What is orgasmic meditation and how do you do it? How can OM benefit your marriage and sex life?

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Being Present in the Moment with Orgasmic Meditation: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/mental-techniques/present-moment-orgasmic-meditation/

Thumb and Finger Zoom Technique: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/physical-techniques/thumb-and-finger-zoom-technique/

How to Rub a Clitoris: Pulling Back the Curtain: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/physical-techniques/how-to-rub-a-clitoris-pulling-back-the-curtain/

“The Male Clitoris”: Frenulum Technique: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/physical-techniques/the-male-clitoris-frenulum-technique/

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Being Present in the Moment with Orgasmic Meditation 1

“The Future is, of all things, the thing least like eternity. It is the most temporal part of time–for the Past is frozen and no longer flows, and the Present is all lit up with eternal rays.” — C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters

It’s hard to be in the present. We spend most of our time worrying about the future or re-living the past, but the present is hard to grasp. We’ve written before about the importance of making time and energy for sex, but do you ever get distracted when you’re actually doing it? Are you able to be wholly present in the experience with your spouse?

If you’d like to be more present and mindful during sex then you might want to try orgasmic meditation (or “OM”). This post will focus on wives and their orgasms, like most research into OM, but there’s no reason that similar techniques can’t be applied to husbands also.

To get started, you may want to check out this 15-minute TEDx presentation by Nicole Daedone. Her tagline for a woman who feels empty or disconnected from her husband is: “try orgasm”. Take a few minutes to watch it with your spouse.

(It’s worth noting that OneTaste, Daedone’s company, doesn’t have a great reputation. For this post we’re going to discuss the practice of OM, and hope that none of our readers are foolish enough to join a sex cult or pay anyone for sexual services.)

So what is orgasmic meditation? The practice is physically very simple.

For the uninitiated, it’s a partnered experience of stroking around the clitoris for 15 minutes, with only one goal: let go and feel.

The stroking is meant to happen in an incredibly specific way — on the upper-left quadrant of the clitoris in an up-and-down motion, no firmer than you would stroke an eyelid.

[Anjuli Ayer, CEO of Institute of OM] also considers OM a goal-less practice. “The intention is not to serve as foreplay or to get the participants to orgasm.” That’s right, while the practice has orgasm in the name, orgasming isn’t the goal. Rather, it’s to bring your attention to the present moment and experience pleasure.

The Institute of OM charges almost $200 for a single class, but Christian wives have a more affordable alternative: their husband. Here are the basic steps:

  1. Prepare your space. OM requires 15 minutes with no interruptions, so lock your door and tell the kids not to bother you. Your bed is a great place for OM, but you could use a couch or other comfortable place. You should also get some lube and a minute timer.
  2. Prepare yourselves. The wife should take off her clothes, lie down, and spread her legs with her knees up and her feet down. The husband is recommended to position himself in a very specific way: he should sit on his wife’s right side, with his left leg over her tummy and his right leg under her knees. This position should prop the wife’s knees up and give the husband easy access to her clitoris. Finally, both spouses should commit themselves to the experience and to each other for the duration of the meditation, and focus on the experience at hand (ahem). Pray for intimacy and pleasure.
  3. Begin stroking. Set the timer for 13 minutes and start it. The husband should put lube on his fingers, specifically on his right thumb and left index finger. Next, the husband should insert his right thumb slightly into the wife’s vagina. Then the husband should use his left index finger to begin gently stroking the upper-left of the wife’s clitoris, pulling back the clitoral hood if necessary. The stroke should be light and slow, and approximately half-an-inch in length. (Related: zoom technique and how to rub a clitoris.)
  4. Guide your husband. The wife should tell her husband if she wants him to change his stroking pattern: faster, slower, harder, softer, etc. Despite the name, orgasmic meditation doesn’t have the goal of orgasm. Like Ayer said in the quote above, the purpose of OM is to help you focus on the present and on intimacy with your spouse. If the wife wants to have an orgasm during OM then go for it, but wives, don’t decline OM just because you don’t want an orgasm. Does that make sense?
  5. Grounding. When the timer goes off (after 13 minutes) you should take some time to ground yourselves before separating or continuing on to sex. The husband should change his stroking pattern to a downward motion for a minute or so, and then use both hands embrace his wife’s vulva. This “hug” should continue until the wife releases and deep breath and is ready to be done. Pray and thank God for the intimacy and pleasure you just experienced together.

