The specifics of her experiment apply to feelings of power and confidence, so they’re at least indirectly applicable to sexuality. Here’s an excerpt that describes some of her results. The 20-minute video is worth watching in full.
So this is what we did.We decided to bring people into the lab and run a little experiment,and these people adopted, for two minutes,either high-power poses or low-power poses,and I’m just going to show you five of the poses,although they took on only two.So here’s one.A couple more.This one has been dubbed the “Wonder Woman” by the media.Here are a couple more.So you can be standing or you can be sitting.And here are the low-power poses.So you’re folding up, you’re making yourself small.This one is very low-power.When you’re touching your neck, you’re really protecting yourself.So this is what happens.They come in, they spit into a vial,for two minutes, we say, “You need to do this or this.”They don’t look at pictures of the poses.We don’t want to prime them with a concept of power.We want them to be feeling power.So two minutes they do this.We then ask them, “How powerful do you feel?” on a series of items,and then we give them an opportunity to gamble,and then we take another saliva sample.That’s it. That’s the whole experiment.
So this is what we find.Risk tolerance, which is the gambling,we find that when you are in the high-power pose condition,86 percent of you will gamble.When you’re in the low-power pose condition,only 60 percent, and that’s a whopping significant difference.Here’s what we find on testosterone.From their baseline when they come in,high-power people experience about a 20-percent increase,and low-power people experience about a 10-percent decrease.So again, two minutes, and you get these changes.Here’s what you get on cortisol.High-power people experience about a 25-percent decrease,and the low-power people experience about a 15-percent increase.So two minutes lead to these hormonal changesthat configure your brainto basically be either assertive, confident and comfortable,or really stress-reactive, and feeling sort of shut down.And we’ve all had the feeling, right?So it seems that our nonverbals do govern how we think and feel about ourselves,so it’s not just others, but it’s also ourselves.Also, our bodies change our minds.
Take-away: try some power poses before sex and see how it affects you and your spouse. Bonus points for posing together!
Everyone knows that spooning leads to forking, and sometimes it’s a comfy, intimate after-party. However, spooning can also be a great position for sex all by itself Here are a few tips to make it work.
Get naked. Nothing feels better than skin-on-skin along the whole length of your naked bodies.
Slide down. Usually the husband is the “big spoon” in back. Unless you’re foot taller than your wife you will need to slide your body down towards her feet and put her butt against your stomach to enable optimal penetration. In the normal cuddling position her girly bits are likely to be too low for thrusting.
Superfluous arm. The worst part about spooning is that darn superfluous arm that gets pinned against the bed! Basically there are two options: bring it up under your head, or wrap it around your wife’s body under her arm. Either way can work. Personally, I like to…
Cop a feel. When I’m spooning Sexy Corte I always grab a boob or two, even when we’re just cuddling. It’s super-intimate, and it’s just comfy for my hand. If we’re having sex in this position I may wrap my other arm around beneath her to grab both.
Take it easy. Spooning sex isn’t about going fast or hard, it’s about relaxation, intimacy, and comfort. Be lazy. Move slowly. Luxuriate in the feel of naked skin against you. Maximize contact along your bodies, from head to toe.
Petting. Don’t just cop a feel! Husbands, let your hands wander along the side and front of your wife’s body. Lick and kiss her neck and upper back — this is sure to make her purr.
Reach around. Spooning sex doesn’t naturally provide much/any clitoral stimulation for the wife, but if that’s desired the husband can reach around and use his hand or a vibrator.
Third trimester. Spooning can be a great position for sex when the wife is in her third trimester. Her belly can be easily supported by the bed or a pillow, and there isn’t a lot of movement to strain her.
So there you have it, spoon in good health! Do you have any great spooning tips to share?
It seems like there’s a lot of interest in bondage these days, and many couples are experimenting with stuff they never would have thought of before. If you’ve never tried bondage you may be wondering what the big deal is — why would anyone want to be restrained during sex? Well, we know nothing about the BDSM “scene” so we can’t speak very broadly, but we can tell you in one word why Sexy Corte and I periodically enjoy adding some light bondage to our sexy time: vulnerability.
To understand bondage let’s talk first about the goal, then the methods, then why it’s fun. The goal is simple: voluntarily restrain one spouse to enhance his or her vulnerability and submission. It seems most common for the wife to be restrained, but I’ve had Sexy Corte tie me down and tease me and it was lots of fun. Usually though, it’s me restraining her. The purpose of the restraint is to give control of your body to your spouse, not to be painful or uncomfortable. Submitting to bondage is a huge demonstration of trust to your spouse because it puts your naked body into their control and makes you supremely vulnerable. The bondage benefits both the dominant and the submissive spouse by giving the dominant person permission to act, and the submissive person permission to let go. The various toys described below are only used to accent the submission that has already been agreed to.
