Perfect Example of Trying Again 1

This post is a follow-up to conversation we had with wife “LT” about the struggles she and her husband were having with doggy style. LT was very open about their challenges, and several of our readers shared their experiences and guidance in the comments to the earlier post. You can go read the first exchange at the link above, but to refresh your memory LT started her email with:

Hey, I’m struggling with something and I hope you can offer me some advice. My husband and I have been married for over 10 years. Two weeks ago we finally tried having sex in the doggy style position. I had an open mind, but I absolutely hated it.

To their great credit LT and her husband decided to try doggy style again; here’s how it went.

Thank you once again for all your help. You and your husband have been very kind. I’ve read and reread your advice and all the comments, and my husband and I decided to try again. We’ve spoken about it, and I explained, to the best of my ability, how it made me feel. I told him that it is really difficult for me and that I need him go very slowly, and I need him to hold my hand during it.

So, we decided to try it again. We did for a few minutes, but at some point in time, it began to feel too intense. The feelings of vulnerability were too intense. Everything was just too intense. My husband was lovely, he was going very slowly and held my hand in his the entire time. He also would ask me how I am doing all the time. It was very sweet. I was really trying to let the feelings pass, and really tried to enjoy the new sensations. I wanted to enjoy it. I wanted to do it for my husband, and I wanted to do it for myself. But, at some point in time I just broke into tears right there in bed with us still “doing it”. I do not know what it was, but I was just completely overcome with emotion. I cannot remember the last time I was that emotional, but it resonated through my entire body. I just sobbed. I was just so embarrassed. My poor husband was trying his hardest to console me, but it was just pouring out of me.

After, I guess, about an hour of this, we finally made love “normally” face-to-face and it was perfect. I really enjoyed it. I thank you and all the readers for their advice, it was very helpful and insightful. But, I feel that I just really need more intimacy when we make love and I just cannot picture myself ever enjoying sex in that position.

P.S., Feel free to share on the blog if you feel like it would help the discussion. Sorry that I was not a success story.

Let’s begin with the postscript: we think this experience was a great success! Let’s count the ways.

  • They communicated openly and honestly. It’s hard to have difficult conversations with your spouse about sex. LT was very specific about how she felt and what she needed, and her husband was receptive to her needs. We get zillions of emails from people who are so embarrassed to talk directly with their spouse about sex that they spend decades wishing without ever asking. Good conversations about sex increase intimacy and improve your sexual experiences with your spouse.
  • They tried again. It’s easy to give up when things get difficult. It’s easy to evade and avoid. It’s easy to not talk about it. It’s easy to do what’s comfortable and safe. It’s easy to try once and quit. LT and her husband overcame all these excuses and put their best effort into trying again, and that’s a success.
  • They shared emotional intimacy. Both LT and her husband were willing to be extremely vulnerable with each other. It’s really beautiful to read about their emotional intimacy from LT’s perspective, and it’s obvious that they’re willing to share the depths of their souls with each other. Emotional intimacy is often deepened most by sharing difficult experiences, and demonstrating vulnerability and trust is a big success.
  • They finished strong after the frustration. Even after the emotionally draining attempt with doggy style LT and her husband stuck together and made a “perfect” intimate experience. It can be hard to maintain or restart a sexual encounter when it gets disrupted, especially by perceived “failure”, but LT and her husband put in the work to finish strong and end with a success.

LT’s story is a perfect example of trying again. LT and her husband put their best effort into trying doggy style, and even though the attempt didn’t go as planned they were successful in several ways that are more important than merely “accomplishing” a specific sexual position.

Near the end of her email LT writes, “I just cannot picture myself ever enjoying sex in that position.” Is she right? Should they try again again? LT and her husband gave doggy style their best effort and LT didn’t enjoy it, so it’s reasonable for them to think that it’s time to move on. There’s no need to burn yourself out (or your spouse) by repeating the same frustrations over and over. After you “try, try again” and give some sexual activity your best effort, give yourself (and your spouse) permission to let it go…

… for now. No one knows what the future will bring. People change. Give it a few months, or a year, and try again with an open mind. You never know — you might surprise yourself!

