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El Fury and I have been blogging about sex for 10 years! We got the idea while driving home from a marriage class at our church. We both felt a burden for married couples after listening to people share their hopelessness for their sex lives. After a decade of our own marriage, and hearing questions and feedback from our readers, we have learned a lot!
  • We are lifelong learners. I love that at any moment we can stumble upon something we didn’t know about ourselves or our spouse. If you are curious and willing to play and explore, there is a lot to discover. Even when I think we have all of our moves down, El Fury can simply rub me in the right spot while doing something else and I can’t believe how it drives me crazy.
  • Play is important. Sometimes we take things too seriously. Life has a lot of responsibilities. You should definitely take your marriage seriously, but don’t forget to play with your spouse. Play is one of the best forms of bonding in a relationship. When was the last time you made your spouse laugh? Sex is a form of play, so make sure to incorporate playfulness into your sexuality.
  • It’s easy to fall into a pattern. Calendars fill up and time passes with a sort of inertia. Your sex life can get caught up in that. Your sex life should not be all novelty, but guard from letting it be only routine. Even one night of novelty every few months can keep your sex life feeling lively. Be intentional in planning a few times a year to create space for something different.
  • When I am in a season of low libido, it’s not that I need less sex but more orgasms. I have gone through periods in our marriage where my libido is lower. During times like this I am usually busier in other areas of life, feeling stressed, and am having fewer orgasms because I feel like I don’t have enough time or energy. I feel like I want to avoid sex altogether. When this has happened and I put in the effort to have one more orgasm a week, my attitude totally changes.
  • It takes two to tango. When we have problems, whether it is in our sex life or another part of our relationship, these are best resolved when you humbly acknowledge your role in the problem. Before a discussion about a problem, ask yourself, how have I contributed to this. Then go first. This is the problem I see, here is how I think I have contributed, here is how I think you have contributed, do you think that’s a fair assessment, and how do we resolve this and move forward. Whenever we approach arguments like this I always look back and think they went well.
  • Communicate. Most of the questions we get from our readers can be solved by communication. Get comfortable talking to your spouse about sex. Most of the time this can be really positive! I loved it when you did… If you are in the habit of talking about sex with your spouse, then it’s easier when you do have a problem.
  • Connection is circular. I feel most connected to El Fury when we are having good quality time together. For me, that is usually in the form of good conversations and play. When I feel connected to him, I feel like having sex. El Fury feels most connected to me when we are having good sex. That in turn makes him feel like engaging in good quality time together. Our needs feed each other’s needs. When this is a circular flow, it’s great! At times, this can get out of flow. When this happens, one of us needs to go first. The great thing is, then it is easy to get back in.
We pray this is a blessing to your marriage and your sex life! For those of you that have learned great lessons from your sex lives, please leave a comment and share!
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As Sexy Corte once told me, “Take her easy — and if she’s easy, take her twice.” Here are a few other sayings that you might be familiar with:

  • Proverbs 10:5 – “He who gathers crops in summer is a prudent son, but he who sleeps during harvest is a disgraceful son.”
  • Strike while the iron’s hot
  • Carpe diem — “seize the day”
  • Opportunity knocks
  • Make hay while the sun shines
  • You snooze, you lose
  • Catch the wave
  • Let your winners run
  • The stars are aligned

Every couple goes through periods when sex and intimacy are difficult. Time and energy are scarce, stress and busyness are high, and the two of you just aren’t connecting. Sexy Corte and I have been going through a period like that for a few weeks: a minor house remodel has taken more time, effort, and money that we expected, and work has been busy and stressful.

These times can be frustrating and nerve-wracking, but eventually they pass. We’re almost done with the remodel, and work is easing. Sexy Corte is on a fun trip with one of our kids, and she’ll get home tomorrow. And then…

When the timing is right, have sex twice! Take advantage of the good times in life, when your relationship is solid, when communication is strong, when you have time and energy — don’t waste it. Let your love overflow. Invest in your sex life, and your investments will pay off double the next time you struggle.