It’s important to note that OM isn’t intended to be foreplay. You can certainly have sex afterwards if you want to, but the purpose of OM is to promote awareness and intimacy.

In order to reverse this experience and focus on the husband, use the same basic instructions as above but substitute his frenulum for the wife’s clitoris. The wife can use a lubed finger or her tongue to stimulate her husband’s frenulum, or even take the head of his penis into her mouth. The key is the soft repetitive motion, so the approach is going to be very different than a hand job or a blowjob.

If you’re up for an intimacy challenge, consider performing OM together every day for a week, or even a month. At 15 minutes per session, you and your spouse can both OM in the same amount of time it takes to watch a TV show!

Have you ever tried OM before, or anything like it? Leave a comment and let us know what you think.

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Tips and tricks for helping the wife have her first orgasm. This episode is a dialogue between El Fury and Sexy Corte.

If this podcast is a blessing to you, please leave us a 5-star review on iTunes or wherever you listen to podcasts.

All About Female Orgasms (Safe Diagrams): https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/physical-techniques/female-orgasms-safe-diagrams/

How To Help Your Wife Orgasm: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/mental-techniques/how-to-help-your-wife-orgasm/

How to Rub a Clitoris: Pulling Back the Curtain: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/physical-techniques/how-to-rub-a-clitoris-pulling-back-the-curtain/

I Can’t Have An Orgasm!: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/stories/i-cant-have-an-orgasm/

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Best Christian Sex Links of the Week 2

Here are some christian sex links that we hope you’ll enjoy this Christmas season!

Adult Advent Calendar — a fun, sexy game that lasts all month! Give experiences instead of possessions.

Clitoral, G-Spot and Deep Spot – 3 Pathways to Pleasure — be sure to also check out All About Female Orgasms (Safe Diagrams)

Want to Give Your Wife Intense Sexual Pleasure? Do THIS. — a good post about fingering. See also: Thumb and Finger Zoom Technique and How to Rub a Clitoris.

9 Tips to Give Your Wife Oral Sex — we write a lot about oral sex for the husband, so here you go!

Sexy Pictures and Video in a Christian Marriage? — or you could Role-Playing: Photographer and Model — I think taking the pictures would be as fun as having the pictures.

Do I Have To? — the flip side of Can we *blank*? “If your husband really wants to do a sexual activity that you dislike, do you have to do it?”

Can a Christian Wife Learn to Be Wild? — see also: Sex Q&A: “Weird” Sex

Let’s Talk Lubenumbing lubes, quickie lube, oil-based lube for sex in the water, pack lube for vacation, lube for outdoor sex, and keep lube in the car. I didn’t realize we’ve written so much about lube!

What music is best for sex? — we listen to music that we don’t let our kids hear. Barely related: Play Music From Your Vagina

Sex on The Weight Bench — we’ve never tried this literally, but see Do You Even Lift?

Revisit your limits — maybe you or your spouse wouldn’t do that ten years ago, but how about now? It’s worth reconsidering your limits periodically.

“Tell her how much you enjoy sex with her rather than just saying the sex was good.” — this is a great tip for husbands and probably deserves its own post. Even though a husband may be “sexually spontaneous”, he should still use words to reaffirm to his wife that his arousal is for her.

Hula-hooping for fitness — now I know what I want for Christmas… I want to watch Sexy Corte hula-hoop… in private.

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Stimulate Both Spouses While One Is Performing Oral 3

This post is also available as a podcast: Podcast #005: Yes, You Should Swallow

We touched on this topic several months ago while writing about period sex, but it’s worth highlighting because we get so many questions about oral sex. You may be surprised to learn that the questions aren’t all from husbands who want more oral from their wives — we get similar emails from wives. We also get emails from wives (and husbands) who are lukewarm towards the idea of giving more oral to their spouse, and the number two reason given comes down to the feeling that performing oral sex is boring. (The number one reason is *drumroll* reluctance to swallow semen.)

So here’s a simple idea: make sure both spouses are being stimulated while one is performing oral! How can you make that happen?