What’s your experience with trying again? Are there any sexual activities that you have a hard time with? Have you had any great experiences trying again? Please share with us in the comments!

Hands-Free Vibrator in Doggy Style 2

We use a vibrator when we have sex to help Sexy Corte reach orgasm easily and reliably, but this ties up one of my hands and limits our range of positions — what to do? Well, we’ve finally found a solution, at least for one position!

When we have sex, Sexy Corte typically starts on top and rides me while I use an egg vibrator on her clitoris until she has one or more orgasms. This is the easiest position for her to climax and we use it 90% of the time. One of the reasons this position has worked so well for us is that it’s comfortable for me to hold the vibrator against her and it’s comfortable for both of us for her to straddle me. Unlike most of the sex positions you’ll find online, we can actually hold this position until Sexy Corte orgasms!

This usual approach works very well, but we enjoy trying new things and I’ve wanted to find some way to comfortably reach Sexy Corte with a vibrator in another position — and even better would be finding a way to free up my hands for other activities. So here’s what we’re experimenting with right now.

We’ve written a lot about the doggy style position, and now we’ve found a couple of toys that can help Sexy Corte reach orgasm in this position while keeping my hands free! The first is an inflatable tube-shaped bolster pillow with a mysterious hole built into it. What’s the hole for? The item description doesn’t say. It could be for anything… your remote control, your tiny drink… who knows?

Hands-Free Vibrator in Doggy Style 3
Inflatable bolster pillow with mysterious hole visible near the far end of the pillow.

Well, we found the perfect thing to stick in the hole: our wand vibrator.

Hands-Free Vibrator in Doggy Style 4
A simple wand vibrator.

The process is simple:

  • Turn the wand vibrator on and push the handle down into the hole on the pillow. The hole is tight enough to hold the vibrator securely in position.
  • Turn the pillow so the head of the vibrator is sticking out and pointing up.
  • Wife straddles the pillow so the vibrator is on her clitoris, and bends over into the doggy style position.
  • Wife rests her body on the pillow and rubs against the vibrator while husband enters her from behind.

We’re still experimenting with this new hands-free vibrator position — we aren’t used to the position yet so Sexy Corte takes longer to climax and I have trouble holding my orgasm back! Obviously we need a lot more practice.

Now that we’ve found a hands-free way to use a vibrator there must be a ton of other positions to try it in. Do you have any suggestions? Have you found any other ways to use a vibrator hands-free? Let us know in the comments.

Sex Q&A: Wife on Doggy Style: "I felt too exposed and vulnerable" 5

The doggy style position occupies a prominent place in our mental landscape and carries a lot of different connotations, both positive and negative. Wife “LT” wrote to us about her mental, emotional, and physical struggle with the position and agreed to let us share her emails in the hope that this discussion will be helpful and that other women would offer their perspective on doggy style as well.

Wife LT began:

Hey, I’m struggling with something and I hope you can offer me some advice. My husband and I have been married for over 10 years. Two weeks ago we finally tried having sex in the doggy style position. I had an open mind, but I absolutely hated it.

Firstly, I hated the lack of eye-contact. Not being able to see or kiss my husband made me feel very insecure. I tried looking back at him as much as I could, but it was physically awkward turning my head. I also felt that the position was too submissive. I felt too exposed and vulnerable. I had no control. My husband and I have a very equal relationship, and being so submissive felt wrong to me. I really missed the intimacy and closeness of the missionary position. I just did not feel loved. As we were doing it, all I could think about was how much I wanted for my husband to just tell me that he loves me and for him to kiss me. At some point I even reached out and held my husband’s hand as I was craving some sort of a connection. I held his hand the entire time until he had orgasmed. Being able to hold his hand during it made it slightly more bearable.

When my husband finished, I went straight to the bathroom and cried. Now I regret ever doing it, and I never want to feel like that again. I guess my question is whether what I am feeling makes sense, and how do I tell my husband about this as he seemed to have enjoyed it. Thank you so much.