There are limitless methods of bondage, but they generally share a few common features.
Nakedness. The submissive spouse will usually be restrained naked, or at least with her sexy bits exposed. Being naked with your spouse is already a big show of trust, and being restrained kicks it up a notch.
Hand restraint. Often the submissive’s hands are restrained to prevent her from “protecting” herself. (I use quotes, because of course nothing should be happening against the submissive’s desires.) Hands can be restrained above the head (for example, tied to the headboard), behind the back, in front (for front-to-back positions), or even attached to the ankles. Hand restraint is probably the most common element of light bondage. Get those hands out of the way!
Leg restraint. Legs, ankles, and knees can be restrained to keep the wife’s legs spread or to prevent movement in general. Leg restraint is an important element of position restraint and orgasm control.
Head restraint. Head or neck restraint could be uncomfortable or even dangerous. This isn’t something we do.
Eye restraint. Covering the submissive’s eyes can add another layer of trust and enhance vulnerability. Using a blindfold can really make extended foreplay exciting.
Mouth restraint. Sometimes you just want to hear your spouse moan with pleasure instead of talk. Sometimes talking is distracting. Taking away the option to talk can be liberating for the person who is restrained. Always be sure that anyone whose mouth is covered can breathe freely and can signal a desire to stop.
Position restraint. A combination of restraints can be used to hold the submissive spouse in a certain position, say for spanking. This can be critical for orgasm delay and multiple orgasms, which we’ll talk about below.
So what are the actual devices that can be used for bondage play? Almost anything you can imagine can be incorporated, but here are a few ideas. Each of these items probably deserves its own post!
Wedge pillows. Sexy Corte and I enjoy these a lot for positioning, and they include attachments for…
Hand cuffs. We use some padded strips with velcro for closures and plastic clips that can be attached together or to the wedges. We’ve tried metal cuffs in the past, but they’re quite uncomfortable if you’re laying on them.
Under-the-mattress restraints. Looks complicated, but it’s not. The cuffs can be tucked under the mattress when not in use. These are especially useful if you don’t have a headboard suitable for tying to.
Blindfold. If you want to improvise, use a neck tie or panties.
Gags can be similarly improvised, or you can buy one.
Sex swing. We have one that can be quickly hung in a door frame and be used for a ton of positions. It’s easier than it looks.
Spreader bar. Keeps those legs apart. Can be used in many positions, including standing, but isn’t great for missionary. I made ours with a wooden dowel and some eye screws.
Pull-up bar. These can be mounted in a door way and used as a restraint point for securing someone in a standing position. Also great for getting ripped.
Vibrator. There are many kinds, but we find the egg vibrator to be the most versatile. We buy cheap ones (around $7 from Amazon) and replace them once or twice a year when they wear out. We also keep rechargeable batteries charging in our bedroom. A wand vibrator can also be useful for longer duration games or when you need more reach.
(Let me point out that you don’t actually need any toys! This post is getting long enough, so I won’t go into detail, but look forward to a future post on mental-only bondage.)
Finally, what’s fun about bondage anyway?
Intimacy. Like I said at the beginning: the essence of bondage is vulnerability, and vulnerability is the key to intimacy. Bondage will teach you new things about your spouse’s mind and body. Bondage will let you explore new levels of sexual trust. Bondage exposes you to each other in amazing ways.
Passion. Let’s face it: there can be something hot about dominating your spouse or submitting to his or her will. Maybe your sex is normally gentle and loving, and bondage lets you get a little rougher and more physically intense.
Foreplay. Bondage requires time to execute, and all that time can be used as foreplay focused on the spouse being bound.
Orgasm delay. Also known as teasing or edging. When the submissive spouse is free to move she can position her body just the right way to reach orgasm, and bondage can take away that ability and give control to the dominant spouse. It can be extremely difficult for a person to willingly back off from an orgasm when it’s close, but when using bondage the dominant spouse can pull back and keep the submissive spouse right on the edge without going over. This can make the orgasm incredibly powerful when it eventually comes.