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Maybe you look like Michelangelo’s David or maybe you “do the best with what you’ve got” — either way, the time and energy you invest into health and fitness can pay off in your marriage. Obviously there’s more to a good marriage than fitness, but fitness is the topic of this post. Consider 1 Corinthians 6:19-20,

Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

I (generally) like this list from T-Nation, so let’s consider their “8 Reasons to Marry a Fit Person” from the perspective of married people who want to be the best version of themselves for their spouse.

1 Fit Marriages Are Less Likely To Become Fat Divorces

Google one of those “Top 10 Causes of Divorce” lists. Money and infidelity issues are always at the top but look further down the list. What do you see? Weight gain.

When relationship columnist David Eddie scoured anonymous relationship-help forums, he found something surprising. Most of the people who were unhappy with their rapidly expanding spouses were women. Here’s an example:

“I love my husband, but he’s become a tubby hubby and refuses to do anything about it. Now I’m not attracted to him, and I’m thinking of leaving.”

Ouch. Well, check out “Do You Even Lift?” and “It’s Important To Stay Skinny For My Husband” for some tips. Don’t hold yourself to an unreasonable standard — just put in the work to be the best version of yourself that you can be.

2 Fit Men Make More Money

Women are often criticized for wanting to marry a man who either has money or has the kind of drive that would help him make money in the future. It’s an unfair criticism.

Husbands are usually the primary source of income, especially after kids come along. And since arguments over money (or the lack thereof) are the number two indicator of an impending divorce, not marrying a lazy guy is a perfectly acceptable and smart criterion for husband pickin’.

We hardly ever write about money, but here’s one post that touches on the topic: “Science and the Bible Agree: More Money Won’t Make You Happier”. If you don’t have enough money to meet your family’s basic needs, then money will make you happier. Beyond that, it doesn’t seem like money is nearly as important as we think it is. I don’t think I’d put in effort to get fit just to (possibly) earn more money.

3 Fit People Know How To Stay Fit

Most people gain some weight after marriage, even fit people. That’s not a marriage ender, of course, but when one spouse loses the weight and the other doesn’t, it can lead to problems.

Anyone can learn how to get and stay fit. Being fit is simple, but it’s not easy. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says, “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” Like point #5 says below, we should be motivating each other to be our best.

4 Sex Is More Frequent and More Satisfying

The good news is that several studies show that fit people have more sex than unfit people. And married people have MORE sex than single people, despite all that right-swiping that singles do.

Fit people usually feel better about themselves and are more likely to get naked. All their parts work better, too. When you exercise regularly, all the healthy hormones (testosterone, dopamine) are ramped up while the trickier hormones (cortisol) are tamped down if you program wisely.

In one study titled “Sexual Desirability and Sexual Performance: Does Exercise and Fitness Really Matter?” the authors concluded:

“Exercise frequency and physical fitness enhance attractiveness and increase energy levels, both of which make people feel better about themselves. Those who exercise are more likely to experience a greater level of satisfaction and a positive perception of self. Moreover, those who feel better about themselves may perceive they are more sexually desirable and may perform better sexually. The majority of individuals who are regularly physically active are healthier, and perhaps healthier individuals may be more willing and able to have sex.”

We’ve written a lot about sexual frequency and sexual quality, and there’s no doubt that exercise is great for sex. Sleep is at least as important as exercise for fitness and sexual satisfaction.

5 A Fit Spouse is the World’s Best Motivator

You’ve heard the saying, “We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.” Well, your spouse is your number one peer in that group of five. And if they’re serious about staying healthy and strong, that kind of peer pressure, even unspoken, is a very good thing.

A fit spouse keeps you on your toes. You may hit the gym a little more often, choose foods a little more wisely, or just be influenced by your spouse’s healthy behaviors.

Good habits and bad habits are both contagious. Hebrews 10:24 says, “Let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works” — and that doesn’t mean to nag or complain! Encourage and build up your spouse, and allow yourself to be encouraged by your spouse in return. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”

6 Fit Spouses Live Longer

You’re in this for life, right? ‘Till death do you part? Wanting to grow old together on the porch and all that good stuff?

