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In this episode we answer common questions from newlyweds and talk about sexual frequency.

If this podcast is a blessing to you, please leave us a 5-star review on iTunes or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Sexual frequency: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/tag/frequency/

How To Talk With Your Spouse About Sex: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/marriage-advice/how-to-talk-with-your-spouse-about-sex/

Level-Up Your Sex Life: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/marriage-advice/level-up-your-sex-life/

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Several wives have written in asking for more role-playing scenarios with dialogue — “GS” asks:

Your Student-Teacher role-playing post was really helpful for thinking up motives and dialogue. I’ve been trying to come up with more role-playing ideas, but I struggle to think of what to say and have a hard time getting out of my own head. Do you think you’ll ever do more role-playing posts?

Ask and you shall receive!

(If you haven’t read the how-to do sexual role-playing post yet, you might want to start there. Don’t worry… it’s normal to feel a little silly and awkward at first!)

The set-up: The Harem Girl desperately wants to join the harem, and the Sultan is trying to decide if she’s good enough.

You can use Esther 2:1-18 for inspiration if you want, and here are a few pieces of artwork that may stimulate your imagination.

For this scenario we’re going to assume that the husband is playing the Sultan and the wife is playing the Harem Girl. Feel free to reverse the roles if you want! (There were Sultanas.) It’s also important to remember that role-playing is play. Both spouses should be comfortable and have fun, even though the play puts them in roles of power and submission. This is a pretty challenging scenario because of the power dynamics, so if it makes you uncomfortable you might want to try out an easier scenario first.

The Sultan and Harem Girl scenario is fun for several reasons:

  • Power exchange. The power dynamic between the Sultan and the Harem Girl is fun to experiment with but can be intense. Instead of being equals, the Harem Girl (temporarily, for the purposes of fun) gives up her power in the encounter and submits to the Sultan’s royal authority. The Harem Girl gets to play at being shy, nervous, reluctant, vulnerable, but eager for the Sultan’s approval. The Sultan gets to play at using his power and authority to command the Harem Girl and evaluate her performance. The power disparity is enormous and might make some couples uncomfortable, so you should discuss it in advance.
  • Unfamiliar emotional hooks. Unlike many of the other role-playing scenarios we’ve written about, the emotional hooks in this scenario are likely to be pretty foreign. The Sultan may be ambivalent or negative at first — why should he take this girl into his harem? What’s so special about her? The Harem Girl needs to join the harem so she’s willing to perform for the Sultan and work for his approval. Neither of these roles is likely to be similar to anything you’ve experienced in real life, which makes this scenario pretty challenging. Because of this challenge, it may be smart to use a safe word to indicate when the role-playing needs to back off or stop altogether.
  • Clear goals. The roles may be unfamiliar, but at least the goals are simple. The Sultan must decide whether or not to admit this new girl to his harem, and the Harem Girl desperately wants the answer to be yes. One potential complication is that a no from the Sultan is likely to ruin the whole experience, so both spouses need to work together to get to yes.

Here’s a note the Sultan can send to the Harem Girl in advance to set things up:

On behalf of Sultan El Fury, Sovereign of The Sublime House of Fury, Sultan-of-Sultans, Khan of Khans, Commander of the Faithful, Custodian of the Holy Cities, Emperor of the Steppes and Seas and Islands, with their castles and cities, and all the dependencies and borders, along with many other countries and peoples,

To Miss Sexy Corte,

You are hereby commanded to attend His Imperial Majesty this evening at eight-o-clock to be considered for admittance into the Imperial Harem. You will appear in your finest perfumes, lotions, jewelry, and cosmetics and you will wear your finest clothing. Do not disappoint His Imperial Majesty, and do not be late.

[sealed with the Imperial Seal]

Each spouse should complete their preparations before the designated start time. Potential props to prepare in advance:

  • Jewelry. The Sultan and the Harem Girl can both get decked out in jewelry, real or costume. See the lists below for specific ideas.
  • Music. Pick out an Arabian Nights-style playlist that the Harem Girl can dance to.
  • Lube, vibrator, washcloth. All the usual tools and toys.