Multiple orgasms. After a woman orgasms her clitoris may become intensely sensitive, such that further stimulation is uncomfortable. If her hands and legs are free she may push the stimulation away for relief. However, if she is bound such that she can’t “protect” her clitoris her husband can continue with the stimulation and bring her to multiple orgasms. Sexy Corte describes these as an unending plateau of orgasm, rather than the peak and descent of the normal experience. They’re also quite exhausting, so this probably isn’t something you’ll do every day. As a husband, giving my wife multiple orgasms is one of my absolute favorite things.
Fantasy. Bondage can be used as an element of fantasy or role-playing. It feels naughty, and once you’re in the naughty mindset you can free yourself to try some things that you normally wouldn’t. He’s the villain and she’s the kidnapped princess? She’s the super-spy and he’s the captured rogue agent who knows where the bomb is hidden?
Exploration. Sometimes it’s hard to ask for our sexual desires, even when the marriage has good communication. Bondage can be an avenue for exploring desires that are difficult to speak out loud but perhaps easier to request non-verbally while in the moment. New experiences can break old habits, and you’re already feeling naughty, right?
Escapism. Maybe it’s a minor form of dissociation, but bondage be a form of escapism from everyday life into a secret world of sex with your spouse.
Novelty. Bondage introduces a myriad of new sexual options, new ways to play, new positions, new toys, and maybe even new desires.
In the end bondage should be fun and promote intimacy and vulnerability in your marriage. As always, enthusiasm and responsiveness will ensure that you get the most from your sexual experience.
Let us know what you think in the comments! What are you experiences? Do you have any suggestions to add?
The answer to this question (at least sometimes) should be naked! Sleeping naked is very sexy. Not only does your skin feel amazing right up against your spouse’s, but feeling nice and silky sheets as you sleep is an added bonus. If your spouse is always wanting sex in the morning, but you have a hard time rousing yourself for it, sleeping naked is an excellent way to get yourself in the mood. Those last lucid dreams can turn very erotic, especially if you are naked snuggling. You are sure to wake up with a voracious sexual appetite!
I know depending on where you live that the cold winter months might not make sleeping naked sound very enticing. But, it only takes a few minutes to warm up underneath the sheets, and it is definitely worth that little time of discomfort. Plus it gives you a good excuse to snuggle up close to your spouse until you are warm. Sometimes if I get up in the middle of the night I like to crawl back in bed naked so that El Fury gets a surprise in the morning. He definitely wakes up faster! Especially with Valentine’s Day coming up, why not give your spouse a sexy surprise that morning?
Sexy Corte and I like trying new positions, and we’ve found these sex position guides to be useful. (They definitely aren’t safe for work, but I didn’t see any actual nudity.)
When it comes to sexual positions, there are a few important things to remember.
Remember your purpose. Sex with your spouse should be fun, loving, and intimate. Husbands especially can get focused on accomplishing a position while forgetting the higher purpose.
Don’t get obsessed with novelty. Most couples have sex in the same few ways 90% of the time. That’s normal! It’s great to try new things, but it’s not a competition. Your friends and neighbors aren’t secretly out-doing you with insane new sex positions every night.
Combinations multiply your options. You can significantly increase your variety by using multiple positions in a single sex session. A set of 10 positions can make 720 permutations if you use three positions per session!
Some of the positions you’ll see aren’t anatomically possible. I mean, seriously… some pictures have joints bending backwards, limbs attached at the wrong place, or holes implied where they simply don’t exist. Some of the things pictured are impossible for any human to accomplish. I think the artists and authors of these guides just need to fill space.
“What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.” — Ecclesiastes 1:9. There aren’t really any new positions, just positions that are new to you. Humans have been having sex for a long time.
Don’t forget her orgasm. In our experience, most positions aren’t very stimulating for the wife. Don’t forget to take care of her needs. Ladies first, as we say.
Position guides make great foreplay. Sexy Corte and I sometimes email links to positions to each other during the day. Even if we don’t do anything fancy that night, the mental stimulation gets us in the mood!
Be careful! You can seriously injure yourself if you aren’t wise, especially husbands.
Do you have any more position guides that you’ve enjoyed? Any tips for exploring a variety of positions? Leave a comment!
Recently El Fury did a post on his version of the double feature. In my head, every time I have 2 orgasms I think of it as a double feature. Or triple feature, etc. Husbands, when was the last time you gave your wife multiple orgasms? Tell her that is your plan for the evening and see how many “features” you can get!
Once in a while El Fury will surprise me and set up our room in a way that I know the focus is going to be on me for a while. He likes to try to set new records for number of orgasms I can have in one night. He usually gets out the wedges and the vibrator. I get to just lay back and have fun! I love knowing how much he enjoys giving me an orgasm. It adds a whole other layer to my sexual satisfaction and really makes me feel loved. Tell your wife and then show her just how much you enjoy giving her pleasure!