Well, all that’s kinda wrecked if your spouse gets heart disease in their 50’s or type 2 diabetes, well, any time. Choose a spouse that does their best to make it to that front porch swing with you.

Interestingly, it seems that a wife has a particularly strong influence on her husband’s life expectancy.

7 Fit People Are Usually Happier

Want a happy marriage? Marry a happy person. Sure beats being married to someone who’s perpetually bitter, angry, or sad.

Studies show that fit people are generally happier. Even if they struggle with depression or down times, they have the tools (exercise, good food, and good supplements) to alleviate or minimize it.

Our minds are bodies were created together. Sometimes we Christians have a tendency to view our bodies as evil or corrupted, and our minds as good or spiritual. This is wrong. God created both, and he will redeem both in the resurrection. We feel good when our minds are aligned with God’s will — through prayer, study, and fellowship — and we can find similar satisfaction when we align our bodies. Just like Bible study prepares the mind to serve, physical exercise prepares the body.

8 Shared Passion = Marriage Longevity

Australian researchers wanted to find out the key to long marriages. After studying thousands of happily married geriatrics, they concluded that it all comes down to shared experiences.

Going to the gym, being active outdoors, and preparing healthy meals that you eat together are all shared experiences. And since fresh sweat does have some mild aphrodisiacal properties, the couple who plays together often gets frisky together.

The shared experience of exercise is a huge benefit to me and Sexy Corte. We both love to run, and running together is one of our best times. If you’re struggling to exercise, find an activity that you can do with your spouse and you’ll get a double-benefit from the time invested!

If you want to improve your marriage and your sex life, you should consider improving your fitness together. What’s your experience? Leave us a comment below.

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Sexy Corte and I had been alternating sick for several weeks and hadn’t been kissing, and it’s crazy how much I missed it! We were still having sex, but missing out on kissing was affecting me more than I realized. I think we’re over the hump now, and we need to rebuild the habit of frequent kissing.

We’ve written several posts about how to maintain intimacy while sick, but if you’re concerned about contagion it’s pretty hard to keep kissing!

Maybe kissing is like vanilla sex: it seems routine, but is much more important for your relationship that you may realize.

Go kiss your spouse!

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In this episode we answer common questions from newlyweds and talk about sexual frequency.

If this podcast is a blessing to you, please leave us a 5-star review on iTunes or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Sexual frequency: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/tag/frequency/

How To Talk With Your Spouse About Sex: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/marriage-advice/how-to-talk-with-your-spouse-about-sex/

Level-Up Your Sex Life: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/marriage-advice/level-up-your-sex-life/

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 35:40 — 36.4MB)

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Back in 2016 (!) we wrote about our habit of daily sex, and we recently received an email from a pastor with some questions for us. This email spurred a conversation between me and Sexy Corte that has updated some of our thinking.

First, here’s the email from pastor and reader “KN”:

Background: My wife and I have a solid sex life and marriage. Usually 2-4 times a week, mostly by my initiation (she is a stay-at-home-mom, homeschooler, and 1000 other things, so I am ok with that) during the day through conversation or a pre-arranged day of the week. We both enjoy sex, which is a blessing.

Further background: I’m a pastor, and in preparing to do some premarital counseling, I of course am prepping a portion on sexual intimacy. I read your blog and others to help me formulate my prepping. One of the things that I consistently read is that you have sex every day.

Here’s the two-part question: 1) has it been that way for a while and 2) assuming you didn’t used to have sex everyday, what started it, how long have you been doing it, and how do you “keep at it”, making it not turn into a “mundane” thing?

