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It really turns me on when Sexy Corte  goes down on me during or after we’ve been having vaginal sex — it’s even more intimate than standard oral sex. It’s not that the physical sensations are any different on their own, but it feels naughty and edgy — even a little dirty. (Of course, it’s just as safe and not-dirty as when I perform oral sex on her.)

Oral sex is great foreplay, but it doesn’t have to be sidelined when you start the main event! Here are a few reasons you should introduce vagina-to-mouth transitions into your sex life.

  • Variety. It’s fun to use more than one position per sexual encounter, and if you’re willing to go from her vagina to her mouth with his penis (and not just the other way around) then you’re multiplying your options.
  • Easier oral sex. Oral sex can be a lot of work and they generally don’t lead to an orgasm for the wife, but vagina-to-mouth sex can improve that. After the wife has climaxed, the husband can finish where he wants, and if he wants to ejaculate in her mouth it won’t be as much work because he’ll already be stimulated from intercourse.
  • Easier clean-up. If you’re having sex in a public place, clean-up can be easier if he ejaculates in her mouth.
  • Contraception: If you’re using a condom for birth control, ejaculating in the wife’s mouth could be a more satisfying conclusion than finishing in the condom.
  • Teasing and edging. Switching between forms of stimulation can prolong a sexual encounter and drive the receiver crazy. Either spouse can be the receiver of the teasing, it just depends on who is in control.
  • Natural lubrication. If you don’t have lube handy — or don’t want to use it — then saliva can serve the same purpose, either to get things started or to help out later. (Unflavored lubes don’t taste good, so if you’re doing vagina-to-mouth you probably won’t want to use them anyway. Of course, there are flavored lubes.)
  • Edgy and naughty. Maybe it just sounds hot because it’s a little outside your comfort zone! Incorporate some bondage, shibari, or even use vagina-to-mouth play as a sexual reward.

And everything above applies to a husband performing oral sex on his wife, too! There’s no reason he can’t pull out and go down on her.

So what do you think of it? Do you play with vagina-to-mouth sex?

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It’s amazing that God created our bodies in such an intricate way that no matter how old you are, or how long you have been married, you can still discover something new about yourself. El Fury and I have had a lot of fun doing trivia nights, and during one of these EF was playing around and we discovered something that drove me absolutely wild. Our go-to vibrator is the egg vibrator, but sometimes it’s nice to have a long, slow burn. The wand vibrator is great for this, especially during something like a trivia night where you are engaged in sexual play for a while. EF keeps the wand vibrator on me throughout the session and it builds my arousal slowly. Then, after I am highly aroused, he introduces his other hand and teases me. He doesn’t ever penetrate me, but just dances around the edges. It’s maddening! Also exciting and gets me to a point where I am begging for him. Then, he escalates it by doing the same thing with the tip of his penis. I had no idea something could drive me so crazy!

Husbands, do this for your wife. Wives, ask your husband to do this.

Enjoy each other. Discover your spouse’s body. Always be learning.

(See also: Zoom Technique.)

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This post is also available as a podcast: Podcast #007: Pearl Necklaces and Finishing on Her Body

Reader “E” asks:

My wife and I have been reading your blog for a couple months and we are fans of your style. My wife and I recently introduced mutual masturbation into our relationship. We both enjoyed it but felt a bit out of our comfort zone. We were wondering what you and Sexy Corte’s take on mutual masturbation is, both from a Biblical and enjoyability standpoint.

At the risk of being overly graphic: We recently introduced masturbating to orgasm together, in front of one another. It was actually not something we planned, we were engaging in foreplay and she began touching herself and asked if I liked what I saw. I did and decided to go along with her idea and we both ended up finishing together. We were discussing afterword and we both agreed we enjoyed it, but she expressed some awkwardness about having me finish on her (rather than inside as usual).

I think I would enjoy working this “into the rotation”, but it certainly isn’t a replacement for sex. I don’t know how I feel if she’s not comfortable being finished on. I told her I would find it extremely fun to finish on her breasts but she seems uneasy. This confuses me because we both regularly engage in oral sex and she has been finishing me in her mouth for some time.

