Q&A: Jaw Pain While Giving Oral Sex 1

This post is also available as a podcast: Podcast #005: Yes, You Should Swallow

We occasionally receive questions from our readers, and we’re going to start posting some of our answers on the site in this new category.

Reader “D” asks:

Hello, I need some advice on how to give my husband oral sex so that he eventually ejaculates. I sometimes have TMJ, so I need to try to refrain from doing it too long. Let me know if you have some pointers.

Thanks for the email, D! My jaw gets tired sometimes during oral sex, and that’s without TMJ! Do you think it would bother your jaw just to hold the head of your husband’s penis in your mouth? If not, you could try laying your head on your husband’s stomach, and holding the tip of his penis in your mouth so you can play/tease it with your tongue. With your hand you can play with his balls or the rest of his penis. If you focus on this for a while it will get him closer to ejaculation before you start on the harder work of taking him entirely in your mouth. Sometimes I count the strokes when I am taking El Fury into my mouth. I might start with 10 or so, then I will pause and only play with his head for a while with my tongue — and that gives my jaw a break. Then I will restart and go for 20 or so. I keep adding to the number and it drives him crazy while also keeping my jaw from getting too stiff. I hope that helps! Oral sex is really important to men, so it’s great that you are trying to find a way to get past your discomfort.

Got any tips for D? Leave them in the comments.

Please use the contact pages for Sexy Corte and El Fury to send us your questions. We will only share your question if you give us permission, and we’ll never reveal your name or any other identifying information. You can ask questions anonymously, or use a free anonymous email server like Mailinator.

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Swallowing Semen Cures Morning Sickness 2

Are you pregnant and suffering with morning sickness? Great news! Swallowing your husband’s semen will cure your nausea! Well, maybe… but better safe than sorry, I always say.

So what does Gallup say is the real culprit behind nausea and vomiting in early pregnancy? Semen. More specifically, unfamiliar semen. To understand where he’s coming from, we need to think back to the maternal immune system’s response to the fetus. Because half of the DNA the fetus is carrying comes from the father, the mother’s body may initially treat the organism as foreign tissue or an infection. This response, Gallup says, triggers an immune reaction that is commonly experienced as nausea, vomiting, and malaise (aka morning sickness). The best cure for this type of sickness, says Gallup, is, strangely enough, the same thing as its cause. The more exposure a woman has to her partner’s semen—that is to say, the more often she’s inseminated prior to conception and during the early stages of the pregnancy—the more tolerance her body develops to his genetic material. This tolerance generalizes to a tolerance for the fetus and leads to successful maternal immunosuppression—and subsequently allows her to feel less like an infected zombie with serious stomach troubles.

Swallowing your husband’s semen also appears to reduce the risk of preeclampsia.

Normal pregnancy is thought to be associated with a state of tolerance to the foreign antigens of the fetus, whereas in preeclamptic women this immunological tolerance might be hampered. The present study shows that oral sex and swallowing sperm is correlated with a diminished occurrence of preeclampsia which fits in the existing idea that a paternal factor is involved in the occurrence of preeclampsia.

So, dear readers: go do some research and report back.

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Asking Permission to Orgasm 3

Orgasm permission is a submission technique that’s easy to add to your sexual repertoire and can add a little mind-play to an otherwise vanilla encounter. (And vanilla is great! When you’ve got a family there isn’t always time to set up all the toys.)

The basic idea of orgasm permission is simple: ask your spouse for permission before you climax, and then hold off until you receive it. You can easily initiate this submission by yourself — just wait till you’re close and moan/groan/yell, “can I come?! can I please come now?!” Then hold yourself close to the edge and wait for your spouse to say “yes, come for me now!”

Alternately, you can tell your spouse that you want them to ask before they orgasm. Since you’re asking something of them, make sure you briefly discuss your expectations. You and your spouse will figure out what works best for you, but you want the experience to be hot, especially the first time. Make sure the mind-play enhances the experience for both of you and doesn’t drain any of the sexual energy:

  • Don’t ask for permission until you’re close to orgasm.
  • When asked, give permission quickly. You or your spouse may eventually find it enjoyable to deny permission for a period of time, but work your way up to it. You don’t want your spouse to lose their orgasm because you said no for too long.