Go read the original post for an explanation of how to create the habit of daily sex in your marriage. We won’t repeat all that here. We do want to highlight something important though:

The key here isn’t that you must have sex every single day, but that the expectation is for daily sex —  if no one says anything, then assume you’re going to have ““““““““““““`sex. […]

Once your habit is in place, you should never have no-sex unless someone intentionally initiates it. The end result won’t be sex every single day of the year — sometimes you get sick, kids drive you crazy, work and chores overwhelm you, and emergencies happen. That’s life! But the expectation every day is that you’ll be having sex together.

The point isn’t to have sex every single day, the point is to create the default of sex every day — as opposed to many couples who view sex as the exception rather than the expectation.

So with that point made, we will answer KN’s questions.

  1. “Has it been that way for a while?” — Yes, we’ve cultivated a habit of daily sex throughout our whole marriage. Obviously the habit is harder to keep during some time periods than others. Overall, I estimate that we have sex about 25 times per month. Sickness, separation, arguments, weariness, anxiety, stress, and other challenges frequently arise and sometimes hinder us from achieving our goal.
  2. “What started it, how long have you been doing it, and how do you keep at it, making it not turn into a mundane thing?” — As we wrote in the earlier post, daily sex is a habit like any other. How do you build good habits for exercise or healthy eating? You make a plan and you just do it. Sometimes you feel like it, sometimes you don’t, but you just do it. And sometimes you skip exercising or decide to eat garbage despite your best intentions. But you don’t beat yourself up over it.

Sexy Corte and I had a big conversation about our habit and expectations after receiving KN’s email. We decided that we both want to maintain the habit, but that we want to shift expectations a bit. The primary changes we’ve decide to make are:

  • Previously we were most likely to decide not to have sex on days when Sexy Corte is on her period. Now we have decided to do more sexual activities while she’s on her period, and reduce sexual activities while she has PMS. Her PMS days are the days when she is generally least interested in physical intimacy of any kind, whereas period days still offer lots of opportunities.
  • Previously we would often have “efficient” sex first-thing in the morning. This decision would often make it difficult for Sexy Corte to be interested in more prolonged and intimate sessions in the evening. Now we’ve decided to be more strategic with our morning quickies so as to create space and energy for evening sex. Now we probably have morning sex 3-4 times per week rather than 5-6, and evening sex on the other days.

Just remember than sex with your spouse is always relational not transactional. Building a habit of daily sex is great, but as with all habits be sure to practice moderation. Communicate and adapt!

Do you practice daily sex with your spouse? Do you have any experience with communicating about changing expectations? Leave us a comment and let us know!

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Tips and tricks for helping the wife have her first orgasm. This episode is a dialogue between El Fury and Sexy Corte.

If this podcast is a blessing to you, please leave us a 5-star review on iTunes or wherever you listen to podcasts.

All About Female Orgasms (Safe Diagrams): https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/physical-techniques/female-orgasms-safe-diagrams/

How To Help Your Wife Orgasm: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/mental-techniques/how-to-help-your-wife-orgasm/

How to Rub a Clitoris: Pulling Back the Curtain: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/physical-techniques/how-to-rub-a-clitoris-pulling-back-the-curtain/

I Can’t Have An Orgasm!: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/stories/i-cant-have-an-orgasm/

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Wife “HD” says that despite enjoying sex with her husband, sex is often the furthest thing from her mind.

I have a bit of a problem. Growing up, sex was something that I thought/felt was wrong. I didn’t date much mostly because I was afraid of the relationship getting too close to sex. When I started dating my now-husband I was smitten! I wished so badly that we were married all the time so we could be intimate. Now that we are it seems like sex is the furthest thing from my mind. He tells me every so often that he isn’t getting enough. My immediate response is guilt and shame and that motivates me to have sex because I want to make my husband happy and because I don’t want to feel guilty. Once those feelings of guilt and shame have subsided, I fall back into my old way of not thinking much about sex or doing much about it.

I know that this is toxic to our marriage but I honestly don’t know how to change. It’s not that I can’t do it, or don’t have the resources to come up with ideas, it seems like an issue with my heart and also probably my way of thinking. I want to have sex with my husband because I love him and I want our relationship to grow, not out of guilt and shame. Do you have any advice you could offer?