I suppose why we are really reaching out is how to handle the awkwardness and issues with where to finish, as I don’t think I’d be totally game for kleenex/towel/shirt etc.

There are at least two topics here, so let’s take them one at a time!

First: mutual masturbation, is it wrong? We think the answer is clearly no, there’s nothing wrong with you and your spouse masturbating together as long as the activity is consensual, mutually satisfying, and done in faith. Sexy Corte and I recommend that you don’t let mutual masturbation dominate your sex life with your spouse — there’s nothing wrong with putting it “in the rotation” but we think it’s still important to frequently engage in intercourse.

Second: where to finish? Semen is a very powerful symbol and we completely understand your reluctance to ejaculate into a towel. If your wife enjoys oral, then one obvious suggestion is to finish in her mouth and ask her to show it to you on her tongue before she swallows. However, if the visual aesthetics of finishing on her body is specifically important to you, then there are a few ways you might relieve her anxiety.

  • Do it right before she’s planning to shower anyway.
  • Give her a washcloth to hold before you get started.
  • Ensure she’s in a position that feels “safe” — laying on her back might be more comfortable than kneeling in front of you.
  • Promise that you won’t get it on her face, hair, eyes, or wherever she’s sensitive about.

As for enjoyment, your mileage may vary. Until we received your question, Sexy Corte and I had never experimented with me ejaculating on her body — so thanks for bringing it up!  Because of your question we decided to try it, but honestly it wasn’t a huge turn-on for either of us; it’s more pleasurable for both of us when I ejaculate inside her. The sight of her ready and willing to receive my semen was very sexy, but ultimately the experience was nothing special. Still, husbands are visual creatures and your wife should be the pinnacle of sexuality in your eyes, so it isn’t surprising that many husbands find it intensely erotic to ejaculate on their wives. There’s nothing wrong with that! We applaud you and your wife for experimenting outside your comfort zone.

Please use the contact pages for Sexy Corte and El Fury to send us your questions. We will only share your question if you give us permission, and we’ll never reveal your name or any other identifying information. You can ask questions anonymously, or use a free anonymous email server like Mailinator.

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Here’s an interesting study that looked at the most comfortable sexual positions for people with back pain. The most common advice that physicians give is for couples to use the spooning position to avoid back pain, but that seems to be wrong.

“I’m assuming because people lay on their side, someone thought the spine would be supported and this was good for people, but it turned out not to be true,” [Professor Stuart McGill, professor of spine biomechanics at the University of Waterloo, Ontario] says.

For men with that particular back pain trigger, the study suggested ‘doggy-style’ sex was far less likely to aggravate the back problem.

In general, the researchers found that the person on top—whether male or female—is most responsible for motion.

For individuals with back pain triggered by movement, the researchers suggested there was no position that would avoid pain, and advised instead that they should try to move more using their hips than their back.

“The more the hinging takes place at their hip, the less the hinging takes place in their spine, the better off [their back is],” McGill says.

Basically, the person with the back pain should be in the top/active position, so that they can control the movement and avoid painful or aggravating motions. Check out our post about doggy style for some ideas!

The study also had some observations about orgasm strength. It’s not your imagination, some orgasms are stronger than others.

Researchers were also able to measure the impact of orgasm on the body, which yielded some surprises.

“I had no idea of the range; how it’s basically a non-event in some people, through to really substantial muscle contraction in others, and you could see that if they were out of position, they would hurt themselves,” says McGill.

Here’s to a pain-free, sexually adventurous new year with your spouse! If you’ve got any tips for avoiding back pain during or after sex, please leave a comment.

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I previously wrote about the Harry Potter trivia night we had, wherein I tied Sexy Corte down and asked her trivia questions while I licked and vibrated her. The primary sexual element we used is called edging — a form of orgasm control. We’re geeks, and the trivia game just created a fun mechanism for Sexy Corte to ask for permission to orgasm and for me to give it.