I sometimes come up with names in my head for things that Sexy Corte does, and she seems to get a kick out of it when I share. In this case, she thought my name was lame (true) and she rechristened the move as the “Double Feature”. Wives, if you’re looking for that perfect Christmas gift for your husband then this might just be it! The “Double Feature” is simple: he gets to come in your mouth and your vagina in the same day.
To give your husband a day he won’t forget, explain the “Double Feature” to him when he wakes up and tell him he can decide when he wants each showing. If you really want him to go crazy thinking about you all day, give him a ticket to carry around in his pocket.
As I’ve perused the marriage blogosphere it’s clear that the female orgasm is one of the most prominent themes: ever-elusive; mysterious; husbands desperate to please their wives; distraught wives who just can’t seem to get there; frequent frustration. It’s easy for husbands to have orgasms, but it’s very common for wives to have a harder time achieving sexual satisfaction. To that end, I want to recommend “Satisfaction”.
The book is about “the art of the female orgasm”, and there’s a solid focus on the loving relationship between the couple. Aside from the expected advice to communicate and develop intimacy with your spouse, the book reads almost like an instruction manual for the female body — and that’s exactly the approach I was looking for when I bought it. I found the book to be extremely educational. It’s laser-focused on its single target: “helping a man fully satisfy a woman” — without toys. The philosophy of the book is that “every man can be an artist” when it comes to the female orgasm. It’s not that toys aren’t fun or handy, but the book intends to teach the reader how to please a woman with his own body.
Topics covered include:
Basic anatomy, the clitoris, the g-spot
Oral stimulation
Using your fingers
Anal stimulation
Vagina-to-mouth
Multiple orgasms
A few simple medical issues (including premature ejaculation and the use of Viagra)
Various communication topics
Hygiene
The book has no photographs in it whatsoever, but there are abundant diagrams and drawings that depict the referenced acts and body parts. The drawings are clinical in nature, but if you have a strong desire to avoid any depictions of nudity then this book is not for you. The diagrams are all helpful rather than titillating, and are essential for explaining some of the more esoteric movements and positions. If only for the diagrams, this book is better than searching the internet for information. Any internet searches are bound to lead you to pornography.
It’s also worth pointing out that the book is not written from a Christian/marriage perspective, but that won’t hinder your application of its techniques.
“Satisfaction” probably has something to teach everyone, and with the caveats above I strongly recommend it to anyone who loves female orgasms. Specifically, the book might be an excellent gift for newlyweds. Brides receive a plethora of gifts at their bridal showers, but “Satisfaction” might be the perfect gift for the groom who wants to please his new wife and has remained chaste until his wedding.
What resources have you used to learn about sex? Have you read any good books?
In our recent post about the importance of enthusiasm we briefly mentioned responsiveness and promised a follow-up post, so here it goes. All aspects of sexual enthusiasm are valuable to cultivate with your spouse, but sexual responsiveness is critical for creating exciting, pleasurable, and memorable sexual encounters. What do we mean by sexual responsiveness? Basically, sexual responsiveness is verbal or non-verbal communication with your spouse during sex that demonstrates how much you’re enjoying what your spouse is doing right then. Whichever spouse is receiving/submissive at the moment should be sexually responsive to the actions of the giving/dominant spouse. These roles may swap once or more during a single encounter, so pay attention. For example, if you are receiving oral sex you should be the one responding.
In this post we will first discuss why sexual responsiveness is important and then describe some methods for being responsive.
So, why is sexual responsiveness important?
Your response is your spouse’s reward! If your spouse is pleasuring you sexually, your response tells them that they’re being successful and that you appreciate their effort. If your spouse is going down on you and you’re silent, you may as well be checking your text messages or falling asleep as far as they can tell. We think the need for affirmation is especially strong for husbands — wives, it thrills your husbands when you moan and squirm!
Your response leads to better sex. Your spouse wants to please you, so give them some hints! Your response should help your spouse learn to pleasure you the way you want.
Your response heightens your own arousal. Responsiveness creates a feedback loop in your own body and brain. When you respond to your spouse you’re also pulling yourself deeper into the moment.
Your response creates engagement. Do you want to feel more emotionally connected during sex? Be more responsive to your spouse. Being responsive helps keep both people in the moment, engaged with each other, and prevents distraction. It’s harder for your mind to wander to your to-do list if you are focused on your response to your spouse.
