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If you enjoyed Role-Playing: Diana and Orion then you might like this scenario from reader SLS based on the myth of Cupid and Psyche. (Edited slightly.)

The myth of Cupid (or Eros) and Psyche can also be adapted for sexual role-playing. Here is a very simplified and somewhat modified version of the myth.

Costumes: Cupid will need a bow-and-arrow at the beginning of Scene 1 (or a nerf gun like y’all did). Psyche will need a blindfold and something to represent the “hot oil” spilled on Cupid in Scene 3 (coconut oil maybe?). Psyche will also need some lingerie or a short skirt (see Scenes 4, 5, and 6).

Characters: The husband plays Cupid and the West Wind; the wife plays Psyche.

Setting: Scene 1 occurs outside the bedroom. Scenes 4 and 5 can be acted out by walking from the bedroom (or whatever room works best as Mt. Olympus) to the closet and then back again. Remaining scenes occur in the bedroom.

Scene 1: Cupid and Psyche. Venus is offended by the beauty of the mortal woman Psyche, and commissions her son Cupid to work her revenge. Cupid is sent to shoot Psyche with an arrow so that she may fall in love with something hideous. He instead scratches himself with his own dart, which makes him fall deeply in love with Psyche and disobey his mother’s order.

Psyche has yet to find love and Cupid has the West Wind ferry her to his chambers. Cupid is afraid though that if she knows he is Cupid, the son of Venus, it will ruin things. He therefore has her wear a blindfold as he seduces her and proposes marriage.

Scene 2: Love begins. Psyche accepts Cupid’s proposal and he leads the blindfolded Psyche to the bedroom to consummate their union. Overcome with love for her he can think of nothing else but pleasuring her with his hands and mouth. After a time, she is overcome with pleasure and climaxes. After the intense focus on pleasuring Psyche, a tired Cupid snuggles with his lover and falls asleep.

Scene 3: Love Interrupted. After her climax intense curiosity overcomes Psyche about the identity of her new husband. She removes her blindfold to discover it is Cupid! In her surprise she spills hot oil from the lamp and wakes him. He flees as he is hurt and feels she has rejected him. She pursues but cannot catch him.

Scene 4: The Underworld. Desperate to find her love Psyche seeks out Venus on Mt. Olympus (a.k.a. the bedroom), who is hiding Cupid from her as he recovers from his injury. Venus forces Psyche to complete a monumental task. She is to take a box and obtain in it a dose of the beauty of Proserpina (Persephone), queen of the underworld (a.k.a. the closet).

She journeys to the underworld and the queen seemingly grants her request, sending her back with the box of beauty as well as cladding her in the finest raiment (a.k.a. lingerie).

However, when she returns and opens the box she finds that it is full of lies designed to make her doubt her own beauty and the desire of her lover for her. The onslaught causes her to faint.

Scene 5: The Reunion. Cupid rebukes his mother as he emerges from his convalescence to discover Psyche’s limp body before him. He opens Psyche’s mouth and gives her a few drops of ambrosia to wake her and grant her immortality. (That is, Cupid wakes her with his penis and pre-ejaculate.) He declares his love for her openly in front of the other gods and celebrations begin.

Scene 6: Finale. After their wedding feast in Olympus the two lovers head to Cupid’s bedroom. They stand before a large mirror as Cupid uses his hands to arouses his bride while whispering sweet nothings into her ear. He tells her to never again doubt her own beauty or the effect she has on him.

To prove his words he has her bend over in front of the mirror and pulls up her skirt (as she is so alluring he cannot wait till she is naked). As she watches via the mirror he enters her and passionately rides her until he climaxes.

The End.

We think this stuff is geeky and super-fun. Please share your ideas in the comments!

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We recently returned from vacation and I’m happy to report that Sexy Corte had two orgasms while we were away from home and sharing a building with a ton of extended family. Yay us!

Today we’re excited to share a great idea from a reader who wants to be identified only as “JH”: how to use a hammock as portable outdoor sex furniture.

So I’m a regular reader of your blog and listener to the podcast, but I don’t think that I’ve ever written in. With the growing popularity of hammocking, I thought that might be a great topic for a blog post.