At its most elementary, edging is pretty simple to explain: carefully adjust the level of stimulation so you stay close to the edge of orgasm without going over. A person is brought almost to the point of orgasm, and then the stimulation is lessened a little to avoid orgasm — repeat the cycle for as long as you want. By maintaining a highly aroused state very close to orgasm its possible to build up huge sexual tension that leads to a very strong orgasm when its finally released.

There are two primary forms of edging in a marriage.

  1. Husband restrains his orgasm to give his wife enough time to climax. This is probably the most common form of edging, and likely familiar to all husbands. It typically takes longer for a wife to climax than it does for her husband, so husbands work really hard to avoid climaxing too early while maintaining an erection. This is a skill that most men can learn, and I’d say it’s pretty essential for most marriages. Eventually, the husband should be able to have pretty good control over when he climaxes, and with some cues from his wife they can both reach orgasm simultaneously when desired. This form of edging is almost entirely on the husband’s part — even for a wife who orgasms quickly and easily, there generally isn’t any reason for her to hold back.
  2. One spouse controls the other’s orgasm. This is the form of edging where teasing comes into play. Whichever spouse is dominant (in that moment) stimulates the submissive spouse without allowing her to reach orgasm. Orgasm control is usually exercised in one of two ways.
    1. The dominant spouse varies the stimulation to prevent orgasm. This method uses physical control to keep the submissive spouse from reaching orgasm, no matter how hard she tries. The submissive spouse doesn’t have to control herself, and in fact you can even make a game out of trying to reach orgasm without tipping off the dominant spouse. For this method, the dominant spouse needs to be highly attuned to the other person’s sexual responsiveness cues in order to keep her right at the edge (especially if she’s really trying to go over).
    2. The dominant spouse withholds permission to orgasm. In this method of edging, the dominant spouse likely maintains a high level of stimulation and it’s the submissive spouse’s responsibility to refrain from orgasm until she receives permission. The dominant spouse still needs to read the submissive spouse’s cues and tailor the stimulation, but the game here is to to test just how obedient she can be while you stimulate her relentlessly.

So why would you want to experiment with edging in your marriage? Lots of reasons! Please allow me another list.

  1. Edging takes a long time. Yes, this is an advantage. Sexual encounters built around edging create an opportunity to invest a lot of time with your spouse. Quickies are great fast food, but an edging session can be a fabulous buffet. Why waste an hour or two watching television when you could spend the time making love with your spouse? Sure, you probably can’t do it every day when you have sex, but you can make time once a week to really pour yourself into your spouse’s sexuality.
  2. Edging helps you learn your spouse. Do you want to learn more about what your spouse physically likes? Edging will give you the opportunity to play with your spouse’s body and try out all sorts of things that you may not have time for when your primary goal is to just reach orgasm. You can watch how your spouse responds to every touch, and even learn what touches she prefers at varying levels or arousal. (Hint: the move that pushes her over the edge may not be the best way to get her to the edge in the first place.)
  3. Edging creates a fun power dynamic. It can be fun both to take control of your spouse and to give up control to your spouse, and edging creates an inherent power dynamic. Controlling your spouse’s orgasm can be a huge rush, as can be receiving the prolonged stimulation. I highly recommend trying both ends of the power dynamic.
  4. Edging can be the basis for many sex games. The gradual build-up from foreplay to stimulation to orgasm is a common element of many sex games. It’s super fun to ask your wife trivia questions or have her tell a sexy story and make her concentrate on her mental task while you eat her out.
  5. Edging leads to huge orgasms. The more you tease and delay, the stronger the ultimate orgasm tends to be. (Just don’t drag things out too long; you don’t want your spouse to get bored.)
  6. Edging can increase semen volume. If you want the husband to ejaculate more, make him work for it. Longer foreplay, including edging, means more semen when your husband ejaculates.
  7. Edging lets you hear your spouse beg for it. Nothing is sexier than enthusiasm, and nothing shows more enthusiasm than when your spouse pleads for an orgasm. For a husband, nothing is hotter than hearing your wife beg for penetration.

