like an accent position, and done with the right intent can feel pretty great. I hope this helps! I prayed for you that you would be able to have a good conversation with your husband about this.

LT replied:

Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful reply. I think I see what you mean by how the shared vulnerability can be meaningful. You are also 100% correct that I do need to talk to my husband about it. I guess at this point I am still struggling to process my own thoughts and feelings. As I’ve said in my initial letter, it just felt awful to me. I felt violated. My husband and I are indeed in a good loving relationship, so I am not sure why my emotions were so strong. In fact, it felt a little better when I could hold my husband’s hand during it. I was craving more of my husband (not less).  I would be happy for you to share my post on your blog if it means that perhaps I could get some more feedback from other readers.

I may need some time to make sense of this.

It can take time and prayer to process complex thoughts and emotions, so give yourself that space. Hopefully your husband will be gracious and eager to learn more about you!

El Fury adds:

LT: Good for you and your husband for experimenting! It sounds like you have a solid sex life together, which is something to be thankful for. I’ll jump on the end of this post to offer a husband’s perspective. Every man is different, so take my views with a grain of salt and be sure to talk to your own husband to get his perspective.

First, yes, doggy style feels physically great! The position lends itself to deeper penetration and greater tightness than positions where the wife’s legs are spread open. Doggy style also gives the husband a wide range of motion, a beautiful view, and lots of fun things to do with his hands. These are all pretty obvious reasons why a husband is likely to enjoy doggy style.

Second, it’s worth exploring the emotional and relational elements of doggy style. I want to highlight a portion of what LT wrote:

I also felt that the position was too submissive. I felt too exposed and vulnerable. I had no control. My husband and I have a very equal relationship, and being so submissive felt wrong to me.

For a husband it is extremely arousing to receive willing sexual vulnerability and submission from his wife. Men love feeling dominant and powerful, and it’s emotionally arousing when your wife trusts you enough to submit to you sexually. The wife being “exposed and vulnerable” is one of the best parts of doggy style; if you can embrace this emotional facet of your sex life it can lead to incredible intimacy. Many a husband fantasizes of commanding his wife to “bend over” or “get down on your knees” and receiving eager, enthusiastic submission.

LT: Bluntly, your husband may have liked doggy style for the exact same reason that it made you uncomfortable. This doesn’t mean your husband doesn’t love and respect you — I’m sure he does. But he also wants to go beast mode and *blank* you like an animal sometimes. Both things can be true at once.

After an emotionally intense sexual encounter it’s important to kiss and cuddle and reinforce the gentler elements of the relationship, and I think this was missing from your foray into doggy style. Before you try it again, make sure you tell your husband how intense it will be for you and help him understand the support you’ll want from him before, during, and after. This conversation might make your husband reluctant to try doggy style again for fear of making you uncomfortable, so you might need to verbally or physically reassure him that you’re serious about it, that you trust him and want to be vulnerable. Create an opportunity for your husband to be dominant and give him permission to take it.

If you want to read more about why sexual submission and vulnerability from the wife is arousing to her husband, check out these posts:

Readers, especially wives, what do you think about doggy style? Is it emotionally intense for you? Does vulnerability help create intimacy? Leave a comment and let us know.

Update: Make sure to check out the conclusion to this story in the post, Perfect Example of Trying Again.

Please use the contact pages for Sexy Corte and El Fury to send us your questions. We will never reveal your name or any other identifying information.

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Role-Playing: Photographer and Model 6

Photographer-and-Model is a fun role-playing scenario that can help facilitate sexual communication and vulnerability. You can probably figure out the basics yourself: one spouse plays a Photographer, and the other plays a Model who is being photographed. This post is going to assume that the husband is the photographer and the wife is the model, but feel free to switch roles.

(If you haven’t read the how to do sexual role-playing post yet you might want to start there. Don’t worry… it’s normal to feel a little silly and awkward at first!)

Photographer-and-Model is fun for several reasons:

  • Photographer leads, Model follows. It’s the Photographer’s responsibility to lead the session and tell the Model how to act and pose, and it’s the Model’s job to follow direction. Having clearly defined roles can create space for each spouse to exercise his or her creativity without being overrun by the other.
  • Clearly communicated desires. The Photographer has permission within the scene to directly state his desires for the Model. This is a great opportunity for a spouse who has difficulty expressing his desires out of shyness, or for fear of judgement or rejection. The Photographer should be bold and clear, and should have confidence in the Model’s support and obedience.
  • Uninhibited physical exhibition. The Model has the opportunity to flaunt her body at the Photographer’s direction. For a spouse who is shy or reluctant to show off her body, this is a chance to set her inhibitions aside and receive praise and admiration from her spouse for her beauty and grace.

