Dr. Evil shaved his balls and you should too! Sure, it was an awkward joke in Austin Powers, but the truth is that ball licking feels incredible and your wife will appreciate it too — which means more licking! Both of those links have great tips and tricks for the ladies on how to pleasure their husband’s jewels, so check ’em out. The rest of this post is for the husbands.
So you’ve got a few questions before taking the plunge? Let me address some of the most common concerns.
“It’s weird!” Well, I don’t have any statistics about how many men shave, but I’ll tell you this: no one will be able to tell by looking at you when clothed. Unless you’re stripping down in front of people frequently, your shaving can be completely secret. Considering how many women shave, I bet the number of men is higher than you think.
“Shaving will hurt!” It doesn’t. It can be nerve-wracking the first time you put a safety razor down there, but if you use common sense you’ll be fine. You shave your face routinely, right? I personally shave in the shower with a cheapo disposable razor and don’t use any shaving cream or soap. The warm water is enough to lubricate the skin and razor, and the hairs just wash away. I’ve nicked myself a few times, but the spots of blood stop themselves before I get out of the shower.
“My bare balls will itch or chafe!” Actually the smooth skin feels awesome. No more hairs to be pulled or caught in skin or clothing. Once you go bare you’ll never go back.
There are numerous benefits.
First and foremost, I guarantee you will get more blow jobs. What’s that worth to you?
It will feel crazy intense when your wife licks your bare balls. You will love it.
Your wife will like not flossing with your pubes while she’s down there. The whole area will be cleaner, smell better, and be more inviting.
It feels great during intercourse too, especially if your wife is bare. No more hair to get caught or pulled, and lots more skin-on-skin contact in the most important places.
Your erection will look bigger.
Tea bagging is easier and awesomer when your balls can hang loose and slide into her mouth.
Do it! You won’t regret it. Tell us how it works out for you!
Chair sex can be pretty fun for a quickie, and you’ve got several positions available. Many people put chairs in their bedroom anyway (to sit or to help get dressed), so you may as well “explore the space” and use your chairs for sex! Of course, chair sex doesn’t have to be limited to the bedroom.
First off, make sure that you’ve got an appropriate chair: for intercourse you’re going to really prefer a chair with no arms. Chair arms really interfere with girl legs and limit your options. Your chair should also be sturdy enough for two and sans wheels. You don’t want anyone falling off, do you? Finally, get a chair that’s the right height for the wife’s feet to reach the ground while she’s sitting on her husband’s lap. Saw the legs down if you have to! If the wife is at the right height, she can really go to town.
The two most obvious positions are with the husband sitting in the chair and the wife sitting on top.
Face-to-face in a chair is a great position. If the chair’s the right height the wife can straddle her husband and move around in every direction (up, down, forwards, backwards, side-to-side, hip rolling, etc.). This is similar to a wife-on-top position in bed, except she has a greater range of motion since she’s on her feet rather than her knees. Since she’s higher up her thighs won’t tire as quickly, so you’re in for a great ride! The husband should slouch down in the chair to best take advantage of his length. He should play with her clit and breasts and make sure her efforts are appreciated!
Front-to-back in a chair also works well. Every guy loves Reverse Cowgirl, but if you’re on a bed the position is really hard for the girl — it’s basically super-deep squats. However, when the husband is in a chair the wife will be higher off the ground and will have much better leverage with her legs, so she won’t tire as fast. Front-to-back can really benefit from an adjustable-height chair and doesn’t suffer much from chair-arms, so an office chair can work well as long as you can keep it from rolling (move it to the carpet). Depending on the angle of the husband’s penis the wife might need to lean back towards him to avoid bending him, or the husband can “reverse slouch” to angle himself more downward. Ideally the wife should bear all her weight on her own legs to give herself the greatest range of motion. As with all front-to-back positions the view for the guy is great, and it’s fun to grab her hips and spank her ass while she rides. Unfortunately, front-to-back positions aren’t usually as climactic for the woman.
In addition to front-to-back and face-to-face, chairs also enable some other fun.
Blow jobs, of course. A lower-than-normal chair can be beneficial to position his penis at the right height, and chair arms probably don’t matter. Make him feel like a king on his throne!
Side-saddle is much easier in a chair than on a bed. It’s basically just what it sounds like: the wife turns herself sideways (90 degrees) from her husband and sits on him. This is a great position for making out and snuggling.
Bent-over also works with a chair, but this position isn’t very chair-specific. You can bend your wife over pretty much anything.
Tied-up: it’s easy to introduce some bondage play when you’re using a chair, and it should be obvious how to tie up a man while he’s sitting. It can be more challenging to tie a woman to a chair and keep her important bits accessible! One possibility is to lay the chair on its back on the floor and have your wife kneel on it. Put her knees in the corner where the back and seat of the chair meet, and lay her torso down across the legs of the chair. Now you can tie her feet to the top of the back of the chair (get a ladder-back chair) and her wrists to the rear feet of the chair (near the floor). This will hold her in a doggy-style position, but make sure her knees are padded or it will get uncomfortable.
