We get this question from readers a lot, so here are a few techniques for delaying the husband’s orgasm. Every man is different, so what works for one may not work for another. These ideas are also no substitute for talking with your doctor if you think you may have a medical issue.
- Have an orgasm earlier in the day. Enlist your wife’s help in the morning so that you can last longer in the evening for her benefit.
- Shallower penetration. In general, the the more surface area of your penis is being stimulated the faster you’ll climax. Control depth to control orgasm. Focusing on just the head of the penis will maintain stimulation but probably make it much harder to climax.
- Reduce visual stimulation. Men tend to be visual creatures. The more you can see of your wife and the actual penetration the harder it will be to delay orgasm. Same goes for auditory stimulation. Reduce these stimulants to avoid going over the edge.
- Switch to a different position. Changing positions can be enough to slow things down and give you a chance to back off from your orgasm. If you need to, switch to a less comfortable position (for you) — for example, if you’re used to lying down, try a standing or kneeling position instead. (Assuming you want your wife to climax first, keep her comfy!)
- Gently tug on the balls. The husband or wife can wrap a hand around the husband’s balls and gently pull them away from his body. Depending on your position his balls can be hard to reach, but this works well in positions other than face-to-face, like doggy style and oral.
- Think unsexy thoughts. This doesn’t work very well for me, but it seems like the #1 suggestion from others.
- Train yourself to be aroused by your wife’s orgasms. I’m not exactly sure how I’ve accomplished this… I’ll need to think about it and write another blog post. I can hold off my orgasm for a long time until Sexy Corte has hers — and then I fall off the cliff. I think I’ve conditioned myself to have an orgasm in response to hers.
Do you have any other tips for delaying the husband’s orgasm? Leave a comment and share your wisdom.
Think Unsexy Thoughts: Can confirm this. My husband says he tries to name in his head multiple players from every baseball team. It definitely delays his orgasms. Sometimes I hear him whisper something like “Freddie Freeman, LA Dodgers.” Ugh. I gently told him to try to avoid actually saying the names as I find it very unsexy.
Visual Stimulation: This is also true. I have noticed that sex/blowjobs in the dark take longer. I wonder if as the decades pass, sex will last longer as my husband will gain more experience, “resistance” to sex?, and I inevitably will become older and less “visually stimulating.” Sigh. I have noticed that the wives who complain the most about blowjobs tend to be the least attractive ones. It might not be nice to think about this, but I wonder if their husbands take longer, and are imagine other women. I know at least one wife who refuses to kneel during a blowjob. She clearly hates doing it. Her husband would probably come faster if she were on her knees as men are turned on by that image. On the other hand, if her husband has to beg for blowjobs, he is probably not really resisting his orgasm as he might want to hurry up and come so that she will do it more frequently.
Earlier Orgasm: Oh yeah, definitely.
Thanks for sharing!
Trying to hurry up is a surefire way to take longer in my experience!
Well, you’re the one with the penis here, and I am not!
But I really think that if a man wanted to ejaculate sooner he would stop thinking about baseball, state capitals, or algebra to delay his orgasm!
1. Focus on your wife’s pleasure. Set your mind on the mechanics of pleasing her rather the pleasure you are receiving.
2. Don’t try to do everything in intercourse. The pressure and stress of “performance” can make a husband climax quicker. Doing things like bringing her to orgasm (or at least very close) outside of intercourse and making use of things like a clitoral vibrator during intercourse can lessen feelings of anxiety about not lasting long enough.
The couple can also take turns, with the husband bringing his wife to climax manually or orally and having intercourse for his climax.
This is an interesting subject, and a pretty good list. I’m curious about the “gently tug” tip, though. I’ve heard of it before, but I thought it was just a wives’ tale. Do you have any evidence that it works well? (Even just anecdotes from yourself or a couple of trusted friends would be fine.)
I did look it up, but I couldn’t seem to find anything relevant. Both Men’s Health and Healthline have articles on orgasm-delay techniques, but neither mention it. (…not that I consider either to be very authoritative, though. Among other suspicious points, they recommend squeezing the base of the glans, which seems completely useless.)
I first read about it online and it works for me if I’m in a position to do it. Extremely effective, and can make for some crazy edging.
Good to know. Thank you!
I suffered from premature finish for the first 10 years of marriage and then found a technique in a book (I think it was “Intended for Pleasure”) whereby the guy gets revved up and then when near the point of climax the wife places (with one hand) fingers two and four above the shaft and the middle digit below the shaft (from one side of penis) and squeezes for a few seconds and this slows the blood flow and helps the guy keep composure. Rinse and repeat a few times and then finish for real.
It took about 4 weeks to train my body to climax when I want it to instead of the other way around. 20 years of great sex since then. It changed my life.
Oh this is a great technique! I’ll add it to the main body of the best when I get a chance.