As for actual techniques, you’ll have to experiment with your spouse. For us, it’s a mixture of wand and egg vibrators, bondage, tongues, fingers, and genitals. Share your own tips, questions, and experiences in the comments!

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This post is also available as a podcast: Podcast #005: Yes, You Should Swallow

We occasionally receive questions from our readers, and we’re going to start posting some of our answers on the site in this new category.

Reader “D” asks:

Hello, I need some advice on how to give my husband oral sex so that he eventually ejaculates. I sometimes have TMJ, so I need to try to refrain from doing it too long. Let me know if you have some pointers.

Thanks for the email, D! My jaw gets tired sometimes during oral sex, and that’s without TMJ! Do you think it would bother your jaw just to hold the head of your husband’s penis in your mouth? If not, you could try laying your head on your husband’s stomach, and holding the tip of his penis in your mouth so you can play/tease it with your tongue. With your hand you can play with his balls or the rest of his penis. If you focus on this for a while it will get him closer to ejaculation before you start on the harder work of taking him entirely in your mouth. Sometimes I count the strokes when I am taking El Fury into my mouth. I might start with 10 or so, then I will pause and only play with his head for a while with my tongue — and that gives my jaw a break. Then I will restart and go for 20 or so. I keep adding to the number and it drives him crazy while also keeping my jaw from getting too stiff. I hope that helps! Oral sex is really important to men, so it’s great that you are trying to find a way to get past your discomfort.

Got any tips for D? Leave them in the comments.

Please use the contact pages for Sexy Corte and El Fury to send us your questions. We will only share your question if you give us permission, and we’ll never reveal your name or any other identifying information. You can ask questions anonymously, or use a free anonymous email server like Mailinator.

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Have you ever found yourself lying in bed awake in the middle of the night? This happens to me every so often, as well as El Fury. What do you do to get back asleep? Sometimes it feels like you can toss and turn for hours. Want to know a better and more fun solution? Have sex!! Orgasms can make you very sleepy. You can peacefully fall back into dreamland without the frustration of lying there in the dark. Plus it is fun the next day to feel like you and your spouse shared a secret midnight tryst.

Think you will upset your spouse by waking them up in the middle of the night? That depends on your spouse. You should definitely communicate how they would feel about it so when the time comes you aren’t setting yourself up for disappointment. How your spouse responds might also depend on the manner of which they are woken up. I would discourage an elbow to the side followed by a “you up?” El Fury always says the best way to wake up is by me licking his balls. If you don’t have good access, try a little gentle petting in the right area to see if this generates any interest. Or try some erotic snuggling. It is possible to get your spouse aroused before they even wake up.

Sex in the middle of the night can be very passionate, probably because it has a dream-like quality. All of the kids are asleep (hopefully!) so you can take your time and really let loose. So the next time you can’t sleep, instead of reaching for the Benadryl, reach for your spouse!

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It seems that many people don’t like the name of the Advanced Cow position that we mentioned in our recent post about advanced sex positions. Why do cows get a bad rap? They’re delicious! Many sexual positions names are Hindu in origin and are derived from the Kama Sutra; the cow animal is viewed much differently in ancient Hindu culture than in modern American culture.

The classic Cow is when a woman stands with her feet apart and the man enters her from behind. She then bends over until her hands touch the floor. In this spiced up version of the position, the man can hold the woman’s waist as she — calling upon ample upper body strength and muscle control — lifts her feet off the ground. Cadell said the Cow is an especially good position for less endowed men.

But anyway, let’s have a contest! Come up with a new name for the Advanced Cow and post your idea in the comments. (You can post anonymously.)

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Men’s Journal posts a list of sex positions for athletes. The positions as described seem quite difficult and often uncomfortable; the silhouette illustrations are essential for understanding your end goal. Sexy Corte and I enjoy trying the positions we have in our books and numerous sex position websites, but most of the time the fun is in the attempt. If you decide to try a few out with your spouse, don’t be discouraged if the stranger ones just aren’t that fun to hold till you orgasm!

