Husband “TN” writes:
I was recently introduced to your podcast and love what you and your husband are doing. It’s needed in the Christian space and I believe it will really help married couples unlock new desires and pleasures.
My wife and I have been married for 16 years and have been pretty good about staying intimate. But over the years and having kids I’ve noticed it gets harder. Our kids want to sleep with us at times and it distracts us from having that alone time.
My wife and I recently had a breakthrough while revisiting our love languages. We did them years back, and we were surprised to see that they had changed a little. Both of us now feel increased desire for physical touch.
We have also been exploring new things in bed. My wife has been experimenting with touching herself, and this as opened new doors of pleasure for us.
We want to keep unlocking new experiences in this area but we’re not sure what to try as far as lubes, vibrator, etc. Anyway I feel weird reaching out, but I want to take our sex to a new level and give my wife orgasms in the way that’s best pleasing to her, so I’m doing my homework.
That’s wonderful you are exploring new things together!
First, let’s talk about lube. Lube has been a wonderful thing in our sex life! If we’re doing oral, we usually do that before using lube so that we don’t have to taste it (you can buy flavored lube, but we don’t). Your saliva should be enough lubricant that you don’t need additional lube. We use lube when El Fury plays with my lady bits with his hand. Sometimes we need a little more before penetration, and sometimes not. If you’re playing with your wife with your hand you can usually tell if more is needed, but don’t be afraid to ask her how she’s feeling.
We typically buy simple generic water-based jelly lube from and it gets the job done for less than $5 per bottle. Water-based lube is cheap and easy to clean up. We even keep some in our vehicles… just in case.
Second: vibrators. Vibrators can vary a lot, and we own a bunch of them. Our go-to favorite is the egg vibrator, but you’ll have to experiment to find out what your wife likes best. Every woman is different, so play around and explore. If your wife as never used one before, start low and slow — and use plenty of lube. Enjoy the exploration together, and discover how the vibrator can be used to increase your intimacy.
El Fury adds: In addition to lube and vibrators, there are probably many ways that you can incorporate your wife touching herself into your sex life. Have her put on a show for you while you touch yourself. As she gets proficient, you can go hands-free in any position.
Leave a comment and tell us how you discovered the wonders of lube and vibrators in your sex life!