Do you have any other great chair sex positions or ideas? Share them in the comments!
Sexy Corte and I like to experiment and change things up, but like most couples we have some favorite positions that we use frequently. We call one of these Old Faithful because it very reliably leads to a powerful eruption.
The position is pretty simple: I lay on my back while Sexy Corte kneels over my body at a 90-degree angle with her legs spread. I play with her lady bits while she performs oral sex on me. I’ll use my fingers to play all around outside and inside her body (see: Zoom Technique) to the point that she usually loses focus and forgets what she’s supposed to be doing.
Old Faithful can be carried to completion and it’s one of the best positions for getting Sexy Corte off with my fingers. Sometimes she has a hard time reaching orgasm if I’m not inside her, and Old Faithful makes this possible. From my perspective, there’s almost nothing hotter than my wife having a powerful orgasm with me in her mouth.
After Sexy Corte comes she can either finish me off with Old Faithful, or we can transition to a different position. As you know, there are many positions that are lots of fun but aren’t that stimulating for a woman, so Old Faithful is great as a starter to make sure that Sexy Corte is always satisfied.
Similarly, sometimes we use Old Faithful purely as foreplay and transition before either of us reaches orgasm. Once we’re warmed up we’ll frequently move to “The Usual”, which is a subject for a later post.
Also see: “New Faithful” for a variation that doesn’t make the wife do all the work.
Nothing heightens sexual arousal like danger — that’s why the hero and heroine fall into a passionate embrace after saving the world and vanquishing the villain. Even though you may not have many opportunities to save your spouse’s life, or the world, you can introduce a little risk to your sexy time by getting into it in public places. I’ve written about car sex already, but let’s be a little more adventurous. First we’ll talk about locations, and then we’ll talk a little about technique.
Wilderness areas are a great place to have sex in public. Forests, mountains, hills, copses of trees, and even piles of rocks can provide a little privacy right off a trail. Near-wilderness areas can be particularly exciting if you can hear other hikers walking by while you’re in flagrante delicto. You’ll want to find a spot that gives you good visibility towards the more-traveled areas around you, so that if you’re surprised it will be at a distance. I like bending Sexy Corte over a fallen log or rock facing the trail, that way we can see if anyone starts heading towards us.
Speaking of distance, just staying far away from people can be protection enough. Balconies, decks, rooftops, hilltops, cliffs, and other perches can give you enough separation from the public that you can see them and they can see you, but they can’t see what you’re doing. Your own backyard may even have a suitable spot. If your neighbors figure it out they’ll be jealous.
Sexy Corte and I have a bit of a thing for ruins and castles (hence the banner above). Whenever we find ourselves somewhere old we’re likely to look around for a place to play. When one of us is thinking about having sex wherever we’re at, he or she will make a comment about how “old” the place looks. Lots of touristy places are lightly attended and full of hiding spots.
“Family” restrooms are easy places to get it on, and often cleaner than the regular restrooms. You only get half credit for any location with a locking door, though.
I’m planning to write more about camping in a later post, but tents can be excellent for sex almost anywhere. In most jurisdictions a tent counts as a “dwelling”, so you won’t get in trouble for having sex in public if you’re caught. The police may tell you that you aren’t allowed to set up camp in the middle of the park though. A tent in your backyard (or your front yard!) can be quite adventurous. If you’re quick and nimble, a pop-up tent can enable you to have sex just about anywhere.
Water — it sounds like it would be sexy, but in my experience it’s usually more trouble than it’s worth. Any kind of water will wash away the wife’s natural lubrication very quickly, which means you need to bring some oil-based lube if you’re going to make it work comfortably. That said, if you plan ahead I’m sure that a pool or jacuzzi after-hours would be a lot of fun. Maximum points if the jacuzzi is on the back of a limousine and you’re driving down the Strip in Las Vegas.
Sex on the beach (or in the ocean) makes me wince… the ocean is generally filthy, and I don’t relish the thought of banging a bunch of sand into Sexy Corte’s lady bits. If you’ve done this please leave a comment, because I have a hard time believing that it’s really as sexy as in the movies.
Library or book store. Ok, we haven’t done this, but the thought of all those books turns me on.
Tree house. No explanation needed.
Lots of public buildings have accessible closets and empty rooms. Our church sure does. Just make sure there isn’t a Sunday School class scheduled for the next hour.
We haven’t done this yet, but I’m eager to try some games in a movie theater. It might be hard to actually slip it to her there, but I’m sure I could drive her crazy with my fingers. We’d have to find a nice, loud action movie, but it is almost summer.
For more privacy, try doing it right in front of an open window on a sunny day. You’ll be in shadows to anyone outside, but you can still feel naughty.