Here are some tips for the Sultan and ideas for things he can say.

  • Dress like a king. Get cleaned up and wear your best clothes.
  • Jewelry. The Sultan can have a crown, a ring, a scepter, a cape, and even a sword. It’s impossible to go too far when you’re the ruler of the known world.
  • Throne. Sit in chair on top of a coffee table to elevate yourself over the aspiring Harem Girl.
  • Attitude. You’re the king of the world, and you get what you want. You could choose to be aloof or negative towards the Harem Girl at first, but holding that attitude very long is likely to be frustrating for the Harem Girl — set expectations in advance. Sooner or later you’ll definitely want to warm up to the Harem Girl and gradually grow entranced by her grace and beauty.
  • “You may rise.” “I have heard stories about your beauty, but I see that the reality exceeds even my imagination.”
  • “You look so nervous. Tell me what you want from me.”
  • “You are beautiful. Dance for me.”
  • “Turn around, let me look at you.” “What are you best features?”
  • “Take off your clothes, but leave your jewelry on.” “Show your body to me.” “Show me everything, don’t be shy.”
  • “Why do you want to join my harem?” — The correct answer, of course, is “To please Your Imperial Majesty”.
  • “How will you serve me?” “What will you do to please me?”
  • “Tell me about your sexual abilities.” “What are you best at?” “How will you give me pleasure?”
  • “If you want to join my harem you must show me that you can…” — what is the most important ability for a harem girl?
  • “Tell me about your sexual pleasure.” “What arouses you?” “Tell me about your orgasms.”
  • “What is your favorite position?” “How do you like to be taken?”
  • “Show me how you like to be touched.” “Touch yourself while we talk.” — feel free to use lube or a vibrator if desired.
  • “Put your finger inside yourself and show me how wet you are.”
  • “Are you a good girl, or a bad girl?” “Good girls are always to eager to please, but bad girls are fun to bring into line.” — which do you prefer?
  • “Show me how deep you can take it.” “Show me how long you can go for.”
  • “When you’re close to orgasm you may beg me for permission to come.” “You must never have an orgasm unless I’m inside you.”
  • “Don’t waste a drop.” “Use your mouth to clean me off.”
  • “You’ve done well. I will see you again soon.”

Here are some tips for the Harem Girl and some ideas for things she can say.

  • Dress like a princess. Make yourself up and wear your sexiest clothes. Lingerie and perfume can be great. Shave.
  • Jewelry. The Harem Girl can wear a princess-style crown and rings, and can also wear necklaces, arm bands, necklaces, and bracelets. The Harem Girl is from nobility herself and should look the part.
  • Attitude. You’re a princess or a noble and you’re used to getting what you want, but now you’re in desperate need. You have never met the Sultan, but you know he’s a powerful man with powerful libido. He expects his harem girls to work hard and do whatever it takes to please him. You aren’t exactly sure what that might entail, but you’ve got to succeed and win his favor.
  • When you approach the Sultan’s throne you must kneel with your head to the floor until he gives you permission to stand. Address the Sultan as “Your Imperial Majesty” or, less formally, “my lord”.
  • “I humbly beg to join Your Imperial Majesty’s harem.”
  • Why do you want to join the harem? — “I know that my family has disappointed Your Imperial Majesty in the frontier war, and I hope for an opportunity to somehow earn back my lord’s favor for my family.” — The details probably aren’t too important.
  • “I am eager to serve Your Imperial Majesty however I can.”
  • “Is my lord pleased by my appearance?” “What can I show my lord?”
  • “My lord, I am very proficient at…” — what sexual acts are you best at?
  • “My lord, I am eager for you to take me in…” — what position? In what way?
  • “My lord, my orgasms are best when…” — what? How?
  • “My lord, I am a good girl. Please give me an order and let me show you.”
  • “My lord, despite my best effort I am often a bad girl. I hope that I can learn to obey my lord if I am properly disciplined.”
  • “My orgasms belong to my lord.” “My lord’s servant will never come without my lord’s permission.”
  • “My lord’s servant humbly thanks His Imperial Majesty for her orgasm.” “Thank you, my lord, for receiving me this evening.”
  • And just to wrap things up, finish with another kneeling bow.

