Date nights are essential for intimacy and connection, especially after you have kids. It’s fun to go out to dinner, see a movie, go for a hike, or do an escape room — and it can be just as fun (and even more relaxing) to have a stay-date at home after the kids are in bed. However you do it, date nights are great!
One of the things we’ve realized over the past several years is that we really don’t like staying up late. No matter how late we’re out, those darn kids wake up at the same time every day! In fact, by the time we get home from a date at 10 or 11 we’re pretty wiped out. Sex takes energy, even after a romantic, intimate evening together. But after a date with your spouse you’re supposed to have sex, right? It feels anticlimactic to just crawl into bed and go to sleep.
Fortunately there’s a simple solution: have sex before you go on your date. It can be right before you leave, during nap time in the afternoon, or in the morning before the kids come knocking — give each other an orgasm to kick-off your date right! Here are some advantages to having sex before your date:
- Oxytocin: Orgasms get your bonding hormones flowing, which will jump-start intimacy for your date.
- No pressure: There won’t be any pressure to make sex the capstone of your date when you get home late. We find that it’s especially hard for Sexy Corte to summon up the energy for an orgasm late at night, no matter how great a time we’re having. Time of day has a big impact on many wives, and it doesn’t always line up with date night.
- Lingering arousal: Date nights are a great opportunity to talk positively about your sex life together — what you like, what you want to try, how it feels when your spouse touches you just — like — that. If you have sex before your date, the lingering arousal can fuel your conversation. It’s hot to look at your spouse across the restaurant table and know that you just rocked their world!
- Mementos: You can carry a memento of your recent sex with you on your date. For example: a secret hickey or lingerie. It’s a huge turn-on for me just knowing that my semen is still inside Sexy Corte when we go out. We’ve also talked about the idea of me finishing on her body and SC wearing it under her clothes, but we haven’t done it yet.
The downside of having sex before your date is that you lose some of the angsty build-up, but hey, there’s no rule that you can’t have sex again after! (Or during.)
So when do you have sex on date night? I’m sure we’re not the only ones who are tired when we get home!
we generally have sex after date night. It can be hard to make that happen ahead of time, because we tend to go out on workdays. There’s not always enough time between getting off work and the sitter showing up.
I’m not sure this would work for us because after we have sex it basically knocks me out. Already we avoid morning/daylight sex because of this. We wondered at first if it was abnormal(problematic?) but looking around it seemed to be a common thing. Would certainly be interesting to try though…
My husband and I both work 10 hr days. Often he works longer than that. We’ve declared Tuesday night date nights for the practical reason that he rarely has to stay late on that day. But this means we are both waaaaaay too tired (our days start at 5:15 and end sometime after the 12 hr mark) to have sex…any kind of sex…on actual date nights at least 60% of the time.
At first this was a pressure thing gor both of us. Then we decided that sex time and date night didn’t have to coincide. It is great when it happens, but usually we just enjoy whatever the other spouse has planned and then shower and go to bed. Sex is exhausting! So while we both enjoy it, we also would much rather not fall asleep on (or under, etc.) each other.
It is much sexier for him to come home after a 12 or 13 hr day, have a strange energy reserve somewhere, and strip me as soon as he drops his bag. And we both can enjoy it! Also, there’s something beautifully dirty about having sex right before church.
Sounds like you guys have a great system! I agree that date nights and sex don’t have to be forced together.