I wrote back:

I understand your struggle with this position. It’s a position that in certain contexts can indicate a level of inferiority. You feel like it lacks intimacy and puts you in a role that you feel like you aren’t being respected by your husband. I hope my thoughts can help you see doggy style in a different way and encourage you to communicate your thoughts to your husband.

First, I would focus on the truth that you know about your husband rather than project speculative thoughts onto him. In general, do you feel like you have a close, intimate relationship with your husband? Do you feel like your husband holds you in high regard and respects you? If both of those are true, then you have no reason to fear that doing this position will make your husband think less of you or your relationship. For El Fury, the angle of this position allows him to connect with me in a different way because he can push deeper inside of me. It’s different from other positions. Because of that, it feels incredible to him. For me, if I am highly aroused, it feels great to me as well for that same reason, he touches a part of me that he otherwise wouldn’t reach. With that said, we usually only do doggy style after I orgasm. If we start with it, I’m usually not aroused enough and it can be painful.  I tell you that because I’m thinking it will help you to understand why your husband might like that position.

For the vulnerability aspect, submission doesn’t have to mean it’s demeaning. Vulnerability is an indication of trust, which can be incredibly intimate. When El Fury and I try new things, I know that I can trust him not to go too far, or lose control, or do anything that would hurt me. Knowing that is very meaningful to me. I think from his end, knowing that I trust him with those things is meaningful to him as well!

I think it would be great for you to talk to your husband. Ask him questions, find out what he liked about it. Tell him your concerns and make a plan together on if you will incorporate this position into your sex lives in the future. In my own marriage, this position is like an accent position, and done with the right intent can feel pretty great. I hope this helps! I prayed for you that you would be able to have a good conversation with your husband about this.

LT replied:

Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful reply. I think I see what you mean by how the shared vulnerability can be meaningful. You are also 100% correct that I do need to talk to my husband about it. I guess at this point I am still struggling to process my own thoughts and feelings. As I’ve said in my initial letter, it just felt awful to me. I felt violated. My husband and I are indeed in a good loving relationship, so I am not sure why my emotions were so strong. In fact, it felt a little better when I could hold my husband’s hand during it. I was craving more of my husband (not less).  I would be happy for you to share my post on your blog if it means that perhaps I could get some more feedback from other readers.

I may need some time to make sense of this.

It can take time and prayer to process complex thoughts and emotions, so give yourself that space. Hopefully your husband will be gracious and eager to learn more about you!

El Fury adds:

LT: Good for you and your husband for experimenting! It sounds like you have a solid sex life together, which is something to be thankful for. I’ll jump on the end of this post to offer a husband’s perspective. Every man is different, so take my views with a grain of salt and be sure to talk to your own husband to get his perspective.

First, yes, doggy style feels physically great! The position lends itself to deeper penetration and greater tightness than positions where the wife’s legs are spread open. Doggy style also gives the husband a wide range of motion, a beautiful view, and lots of fun things to do with his hands. These are all pretty obvious reasons why a husband is likely to enjoy doggy style.

Second, it’s worth exploring the emotional and relational elements of doggy style. I want to highlight a portion of what LT wrote:

I also felt that the position was too submissive. I felt too exposed and vulnerable. I had no control. My husband and I have a very equal relationship, and being so submissive felt wrong to me.

For a husband it is extremely arousing to receive willing sexual vulnerability and submission from his wife. Men love feeling dominant and powerful, and it’s emotionally arousing when your wife trusts you enough to submit to you sexually. The wife being “exposed and vulnerable” is one of the best parts of doggy style; if you can embrace this emotional facet of your sex life it can lead to incredible intimacy. Many a husband fantasizes of commanding his wife to “bend over” or “get down on your knees” and receiving eager, enthusiastic submission.

LT: Bluntly, your husband may have liked doggy style for the exact same reason that it made you uncomfortable. This doesn’t mean your husband doesn’t love and respect you — I’m sure he does. But he also wants to go beast mode and *blank* you like an animal sometimes. Both things can be true at once.