Getting started is easy!

  1. Camera: Will you use a real camera, or just a prop? If you’re using a real camera, make sure you both agree on what will happen to the pictures later — delete, save, print-and-delete, or something else.
  2. Outfits: Pick out some costumes or outfits for the Model to wear during the photo shoot. We assume the Model will be getting naked eventually, but she doesn’t have to start that way.
  3. Location and props: Your bedroom or home is probably the easiest location for a nude photo shoot, but more power to you if you can find another option! Either way, get all your props and sets ready before you get started.
  4. Tone: What’s the tone of the role-playing? Is the Model reluctant to get naked or perform sex acts on camera? Or does she already know this is a nude photo shoot? Is she being paid to perform? Does she need to be talked into it? Or maybe the Model wants to take things farther than the Photographer does!

Here are some things the Photographer can do and say:

  • You’re a brilliant artist and the Model is your canvas.
  • Speak in statements, not questions. Don’t ask the Model to do things — tell her what to do, how to pose, what to wear, and what mood or expression you want from her.
  • Make sure to use a real physical object as a prop camera, even if you aren’t taking real pictures. The prop can make you feel bolder and more official if you’re feeling shy or hesitant, and it can even give you some psychological “protection” when you hide behind it. Don’t underestimate the value of props!
  • Stay fully clothed for most of the role-playing, until it’s time for the Model to perform a sex act on you. Being clothed will create some psychological distance between you and the Model and heighten the sexual tension.
  • “Beautiful”, “perfect”, “lovely”, “magnificent”, “graceful” — praise the Model’s beauty and physical performance. Say these things frequently throughout the shoot, and never be critical or demeaning. The Model is making herself physically and visually vulnerable, so be sure to praise and affirm her.
  • “Stand up”, “sit down”, “kneel”, “lie down” — tell the Model how to position her body.
  • “Look at me”, “look away”, “look over there” — tell the Model how to position her head and face.
  • “Freeze”, “hold still” — have the Model hold still while you take pictures.
  • “Be happy”, “be shy”, “be surprised”, “be embarrassed”, “be excited”, “be sexy” — tell the Model what attitude or expression you want from her.
  • Use your hands on the Model to position her exactly how you want.
  • Tell the Model when to change outfits. (If you want to push her role-playing, tell her to change back and forth and see how obedient she can be without complaining.)
  • “Take off your top”, “take off your bra”, “take off your dress”, “take off your panties” — push the Model towards nakedness, but it doesn’t have to be monotonic. You can have her remove her bra, and then change into a different outfit; or try the same outfit but without a bra on beneath it.
  • “Spread your legs”, “bend over”, “get on all fours”, “arch your back” — put the Model into sexually revealing positions, with or without clothes.
  • “Keep looking at the camera” — if your Model is shy, she may unconsciously look away from the camera when she’s in a sexually revealing position.
  • “Cover yourself with your hands” — have the Model protect her modesty.
  • “Touch yourself”, “stimulate yourself”, “penetrate yourself” — tell the Model to perform sexual acts on her own body, and be as explicit as possible.
  • Take pictures while the Model performs oral sex on you.
  • Take pictures while you penetrate the Model.
  • Take pictures while the Model climaxes.
  • Take pictures of your semen in or on the Model’s body or face.

In this scenario the Model doesn’t really have to say much! Here are some tips for playing her role:

  • Bluntly: Do what you’re told and keep your opinions to yourself. Your spouse, the Photographer, may not know anything about how to do a real photo shoot, and if you give him suggestions or “helpful” criticism it may shut him down completely. Let the Photographer play the brilliant artist! (But speak up if you want to slow down or stop, of course.)
  • If the Photographer asks for help or acts unsure of himself, just tell him “you’re doing great, I’m having fun, and I’m happy to do whatever you tell me”. The Photographer is making himself vulnerable by taking responsibility for the shoot, so be sure to praise and affirm him without undermining his lead.
  • Let go of your inhibitions! No one has a perfect body, but your husband thinks you are beautiful — that’s why he wants to photograph you.
  • Give it your all. Posing, acting, and following directions are harder to do than you might think at first. Don’t ask questions, even to clarify, just do your best to give the Photographer what he wants.