HD and I exchanged a few emails. Her situation isn’t uncommon, and I have a set of questions for wives who are feeling this way. I wrote back:

Thanks for your email! It can be hard to go from growing up and having the perception that sex is wrong to then be expected to flip a switch when you get married and love sex. Sex, with how natural it is, takes some learning to enjoy. Sex is a gift from God, and having the right attitude towards it allows you to enjoy that gift to the fullest. I have a few questions that will help me answer your question. :)

Do you orgasm when you have sex with your husband? This can be a tricky thing to figure out! It seems that many people don’t know that most women need some help to be able to orgasm during sex.

Do you take time together to explore what your body enjoys?

Are you comfortable with giving feedback? When he is doing something you like, make sure to reinforce that, but you also need to tell him when it is not enjoyable so that he can learn your body.

Do you pray for your sex life? Pray that it would honor God, that you would enjoy it, that your heart would change towards it. Let me know about those questions and hopefully I can give you some guidance.

HD replied:

I actually do orgasm. Pretty much every time we have sex, even a few times.

I feel like my husband is great at doing what feels good and I try to tell him when I like something and when I don’t. I think that we do well at exploring and giving feedback.

However, sex is just the furthest thing from my mind most of the time. Many times it still feels like I am doing something wrong or that I should not be thinking about sex. And sometimes It feels even like an inconvenience, which I feel really awful about. If I want to pursue him, which he loves, it takes a lot more effort for me and I don’t get as excited about it because the “perfect moment” that I plan usually gets foiled by something else and that feels discouraging.

I have been trying to pray about it a lot more and I even started a devotional/ Bible study on the topic. Some days it goes great but other days it feels a lot harder. I still feel like I am not hitting the mark.

I hope that makes sense! 

My final response was:

Thanks HD, that’s helpful! I have a few thoughts, hopefully they can help. I think it could help to develop some new patterns of thinking in regards to sex. The Bible speaks a lot about sex, and when it talks about sex within the bounds of marriage, it is a gift, and something God created for humans to enjoy. Dig into scripture – Song of Solomon, Proverbs 5:15-19, 1 Corinthians 7:3-5. Pray and meditate over the Song of Solomon, some of the imagery in there can make me blush! The point, God created sex for you to enjoy within marriage. Make a list of the positive aspects of your sex life, and make it a point to reflect on those. The more that you create positive pathways of thinking, the easier it will be for your mind to travel along those paths.

You also mentioned creating the ‘perfect moment’. It’s easy to set up high expectations that deflate our enthusiasm when they are not met. When you allow some space that things will happen in an unpredictable way, it will ease the burden and allow you to enjoy the moment more. Life is made up of a multitude of little moments, and the more you focus on the quality of those little moments, the less weight the big moments carry. And where do you live the vast majority of your life? It’s in the small stuff. So don’t shy away from planning stuff with your husband, plan it and let it unfold in its own way.

Don’t feel discouraged when you don’t feel like having sex. Our bodies and desires ebb and flow with our cycles, so just because you don’t hit the mark one day doesn’t mean you can’t try again tomorrow. It sounds like you are making your sex life a priority, and hopefully you will start to hit the mark more and more. Remember that sex is a lifelong part of marriage, and you can choose to make it great rather than see it as a duty. Our perceptions shape our experience, and it takes a lot of work to make sure our perceptions are on the right aim, but it is worth tending.

I hope this helps. I prayed for you now! It sounds like you are already on the right path, and you care, so that alone will help things to improve.

God bless!

We try to always pray for our readers immediately when we receive emails, so we don’t forget later. Our advice may or may not be helpful, but there’s no doubt that God hears and answers prayer!

Please use the contact pages for Sexy Corte and El Fury to send us your questions. We will never reveal your name or any other identifying information. You can ask questions anonymously, or use a free anonymous email server like Mailinator.