After an emotionally intense sexual encounter it’s important to kiss and cuddle and reinforce the gentler elements of the relationship, and I think this was missing from your foray into doggy style. Before you try it again, make sure you tell your husband how intense it will be for you and help him understand the support you’ll want from him before, during, and after. This conversation might make your husband reluctant to try doggy style again for fear of making you uncomfortable, so you might need to verbally or physically reassure him that you’re serious about it, that you trust him and want to be vulnerable. Create an opportunity for your husband to be dominant and give him permission to take it.

If you want to read more about why sexual submission and vulnerability from the wife is arousing to her husband, check out these posts:

Readers, especially wives, what do you think about doggy style? Is it emotionally intense for you? Does vulnerability help create intimacy? Leave a comment and let us know.

Update: Make sure to check out the conclusion to this story in the post, Perfect Example of Trying Again.

Please use the contact pages for Sexy Corte and El Fury to send us your questions. We will never reveal your name or any other identifying information.

How to Present Your Body to Your Husband For His Admiration 6

After posting How To Admire Your Husband’s Penis (and the related podcast episode) we received a couple of emails asking for advice on how a husband can admire his wife’s body. We’re going to tackle that question in this post, beginning with some advice for a wife on how to present her body to her husband for his admiration and attention.

A husband usually isn’t hesitant to flaunt his penis in front of his wife, particularly during a sexual encounter, but many women are shy about their bodies even with their husbands. We receive frequent emails from female readers who suffer from body shame in one form or another, which is very common in our culture today. On this blog we encourage readers to put an effort into being fit and attractive for their spouses, but you’ve got to maintain realistic expectations for yourself and your spouse. This blog can’t solve everyone’s body fears (not even our own), but for the purposes of this post we’re going to assume that you can overcome any anxiety you may have over your body and put your best self forward for your spouse!

“Presentation is everything” generally refers to food, but men are visual creatures and our hunger is naturally drawn to anything that looks tasty — including our wives. In Get (and Give) a Better View of the Action we shared some tips for positioning your bodies during sex so that you can watch the penetration happening, but in this post we’re going to focus on foreplay. Wife, your husband wants to see your naked body! All of it. He wants to devour you with his eyes (and hopefully his mouth too). When you discard your shyness and anxiety and present your body to him, he will make it worth your while.

Here are some tips for how a wife can present her body to her husband:

  • Naked. Sexy lingerie is fine for some occasions, but for the purposes of sexual presentation you want to be naked and uncovered. Let him see your whole body.
  • Clean. Be clean and well-groomed. Make yourself appetizing. Wash, shave, brush your teeth, etc.
  • Unashamed. Don’t be shy and withdrawn, be bold! Put yourself out there, mind and body. Shoulders back. Back arched. Head up.
  • Vulnerable. Be willing to be vulnerable in front of your husband. Let him see and touch you. Don’t shy away from his eyes or hands.
  • Open. Keep an open posture — spread your legs open to reveal your lady bits; keep your arms down at your sides or behind your back to expose your breasts; keep your head up and your eyes open.
  • Inviting. If your husband is shy, invite him to look at you and touch you. Ask him how he wants you to position yourself, or if he wants you to touch yourself. Help him to be comfortable admiring you.
  • Submissive. Follow your husband’s lead. Even if he’s being shy, invite him to take control of you. Ask him to lead you, and then do what he says.
  • Eye contact. Keep your eyes on your husband. You don’t need to stare constantly into his eyes, but make sure he has your attention while he admires you.
  • Enthusiastic and responsive. Don’t be reluctant or hesitant, or your husband might back off. Be enthusiastic for him and respond to his admiration with obvious pleasure.

There are several positions that are particularly good for a wife to present herself to her husband. The purpose of these positions is to give your husband a good view of your body and to make your body available for his admiration and enjoyment.

  • Standing. Stand up straight, spread your feet shoulder-width apart, put your shoulders back, put your arms behind your back, arch your back, and hold your head up.
  • Kneeling. Sit on your heels with your knees spread, hands on your thighs, shoulders back, back arched, head up.
  • Spread-eagle. Lie on your back with your legs open and your arms over your head or at your sides. You can keep your legs flat, or lift your knees, or lift your legs up into the air depending on how good of a view you want to give your husband.
  • Doggy-style. On your hands and knees, with your butt facing your husband. Knees slightly apart, back arched. Keep your head up and look back at your husband over your shoulder — you’ll probably see a look of pure lust on his face.

