Brilliant new research indicates that older people are happier if they’re sexually active. That’s not surprising, but I’m shocked to see how little a difference sex makes.
In the new research, Smith and his colleagues examined data from nearly 7,000 U.K. adults ages 50 to 89. People self-reported how and how often they were having sex, and said how much they agreed with statements about their quality of life and well-being (such as “I enjoy the things that I do” and “I feel full of energy these days”). Based on their answers, each person was then assigned a total life enjoyment score on a 0-to-15 scale.
Adults who were sexually active tended to have higher total quality of life scores in general, as did those who reported feeling close to their partner. Sexually active men had average life enjoyment scores of 9.75, while those who were not sexually active had average scores around 9.44; for women, those ratings were 9.86 versus 9.67. These differences were small, but statistically significant enough to suggest an association.
The quality of life difference is small (around 3%!), and the study doesn’t determine whether sex causes happiness or happiness causes sex. Both are probably true. This study is stupid and the results are useless — you don’t need to survey seven thousand people to “suggest” that sex and happiness are “associated”.
We’ve written before about hygiene for husbands and created a pretty exhaustive list of tips… but despite our best efforts it seems that some husbands don’t even brush their teeth!
The other day, I saw a familiar lament on Reddit r/relationships. “My husband does not brush his teeth,” a 41-year-old woman wrote, “and I’m at my wits end.” She describes his horrible breath, how she has told him she doesn’t want to kiss him, and that when she nags him enough to do something about it, he swishes mouthwash around for a second and thinks that’s enough.
Gross. Husbands, would you want to kiss your wife if her mouth was disgusting? Brush your teeth. Some elements of attractiveness are beyond your control, but you’ve got a responsibility to be your best you for your spouse. Your body will never be perfect, but that’s no excuse to neglect what you’ve got.
Maybe tooth-brushing is pretty obvious, but the test of “would you put your own mouth there?” is applicable to any part of your body that you’d like your wife to put her mouth on.
A lot of readers come here looking for something new to do in bed, but their spouses may not be up for trying bondage or sexy games quite yet. Well, here’s an idea that might add a new twist to your comfortable sex routine without being too “out there”: position your bodies to get (and give) a better view of the penetration. Why is this fun?
- Husbands especially are visual creatures, and we like to watch — I’m sure some wives do, too! It’s not only highly arousing to look at your spouse’s parts during sex, but it also gives you an opportunity to watch how his or her whole body reacts to stimulation.
- Moving bodies around gives the husband an opportunity to take control, and gives the wife an opportunity to be submissive.
- Showing yourself off is an opportunity for vulnerability, which builds intimacy.
- Even small changes in position create a sense of novelty — but don’t sweat it if you need to fall back on your “standard” position to actually reach orgasm.
So how do you do it? Here are a few tips.
- Turn on the lights. You can’t watch if you can’t see.
- Spread her legs. In a face-to-face position, the husband can grab his wife’s knees (which may normally gripped tightly around his waist) and spread them open as far as they’ll go. This may make the wife feel vulnerable and exposed, but isn’t that exciting? Don’t be shy.
- Perpendicular bodies. Keep your torsos at a right angle instead of pressing together. It’s less intimate, but unless you have x-ray vision it’s the only way to see the action. Positions like doggy style (arch your back) or wife-on-top can be good, especially for the husband to see the penetration. The wife can also lay on her back near the edge of the bed while the husband stands on the floor.
- Take it slow. You’ll see more if you move slowly, and shallow thrusts will keep space between your bodies and maintain line-of-sight.
- Oral sex. Mouths and fingers are hot to penetrate and penetrate with, and often easier to see.
- Mirrors. If the wife wants to see much, you may want to use a mirror (or two). Sexy Corte isn’t as visual as I am, so we haven’t tried this.
- Take a picture. We haven’t done this either — make sure to lock your phone.
Do you like to watch yourselves have sex? Leave your best tips in the comments.
“Can we *BLANK*?” is one of the site’s most popular and frequently referenced posts. You can go read the details, but the short version is that just about any sexual activity is acceptable within marriage! But it may not surprise you to learn that people in the middle ages had a different view on sex.
If it’s not procreative, it’s fornication. If it’s done on a holy day, it’s fornication. You see above what happens if it’s oral: you get a life sentence of penance.
The penitential writers saw marital sex as a concession, not as a right or even a gift from God. The pleasure it brought was inherently sinful, a gateway to lust, so sex within marriage should be carefully contained and scheduled to ensure the most possible procreation and the least possible pleasure. Married couples had to abstain regularly or the very state of their marriage would degenerate into an illegitimate and sinful union. Even the children born of sex during a period where the couple should have abstained — mainly based on the Church’s liturgical calendar and on the wife’s reproductive cycle — were to be considered bastards.
There’s even a handy flowchart!
It’s no surprise that Christians often bring so much baggage into their marriages! These man-made rules and fears can steal away the joy of sex with our spouse.
Of course, people then weren’t much different than people now — it’s one thing to write a bunch of rules, and it’s another thing to follow them. Fortunately God hasn’t created nearly as many rules as people have.