When you can’t stand the sexiness anymore, have sex and finish up. Talk about your favorite parts of the scene, and stay positive. What did you especially enjoy? Was there anything you wouldn’t choose to do again? And check out the role-playing tag for more ideas!

Have you ever role-played Photographer-and-Model, or even taken real sexy picture of your spouse? Leave a comment and share your tips with us.

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Naked Yoga 7

I love it when I can combine an ordinary activity into something sexy! A few months ago I decided to give yoga a try. It’s difficult for me to go to a class, but I was able to find lots of videos online — 30 Days of Yoga with Adriene is my favorite series. One weekend afternoon I wanted to spend time with El Fury, but also wanted to do my yoga video. Hmm, what to do? Bam! Naked yoga.

We have tried two variations on naked yoga. The first time we both got naked and did yoga together in our room, then had sex after. However, doing yoga doesn’t seem to be El Fury’s thing. The second time we tried it, I got naked and did yoga while El Fury played a game on his tablet and casually watched me. We were both aroused and had sex after. There is something very alluring about having your spouse watch you do something so intimate and vulnerable.

I like naked yoga because it feels like a form of play with your spouse. It’s important in a marriage to be able to play with one another. Play is one of the most basic human interactions, and sex can be a form of play too.
What other everyday activities can you add a sexy flavor to? Leave a comment if you have any ideas!

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How to Present Your Body to Your Husband For His Admiration 8

After posting How To Admire Your Husband’s Penis (and the related podcast episode) we received a couple of emails asking for advice on how a husband can admire his wife’s body. We’re going to tackle that question in this post, beginning with some advice for a wife on how to present her body to her husband for his admiration and attention.

A husband usually isn’t hesitant to flaunt his penis in front of his wife, particularly during a sexual encounter, but many women are shy about their bodies even with their husbands. We receive frequent emails from female readers who suffer from body shame in one form or another, which is very common in our culture today. On this blog we encourage readers to put an effort into being fit and attractive for their spouses, but you’ve got to maintain realistic expectations for yourself and your spouse. This blog can’t solve everyone’s body fears (not even our own), but for the purposes of this post we’re going to assume that you can overcome any anxiety you may have over your body and put your best self forward for your spouse!

“Presentation is everything” generally refers to food, but men are visual creatures and our hunger is naturally drawn to anything that looks tasty — including our wives. In Get (and Give) a Better View of the Action we shared some tips for positioning your bodies during sex so that you can watch the penetration happening, but in this post we’re going to focus on foreplay. Wife, your husband wants to see your naked body! All of it. He wants to devour you with his eyes (and hopefully his mouth too). When you discard your shyness and anxiety and present your body to him, he will make it worth your while.

Here are some tips for how a wife can present her body to her husband:

  • Naked. Sexy lingerie is fine for some occasions, but for the purposes of sexual presentation you want to be naked and uncovered. Let him see your whole body.
  • Clean. Be clean and well-groomed. Make yourself appetizing. Wash, shave, brush your teeth, etc.
  • Unashamed. Don’t be shy and withdrawn, be bold! Put yourself out there, mind and body. Shoulders back. Back arched. Head up.
  • Vulnerable. Be willing to be vulnerable in front of your husband. Let him see and touch you. Don’t shy away from his eyes or hands.
  • Open. Keep an open posture — spread your legs open to reveal your lady bits; keep your arms down at your sides or behind your back to expose your breasts; keep your head up and your eyes open.
  • Inviting. If your husband is shy, invite him to look at you and touch you. Ask him how he wants you to position yourself, or if he wants you to touch yourself. Help him to be comfortable admiring you.
  • Submissive. Follow your husband’s lead. Even if he’s being shy, invite him to take control of you. Ask him to lead you, and then do what he says.
  • Eye contact. Keep your eyes on your husband. You don’t need to stare constantly into his eyes, but make sure he has your attention while he admires you.
  • Enthusiastic and responsive. Don’t be reluctant or hesitant, or your husband might back off. Be enthusiastic for him and respond to his admiration with obvious pleasure.