Now that the wife is presenting herself, what can the husband do to admire her body? We’re going to copy some of the ideas from How to Admire Your Husband’s Penis and adapt them for a husband admiring his wife.

  • Don’t be afraid of your wife’s body. If your wife is using the ideas above, she’s presenting her body to you because she wants you to look at her and touch her. Don’t be shy. She’s inviting you in. If you hesitate or act uncomfortable she’s going to notice and feel self-conscious herself. Your boldness and eagerness for her will increase your wife’s confidence.
  • Explore your wife’s body. Use your eyes, hands, fingers, and mouth to explore your wife’s body. When your wife presents herself to you don’t jump straight into sex — take some time to enjoy the meal! Don’t focus exclusively on her sexual parts; show her that you admire her whole body. Go slowly. Show your admiration for her body through your touch.
  • Be confident and take control. Your wife is making herself vulnerable and submissive, so you need to lead the activities. Don’t be reluctant to tell her how to move or position herself, but remember that the focus is on her body, not yours! Guide her to the behavior that will help you pleasure and admire her. Try telling her what to do instead of moving her yourself — give her an opportunity to be submissive.
  • Admire your wife’s physicality. Tell your wife how much you love her body. Be specific: what do you like about it? Not just what parts, but what qualities? For example:
    • “I love the way you smell”
    • “I love the way you taste”
    • “You’re so soft and warm”
    • “Your breasts look amazing”
    • “I love the way you feel in my hands”
    • “I want to feel myself slide into you”
    • “Looking at you makes me so hard”
    • “I can’t help staring at you”
    • “I’ve been wanting to see you like this all day”
    • “You’re so wet, you must want something”
  • Tell her what you’re going to do to her sexually. Just like men, women want to be wanted. Tell your wife how much you want to make love with her, and what you want to do with her.
    • “I can’t wait to get my hands all over you”
    • “I’m going to make you scream in pleasure”
    • “I’m going to kiss every inch of your body”
    • “I’m going to eat you out till you beg me to stop”
    • “I’m going to explode if I can’t get inside you”
  • Responsiveness during sex. Admire your wife’s body while you’re having sex.
    • Moaning and groaning in general are sexy. Don’t act deceptivelyjust verbalize the pleasure you’re feeling.
    • “Your body feels so good against me”
    • “You’re so tight on me”
    • “You feel so good in my arms”
    • “I love feeling your legs wrapped around me”
    • “You look so sexy when you ride me”
    • “I’m going to explode inside you”
    • “I can’t wait to feel your orgasm”
  • Admire her body after sex. Tell your wife how much you enjoyed her body.
    • “Your body is amazing”
    • “You’re so sexy”
    • “I love the way you were moving”
    • “I love holding you while you orgasm”
    • “It feels so good to come inside you”
    • “You know just how to touch me”
    • “I never want to let your body go”

Whew, that’s a long post! Hopefully these ideas will help wives be open and vulnerable with their bodies, and help husbands to show admiration and love for their wives. If you’ve got any more ideas or questions, leave a comment below!

How to increase the feeling of length and girth, and how to get deeper penetration.

If this podcast is a blessing to you, please leave us a 5-star review on iTunes or wherever you listen to podcasts.

How to Make Most of the Size You’ve Got: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/physical-techniques/how-to-make-most-of-the-size-youve-got/

How to Get Deeper Penetration: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/physical-techniques/how-to-get-deeper-penetration/

How to Admire Your Husband’s Penis: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/mental-techniques/how-to-admire-your-husbands-penis/

"Domestikator": Too Hot for the Louvre 7

Apparently this hotel/sculpture, titled “Domestikator”, was too hot to display at the Louvre. (And now the piece is getting a lot more attention than it ever would have if the museum hadn’t removed it.)

The French publication Le Monde reported that the Louvre’s director, Jean-Luc Martinez, sent a letter to Fiac raising concerns about the piece.

“Online commentaries point out this work has a brutal aspect,” Mr. Martinez said in the letter. “It risks being misunderstood by visitors to the gardens.”