Afterwards, break the scene and leave your roles. The game is over (for now), so go back to being your normal selves. Have a good cuddle. Talk about your favorite parts of the scene, and stay positive. Later on, after the glow wears off, discuss anything you didn’t like and wouldn’t choose to do again. If your spouse really liked some element that wasn’t your favorite, negotiate and compromise and find the common ground that works for your marriage.

Have you ever role-played with your spouse in a scenario with this much power exchange? Do you enjoy it? Did it make you uncomfortable? Leave a comment!

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It’s time for the mail bag!

Husband “RE” writes:

In a nutshell, my marriage to my wife for now 11 years has never been equal sexually. I have my faults and selfishness but thank The Lord he has healed me and corrected me in so many things over the years. We have 5 kids together and our youngest is 2 now. I would like more physical touch while she is completely fine not touching me for days and weeks. I don’t want to struggle anymore and have prayed countless time why are we so very different in this way. Even when I do everything right, go on dates etc., our sex life is probably 3 times a month. Our time on earth is so short and I wish this wasn’t a struggle for me or a big deal.

My first thought reading your email is that I remember when our kids were 2. I stayed home with them, and by the end of the day I often felt over-touched. When they were so little there was such a physical demand on my body that I felt like it was public property in a way. El Fury would come home from work and I wasn’t ready to give him physical affection. In a similar way, he spends most of his work day talking and often isn’t ready to engage mentally right when he gets done working. It helped both of us a lot to disengage and have some alone time. This refreshed us and then we were ready to be together. For me, even just showering by myself and taking my time alone was enough to make me ready for even a hug from El Fury. He needed to zone out or work out, and then he was ready to talk.

It also important to guard our time together in the evening. Kids can easily take over! After 7pm is grown-up time, and we’ve tried to protect that even as our kids have gotten older. We have to pause to put them to bed, but there is an expectation that we spend evenings together.

I would recommend communicating with your wife in a positive goal-oriented manner. Don’t focus on what she is or isn’t doing. Instead, communicate together — what would you like your sex life to look like and how can you work together towards that goal? What do you need from each other? Try to make it a positive, productive dialogue.

El Fury adds: The phrase “even when I do everything right” makes me think that you have a covert contract with your wife that she doesn’t know about and never agreed to. If you want to get laid in exchange for doing things your wife enjoys, you should talk about that explicitly. (Exactly what this arrangement might look like depends on your marriage; I don’t recommend that it be purely transactional, because that’s not generally healthy for loving relationships.)

Wife “HH” writes:

I’m 18 and I’m newly married. (Yes I know that’s crazy young lol). My husband and I have different beliefs about what sex can be. He’s Catholic and I’m Baptist. I believe sex toys, masturbating together, and anal performed on both me and him are okay! My husband is strongly against all of those things. I struggle to ever get aroused sadly no matter how horny I am, “in the mood” or how long we do anything… it has taken a toll on my mental health and is something that has effected our marriage. He knows how badly I want to add vibrators or any toy into our sex life to help aroused me but he’s told me he would never be open to it. Before I met my husband I had a vibrator and I was able to climax every time I used it. I’m very heartbroken thinking that I will not be able to. I’m on medication to help my blood flow to get me aroused, I’ve had medicated lube for blow flow and we have tried orgasmic meditation every time we have sex. We pray together but I think we need more advice on what to do. I also have to beg sometimes for sex with us very discouraging.

There are things that El Fury and I have done that I thought I would never be open to, so be encouraged that sometimes people just need to get used to an idea. It’s great that you pray together.

The Bible talks a lot about sex, but doesn’t specify exactly what is and isn’t allowed. El Fury and I believe that God is very clear in the Bible when there is something that He doesn’t want you to do. For sex, as long as it’s between two consenting people inside the marriage, then we believe it’s good and acceptable. If something brings intimacy to the marriage, then we believe that is honoring to God.