It seems to me that a hammock would be the ideal piece of outdoor sex furniture (with definite indoor possibilities as well). Here are a few of their advantages:

A) inexpensive
B) lightweight
C) portable
D) easy to wash
E) height adjustable
F) typically capable of supporting the weight of a husband and wife together
G) compact – easy to store and conceal
H) typically equipped with their own attached pouch for self storage, which could also be used for carrying and concealing accoutrements such as lube

I’m sure that you can think of others, but here are a few of the position ideas that I came up with:

1) Coital Alignment Technique (CAT) – wife in hammock with husband straddling her
2) rear entry: wife kneels in hammock sideways
3) oral: One spouse lays in the hammock, while the other straddles at head level
4) wife on top: husband lays in the hammock and the wife straddles him.
5) rear entry: husband sits in hammock sideways on the edge and wife bends over in front of him – great for using that swinging motion! (Husband can also lie back with his legs up in the air or on his wife’s back/shoulders – great for a different angle/pressure.)
6) oral: One spouse kneels (or sits… Or stands… Remember, height is adjustable) at the side of the hammock, and the other lays in it sideways and drapes his/her legs over the kneeling spouse’s shoulders.
7) analingus: same as above, but (pun intended) with one spouse kneeling sideways in the hammock, derrière extended out over the side.
8) spooning with the wife on top (aka “the princess and the penis”): both lie in the hammock – traditional or sideways – the wife climbing in on top of the husband.
9) fellatio: wife lies in the hammock with her head turned to the side, husband stands beside her head.

Those are some great ideas, and I’m going to order a hammock right away to keep in the van. Have you ever had sex in a hammock? Got any tips to share? Leave a comment below!

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We get a lot of email from our readers (thank you!) and there’s nothing more gratifying than hearing from a couple we’ve helped to boost their sex life up to the next level. God is good! If you want to level-up your sex life, then consider these two specific types of stories that we hear pretty frequently.

First and best are accounts from couples where the wife has just had her first orgasm in years, or ever! We hear from women who have been married for decades and never had an orgasm before reading our blog, and wow, nothing makes us happier. Other wives haven’t had an orgasm for years for various reasons — childbirth, kids, illness, or inattentive husbands. From these stories, it seems that the wife’s orgasms are a huge blessing to the marriage as a whole and are foundational for a couple’s sex life. Do whatever it takes to give your wife as many orgasms as she wants.

Ann wrote:

So many [posts] have been of benefit to us but particularly learning that sex toys are not “evil”. Historically, I think I had an easier time than many women reaching orgasm, but my changing 50’s body was betraying me and it was horribly frustrating (and my husband know my body, used many approaches, for extended lengths of time and nothing was working. This was not a case of believing PIV was adequate). I truly wondered if orgasms were no longer a to be part of my life. One little vibrator fixed that! Also, a few links you have shared have been of tremendous help as well. Thank you from the depths of both our hearts and bodies!!

Scott wrote:

Favorite post is “Edge-of-the-Bed Sex Positions”. This related to me because it was something we’d already just recently gotten working well (and has taken over as #1 position when using condoms). Even more recently, since reading it, my wife decided to take the vibrator plunge, and both times it was in this position. Amazingly enough, the second time led to her first (awake) O! Took 12 yr, but we finally got there! Late in intercourse, we transitioned to “Packing the Suitcase” from a related position, and that actually seemed to trigger her final ascent. I don’t think I’d have made the change to the positioning without having read that, so I really think we have your website to thank for contributing to her first time!

And now Scott and his wife are enjoying multiple orgasms!

Did want a drop a note that your post here was extremely well timed. It came right after we got my wife her first multiple-O session ever! As I’ve posted here, she’d never achieved a (non-nocturnal) O until less than 5 months ago, and now we’re getting “success” 95% of the time. I won’t go into detail, but this time she basically said to keep going, and a few minutes (and seemingly massive pleasure) later, she got a spectacular second! Let’s just say I had an unshakeable grin for quite some time afterwards. I’m guessing it’ll only be a once per month (or every few months) thing, but it was so thrilling to see my wife WANT that for himself, plus I got the joy of serving her until she got it. :-)

I appreciate what you write here, and it has contributed to my efforts and improved mindset in achieving new heights for my marriage relationship!