The museum also raised concerns about the sculpture, which is 40 feet high, being situated near a children’s playground.

Ok, so maybe playground-adjacent isn’t the best location for a 40-foot-tall depiction of doggy style.

The Magic Corner Position 8

Most women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, and providing that during intercourse can sometimes require complicated contortions! Sexy Corte orgasms most easily when she’s on top and we wedge a bullet vibrator between our bodies, but we’ve also been experimenting with some ideas for helping her climax in the missionary position. We’ve written before about using a vibrator in doggy style, and today I want to mention another variation: bending your wife over the corner of the bed.

The position is pretty simple. First, the wife stands facing the bed, straddling the corner with her thighs. Then she bends over, putting her chest onto the bed, keeping her feet on the floor, and positioning her lady bits right over the corner. Finally, the husband stands on the floor and enters her from behind, like standing doggy style. But here’s the big idea: while most of the wife’s weight is being supported by the bed (instead of her arms), she now has several options for stimulating her clitoris during intercourse.

  • Reach under herself to use her fingers.
  • Reach under herself to hold a vibrator.
  • Rub her clitoris against the surface of the bed.

When using a vibrator during kneeling doggy style, it can be difficult for the wife to position her head and shoulders comfortably while simultaneously reaching between her legs to hold a vibrator. Resting her body on the corner of the bed solves that, while also leaving space for the husband’s legs to stand. If your bed has a foot-board or corner posts you might still be able to make this position work by using wedge pillows or another piece of furniture that’s the right height.

Here are a few ideas for modifying the magic corner position:

  • Pick the wife’s feet up off the floor and put them on the husband’s shoulders.
  • Massage the wife’s back with lotion or oil.
  • You’re both facing the same direction, so make a bifecta out of it by watching your favorite show together.
  • Draw a henna tattoo on the wife’s back or butt, or just use a marker if you have one handy.
  • Ask the wife if she’s been naughty — this is a great position for spanking.
  • Since the wife is holding the vibrator, have her ask permission to orgasm and hold her on the edge as for long as she can stand it.

What do you think? Leave your ideas in the comments!

How to Get Deeper Penetration 9

This post is also available as a podcast: Podcast #008: How to Make the Most of the Size You’ve Got

We recently wrote about how to make the most of the size you’ve got and talked a bit about penis anxiety — the common fear among men that their penises just aren’t good enough. Go back and read that post for some survey data that reveals that men care more about penis size than women do. For the most part, girth is more important than length, and the previous post gave some tips for how to feel thicker.

In 2001, Russell Eisenman published a paper in BMC Women’s Health wherein 50 women were asked whether girth or length contributed more to their sexual pleasure. Ninety-percent of the surveyed women responded that the thickness of a penis was a more important elicitor of pleasure.

You may be surprised to learn that the average penis is more than long enough to reach the end of the average vagina — even accounting for the fact that the vagina lengthens when the woman becomes aroused!

The most commonly used measurements regarding the size of vaginas come from Masters and Johnson’s work from the 1960s. They looked at 100 women who had never been pregnant and found that vagina lengths, unstimulated, range from 2.75 inches to about 3.25 inches. When a woman is aroused, it increased to 4.25 inches to 4.75 inches. Regardless of how long the vagina is, the area that is thought to be important for most women’s sexual response is the outer one-third.

(The average American man’s penis is 5.6 inches long when erect with a girth of 4.8 inches.)

And as that quote indicates, the outermost one-third of the vagina, near the opening, contains 90% of the vaginal nerve endings and is much more sensitive to touch than the deeper two-thirds of the vagina.

How to Get Deeper Penetration 10

Taking all that information into account, we can conclude that penis length matters a lot less than we husbands often think. Nonetheless, achieving the deepest penetration possible for you and your spouse can still be extremely pleasurable for a variety of reasons.