For myself, I can’t orgasm during sex unless we use a vibrator. The use of that tool has greatly enhanced the intimacy of our marriage. It’s not about the tool, it’s about what the tool enables me to do. I think sometimes men can feel insecure if they aren’t able to bring their wives to orgasm. However, the majority of women (2/3) cannot orgasm from penetration alone. Try talking to your husband about his opposition, and make sure he knows that your primary goal is to increase your intimacy together. In your conversations with him, if you emphasize that you want your sex life with him to be amazing. That may alleviate any insecurity he is feeling.

Finally, start slow. You have the rest of your lives together to explore each other. You don’t have to do everything all at once! Start with what will lead to both of you having greater satisfaction in your sex life, and maybe leave some of the other things like anal to explore down the road.

Husband “EE” writes:

My wife and I are newlyweds and were both virgins when we got married. On our honeymoon, as part of exploration/foreplay, I went down on her. She had reservations at first, but ended up loving it. Fast -forward a few months, and she doesn’t want me to go down on her anymore. She says “it still feels good, but it makes me feel chapped after a while.” She agreed to try it again recently for a short while as foreplay, but within 10 seconds she felt chapped again.

My question is, have you heard of this before? Since we’re both virgins we don’t have any experience except with each other. I absolutely love giving her head, and would do it every day even if we didn’t have time for me to have an orgasm after. She clearly enjoys the sensations, but having her lips feeling chapped afterwards is of course a big downer.

I haven’t heard this before, but it isn’t surprising considering how chapped the lips on your mouth can get. When El Fury and I were newlyweds it did take my body a while to adjust to having sex, including oral sex. Hopefully this is something that will work itself out over time.

There are a few things you can try to keep her moisturized. An edible lube might be a good place to start when you’re performing oral on her. You may also try shaving very smoothly before you go down on her, to make sure your facial hair isn’t abrading her skin. If the problem persists I would recommend talking to your doctor.

Please use the contact pages for Sexy Corte and El Fury to send us your questions. We will never reveal your name or any other identifying information.

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Sexy Corte says she thinks this reaction to the repeal of Rove v. Wade is fake because she’s seen it before, but even still I find it amusing. Whether this meme is real or fake, I pray that men and women around the world do rediscover the God’s plan for marriage.

Me and some of my girlfriends did a retreat this weekend to help us cope with the monumental setback in fundamental rights. By the end of it, we had moved from sad and afraid to ANGRY [mad face]. We all agreed to a pact: no having sex with any men, until he had proven himself a capable provider, and until that man had signed a contract, written on paper, agreeing to stay with us and support us if we get pregnant. We started drafting an actual contract, and we’re planning on sending it to a lawyer to make sure its legit. At this point, I am completely done with men who want to hook up and leave, it’s high time for american men to STEP UP.

Whether real or fake, what this woman says she wants is pretty much exactly what God intends for sex. Men and women both need to “step up” to God’s high calling.

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We’ve got a lot of sex toys, and we’ve tried them all.

If this podcast is a blessing to you, please leave us a 5-star review on iTunes or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Sex Toys on the blog: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/category/toys/

Vibrators: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/tag/vibrator/

Intro to Shibari, Japanese Rope Bondage: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/techniques/intro-to-shibari-japanese-rope-bondage/

Bondage for Beginners: What, Why, and How: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/mental-techniques/bondage-for-beginners-what-why-and-how/

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We get this question from readers a lot, so here are a few techniques for delaying the husband’s orgasm. Every man is different, so what works for one may not work for another. These ideas are also no substitute for talking with your doctor if you think you may have a medical issue.