Second-best are accounts from couples where the wife is newly willing to perform oral sex and/or swallow. So many couples write to us overjoyed to have tried oral sex for the first time — the husbands are obviously thrilled, but you might be surprised at how blessed the wives are, too.

K wrote:

K
So… I gave it a go and swallowed for the first time today. Thanks for the inspiration! 

Sexy Corte
That’s great! Thanks for letting us know. Was your husband excited?

K
He was thrilled! It was an amazing way to bond- more than I could have imagined. You guys are awesome- don’t stop writing!!

Thunder wrote:

I took the time to have several respectful and heartfelt conversations about sex in general and about oral sex and swallowing specifically.

Earlier this week she let me finish in her mouth for the first time in 10 years. It was an amazing experience. After starting the morning that way (I was almost late for work, but who cares!), I felt very and completely loved the rest of the day.

rita_m wrote:

I’m a Christian woman in my 40s, married with 3 kids and have an enjoyable sex life with husband. I want to please him and swallowing his semen has seemed like a big step to take. We enjoy oral sex a lot and I enjoy giving very much. We progressed to me first tasting and finally swallowing his sperm and it was very strange, like venturing onto new territory sexually. Like having sex for the first time, I was really nervous, wondering how it would taste and feel like. It’s such a powerful act, ejaculation, that I was afraid of “taking it’s full force” in my mouth. I’m glad I did, he enjoys it a lot and it has brought us closer together. Now I almost insist on swallowing every occasion I get! He likes how I embrace this seed of his that he produces, and I enjoy tasting his most intimate flavors and even enjoy the taste with the variation in taste and texture.

So if you’re looking to level-up your sex life consider taking these tips from our readers: as many orgasms as the wife wants, and oral sex for the husband.

What have you done to level-up your sex life? Leave a comment and let us know!

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Here are a few emails from readers that are worth sharing with the community but don’t require long responses from us. (Some of these responses are from Sexy Corte, some are from El Fury, and some are from both of us.)

Reader “TH” asks:

How can I get my wife to read your site without knowing I sent it?

It’s best to cultivate an open channel of communication with your spouse! However, it can be difficult to get the ball rolling at the beginning. We suggest using Mailinator.com to send anonymous emails — you can even use this service to ask us a question if you don’t want to share your real address with! Simply make up a Mailinator address, or use marriedchristiansex@mailinator.com to send your email. (Note: Mailinator is a good way to send anonymously, but it’s hard to get a response back because the service deletes all incoming messages every hour.)

Wife “DO” asks:

Hello! I would like to ask more details on the Old Faithful position. Is it like 69? Does the wife’s butt face the husband’s face?

Just wanted to say thanks for setting up this website, it has been very informative and educational for married Christian couples who need all the help they can get.

For Old Faithful the husband lays on his back and the wife kneels to his side facing him, with her knees spread and near one of his hips. Then the wife bends down over the husband to perform oral sex. The husband reaches up between the wife’s legs to stimulate her at the same time. See also: “New Faithful”, and “Stimulate Both Spouses While One Is Performing Oral”.

Wife “IJ” asks:

My husband and I have been married for ten years and our sex life is AWESOME! And while I know that my husband loves it, I am often the “initiator “ which I don’t mind but I would love for him to be the sex beggar occasionally.

He works hard and doesn’t get enough sleep sometimes so I know he’s tired and I’m a stay home mom of two and I try to do things to make it easy for him at home. For example: I have dinner ready when he gets home, I lay out his towel and washcloth and always have his clothes clean and hung up so that he doesn’t have to lift a finger at home. We were both married before (unfortunately) so I don’t know if there was a lot of rejection there, but I’ve been very open that I’m ok to do it anytime and I’ve never said no. It may just be personality because he does really love it, I want to be clear that there’s no problem there and he’s very considerate of me. I just wonder if you have any advice on how to help him initiate more. Thank you, I just found y’alls website today… I love it.