  • Nerves in the lower shaft of the penis are often the most powerful trigger for male orgasm. Shallow penetration (and stimulation of the head of the penis) feels extremely good but often doesn’t lead to a quick climax. Approaches like the frenulum technique or tip top technique are awesome for a slow build-up and edging (and will generally lead to orgasm eventually), but stimulating the nerves along the whole shaft will generally get you there faster.
  • Feeling of fullness. Even though the upper part of the vagina doesn’t have as many nerve endings as the lower third, filling it up can give the wife a pleasurable sense of fullness. The vaginal fornices (anterior fornix and posterior fornix) are to the front and back of the cervical opening, and stimulating them can produce an indirect feeling of pleasure. Because of the angle of the wife’s body, usually only the anterior fornix can be stimulated in missionary position; but in doggy style, when the wife is aroused and the vagina has lengthened, the head of the penis can also reach into the posterior fornix.
  • Mental and emotional pleasure. It is extremely intense for the husband to penetrate his wife to her greatest depth, and for the wife to share with her husband the most intimate parts of her body. Deep penetration creates an opportunity for gentleness, vulnerability, submission, and closeness that epitomizes the “one flesh” of the husband and wife.

Here are a few tips for getting the most from deep penetration.

  • Husbands, lose weight! Excess fat can bury your penis and reduce its usable length. We’ve said it before, but go lift some weights. This is basically the only real way to make your penis longer.
  • Turn her on. Most women won’t find deep penetration to be comfortable or pleasurable if they aren’t aroused. During arousal the vagina not only lengthens, but the cervix actually rotates upward and out of the way of the penis. If a woman isn’t aroused deep penetration will likely result in the penis pounding into her cervix, which most women don’t enjoy.
  • Leg positioning. Missionary position isn’t the best for deep penetration, but you can still do pretty well if you position the wife’s legs properly. Spread them wide open and push her knees up to her chest. Depending on her flexibility, the husband can put the wife’s legs over his shoulders or hook his arms behind one or both knees to hold them up. This positioning accomplishes two things: first, it moves the wife’s legs out of the way of the husband’s hips; second, it pivots her hips and stretches her vagina so that it can accept more length. Sexy Corte and I find this arrangement to be especially intimate after she has an orgasm — we roll her over onto her back, I climax as deep into her as I can reach, and then we cuddle.
  • Doggy style. Probably the position that enables the deepest penetration, but without as much intimacy as missionary. The wife should arch her back (pushing her tummy down towards the bed) to create the most depth for her husband, and even with her legs together he should be able to reach her posterior fornix. Sexy Corte and I have found that doggy style is a great position to transition to once she is warmed up, but it isn’t the right way to begin.
  • Wife on top. The wife-on-top position is good for letting her control the depth, but often doesn’t enable very deep penetration. To maximize depth, the wife can stand on the balls of her feet while straddling her husband rather than resting on her knees. This positioning puts her knees higher and moves her thighs up and out, which creates room for the husband’s body to get closer to her vagina. Then she can bounce up and down and drive her husband crazy.

It’s worth noting that the intimacy of deep penetration isn’t limited to vaginal sex — it’s also extremely intimate for the wife to receive her husband deep into her mouth as well.

Do you have any thoughts about deep penetration? Leave a comment!

Best Christian Sex Links of the Week 11

We’ve seen some great posts over the last month or so, but haven’t had time to post them all yet… so here we go!

In Song of Solomon 5:1, God interjects and approves of marital intimacy by saying, “Eat, friends; drink and imbibe deeply, O lovers.” — This reminds me… I need to finish my long-running series about Song of Solomon!

Dear wife, you deserve a great sex life too! — If a husband wants better sex for himself, one of the best ways to get it is to focus more on his wife.

A huge list of things many husbands would like to try with their wives — also, be willing to be adventurous — wives, science says that you may not even know what arouses you.

Average penis size by country, and a helpful tip for a wife who wants to measure her husband surreptitiously. Husbands, don’t worry: women don’t seem to care as much about size as we do.

Enthusiastic sex = greater intimacy — we also wrote about the importance of enthusiasm.

More about frenulum orgasms — here’s our post about the frenulum. For him, also try prostate massaging.

Move mismatched sex drives towards better — sex and marriage take effort.

Why you should try doggy-style — and here are some tips for the doggy-style position.

How to make sex into a great workout — use all your muscles!