I think I want to try the Cross Your Heart, the Advanced Cow, and the Washing Machine.

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Doggy style — or “rear entry”, or sometimes “doggie style” — is one of the most popular and common sexual positions. According to Jay Dee’s (unscientific) reader survey of sexual positions doggy style is basically tied as one of the top three positions along with missionary (basic man-on-top) and cowgirl (basic woman-on-top). In fact, wives as a group appear to prefer doggy style to cowgirl!

Doggy style has a few distinctive benefits that make it a fun part of your repertoire:

  • Depth. Doggy style is the best position for maximum penetration. Depth feels awesome for the husband, but make sure to take things slowly so the wife is comfortable. The penis will tend to rub most strongly against the posterior wall of the vagina, which creates a different sensation for the wife than in a face-to-face position.
  • Dominance. Doggy style is a dominant position for the husband, and it makes him feel like a king; a wife who enjoys a submissive posture will like the position for the same reason.
  • Tightness. Depending on the variation used (see more below), doggy style can provide a very tight experience for husband and wife. Another reason to take it slow.
  • Visual. For a husband who likes his wife’s butt the view is amazing, second perhaps only to reverse cowgirl.
  • Comfort. Studies show that doggy style can be one of the safest and most comfortable sexual positions for men with back pain.
  • Bonus activities. Doggy style also enables a few bonus activities such as spanking, hip grabbing, and back and butt massage. The wife or husband can also reach underneath to play with the wife’s clit or the husband’s balls.

So what kind of variations are there?

  • Standard doggy style. The wife gets down on her hands and knees and the husband enters her from behind, either standing or kneeling. All the variations build on this basic configuration.
  • Leapfrog. Instead of being on her hands, the wife rests on her forearms, or elbows, or lowers her head to the floor. This variation changes the angle of penetration and increases tightness.
  • Arms restrained. Similar to leapfrog, but the wife’s arms are pulled up behind her back, creating an even more submissive posture. The husband can hold her hands (increasing intimacy) or her hands can be bound.
  • Jockey. The wife lays down on her stomach, possibly with a pillow under her hips for positioning; the husband lays on top of her and enters from behind. Jockey could be considered its own position rather than a variation on doggy style, but it’s part of the same family. Penetration won’t be nearly as deep as with standard doggy style, but there’s a ton of skin-to-skin contact which feels awesome, and lots of tightness if the wife keeps her legs together.
  • Over the Desk. This variation has the wife standing up and bent over a desk (or couch, or rock, or tree, or whatever). Perfect for times when you can’t get naked (like in public places).
  • The Magic Corner. The wife straddles and bends over the corner of the bed, supporting her weight. She can stimulating her clitoris with the surface of the bed, her hands, or a vibrator.

Here are some tips for making the most of doggy style.

  • Take it slow. As I mentioned above, take it slow! Doggy style is best and most comfortable when the wife is very aroused. When Sexy Corte and I use doggy style it generally isn’t our first position (unless its the jockey variant). Doggy style makes a great finisher (for him), so warm up, get the wife’s orgasm, and then move to doggy style.
  • Wife’s legs. When the wife keeps her legs together it increases tightness, which is pleasurable for both partners. However, the wife can have more movement and control of height and angle if she spreads her legs and the husband positions himself between them. In the standing variation, the wife can even cross her legs at the knees or ankles.
  • Arch your back. When the wife arches her back (pushing her tummy down) she improves the angle for her husband as well as gives him a great view.
  • Pillow support. Many of the variations can incorporate positioning pillows for support and leverage. Using a pillow will help you prevent unwanted motion and make the position more stable for both spouses.
  • Vibrator. Doggy style isn’t the best orgasm position for wives, but you can use a vibrator to assist.

So there you have it! Do you have any doggy style tips to share? Any variations that we missed? Please leave a comment!

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