  • Have an orgasm earlier in the day. Enlist your wife’s help in the morning so that you can last longer in the evening for her benefit.
  • Shallower penetration. In general, the the more surface area of your penis is being stimulated the faster you’ll climax. Control depth to control orgasm. Focusing on just the head of the penis will maintain stimulation but probably make it much harder to climax.
  • Reduce visual stimulation. Men tend to be visual creatures. The more you can see of your wife and the actual penetration the harder it will be to delay orgasm. Same goes for auditory stimulation. Reduce these stimulants to avoid going over the edge.
  • Switch to a different position. Changing positions can be enough to slow things down and give you a chance to back off from your orgasm. If you need to, switch to a less comfortable position (for you) — for example, if you’re used to lying down, try a standing or kneeling position instead. (Assuming you want your wife to climax first, keep her comfy!)
  • Gently tug on the balls. The husband or wife can wrap a hand around the husband’s balls and gently pull them away from his body. Depending on your position his balls can be hard to reach, but this works well in positions other than face-to-face, like doggy style and oral.
  • Think unsexy thoughts. This doesn’t work very well for me, but it seems like the #1 suggestion from others.
  • Train yourself to be aroused by your wife’s orgasms. I’m not exactly sure how I’ve accomplished this… I’ll need to think about it and write another blog post. I can hold off my orgasm for a long time until Sexy Corte has hers — and then I fall off the cliff. I think I’ve conditioned myself to have an orgasm in response to hers.

Do you have any other tips for delaying the husband’s orgasm? Leave a comment and share your wisdom.

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Back in 2016 (!) we wrote about our habit of daily sex, and we recently received an email from a pastor with some questions for us. This email spurred a conversation between me and Sexy Corte that has updated some of our thinking.

First, here’s the email from pastor and reader “KN”:

Background: My wife and I have a solid sex life and marriage. Usually 2-4 times a week, mostly by my initiation (she is a stay-at-home-mom, homeschooler, and 1000 other things, so I am ok with that) during the day through conversation or a pre-arranged day of the week. We both enjoy sex, which is a blessing.

Further background: I’m a pastor, and in preparing to do some premarital counseling, I of course am prepping a portion on sexual intimacy. I read your blog and others to help me formulate my prepping. One of the things that I consistently read is that you have sex every day.

Here’s the two-part question: 1) has it been that way for a while and 2) assuming you didn’t used to have sex everyday, what started it, how long have you been doing it, and how do you “keep at it”, making it not turn into a “mundane” thing?

Go read the original post for an explanation of how to create the habit of daily sex in your marriage. We won’t repeat all that here. We do want to highlight something important though:

The key here isn’t that you must have sex every single day, but that the expectation is for daily sex —  if no one says anything, then assume you’re going to have ““““““““““““`sex. […]

Once your habit is in place, you should never have no-sex unless someone intentionally initiates it. The end result won’t be sex every single day of the year — sometimes you get sick, kids drive you crazy, work and chores overwhelm you, and emergencies happen. That’s life! But the expectation every day is that you’ll be having sex together.

The point isn’t to have sex every single day, the point is to create the default of sex every day — as opposed to many couples who view sex as the exception rather than the expectation.

So with that point made, we will answer KN’s questions.

  1. “Has it been that way for a while?” — Yes, we’ve cultivated a habit of daily sex throughout our whole marriage. Obviously the habit is harder to keep during some time periods than others. Overall, I estimate that we have sex about 25 times per month. Sickness, separation, arguments, weariness, anxiety, stress, and other challenges frequently arise and sometimes hinder us from achieving our goal.
  2. “What started it, how long have you been doing it, and how do you keep at it, making it not turn into a mundane thing?” — As we wrote in the earlier post, daily sex is a habit like any other. How do you build good habits for exercise or healthy eating? You make a plan and you just do it. Sometimes you feel like it, sometimes you don’t, but you just do it. And sometimes you skip exercising or decide to eat garbage despite your best intentions. But you don’t beat yourself up over it.

Sexy Corte and I had a big conversation about our habit and expectations after receiving KN’s email. We decided that we both want to maintain the habit, but that we want to shift expectations a bit. The primary changes we’ve decide to make are:

  • Previously we were most likely to decide not to have sex on days when Sexy Corte is on her period. Now we have decided to do more sexual activities while she’s on her period, and reduce sexual activities while she has PMS. Her PMS days are the days when she is generally least interested in physical intimacy of any kind, whereas period days still offer lots of opportunities.
  • Previously we would often have “efficient” sex first-thing in the morning. This decision would often make it difficult for Sexy Corte to be interested in more prolonged and intimate sessions in the evening. Now we’ve decided to be more strategic with our morning quickies so as to create space and energy for evening sex. Now we probably have morning sex 3-4 times per week rather than 5-6, and evening sex on the other days.