It sounds like your sex life is pretty great, so yay for you guys!

It’s common for a wife to want/expect her husband to initiate, because women tend to be more “responsive” sexually, and men tend to be more “spontaneous”. Of course, everyone is different and there’s nothing at all “wrong” with you initiating more than your husband.

So, there’s nothing “wrong”, but you’d still like your husband to do more of the initiating. The best thing you can do is tell him! You may be thinking… “but if I tell him to initiate, aren’t I the one initiating?” Maybe, but he can’t read your mind.

Here are some ideas for what to say to him (if these are true):

  1. I love our sex life. You really satisfy me.
  2. I’d love it if you would initiate more. I don’t know if you’re waiting for some signal from me, but don’t bother. I’ll never say no. Just do it and you’ll see. (If he is worried about rejection, tell him explicitly that you won’t turn him away.)
  3. Here are some ways that I’ll signal that I want you: sleep naked, secret message panties, flash my boobs, etc. Make up an “innocent” signal that tells him to hit on you.

Wife “TJ” asks:

Thank you so much for this site. It has helped me and my husband so much!  We have been married for over 24 years and we have only just begun to view sexual intimacy and pleasuring one another in the correct way. I was much too uptight and focused on being a proper, good church girl. I wouldn’t dare admit I was enjoying our sexual encounters, nor would I give him a lot of attention sexually. It’s very sad looking back. We’ve both talked very openly about this over the last few weeks and it’s like we’re on a honeymoon period!  We’re trying things on your site and it’s incredible how close our relationship has become from the sexual intimacy we’ve been sharing. So, thank you so much!

My question is this: I’m having a harder time climaxing from clitoral stimulation (or any kind of stimulation).  We have sex daily, and on most days multiple times.  I’ve talked with him and he understands that I don’t expect to have an orgasm every time we have sex, but he wants me to at least once a day.  Is this difficulty coming from us having sex so often that I can’t get aroused enough to climax, as I did when we went days (and sometimes weeks) between intercourse?

Have you encountered this before?  Do you have suggestions to help me?  Is it possible for a woman to have an orgasm daily or multiple times every day?

Sexy Corte responds:

This is our favorite type of email to receive. I will say that I’m the same, it’s hard for me to have an orgasm every day. I do alright two days in a row, but if I try for three it’s a lot of work! I do best having 2-3 orgasms per week. Other times, I’m happy to have sex without an orgasm because El Fury does want to have one every day. Also, there’s a big difference in the time required — it takes him less than 10 minutes, for me it takes 20-30. I hope this helps and that your sex life with your husband continues to be fun!

And finally, a recommendation from wife “BA”:

I recommend that you try glow in the dark temporary tattoos! I put them all over my breasts, charged them up with a cell phone flashlight, and it made quite the impression in a dark bedroom. Husband keeps searching for them on Amazon now!

We will have to check those out!

We love to hear from our readers, so drop us a line.

Please use the contact pages for Sexy Corte and El Fury to send us your questions. We will only share your question if you give us permission, and we’ll never reveal your name or any other identifying information. You can ask questions anonymously, or use a free anonymous email server like Mailinator.

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An email from new reader “YN”:

Is this site for real? When I started reading I thought it might be a satire like “The Onion”.

My wife and I have been best friends and married for more than five decades, and swallow? Pearl necklace? Maybe in my dreams. Most Christians that I know think intercourse is just for the purpose of procreation, period. Is this a fringe group?

The most frequent emails we get about about more sex and oral sex, but emails like the one above aren’t uncommon and they made me sad. Maybe that feeling is misplaced — YN and his wife might have a great sex life that satisfies them both. But that he says “maybe in my dreams”  makes me think not, and isn’t that tragic?

Fifty years is a long time, but it’s never too late to take your sex life to the next level. Don’t wait! You may not be blessed with fifty years together. Have the hard conversation soon — tonight. Be honest and open and vulnerable. Your sex life with your spouse can be amazing! That’s God’s will.