  • Play with each other: The positions we call Old Faithful and New Faithful enable the husband to use his fingers or vibrator on his wife while she is performing oral on him. The Sixty-Nine position seems obvious thanks to pop culture, but it’s not very practical — the top spouse holds his/her body up for a long time while the bottom spouse gets buried and struggles to breathe. Better in theory than in practice.
  • Play with yourself: The husband can use his hand on himself while his head lies between his wife’s thighs. The wife can use her hand or vibrator on herself while she kneels and performs oral on her husband. If the giver is having fun I can virtually guarantee that the receiver will have fun.
  • Non-sexual stimulation: The stimulation doesn’t need to be sexual! Try a bifecta: watch your favorite show or read a book out loud while playing with each other. Bonus: here’s a new way to decide what to watch: whoever is giving oral picks the show. Your husband will discover a newfound love for romantic comedies.

Before you start, it’s important to set expectations for when each spouse is going to orgasm. Is the oral sex just foreplay? If so, then the receiver should hold off orgasm until the right time. Are you performing oral to completion? If so, then the giver should get a chance to have an orgasm also. (It’s super hot when Sexy Corte has an orgasm when I’m in her mouth, and I bet your spouse would enjoy that too!)

Do you have any other ideas for making the gift of oral sex more enjoyable to give? Leave a comment.

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"New Faithful" Double Penetration 4

We’ve been using the New Faithful position an increasing amount — especially in the morning — and I quickly discovered something that I really like: penetrating Sexy Corte’s mouth and vagina at the same time. We’ve done this a zillion times with Old Faithful, but it’s a very different experience when I’m on top and in control of the movement. To refresh your memory:

In New Faithful, Sexy Corte lies on her back with her head on her pillow and her right arm outstretched. I get upright on my knees, straddle her outstretched arm, and scoot towards her until my manhood is over her face. From this position she can perform oral on me and I can use my fingers on her how she likes, while she gets to relax on her back. It’s a great position for frenulum technique, tea-bagging, and zoom technique.

While on her back, Sexy Corte can turn her head sideways towards me and open wide, enabling me to thrust gently in and out of her mouth. This is super-hot on its own, but it gets even sexier when I use my fingers inside her vagina at the same time. Wow!

  • Positive feedback loop: When my fingers hit her just right, her moaning and groaning feel amazing on me. Talk about positive reinforcement… every wave of pleasure I give her gets sent right back to me.
  • Filling her up: The psychological high of “filling her up” in both holes is extremely arousing, like I’m engulfing all her sensory input at once.
  • Trust and submission: It’s a huge expression of trust and submission for her to let me thrust into her mouth, and I try to be extremely gentle with her. Sexy Corte’s willingness to be vulnerable and open with me is emotionally and physically sexy.

As I’m writing this, it occurs to me that I also find it very hot to kiss my wife deeply while we’re having sex, and that’s another form of oral/vaginal double penetration. I wonder if it would be fun for her to suck on my thumb or fingers while we’re in jockey position? Maybe something to try tomorrow.

Do you have any thoughts or experiences to share? Leave a comment!

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Thumb and Finger Zoom Technique 5

My previous post about How to Rub a Clitoris is one of the most popular on the site, so I thought it deserved a follow-up post focused on what we call the thumb and finger technique or the zoom technique — the motions are very similar to what you’d use to zoom in or out on the screen of your phone!

zoom-technique

It’s pretty simple:

  • Apply lube to the wife’s clitoris and vulva. Since most of the action is outside, her natural lubricant won’t be as helpful as it would be inside. Also, the zoom technique covers more territory than a single-finger job and her natural lube might get spread too thin.
  • The husband uses his index and/or middle finger to stimulate his wife’s vaginal opening and lips, and he uses his thumb to stimulate her clitoris.
  • The husband can move his thumb and fingers in a “zooming” motion and in small circles over his wife’s skin, occasionally penetrating her with his fingers to really get her worked up.
  • Your mileage may vary, but we use the zoom technique primarily as foreplay — Sexy Corte tends to require focused clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm. It’s easy enough to move your fingers from the vaginal opening to the clitoris and focus there to bring your wife to orgasm, but the teasing penetration of the zoom technique might make her extremely hungry for more penetration rather than less. (That is, a non-penetrative orgasm may not be enough to satisfy her.)

As with any fingering techniques, you can use zoom in a lot of ways.