Just remember than sex with your spouse is always relational not transactional. Building a habit of daily sex is great, but as with all habits be sure to practice moderation. Communicate and adapt!

Do you practice daily sex with your spouse? Do you have any experience with communicating about changing expectations? Leave us a comment and let us know!

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We’ve had house-guests for several days and my wife Sexy Corte has been working hard to host them; I took them to the airport very early this morning, and Sexy Corte told me that if I could do it without waking her up she’d do something “special” for me — how could I refuse an offer like that? Thusly motivated, I got our guests to the airport, sent a kid off to school, and then slipped back into bed to cuddle Sexy Corte like a ninja.

So here’s what I’m planning for our special event: a lingerie fashion show! Here are some ideas for how you can do this yourselves. The role-playing elements are optional!

This activity will require some preparation:

  • Pick a time that the wife is feeling sexy and confident with her body. This probably isn’t the best activity for right after a big meal or when recovering from an illness. You can track her cycle and plan for an evening when she’s near ovulation and likely to be at peak arousal.
  • The wife should select three to five outfits to try on. These can be lingerie, or anything she feels sexy in. The husband can pick some clothes for her also if he’s confident in what she’ll like! The husband should lay out the clothing before the activity begins so it’s ready to use.
  • The husband should wear something the wife likes him in, which for us means I’ll wear a suit or sports coat.
  • Prepare the space with low light, thumpy music, and a chair for the husband.
  • Gather whatever lube, vibrators, washcloths, and other toys you’ll need.

Scenario:

  • The wife is a lingerie Model.
  • The husband is a fashion show Director, photographer, lingerie purchaser, or some other role that leads him to direct the attire and behavior of the model.
  • The core activity of the scenario is the Model trying on various outfits while the Director watches and directs her.
  • The Director and Model can tease and stimulate each other during the show, and have sex when they just hold off any longer!

Here are some things the Model can do or say:

  • The Model’s attitude can be played in many different ways depending on your inclination. You can be shy, confident, desperate for work, eager to make a sale, chaste, or less-then-chaste.
  • Even if you’re playing shy, the Model should show off her body for the Director. You’re trying to get the job or make the sale, so you should proactively display yourself and your lingerie. Invite him to “try out” the lingerie while you’re wearing it by touching your body and teasing you.
  • Take your time getting dressed and undressed. You’ll be changing clothes several times, so have fun with it.
  • “What do you want me to try on first?”
  • “Can you help me take this off?” / “Can you help me put this on?”
  • “Do you like how I look from behind?” / “from the front?”
  • “How do you want me to stand?” / “Do you want me to kneel down?” / “Do you want me to bend over?”
  • “Do you want a closer look?”
  • Let go of your inhibitions! No one has a perfect body, but your husband thinks you’re beautiful — that’s why he wants you to model lingerie for him!

Here are some things the Director can do or say:

  • The Director’s attitude should be confident. Know what you want. Are you evaluating the Model before offering a job, or considering which lingerie to buy, or something else? Be goal-oriented and direct the Model in a way that helps you make your decision.
  • Stay fully clothed for most of the scenario, until it’s necessary for you to remove something “for testing purposes”. For example, you may need to remove your pants in order to test how accessible the Model’s body is in the lingerie.
  • “Beautiful”, “perfect”, “lovely”, “magnificent”, “graceful” — praise the Model’s beauty and physical performance. Say these things frequently throughout the show, and never be critical or demeaning. The Model is making herself physically and visually vulnerable, so be sure to praise and affirm her.
  • “Stand up”, “sit down”, “kneel”, “lie down” — tell the Model how to position her body.
  • Use your hands on the Model to position her exactly how you want. Explore her body while you’re “evaluating” each outfit.
  • Tell the Model when to change clothes.
  • “Spread your legs”, “bend over”, “get on all fours”, “arch your back” — put the Model into sexually revealing positions, with or without clothes. You’ve got to get a good look at this lingerie from every angle!

When you can’t stand the sexiness anymore, have sex! Talk about your favorite parts of the activity, and stay positive. What did you especially enjoy? Was there anything you wouldn’t choose to do again?