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Quality is better than quantity. That statement is beneficial in many ways. But what if quantity is the quality? Husbands often view sex through that lens. We get a lot of emails from readers asking about frequency. Men want their wives to have more sex. Women wonder why their husbands want to have sex so much, and often comment that they don’t enjoy it. Here are some thoughts on how to improve the quality and the quantity.

As a couple: Communication can fix a lot of problems. Sex can be awkward to talk about, but the more you communicate about your sex life the easier it is to talk about. How often do each of you need an orgasm to feel satisfied? In a week? A month? Pay attention and notice when you feel aroused. What time of day works best to have sex? What can you do to meet your spouse’s needs? Is there something you can do to make sex better? Remember, you are the only person that can meet your spouse’s sexual needs.

For husbands: If you want to have quantity, you need to increase the quality. Your wife is not going to want to have sex if you don’t bother getting her aroused, or making sure  that she is having all of the orgasms that she wants. Shift your focus from just having sex to making sure your wife is enjoying it. Around 70-80% of women need direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm. That means only 20-30% of women can orgasm through standard penis-in-vagina sex. We have wives tell us that after years of marriage they just experienced their first orgasm. If your wife is one of the majority, you have to be more creative to give her an orgasm. For many women it takes 20-45 minutes of clitoral stimulation to orgasm. Use your hand or a vibrator, and stay there. Men can be aroused in an instant, but arousal can be a lengthy process for a woman. Notice her throughout the day and be intentional in words, touch, etc. When you start to have sex, spend a while in foreplay. Sex can be painful for your wife if she is not aroused. Husband, you might be surprised by how much your wife wants to have sex when she’s having frequent orgasms!

For wives: Quantity has a quality all of its own. You might be surprised at how often your husband would want to have sex if you were available. Find out what your husband needs to feel satisfied. It’s ok to have sex and not have an orgasm, as long as you are sexually satisfied overall. Be available to your husband. Remember, you are the only person your spouse can have sex with. He will never grow tired of having sex. Pray for the right attitude towards meeting his sexual needs. Sex is not a burden, it is a gift. Sometimes it is a tricky gift to figure out! Find what makes you enjoy sex, then pursue doing that together. Your husband almost certainly wants to give you pleasure, but may not know how. If you have never had an orgasm, explore how to make that happen with your husband. An orgasm is the key to unlocking the pleasure of sex.

Remember that you are a team. You love each other. If both spouses in a marriage focus their energy on pleasing the other, your own needs will get met along the way.

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We often get emails from husbands who want advice because they sense that their wives aren’t enjoying sex that much, so we thought it would be particularly worthwhile to share this email from wife “RI”:

Hi there.

The fact that I feel awkward writing this email already may say a thing or two.

I am writing this after having had another unfulfilling love-making session with my husband last night.

I have often thought of seeking help but I have not known where or how and wanted to seek advice from a Christian source.

My husband and I have been married for over one-and-a-half years. We are both each other’s first and only sex partners. My husband engaged in pornography prior to our marriage, but I don’t feel this is affecting our relationship. We have an awesome marriage! But we get stuck when it comes to sex. He seems quite happy with our loving-making sessions but I am often left feeling like it’s been one-sided. I don’t fully know what makes me feel good and when I try to explore I get nowhere. I ask my husband to explore and sometimes he gets it right (and I make sure he knows it) but often he does some casual kissing here and there to try get to the goal of penetration. I do occasionally orgasm but always in the same position during penetration. We have tried other positions but they just hurt for me. He has tried using his hand or fingers but it has never worked. He doesn’t seem to know how to use his hands differently even with thorough communication which often leads to frustration on both our parts. I read about how sex within marriage should be fun and exciting and very stimulating but to be honest I often just try to have it because I know we should but am scared of being disappointed again and feeling like the whole thing is one-sided. I don’t know if the problem lies with me as I feel like I’m really not very sensitive physically and like there’s something wrong with me. I often just catch myself thinking “there must be more” especially if even Christian marriage books speak so highly of how fulfilling sex can be and how great it can feel.

I don’t have a direct question but some guidance would really help even if that guidance is referring me to a Christian counselor or something.