Proverbs 5:15-20

Drink water from your own cistern,
   running water from your own well.
Should your springs overflow in the streets,
   your streams of water in the public squares?
Let them be yours alone,
   never to be shared with strangers.
May your fountain be blessed,
   and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
A loving doe, a graceful deer—
   may her breasts satisfy you always,
   may you ever be intoxicated with her love.
Why, my son, be intoxicated with another man’s wife?
   Why embrace the bosom of a wayward woman?

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This post is also available as a podcast: Podcast #005: Yes, You Should Swallow

For several years that most popular post on our site has been “Yes, You Should Swallow”. It is the most-viewed individual post, and even though it’s old it still attracts a lot of comments. Since most readers probably don’t read comments to old posts, I thought I’d share a few of the best comments here on the front page (all from wives).

Bonnie from Love, Marriage and Sex left the first comment:

Thanks for the reference! Great post and nice to hear from the male perspective. Definitely agree that wives should try to learn to enjoy swallowing during oral sex.

Jen offers a tip:

I swallow and absolutely love it and would encourage those wives reading this who are leary of it to keep going. Yes, it took a while to get used to. But the intimacy it creates with my husband is beyond spectacular and it is something he loves doing seeing the expression on his face is indescribable. I got used to it by him finishing on my face and after a while I was able to taste it on my lips then I started letting him finish in my mouth. That is all… Jen

Michelle agrees with Jen’s approach:

Just to piggie back on Jen’s posting. Getting a facial from my husband is more of a benefit for both of us. I don’t really like the taste of semen and don’t like it in my mouth. My husband finds it quite a turn on when I let him finish on my face during oral sex. I usually am the one finishing him either with my mouth or with a hand job. My husband loves watching himself drip down my face and chin. I am ok with it and don’t have to take it in my mouth. Good for those couples who enjoy this…

Mia takes pleasure in giving pleasure:

Not sure about most women, but I sure enjoy swallowing! For me I feel like I am doing an incomplete job to my husband if I can’t finish him in my mouth! I am used to the taste, as it is something you need to get used to. If I don’t finish my husband during oral to me that is like having intercourse and not having my hubby finish… That pleases me the most is knowing I made him do that!

Nicole says swallowing is an acquired taste:

I absolutely love swallowing! My husband loves seeing his semen drip out of my mouth and drip down my chin. I must say though it is definitely an acquired taste and may be hard to get used to.

But not every wife likes the post…

Emma really doesn’t like semen:

I’ve attempted swallowing on several occasions. And ended up vomiting every single time. Thankfully we were in the shower each time.

Most women don’t find the taste enjoyable and only do it to please their husband. I find oral in general unbearable, and the thought of swallowing makes me physically ill.

Then again, I dislike sexual fluids in general and refuse to have sex without a condom.

This entire article is absurd in so many aspects that I don’t know where to start.

Ellie doesn’t seem to like sex much at all:

Yeah, not for me…
The five times I’ve chosen to suck my husbands semen depositor, I vomit, once all over him. Yes, I’ve ‘worked on’ my gag reflex to no avail, and the nausea tends to stick with me for hours afterwards. No swallowing or deep sucking for me!! It’s not a wifely duty…sex is not required of women. If a man can’t respect his wife saying ‘no’ then he has problems. Plus sex is ridiculous, ugly and gross, pregnancy is disgusting and children and creepy.

Here are a few others posts on the topic of swallowing:

What do you think? If you leave a comment on this post people will definitely read it!

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Reader Derek left a comment on our post about “Mutual Masturbation and Finishing on Her Body” to share the disappointing results of an experiment by him and his wife:

My wife recently allowed me to ejaculate on her breasts, which has been a desire of mine for quite some time. She was reluctant, but agreed. I could tell she wasn’t real excited about it, after the act. I had a wet washcloth there to clean her, afterwards. She has never liked to have my semen on her, even when some just gets on her thigh, etc , which is a little disappointing. Unfortunately, I don’t think this will continue to be part of our sexual routine.

But at least they tried something new right? That’s a win all by itself!

A few days later Derek left another comment, and their win had become a huge victory thanks to the power of communication.