This submission technique can be used with almost any kind of sexual encounter, from missionary to blow jobs to vibrators (good luck!). Have you ever asked your spouse’s permission to orgasm? Leave a comment below!

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Bifecta: Television and Casual Oral Sex 4

This post is also available as a podcast: Podcast #012: The Bifecta – Combining Sex With Another Activity

We’ve written about the trifecta previously — as inspired by Seinfeld: sex + food + television. This post is about the sex + television bifecta. We don’t watch a lot of television, but it can be a nice way to relax after the kids are in bed if we’re not up for a game or something more edifying. We’ve historically had mixed results combining sex and television, as I wrote:

Normally what this Bifecta means to us is that one of us starts twiddling with the other after we’ve finished our ice cream. I personally love watching television while SC plays with me, but when the roles are reversed she gets very antsy and frustrated. Usually we end up pausing the show and having sex, which is why I say the results are mixed.

However, great news! I think we’ve discovered the best way to combine television and sex: casual blow jobs. What do I mean by casual? Simply that the goal isn’t an orgasm. Sexy Corte is always generous when I suggest something new, and she agreed to lay on the couch with her head on my stomach while we watched a sitcom on Netflix, and she licked and nibbled and sucked through a whole episode. We talked and laughed together as we watched, and I was able to pet her hair and rub her back while she did her thing.

Frankly, it was pretty amazing: intensely erotic and intimate. With the focus on intimacy rather than orgasm we escalated slowly and were able to enjoy two aspects of togetherness at the same time: erotic touch and humorous conversation. By the end of the episode I was obviously ready to explode.

As you’re reading this you might be thinking: well, that’s pretty one-sided. True. Sexy Corte was sexually out of commission that evening, but like I said, she’s generous. I’m excited to see if I can find a way to casually play with her without driving her up the wall with frustration. (Update: Use the Zoom Technique on your wife while watching television.)

Do you have any suggestions for casual sexuality? Extended eroticism without the goal of an imminent orgasm?

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Best Christian Sex Links of the Week 5

It’s been a while since we had a link party, so let’s see what’s up around the marriage-sphere.

Q&A: Will Frequent Yeses Turn My Husband into a Sex Maniac? — No.

Oral Sex: Giving and Receiving the Gift — Intimacy, vulnerability, and submission.

29 Fun, Healthy and Sexy Things to Do with Your Spouse this Summer — Enjoy the warm weather!

Picture dares for couples — A fun print-and-play game, along with links to earlier installments.

3 Things Higher Sex Drive Spouses Wish their Spouse Knew — Don’t play games.

Honor bondage — Bondage without physical restraints.

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Best Christian Sex Links of the Week 6

We hope everyone had a great Mother’s Day!

Mom knows best. Eating together at the table as a family is awesome. Ok, this isn’t sex-related, sorry.

Smooth as a Baby’s Butt. Yes, men should shave down there, too. You’ll both enjoy it.

What does he mean by “oral sex”? (It may not be what you think.) Or it may! But really, mouths are extremely versatile and there’s a lot you can do with them.

Faith in your marriage. “Society and the media will tell you that marriages ultimately decline. It’s a lie. If you walk in the truth of beliefs 1 and 2 above, then it is entirely possible to continually grow closer regardless of how long you’ve been married.” Amen!

Why mirrors are great to use during sex. How many people do this? We haven’t tried.

Tenderness. (A poem.)

Let’s talk time wasters. A great reminder of the importance of properly categorizing the urgent and important.

And if you want to read more sex/marriage posts, check out Happy hour.

Have a great week!

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Extra Credit 7

A note left on the kitchen counter right before the kids’ bath-time.

April 8, 2015

To: Miss Corte

Please come to my office during office hours this evening around 7:30pm. We need to discuss your midterm exam.

Signed: Professor Fury

 

[You haven’t been doing so well in this class, but you really need to pass! You might have slightly cheated on your midterm… hopefully the professor hasn’t figured it out.]