  • The wife can just lay back and enjoy the attention. The teasing fingers dancing around her vaginal opening will really make the wife long for more substantial penetration — make her beg for it!
  • We like to zoom during Old Faithful — I zoom Sexy Corte while she performs oral on me. A few days ago this actually made her purrrr while I was in her mouth, which feels unbelievable.
  • Zoom as part of a bifecta focused on the wife: casually zoom her while you’re watching television together. (Hmm, that sounds like fun for tonight.)
  • Zoom during trivia night — it’s pretty similar to the wand vibrator and fingertip technique. (I love when SC needs me to repeat a question because she’s too turned on to focus.)
  • If the wife wears a dress, you can zoom just about anywhere!

Have you ever used the zoom technique yourself? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments.

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Wand Vibrator And Fingertip Technique 6

It’s amazing that God created our bodies in such an intricate way that no matter how old you are, or how long you have been married, you can still discover something new about yourself. El Fury and I have had a lot of fun doing trivia nights, and during one of these EF was playing around and we discovered something that drove me absolutely wild. Our go-to vibrator is the egg vibrator, but sometimes it’s nice to have a long, slow burn. The wand vibrator is great for this, especially during something like a trivia night where you are engaged in sexual play for a while. EF keeps the wand vibrator on me throughout the session and it builds my arousal slowly. Then, after I am highly aroused, he introduces his other hand and teases me. He doesn’t ever penetrate me, but just dances around the edges. It’s maddening! Also exciting and gets me to a point where I am begging for him. Then, he escalates it by doing the same thing with the tip of his penis. I had no idea something could drive me so crazy!

Husbands, do this for your wife. Wives, ask your husband to do this.

Enjoy each other. Discover your spouse’s body. Always be learning.

(See also: Zoom Technique.)

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"Old Faithful" Oral Sex Position 7

Sexy Corte and I like to experiment and change things up, but like most couples we have some favorite positions that we use frequently. We call one of these Old Faithful because it very reliably leads to a powerful eruption.

The position is pretty simple: I lay on my back while Sexy Corte kneels over my body at a 90-degree angle with her legs spread. I play with her lady bits while she performs oral sex on me. I’ll use my fingers to play all around outside and inside her body (see: Zoom Technique) to the point that she usually loses focus and forgets what she’s supposed to be doing.

Old Faithful can be carried to completion and it’s one of the best positions for getting Sexy Corte off with my fingers. Sometimes she has a hard time reaching orgasm if I’m not inside her, and Old Faithful makes this possible. From my perspective, there’s almost nothing hotter than my wife having a powerful orgasm with me in her mouth.

After Sexy Corte comes she can either finish me off with Old Faithful, or we can transition to a different position. As you know, there are many positions that are lots of fun but aren’t that stimulating for a woman, so Old Faithful is great as a starter to make sure that Sexy Corte is always satisfied.

Similarly, sometimes we use Old Faithful purely as foreplay and transition before either of us reaches orgasm. Once we’re warmed up we’ll frequently move to “The Usual”, which is a subject for a later post.

Also see: “New Faithful” for a variation that doesn’t make the wife do all the work.

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The Serrano Pepper Incident 8

We love guacamole, and love to make guacamole. It used to be an elaborate process, involving a multitude of fresh ingredients, such as salsa, cilantro, parmesan, and for a little extra kick, serrano peppers. One particular night, El Fury made this concoction. We ate, we enjoyed, and then we relaxed on the couch watching a show.

After a while we must have gotten distracted because we started kissing, which led to other things. I wasn’t sure if it was my imagination, but I felt a nice warmth. It wasn’t long before that nice warmth turned into a soft burn, and then what felt like a raging fire in my lady bits. Needless to say, the mood went straight from sexy to “make it stop!” pretty quick. I awkwardly ran upstairs and jumped in the shower. Seeing as the burning was coming from inside me, this didn’t really help all that much. El Fury helped by washing his hands then standing nearby asking for status updates.

If anyone has ever cooked with chiles, you know the oil doesn’t really wash off, it just takes time to come off. So was the case with my lady bits. After a while the burn cooled to a simmer, then subsided completely. When the incident was fresh I felt pretty wounded. After some time passed, we started to laugh about it, and eventually it became one of our favorite sex stories, even though we didn’t even have sex that night!

I did learn that sex can be funny! That’s the amazing thing about sex with your spouse, nothing is embarrassing. It’s not always perfect, and the imperfect times can give you something to laugh about. Has anyone else had a run-in with chiles? Or have any funny sex stories?

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