Just wanted to give a HUGE shout-out to Communication!!

The night after the experience mentioned above, my wife and I had an awesome conversation about sex. Just laying in bed together, I asked her how she felt about what I had done, and if I had upset her. Much to my surprise, she said (and I’m paraphrasing) “No, in fact, the warmness of you on me felt kinda good.” Turns out, the wet washcloth I had waiting, had turned ice cold while we were having sex, and that’s the part that she didn’t like (haha, note to self, HOT washcloth!)

We continued our conversation for nearly 2 hours, talking about likes/dislikes/boundaries, etc. It was great, and I think will lead to even better sexual encounters ahead!

Thanks again for the great blog, and encouraging all of us to make our physical love a top priority in our marriages!!

Sexy Corte and I are always excited to read emails and comments like this. It brings us great joy to hear that we’ve played a tiny part in helping a married couple improve their sex life — and we believe it pleases God too! Please don’t hesitate to email or comment to share your sexual victories with us.

Be brave and talk to your spouse about sex.

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We hope you all had a Merry Christmas and are looking forward to 2018. To finish up the year here at Married Christian Sex, we want to share some emails we’ve gotten from our readers — mostly questions for Sexy Corte that have piled up! We love reading your comments and questions, so please shoot us a message (El Fury or Sexy Corte) and we’ll do our best to get back to you. As always, we won’t share anything on the blog without your permission, and we never share names or email addresses.

We especially love to hear from people who have been blessed by our blog! Husband “ONN” writes a very encouraging note:

We came across your blog about a month ago and started reading all the articles you have. We had a very good marriage and a wonderful sex life and didn’t think it could get much better than what it was. We have started applying some of the things we read and have stepped our marriage up to a whole new level. We have decided that we will try new things with an open mind to see how it feels and then decide if we like it or not. Now that you have opened our minds to some of the scripture it is easier to do some of things that are considered taboo and not feel like we are sinning or shameful. We are more relaxed and don’t miss a day without having sex at least once. Now our expectation is that we are having sex every night and we look forward to it. The article that started us was the one titled “yes you should swallow”. After reading that and showing my wife the article we began talking about it and left it up to her for the final decision. When she finally decided to do it I was amazed and very excited about it. This opened up our minds to trying new experiences and techniques. We have decided that as long as it helps our marriage and only involves the two of us we will try it and see if we like it.

Thank you for posting these articles and helping people have a more fulfilling sex life the way God intended it to be.  This is all I have time to write, it is time for us to go have sex now!!

Wife “GP” asks Sexy Corte about shaving:

I’ve been married for 6 years. I perform oral sex for my husband a good bit and we both enjoy it. However, I really want him to perform oral on me too. He’s mentioned it a good bit during intimate moments but I just brush it off. I’m a little embarrassed for him to because of my hair. If I shave, I break out in bumps bad. Any advice?

And SC replies:

Hair definitely gets in the way of oral! :) I don’t shave completely because of the bumps, but leave a little ‘landing strip’ so that it doesn’t get rough.

Questions about shaving come up a lot, including from wife “IT” who includes some encouragement for us:

I’ve got a question about shaving. I’m using hormone replacement therapy (BHRT) that really improves my libido, but also causes my hair “down there” to grow faster. I like to keep it bare, but do I need a personal shaver or something?

Also, I just wanted to say how much I appreciate how candid you two are on your blog! I had never considered using a vibrator before… it had to be “wrong”. I had always been able to reach orgasm from my husband’s touch, but over time he has had to work harder and harder to get me there. After reading your blog we decided to use an egg vibrator, and we both love it! It’s easier for both of us, and the sex is great! I bet lots of wives would be more motivated for sex if they knew how much fun it could be.

We love these emails! SC responds:

Thanks so much for the encouragement! Our whole goal is to help married couples find joy in sex. I’m so glad our site has been a blessing to you!