(For more details, see: Role-Playing: Professor and Student.)

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Best Christian Sex Links of the Week 8

Spring is in the air!

Oral sex is not dirty. Or is it? No, it’s not. It makes him feel like a king. Also, yes, you should swallow.

When he wants you to initiate. It feels great to be wanted by your spouse! And no… there’s nothing unbiblical about the wife initiating.

Making love when you have teens in the home. Kids should go outside to play more.

What effect does premarital sex have on marriage? Survey results analysis.

Give him a hand (job) survey results. Some suggestions for assisting a high-drive husband.

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"Double Feature" Gift Idea 9

I sometimes come up with names in my head for things that Sexy Corte does, and she seems to get a kick out of it when I share. In this case, she thought my name was lame (true) and she rechristened the move as the “Double Feature”. Wives, if you’re looking for that perfect Christmas gift for your husband then this might just be it! The “Double Feature” is simple: he gets to come in your mouth and your vagina in the same day.

To give your husband a day he won’t forget, explain the “Double Feature” to him when he wakes up and tell him he can decide when he wants each showing. If you really want him to go crazy thinking about you all day, give him a ticket to carry around in his pocket.

ticket roll

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Sex in Song of Solomon, Chapter 2 10

(Click here to read the whole Sex in Song of Solomon series.)

After a long delay we’re back to the Song of Solomon series, this time reading chapter 2. As background: The book is commonly understood as a celebration of marital/sexual love and it contains a lot of rather graphic imagery. It’s an especially important book because it’s very sex-positive and provides a powerful illustration of the joy God takes in the sexual relationship between a husband and a wife.

The book is written in the form of a dialogue between  the Lover and his Beloved, with occasionally interjections from the wife’s Friends. The language is dominated by agricultural metaphors that can make the book difficult to understand for modern readers who aren’t familiar with the context (which certainly includes me). I’m going to do my best to untangle the imagery, but some of it is guesswork.

As I wrote in the previous post. the end of chapter 1 flows into the beginning of chapter 2 with the Beloved comparing her Lover to a mighty cedar, and the Lover comparing his Beloved to a rose — both ageless metaphors for male and female sexuality. Chapter 2 then gets even more explicit. Says the Beloved of her Lover:

As an apple tree among the trees of the forest,
    so is my beloved among the young men.
With great delight I sat in his shadow,
    and his fruit was sweet to my taste.
He brought me to the banqueting house,
    and his banner over me was love.
Sustain me with raisins;
    refresh me with apples,
    for I am sick with love.

The Lover is once again a tree, and the Beloved delights to sit in his shade and eat his fruit. In fact, the Lover has brought his Beloved to the banqueting house. What do you think they’re feasting on? Hint: each others’ bodies. Double hint: oral sex. My most-visited post is titled “Yes, You Should Swallow”, and here’s some Biblical affirmation. The Beloved goes on:

His left hand is under my head,
    and his right hand embraces me!
I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem,
    by the gazelles or the does of the field,
that you not stir up or awaken love
    until it pleases.

The embrace described is sexual intimacy. The Beloved is so aroused that she knows she has lost all self-control, and she admonishes other young women to avoid this passion until it finds its proper place in marriage.

Then we hear the Lover cries out to his Beloved and entice her: the time is right for us to make love.

My beloved speaks and says to me:
“Arise, my love, my beautiful one,
    and come away,
for behold, the winter is past;
    the rain is over and gone.
The flowers appear on the earth,
    the time of singing has come,
and the voice of the turtledove
    is heard in our land.
The fig tree ripens its figs,
    and the vines are in blossom;
    they give forth fragrance.
Arise, my love, my beautiful one,
    and come away.”

The Beloved surrenders herself to her Lover and they have sex until dawn.

My beloved is mine, and I am his;
    he grazes among the lilies.
Until the day breathes
    and the shadows flee,
turn, my beloved, be like a gazelle
    or a young stag on cleft mountains.

Chapter 2 is even more sexual than chapter 1! If you thought God and our ancestors were prudes, I hope this exploration of Song of Solomon changes your mind. God intends for sex between husbands and wives to be mind-blowing!

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