As for technique, there are a few options, but the titillating risk also limits your flexibility.
When you’re in a public place there usually won’t be time for foreplay, so you should probably bring some lube. If you’re being spontaneous, just spit on your hand and rub it on her. It’s not romantic, but sometimes you’ve got to be quick. The wife might also want to carry some pantyliners for afterwards.
Bend her over and take her from behind. This is the easiest, fastest position for sex in a public place, especially if your wife is wearing pants. She can bend over a tree, a rock, or lean against a wall while you penetrate her from behind, and one of you can play with her clit at the same time. She won’t need to remove her clothing, and there won’t be much to see if you’re surprised.
If your wife is wearing a dress she can pull her panties off and sit on your lap. This is probably the safest position if you think an interruption is likely, because nothing will be visible to any interloper. It might be a little embarrassing for a stranger to see you straddling your husband, but they’ll probably move on quickly. This position gives a lot of access to the wife’s bits, and is probably the easiest way for her to orgasm from sex in a public place.
It can also be fun to fool around without penetration. Obviously a dress makes this easier than pants. If you don’t finish, just imagine how hot and bothered you’ll both be when you get home.
If you really want to have fun, get yourself a remote control vibrator and put it in her panties or insert it directly into her before you go out. Then play around with the controls while she tries to avoid attracting attention.
If your wife is shy, try starting your public adventures slowly with a blow job. She won’t need to undress at all. Assuming she swallows, clean-up will also be easy.
So what are your favorite public places to get busy with your spouse? If you haven’t done it yet, where is your first adventure going to be? If you’re already a pro, please share your tips!
Gerad at the blog mission:husband has an insightful post for wives titled 11 Thoughts Out of Your Husband’s Head. Now, one of the best ways to improve your sex life is to improve your communication with your spouse so that there’s nothing you’re afraid to ask… but until you get to that point a list like this can be pretty helpful. You and your spouse might even consider writing lists for each other if it’s hard to say some things out loud (at first).
Here are a couple of points I’ll add to his list.
We men like to leave our mark. That’s why we want you to swallow, and we shoot our seed deep inside you. Hours later, we like to hear that you’re sore, your muscles are tired and tingly, and our come is still leaking out. We like to hear that you’re still affected by our powerful lovemaking long after it’s over. This is the same motivation that drives men to conquer new lands and build skyscrapers.
Enthusiasm is the key to doing almost anything well with us. Whether its sex or helping to fix the dishwasher, when we’re doing something together your enthusiasm is really important. Even though it wasn’t your idea, and it isn’t very exciting to pass us tools while we’re shoulder-deep under an appliance, your enthusiasm will be greatly appreciated. I’m going to write a post about enthusiasm during sex later.
And finally, a modification to his point 11:
11. Sometimes he wishes you’d just give him a hand-job – Yes, again, that’s what I said. Hey, I told you I’m being honest here. If you know it’s been a while since you’ve had sex, and you know he’s frustrated about it, but you still don’t feel like having sex (period, bad timing, etc), don’t ask, just roll over to his side of the bed, and offer him a hand-job. I’m telling you, it doesn’t matter if your mind is “into it”, or if your “emotionally ready”, or whatever other thing you might try to throw in there for a reason that you just don’t feel like giving him one.
Never really been a fan of hand-jobs… get down there and suck your husband off.
Let’s face it: it’s difficult and awkward to have sex in the car. Sexy Corte and I don’t do it very often, but when we have it has been quite memorable. Several months ago we dropped our kids off with a friend for a quick “date night” to grab some ice cream for an hour, and we ended up making love in the car on a dead-end spur off a major road near our house. Every time we drive past the road it makes us laugh and turns us on.
So car sex can be difficult, but it’s worth it! Here are some tips:
Keep some lube and wipes in the car. The best thing about lube is that it lets you be more spontaneous and a little quicker… although doing it in a semi-public place gets Sexy Corte pretty wet anyway. Baby wipes are handy for clean-up.
A skirt or dress makes sex in the car a lot more convenient. Skirts and dresses are great for spontaneous quickies in any circumstance, but one of the most awkward parts of car sex is getting your clothes out of the way. A skirt or dress minimizes this problem.
Putting your wife on top is one of the easiest car sex positions available. You can sit in a seat, slide your butt out a little, and then your wife can straddle you pretty easily, forwards or backwards. This position will let you play with her clit while she rides you and should be fun for everyone.
The lean-over blow job is one of the best car sex positions. The name describes it all: your wife simply leans over into your lap and sucks you off. I don’t recommend doing this while you’re driving, but… we have, and it was pretty awesome. But don’t do it, it’s dangerous.
Go to the back. If you have a van or SUV then you’ve got plenty of space to try just about any position imaginable. If your car is smaller, you may struggle to get into missionary position in the back seat, but you’ll have better luck with doggie-style.
Tell us about a time and place you’ve done it in your car! Do you have any tips to share?