If you like this idea, here are a few related posts that you might enjoy:

Leave a comment and let us know how you make the most of your lingerie!

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Apparently ball-tanning is a thing now?

We’ve written about testicular hygiene and shaving, but the idea of tanning my balls is new to me. What’s the supposed benefit of ball-tanning?

One hypothesis is that red light helps mitochondria produce more ATP, and that this helps the Leydig cells in the testicles to produce more testosterone. Another hypothesis centers around vitamin D, which some studies have shown is low in men who also have low testosterone.

But there are problems with these ideas. To name one obvious one: vitamin D isn’t produced specifically in scrotal skin. You can increase yours by sunning any body part you choose, or simply by eating more food that contains vitamin D, such as fatty fish.

And when it comes to the effects of red light on mitochondria, this may be true—in skin cells. The testicles are internal organs, and light doesn’t penetrate skin by more than a few millimeters tops. There are light therapy treatments that work on the skin, but there’s not really a plausible way for your testes to increase their production of testosterone just because there’s light shining on the skin of the scrotum.

There probably isn’t medical benefit to sunning your balls, but it probably isn’t harmful either (as long as you avoid burns, of course) and might feel good.

The rest of the morning, my crotch felt warm. Alive. So I did it again. Glancing out my office window to make sure the lawnmower guy wasn’t tooling around in the grass, I pulled down my drawers and bathed myself in the heavenly, warm, tingly glow, this time for eight minutes.

That night, my wife and I made love. Admittedly, I felt – well – a unique heavenly, warm, tingly glow in my crotch. Nice.

Two days later, I waited until the evening, then wandered downstairs. I rubbed my hands together, took a deep breath, and flipped my JOOVV on. I called my mom to see how her day was going mom (she had no clue what was going on below the phone). Ten minutes. I read a blog post. Fifteen minutes. My crotch grew more and more warm, but in a pleasant, day-at-the-beach sort of way. I finished an email. Twenty minutes. Mission complete.

That night was date night, and I was a rock star.

So ball-tanning is probably no more silly than most other forms of home medicine! What do you think? How do you pamper your balls?

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Sexy Corte prefers to have an orgasm while she’s on top of me and we’re using a vibrator wedged between us. This cowgirl position puts her in control of most of our body motion (because I’m flat on my back) and lets me control of the vibrator. This position usually works very well for us… unless I start having trouble holding back my own orgasm. It’s less fun for everyone if I have an orgasm before she does, so I’ve learned a few techniques for controlling the depth of penetration while we’re in cowgirl position. There are many reasons to play with shallow penetration, and shallow penetration will usually help the husband hold off his orgasm longer than deep penetration.

Here are a few techniques the husband can use to control depth of penetration in the cowgirl position.

  • Lift her up by the butt. I love my wife’s butt, so my hands are often there already when she’s in cowgirl. To control depth, I’ll use my hands to hold her up and prevent her from pushing all the way down on to me. This is extra fun when it makes Sexy Corte moan in frustration while she’s trying hard to push me deeper inside.
  • Lift my leg(s) to raise her seat. Instead of leaving my legs flat on the bed, I will pull one or both of my knees up slightly to elevate my thighs. My thighs act like a seat for Sexy Corte to sit on, and the higher I lift my thighs the shallower penetration we’ll get. This technique requires less strength than lifting her butt with my hands and can be maintained indefinitely. I’ll often raise and lower my thighs several times while my wife is riding me to control the depth of penetration and hold off my own orgasm.
  • Pull her chest down to yours. Pulling your chests together will automatically reduce the depth of penetration as her pelvis rotates. Feeling your wife’s breasts against you is an added bonus!
  • Pull down on her hips. If I want to go deeper I’ll grab Sexy Corte’s hips and pull her down while I arch my back and push up into her. As you can imagine this doesn’t usually make me last longer, and I won’t do this if I’m struggling to avoid orgasm. This maneuver will often elicit a sexy moan from my wife!

And if you’re in cowgirl, here’s a post with some ideas for what to do with your hands.

Do you have any wife-on-top techniques to share? Leave a comment and let us know!

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