Sex toys for Valentine’s Day — we really enjoy our wedge pillows and remote-controlled vibrator.

Be visually generous — if your husband his feeling down, just ask if he wants to touch your boobs.

Oral sex survey results — every sex blogger’s favorite topic. Husbands and wives apparently want to give more oral sex than they currently do.

Overcoming fellare phobia, the fear of giving oral sex — “He was thrilled!” — Swallowing and Enjoying It. Semen doesn’t taste like chocolate, but hey, you can always add chocolate!

Ask your husband to choose your panties for the day — alternatively: secret message panties.

Podcasts:

Plus, 20 more great links from Forgiven Wife.

Whew, that’s a lot of stuff! If you’ve got another link to share, leave a comment.

Jockey Sex Position 12

We mentioned the Jockey position in an earlier post about variations on Doggy Style, but since this is one of our favorite go-to positions I thought it would be worthwhile saying a bit more about it.

First, what is the Jockey position? The basics are simple: the wife lays down on her stomach and the husband lays on top of her and enters her from behind. Beyond that, there are innumerable ways to experiment with the position.

  • Entry. If we’re starting with Jockey we’ll often use lube — the position is tight and has a lot of friction. Often we’ll move into Jockey after starting with something else, and then lube isn’t required. For easiest entry, the husband can kneel while wife lifts her hips, then they can lower themselves into a lying position after he’s inside.
  • Legs. There are two ways you can position your legs: her legs closed and his outside, or her legs open and his inside. The wife will probably have to spread her legs at least a little to facilitate entry, but after that we generally prefer for her legs to be closed and her knees and feet together. Then the husband can surround the wife’s legs with his, which creates a very intimate whole-body embrace as well as a very tight penetration.
  • Arms. There are at least three positions that you can use for the wife’s arms, and the husband’s arms will follow. (1) The wife can lay her arms straight down the length of her body and lay her face on the mattress (probably no head pillow in this position). (2) The wife can bend her arms at the elbows, tuck her elbows into her sides, and put her hands under her shoulders. (3) The wife can put her arms above her head in a diamond-like shape. With positions (1) and (2) the husband can wrap his arms around the wife and completely envelop her body. With option (3), the husband can tuck his arms under his wife’s, lay on her back, and hold her hands above their heads.
  • Pillow. Putting a pillow under the wife’s hips will elevate her lady bits, making entry easier and increasing the depth of penetration. The pillow also gives the wife something to push against, helping her to move a little in what is otherwise a fairly passive position for her. The wife can push up with her hips, wiggle from side to side, and squeeze her pelvic muscles — and moan with pleasure!
  • Kissing. Jockey is a great position for him to smother her with kisses! The husband can easily kiss the wife’s face, ears, shoulders, neck, and back, and Sexy Corte really enjoys it when I kiss down between her shoulder blades.
  • Spanking. As with all rear entry positions, Jockey is great for giving the wife a little spank on her butt! (Until the husband lays down, of course.)

Great things about Jockey:

  • Intimacy. This position really lets the husband surround the wife from every direction. You can hold hands, hug, and kiss. It’s a great position for warming up on a cold night. You can snuggle in this position for as long as you want, and even fall asleep after sex without getting up.
  • Tightness. Like other variations on Doggy Style, Jockey is a pretty tight position — especially if the wife keeps her legs together.
  • Comfort. Jockey is a pretty relaxed position that doesn’t require too much energy — perfect for early mornings or late nights.

Potential downsides:

  • Her orgasm. Jockey is a difficult position for a wife to reach orgasm. The position does allow the husband to stimulate the wife’s anterior vaginal wall and g-spot with downward thrusts, but there is very little clitoral stimulation. When Sexy Corte wants an orgasm we always make sure to do it before going to Jockey.
  • Depth. The geometry of Jockey leads to shallow penetration — less depth than Missionary, and much less than basic Doggy Style. Depth can be improved by putting a pillow under the wife’s hips.
  • Too hot! With so much skin-to-skin contact, Jockey may not be the best position for the hottest days of summer! Throw off those sheets and turn on a fan before you start.

What do you think about the Jockey position? Got any tips to share? Leave a comment!