Your response is critical when you’re near orgasm. This is particularly true for wives: when you’re close to orgasm, make sure your husband knows it. In order to climax you may need your husband to keep doing the same exact thing for just a few more seconds, so tell him!
Your response leads to intimacy. What’s more intimate than crying out your spouse’s name when you climax? When you’re sexually responsive to your spouse you’re sharing the most personal, internal details about yourself, private knowledge about your secret inner workings that no one else gets to experience. If you’re shy about being overtly responsive then work intentionally to overcome that barrier and share yourself more fully with your spouse.
Your response leads to great foreplay later. “It felt so amazing when you did XYZ… will you do that to me again later?”
Your response is fun! Loud, boisterous, intimate sex is way more fun than quiet, inhibited, distracted sex.
What does sexual responsiveness look like? How do you become more responsive to your spouse? We’re glad you asked!
Verbal. Call us old-fashioned, but talking is one of the best ways to respond to your spouse sexually! “More”, “faster”, “slower”, “don’t stop”, “yes!”, “almost there”, “keep doing that”, “you feel so big”, “I love being inside you”, “you’re driving me crazy”, “I need you inside me”. Talk dirty.
Your spouse’s name. Yelling out your spouse’s name is a special kind of verbal responsiveness that your spouse will certainly enjoy, especially if you cry out while you’re climaxing.
Moaning. For when it feels too good to put into words. Moans, cries, groans, “oh!”, “ah!”, and so forth. If you’re shy you might be thinking that these sounds will seem overly dramatic or fake, but trust us, your spouse will not laugh at you. If your spouse isn’t used to your moaning it might push them right over the edge of their own orgasm.
Eye contact. Instead of closing your eyes and disappearing into your own head, keep your eyes open and maintain eye contact. This is especially sexy during initial penetration or orgasm.
Kissing. Kissing during sex is always great. Let your spouse feel your reaction to pleasure through your lips and tongue.
Hands. Clutch your spouse with your hands when you’re in the throes of pleasure. Tighten your grip. Interlace fingers with your spouse. Gently use your fingernails. Squeeze, fondle, pull.
Legs. Similar to using your hands… grab your spouse with your legs. Tighten your grip.
Penetration. Push, pull, grasp, or whatever is appropriate to deepen the penetration. Wife, it will drive your husband crazy if you show him that you need him deeper inside you.
Writhing. Wiggle and writhe while you moan. Make sure your spouse knows you’re wiggling from pleasure and not discomfort! When pleasure is extremely strong this writhing will happen naturally, which is why incorporating some light bondage into your sex play can be fun and functional.
Changing speeds. Going faster, slower, or even pausing can indicate your pleasure. A husband might need to hold still for a few moments to delay his orgasm, or a wife might need to stop moving to get herself over the edge. It’s important to use additional cues so that your spouse knows why you’re changing speeds.
Skin contact. Adjust your position to increase skin contact, including arms, legs, and breasts.
Bury your face. Nuzzle your face into your spouse’s neck, breasts, hair, or whatever is handy. This can be especially sexy during your climax, and can also help muffle your cries if you have kids in the house!
There are our tips for being sexually responsive. What do you think? What works for you in your marriage? Leave a comment and share your ideas with the rest of us.
Your wife’s hips are awesome — beautiful and functional! Sure, there’s the whole having-a-baby thing, but they’re important for making babies too. I’m sure you’re familiar with their aesthetic value, but did you know that your wife’s hips are basically handles for her lady bits? Hips are super-sexy not just because they look great, but also because when a woman yields control of her hips she’s submitting her whole body to you. Nothing says “do me!” like when her hips melt into you.
Hips are awesome for turning a peck into a make-out session. When you want a deeper kiss you don’t grab her lips, you pull her hips up against yours and let her feel your arousal.
You can grab her hips to pull your wife into your lap. Or over your lap, if she needs a spanking.
When you hug her from behind, hold her around the hips — this can be much more erotic than a hug around the stomach, and it’s less obvious in public than if you grab her breasts!
Use your wife’s hips to direct her movements in almost any sexual position.
Doggie style is the most obvious, as you can use her hips to pull yourself deeper.
In missionary position you can use your thighs to change the angle of her hips. For the most control you want to angle her hips back so that her legs can go up in the air.
When she’s on top you can hold her hips and use your hands to guide her rhythm, as well as the style of motion (up-and-down, rolling, etc.). Use your hands to slow her down if you’re trying to delay orgasm.
Hip positioning is pretty critical for most positions, and your wife will probably appreciate it if you guide her to the right spot rather than making her guess.