There are several positions that are particularly good for a wife to present herself to her husband. The purpose of these positions is to give your husband a good view of your body and to make your body available for his admiration and enjoyment.

  • Standing. Stand up straight, spread your feet shoulder-width apart, put your shoulders back, put your arms behind your back, arch your back, and hold your head up.
  • Kneeling. Sit on your heels with your knees spread, hands on your thighs, shoulders back, back arched, head up.
  • Spread-eagle. Lie on your back with your legs open and your arms over your head or at your sides. You can keep your legs flat, or lift your knees, or lift your legs up into the air depending on how good of a view you want to give your husband.
  • Doggy-style. On your hands and knees, with your butt facing your husband. Knees slightly apart, back arched. Keep your head up and look back at your husband over your shoulder — you’ll probably see a look of pure lust on his face.

Now that the wife is presenting herself, what can the husband do to admire her body? We’re going to copy some of the ideas from How to Admire Your Husband’s Penis and adapt them for a husband admiring his wife.

  • Don’t be afraid of your wife’s body. If your wife is using the ideas above, she’s presenting her body to you because she wants you to look at her and touch her. Don’t be shy. She’s inviting you in. If you hesitate or act uncomfortable she’s going to notice and feel self-conscious herself. Your boldness and eagerness for her will increase your wife’s confidence.
  • Explore your wife’s body. Use your eyes, hands, fingers, and mouth to explore your wife’s body. When your wife presents herself to you don’t jump straight into sex — take some time to enjoy the meal! Don’t focus exclusively on her sexual parts; show her that you admire her whole body. Go slowly. Show your admiration for her body through your touch.
  • Be confident and take control. Your wife is making herself vulnerable and submissive, so you need to lead the activities. Don’t be reluctant to tell her how to move or position herself, but remember that the focus is on her body, not yours! Guide her to the behavior that will help you pleasure and admire her. Try telling her what to do instead of moving her yourself — give her an opportunity to be submissive.
  • Admire your wife’s physicality. Tell your wife how much you love her body. Be specific: what do you like about it? Not just what parts, but what qualities? For example:
    • “I love the way you smell”
    • “I love the way you taste”
    • “You’re so soft and warm”
    • “Your breasts look amazing”
    • “I love the way you feel in my hands”
    • “I want to feel myself slide into you”
    • “Looking at you makes me so hard”
    • “I can’t help staring at you”
    • “I’ve been wanting to see you like this all day”
    • “You’re so wet, you must want something”
  • Tell her what you’re going to do to her sexually. Just like men, women want to be wanted. Tell your wife how much you want to make love with her, and what you want to do with her.
    • “I can’t wait to get my hands all over you”
    • “I’m going to make you scream in pleasure”
    • “I’m going to kiss every inch of your body”
    • “I’m going to eat you out till you beg me to stop”
    • “I’m going to explode if I can’t get inside you”
  • Responsiveness during sex. Admire your wife’s body while you’re having sex.
    • Moaning and groaning in general are sexy. Don’t act deceptivelyjust verbalize the pleasure you’re feeling.
    • “Your body feels so good against me”
    • “You’re so tight on me”
    • “You feel so good in my arms”
    • “I love feeling your legs wrapped around me”
    • “You look so sexy when you ride me”
    • “I’m going to explode inside you”
    • “I can’t wait to feel your orgasm”
  • Admire her body after sex. Tell your wife how much you enjoyed her body.
    • “Your body is amazing”
    • “You’re so sexy”
    • “I love the way you were moving”
    • “I love holding you while you orgasm”
    • “It feels so good to come inside you”
    • “You know just how to touch me”
    • “I never want to let your body go”

Whew, that’s a long post! Hopefully these ideas will help wives be open and vulnerable with their bodies, and help husbands to show admiration and love for their wives. If you’ve got any more ideas or questions, leave a comment below!

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Some tips for how to get started with sexual role-playing, and specific ideas for how to play a lusty professor and desperate student.

If this podcast is a blessing to your marriage, please leave a 5-star review and tell a friend!

Role-Playing: Professor and Student: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/mental-techniques/role-playing-professor-and-student/

How To Do Sexual Role-Playing: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/mental-techniques/how-to-do-sexual-role-playing/

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