Shaving is tricky, and everyone is different. I totally understand about the prickly thing, which is why I always leave a “landing strip” (which is like a little runway of hair where it would otherwise never totally shave smooth). I do trim that hair, but haven’t ever liked shaving it completely off. I hadn’t seen the personal shaver before, but if you don’t have luck with your razor it might be worth a try. I do just fine using my regular razor, and as long as I keep up on it every few days it works great. We have a small ledge in our shower that I can put my foot up on and that helps a ton with being able to see what I’m shaving, and push things around to get to the right spot.

You know, I used to think a vibrator or sex toys were “wrong”, but I think it’s where your heart is. A vibrator has completely changed our sex life, and it enhances our intimacy. My focus, even when using a vibrator, is on EF — my love for him, how he is making me feel. An orgasm is an incredibly powerful thing, and I’m so thankful there is a way I can experience that during sex. It makes me want my husband, not a vibrator!

Wife “LL” asks Sexy Corte about being dominant in bed:

My husband and I have been married 6 years and have a good relationship in general but our sex life is lacking at times, especially since he really enjoys me being dominant over him and using bondage and I struggle with being dominant and can’t really come up with anything creative to do so I just end up playing out basically the same scene over and over. I want to do better so he and I can both enjoy sex more. Any advice? Thanks for all you and your husband do. I really appreciate your website and all the articles you have to encourage Christian couples in their sex lives. This world needs it.

To which SC replies:

It’s great that you are willing to try this for your husband! Maybe start small and try to be dominant in other ways so that you build up some confidence for the bigger stuff. Grab him in a tight embrace and kiss him in an unexpected moment. Write a note telling him what you are going to do to him later (it doesn’t even have to be something bondage-related). Taking initiative in smaller things might help you when you are in those bigger moments. EF always likes the professor/student and pirate role-playing.

Husband “JY” asks how to help his wife enjoy sex more:

My wife and I have been married for almost two years. Before we were married I was not deep in my faith, I watched porn, and had sex. My wife knew this, and helped me become a better man. When we started to date I stopped watching porn, and we didn’t have sex until our wedding night. We did however dry hump and both of us would climax at relatively the same time. Since our marriage, I can tell that my wife doesn’t really enjoy/ get pleasure from sex. I’ve tried to talk with her, and she tells me that her pleasure is doing it for me. But I want her to enjoy it. When I bring up things like giving her oral or me receiving it she says that those things make her feel gross. We’ve talked and I have expressed my interest in expanding our sex life, but she doesn’t seem interested. I honestly just want her to enjoy sex the way that I do. She hasn’t had an orgasm for over two years, because I don’t believe she is stimulated during sex, and won’t let me try things that could stimulate her. I’m not really sure what else to do. I love my wife very much, and I know that god made sex something for husband and wife to enjoy, and I’m afraid she is missing out on such a pleasurable feeling and intimacy. Any ideas or thoughts from either of you would be very much appreciated.

SC replies:

If you and your wife have good communication, I would in a very non-threatening way ask her if she has ever had an orgasm. It’s possible she hasn’t. Ask if she would be willing to let you focus on her. There are a number of things you can try, but focus on her clitoris, not just penetration. It takes me a good 20 minutes of clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm, and that’s with EF starting with his hand and finishing with a vibrator. If EF uses his hand it’s probably more like 45 minutes. Use lube as well.  I would also try to pay attention to her cycle. Two weeks after the start of a woman’s period is when they typically ovulate, and that’s when sex drive is the highest. For me, it’s much easier to have an orgasm during this part of my cycle.

Wife “SL” asks how to learn what turns her on:

Hello! My husband and I have been enjoying your blog since we got married in May 2015. Our sex life isn’t awful (thanks to God blessing us with good communication), but it definitely isn’t what we know it can be. This is largely due to the fact that my husband has a large vocabulary of sexual things he likes and really knows what turns him on and I don’t. We have tried to explore lots of things and your blog has been very helpful, but I still struggle with knowing my likes and turn-ons. I think not comparing my sex drive/desires to my husband and expecting myself to be just like him is my biggest hangup. Any suggestions of how to explore and figure out what my turn-ons are? Questions I should ask myself? Books that might be helpful?

