Be Disciplined with Your Kids at Bedtime

Be Disciplined with Your Kids at Bedtime 1

Staying disciplined with our kids’ bedtimes has been one of the best habits that Sexy Corte and I have cultivated during our marriage. We’ve written two posts about protecting your master bedroom from your children and making it a haven for your sexual relationship, and it’s just as important to protect your time as your space.

When you have young children it’s easy for them to dominate every waking second of your life, but your sex life is going to suffer if you let that happen. Maintaining a consistent bedtime for your kids is important for their mental and physical health, your sanity, and your sex life. If your kids wake up and go to sleep when you do, it’s no surprise you don’t have time and energy for sex.

Children need structure and consistency, and they need a lot of sleep.

Among the children who were in bed by 8 p.m., 10 percent were obese as teens, compared to 16 percent of those who went to bed between 8 and 9 and 23 percent of those who went to bed after 9, according to the study, published in The Journal of Pediatrics.

Although the study does not prove that early bedtimes protect against obesity, Dr. Anderson said, “there is a great deal of evidence linking poor sleep, and particularly short sleep duration, to obesity, and it’s possible the timing of sleep may be important, above and beyond the duration of sleep.”

“This provides more evidence that having an early regular bedtime and bedtime routine for young children is helpful,” she said.

We try to have our younger kids in bed by seven every evening, and the older ones in bed by eight. They’re not always asleep by then, but they’re in bed and quiet. We stick to this schedule about six days a week, and the other day we’re likely to have some church or social event that keeps us out a later. Our kids are like all other kids: they stall, delay, and beg to stay up later, but they know the routine and are generally compliant.

This schedule gives me and Sexy Corte at least two hours together almost every evening. It’s very easy to have a babysitter watch the sleeping children while we go on a date (which we try to do monthly) but most of the time we spend the evening playing board games together — and having sex! Sexy Corte’s best time of day for orgasm has moved around over the years, and now the golden hour is right after we get the kids to bed. As you can imagine, I’m pretty motivated to tuck them in!

As our kids get older I’m sure they’ll stay up later, but we still plan to enforce a quiet time in the evening starting around eight. We’ll see how that goes!

We’re frequently shocked to learn that many of our friends have their kids in activities several nights per week, let them stay up until ten, or even let them sleep in the master bedroom. I don’t see how such parents ever find time for themselves. If you’re in this position and you can’t imagine how to change things around, check out our post about creating the habit of daily sex — it contains a bunch of good tips for creating good habits in your life and marriage.

Do you have any good ideas for protecting your time, space, and energy for sex?

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  1. This is a great idea, but please realize you two are in a bit of bubble at the moment. We too used to play a ton of board games – similar to your set actually (and still do, but far less often now). As the kids get older, there’s a LOT more activities, and they’re nearly all in the evenings – all good things, but it does take a toll – sports, youth group, music, scouts. Even if each kid is in only one thing, multiple kids means evenings get filled up. Get a little older, and (for us) there’s also elder care, so now there are teens out late, their work schedules plus ours, car-shuffles, late-night pick-ups from activites / work / practice, plus caring for aging parents and their households. All involving driving… (too bad one can’t use drive time for love-making eh?)

    But I think your main point is absolutely right – find / schedule time for each other, both for sex and other connection / fun stuff. But do realize it’s actually easier (stop gasping now) when the kids are younger, at least schedule-wise. Young kids pull your energy, but older kids pull your schedule.

    Again – you are right – set your priorities and guard them and your time carefully, and set these habits now.

    1. Well, we definitely worry that what you say is true. We’re determined not to let our kids’ activities run our schedules. I suppose we’ll see what happens.

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