Here are some fun sex links to kick off summer!
A Wife Who Enjoys Giving Oral Sex? YES! — See also: Q&A: How Do I Get My Wife to Swallow and Enjoy It?, Three More Female Perspectives on Giving Oral Sex, How To Make Semen Taste Better
Eyes Open Orgasm — We’ve written about the intimacy of eye contact during sex, along with holding hands.
3 Fun Ways to Spice Up Your Love Life Using the Bible — Basically three fun date ideas.
Make Your Marriage More Fun — We’ve got a few fun ideas for you, too!
75 Ideas for Spicing Up Your Sex Life — That’s a lot of ideas.
3 Things That Make Sex Great — They all boil down to enthusiasm.
You Need a Sex Date and You Need a Period Sex Plan.
Do You NEED More Sexual Variety? — Perhaps surprisingly, the post indicates that wives want more novelty and report more boredom with routine sex than husbands do.
Sexy Metalwork — We’re not really into piercings, but the Bible doesn’t condemn them. See also: Secret Engravings Gift Idea.
Creative Sex in Marriage — Make your default answer “yes”.
18 Things I’d Tell 16-Year-Old Me About Sex and Relationships — If you have kids, these will make for a great conversation with your spouse.
The Perks and Pitfalls of Sex Research — A really excellent post! We’ll add: The most important sex research for your marriage is the research you do with your own spouse. Be an intentional student of your spouse and you’ll learn a lot.
Quality is better than quantity. That statement is beneficial in many ways. But what if quantity is the quality? Husbands often view sex through that lens. We get a lot of emails from readers asking about frequency. Men want their wives to have more sex. Women wonder why their husbands want to have sex so much, and often comment that they don’t enjoy it. Here are some thoughts on how to improve the quality and the quantity.
As a couple: Communication can fix a lot of problems. Sex can be awkward to talk about, but the more you communicate about your sex life the easier it is to talk about. How often do each of you need an orgasm to feel satisfied? In a week? A month? Pay attention and notice when you feel aroused. What time of day works best to have sex? What can you do to meet your spouse’s needs? Is there something you can do to make sex better? Remember, you are the only person that can meet your spouse’s sexual needs.
For husbands: If you want to have quantity, you need to increase the quality. Your wife is not going to want to have sex if you don’t bother getting her aroused, or making sure that she is having all of the orgasms that she wants. Shift your focus from just having sex to making sure your wife is enjoying it. Around 70-80% of women need direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm. That means only 20-30% of women can orgasm through standard penis-in-vagina sex. We have wives tell us that after years of marriage they just experienced their first orgasm. If your wife is one of the majority, you have to be more creative to give her an orgasm. For many women it takes 20-45 minutes of clitoral stimulation to orgasm. Use your hand or a vibrator, and stay there. Men can be aroused in an instant, but arousal can be a lengthy process for a woman. Notice her throughout the day and be intentional in words, touch, etc. When you start to have sex, spend a while in foreplay. Sex can be painful for your wife if she is not aroused. Husband, you might be surprised by how much your wife wants to have sex when she’s having frequent orgasms!
For wives: Quantity has a quality all of its own. You might be surprised at how often your husband would want to have sex if you were available. Find out what your husband needs to feel satisfied. It’s ok to have sex and not have an orgasm, as long as you are sexually satisfied overall. Be available to your husband. Remember, you are the only person your spouse can have sex with. He will never grow tired of having sex. Pray for the right attitude towards meeting his sexual needs. Sex is not a burden, it is a gift. Sometimes it is a tricky gift to figure out! Find what makes you enjoy sex, then pursue doing that together. Your husband almost certainly wants to give you pleasure, but may not know how. If you have never had an orgasm, explore how to make that happen with your husband. An orgasm is the key to unlocking the pleasure of sex.
Remember that you are a team. You love each other. If both spouses in a marriage focus their energy on pleasing the other, your own needs will get met along the way.
When Sexy Corte and I were dating, I somewhat randomly drew on her a couple of times with a sharpie and we both found it to be fun and sensual. A few weeks ago, she suggested I use henna to create temporary tattoos on her body. I was game, but also intimidated — she’s the artistic one in the family, and I’ve never done anything like it before. She sent me this video of design ideas and then told me to draw whatever I wanted on her. No pressure, right?
I did a bit of research and decided to buy a jagua tattoo kit. Apparently henna can cause skin irritation for some people, so I decided to try an alternative considering the intimate areas involved. The kit included all the tools required to mix the ink and apply it to the skin, and simple instructions for a beginner. (Now that I’ve got a bit of proficiency I will probably just buy the ink next time.)
As for the design, I really debated — and in the end I didn’t use any of the patterns from the video above. The first tattoo I created was a design I stole from one of our board games (so geeky) that I drew on the lower front of SC’s hip (about half-covered by her panties). The second tattoo was simple: I wrote my name across her right breast in cursive.
The application process was great foreplay. She laid naked on the bed with a wand vibrator between her legs (and tried to hold still) while I used the tiny applicator to draw intricate lines on her body. By the time the tattoos were done we were both eager to get down to business!
So what’s fun about tattooing your spouse?
- Marking your territory. It was awesome to use SC’s body as a canvas for my creativity, and she enjoyed coaxing it out of me. As I mentioned, I don’t have a lot of artistic talent, but there was something primal about marking my wife — especially with my name written across her breast.
- Submission. SC made a few suggestions and requests (e.g., the tattoos should be concealable with clothing), but it was extremely sexy to be given carte blanche to draw on her body however I wanted. That she wanted me to express myself on her body was a huge turn-on.
- Durability. Most sex is over when it’s over, but temporary tattoos can last two weeks! Whenever SC looks at herself in the mirror she is reminded of me and her act of submission, and whenever I see her I’m reminded of my dominance. For us, that’s sexy! Just seeing the tattoos on her skin turns me on and makes me want her. (Similar to why trying-to-get-pregnant sex is some of the best sex.)
- Creative. You can draw anything, anywhere. A picture, a love letter, an abstract pattern, a symbol, a poem, anything you can imagine.
- Vulnerability. It takes vulnerability to be creative, and vulnerability is sexy. I was pretty nervous about tattooing SC — afraid it would look bad or be silly — but her enthusiasm and encouragement nudged me along. And, of course, she was even more vulnerable than I was, since she was the canvas!
- Secret. Hidden tattoos are a sensual inside joke to share with your spouse. If the drawings are on intimate areas, you can even flash them discreetly to get your spouse’s attention in public.
- Temporary. The tattoos are durable, but they eventually fade… and then you get to draw something new! I’ve already got several ideas for our next round of tattooing.
Here are a few tips that will make your tattooing experience as awesome as possible.
- Prepare your kit in advance. I started mixing the ink after SC was already naked, so I rushed while she waited.
- Set expectations. Make sure you agree on where and what are desirable.
- Keep it simple. Don’t make the tattoo too complicated, especially if it’s your first time. Pick a simple pattern and practice it on the skin with magic marker.
- Stimulation during application. Figure out a way to physically stimulate each other during the tattooing process. In this instance, with SC on her back, we used a wand vibrator. Next time I’m planning to tattoo her butt, and we’ll try doing it doggy style.
- Plan for drying time. The tattoos take 30-40 minutes to dry, so plan accordingly. In our case, we did the hip tattoo first since it would be hard to avoid smudging it during sex.
So there you have it, our first experience with temporary tattoos! Have you ever done this kind of thing with your spouse? Got tips or questions? Leave a comment!