SC replies:

I think it’s ok if you don’t have a “large vocabulary”! I don’t think I will ever get tired of the standard, me-on-top to orgasm. We do that position at least twice a week and it still thrills me. So finding something that works really well and sticking with it is definitely fine. I’m hoping you know what gets you to orgasm best — and if you don’t, that is a matter of trying different things until you find something that works. For us, we were at least a year into marriage before we figured out what really worked for me. I also think throwing in the occasional new thing keeps your sex life exciting, and it sounds like your husband needs that. Since you are already good with communication (that is a great blessing!) talk about your expectations and what each of you can do to make sure you both have a fulfilling sex life.

You may also want to check out the “Would you rather?” game that we’ve posted, and make some index cards based on that list. It will help you and your husband discover new things.

That’s all the letters for now! We pray that God will bless your marriage, and use your marriage to be a blessing to others. Thanks for a fantastic 2017, and join us in the comment section below.

 

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We get a lot of emails with questions and comments — which are great! — but nothing is more gratifying than hearing from readers who have experienced a positive change in their sex lives thanks to our blog. We believe it’s God’s will for every married couple to have amazing sex, and we’re thrilled to play even a small role in spreading that blessing.

This email from “FN” is so exciting! Who wouldn’t want a marriage like this?

Hello SC! I just wanted to write and thank you for your website. You have given me so much, I don’t know, liberty maybe? My husband and I will be celebrating our 30th anniversary in September. We were each other’s first and only sex partners over all these years, but because of me our sex life wasn’t always good. My husband had every reason to go elsewhere (and I thank God daily that he didn’t). I changed over the years and sex got better but I was really thinking only about myself or “doing the deed” to keep him satisfied. There were things he wanted to do but I just didn’t know if they were acceptable for Christians. Some of these things I became okay with over time, but there were still others that I cringed at every time he suggested them.

A week ago after having sex where he just did not orgasm (and he does almost all the time) he asked me if I was having sex just to please him — did I really want it? Well, I did — we had found a really good position that had made me climax a couple of times and I really liked it, but his comment was like a slap in the face and I realized that I still wasn’t pleasing my man. I did a google search for what was acceptable in a Christian marriage and came across your website. I read, read, and read some more. That night we had the most amazing sex, and our attitude has lasted all week! We’ve been having sex two or three times every day! I think we’ve had more sex in the past week then we did in the last six months. Sad I know.

I am so hot for my husband right now, I only remember feeling this way a handful of times over the years. I have been obsessing about sex with him all week. We ordered new toys and sexy nighties, and I can’t wait for them to arrive. I have been spicing up every evening and we have been going to bed much earlier than normal. He is in heaven and wonders who I am, so I shared this site with him.

My children really need to hurry up and move out so I can meet him at the door in my birthday suit! (I do love my children but I’m ready for the empty nest/house so we can have sex anywhere!) Thank you again for your site. I wish I had read articles like yours 30 years ago, but I’m looking forward to the remaining years God gives us together.

If reading this email makes you sad or envious because your sex life isn’t everything it could be, don’t despair! God answers prayers, and he wants you to have a strong marriage and a great sex life with your spouse. Pray, confess any sin in your life that is hampering your marriage, communicate with your spouse, see a doctor if you need to… do whatever it takes to strengthen your marriage and invigorate your sex life! Let the email above be an encouragement to you.

If you have a similar story to share, please leave a comment!

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We love hearing from couples who enjoy reading our blog together! Reader “J” sent in this quick tip that’s simple to apply in any marriage: get wet and naked together!

We have really enjoyed reading your blog. My wife and I were talking about this site and wondering what we did different that we would like to add to the discussion. Here’s one thing we came up with:

For all of our marriage my wife and I have talked best when either in the bath or shower together. It’s easy to talk about anything if you’re naked… On top of that one of the greatest things I have ever learned to do for her is to shave her legs. It takes time and patience and it apparently makes her feel cared for and pampered. I’d highly recommend every guy try that with his wife. Plus you get to play with her legs… What’s not to like about that?

Sounds nice and intimate to me! Here are some tips for having sex in the water. We’d love to hear from you too, so leave a comment or contact us using the links on the left.

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