Thank you.

Wow, what an honest and vulnerable letter! Husband, if you’re longing for greater intimacy and frequency with your wife then consider that your wife’s experience might be close to what RI as written.

RI, thanks for your email! Don’t worry about feeling awkward — talking about sex has that effect on people! Be encouraged that sex tends to improve over marriage, and you have many years of exploring ahead of you. El Fury and I are frequently learning new techniques to enjoy. Your sex life is a process of discovery, and your body can even change over time. Something that didn’t get your attention before can suddenly feel amazing.

You should also be encouraged that you’re able to have an orgasm from penetration — 70%+ of women need direct clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, which can be hard to accomplish during penetrative sex. It doesn’t sound like there is anything physically wrong with you. I used to have that same thought, and I wasn’t even able to orgasm for a long time. Here are some suggestions for you to try:

  • Communication is really important, especially about sex. The more you talk about sex with your husband the easier it gets. Tell him that you want to figure out how to be more responsive sexually and ask if he would be willing to learn with you. You could tell him about our blog. There might be a few posts to direct him to, like “How to Rub a Clitoris: Pulling Back the Curtain”, “How To Help Your Wife Orgasm”, “Do Whatever It Takes to Give Your Wife as Many Orgasms as She Wants”, and “Thumb and Finger Zoom Technique”. It’s hard to figure out what feels good without exploring, and maybe you both need some fresh ideas!
  • Extended foreplay. If you are having pain during sex it’s often because you aren’t aroused enough, or even aroused at all. Spending time in foreplay is key on this. It can take women 45 minutes or longer to orgasm — for me it’s a good 20-30 minutes. It’s important to have the mindset when you start your session that you’re going to be in it for a while. Sometimes it’s just the same motion for a long time that does the trick. El Fury could be using his fingers and it doesn’t stimulate me, but then he moves them a tiny amount and it feels completely different. So even if he is using the same technique, try moving around until you get the right spot. Then in a few minutes, you might have to move it again. Do foreplay until your body is really aching for penetration, then sex shouldn’t hurt.
  • Introduce a vibrator. I used to be really skeptical of sex toys, but then El Fury asked to use one on me and WOW. Just because you are using some assistance does not mean that sex becomes about the vibrator. Sex is still about the intimacy between you and your husband, and using a vibrator can really increase that intimacy. I can’t orgasm during sex without one. It’s a matter of geography. When we use a vibrator I get to experience that amazing closeness that comes from having an orgasm during sex. If you start using one with your spouse you are likely to have a lot more orgasms during sex, which is part of what makes sex feel so good!
  • Track your monthly cycle. Most women ovulate about two weeks after the first day of their period. Make sure you have sex on that day! One week later is usually PMS, and you might feel really low libido that day, so try not to get frustrated if sex isn’t great then. In addition to this, pay attention to yourself! Is there a certain time of day that you notice yourself feeling aroused? If possible, have sex at that time!
  • Talk about your needs and expectations. Most men need to orgasm more frequently than most women, and I don’t have an orgasm every time we have sex. Both partners should get the sex they need to feel satisfied, and that’s about more than mere frequency! You might not care about frequency as much as your husband, but when you do want an orgasm you should get one.
  • Pray about your sex life. Together! I remember the first time El Fury and I had sex, and right afterwards he prayed out-loud for our sex life. I thought it was so weird at the time, but looking back I’m so thankful he did, and that moment is one of my most meaningful memories.

I know that most of this post is about orgasms, but that is a really important part to having a fulfilling sex life. That is what satisfies you and also fuels your desire for sex the next time.

And since it’s worth repeating, husbands go check out Do Whatever It Takes to Give Your Wife as Many Orgasms as She Wants. You’re likely to have more and better sex if your wife is having plenty of orgasms.

Please use the contact pages for Sexy Corte and El Fury to send us your questions. We will never reveal your name or any other identifying information. You can ask questions anonymously, or use a free anonymous email server like Mailinator.

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