Car Date 1

El Fury and I found ourselves on an unexpected date recently. We were in the middle of a 3 1/2 hour car ride. The kids were all asleep in the back. We were listening to old music, talking, laughing. The sounds of the 90’s reminded us of high school. It was a blast! We lost track of time as the miles flew by. I realized I felt like I was on a date with my husband. It was reassuring to know that we could still spontaneously connect, even with all the kids in the car.

What are ways you have found to “date” while not on a date?

Wedge Pillows 2

When we got married I surprised Sexy Corte with a set of Liberator wedge pillows (which were, at the time, on sale at Amazon). I think she was skeptical at first, but in the years since we’ve gotten a lot of use out of them. If I could introduce any couple to one new toy, it would be these pillows. (Assuming they already have an egg vibrator. Hopefully SC will post about those soon.)

The primary use of the wedges is for positioning. They’re firm and have a velvety texture so they grip against your bed and each other, which means you can set them up in limitless configurations to position your bodies at all sorts of different heights and angles. (The pillows came with a booklet of suggested positions; you can find it on the site above, but it has nudity so I’m not linking it.) They’re great for laying on, bending over, leaning on, or sitting against. We’ve even turned the big one on it’s side and used it to support SC’s legs so they don’t flail in the air when she’s laying on the edge of the bed.

You’ll notice that we bought the “black label” edition of the wedges which come with handy attach points for clip-on cuffs. We don’t use the cuffs as often as the pillows themselves, but occasionally I have a blast cuffing SC down and teasing her for a while. Not to brag, but our record is seven orgasms for her in 45 minutes. So, husbands, if you want to give your wife a ton of orgasms till she almost passes out and begs you to stop you might want to check these out. (I should get a commission.)

The Simple Things 3

I love watching our toddler. She is full of so much joy and energy. Everything is worth exploring. She takes so much delight in such simple pleasures. Learning to jump, looking at the moon, petting our dog. There are so many things that I take for granted that I get to rediscover through her eyes. It’s so refreshing.

There are many things in relationships that we take for granted too. I guess you get used to each other, but we should still take time to enjoy the simple pleasures of our spouse. Lately I’ve been focusing on kissing. I’m trying to avoid those hurried pecks on the lips. Instead I try to give El Fury passionate, lingering kisses that leave you hungry for more. I don’t want lazy kisses, I want to be left out of breath from having my mouth thoroughly ravaged! If he dips me at the end, that’s even better.

There are a lot of simple relationship pleasures. Holding hands, snuggling. What do you take for granted with your spouse?

Clitoral Stimulation 4

The Marriage Bed has a fascinating survey on female orgasm during intercourse with or without clitoral stimulation. As the charts show, most women need clitoral stimulation to climax regularly. I am definitely one of them. I have never had an orgasm with intercourse only. Intercourse feels great to me, but it can’t get me there without some help.

Part of what I found most interesting about the survey was reading the comments at the end. Women are all so different! We have very different bodies and very different sex lives. I found myself feeling envious when I read about the women that could orgasm easily with intercourse alone. Conversely I felt very grateful when I read about women that had a very difficult time.

After reading through the comments I felt convicted for my emotional response. God gave us the bodies we have, so there is no sense in wishing for something different. If we aren’t experiencing the pleasure we want to have, we need to communicate and work with our spouse to figure out how to achieve our desired level of sexual satisfaction. I think most husbands want to give their wives orgasms, but they might need some help figuring out what feels good. Don’t be afraid to communicate! When we first started using a vibrator, I was afraid to ask if we could use it. I didn’t want El Fury to feel slighted or like I preferred it over him. It took me some time to realize that he understands, loves and accepts my body just the way it is. He cares about getting me to climax, and if we have to use a vibrator while he is inside me, it doesn’t bother him at all. I love our sex life! If we hadn’t been able to communicate and willing to experiment, I probably still would never have had an orgasm. I’m glad I didn’t miss out on that!!

Sex in Song of Solomon, Chapter 1 5

(Click here to read the whole Sex in Song of Solomon series.)

I’m going to do a series on the sexual passages of the book Song of Solomon (which, if you didn’t know, is in the Bible). This post is about chapter 1. The book is commonly understood as a celebration of marital/sexual love and it contains a lot of rather graphic imagery. It’s an especially important book because it’s very sex-positive and provides a powerful illustration of the joy God takes in the sexual relationship between a husband and a wife.

The book is written in the form of a dialogue between  the Lover and his Beloved, with occasionally interjections from the wife’s Friends. The language is dominated by agricultural metaphors that can make the book difficult to understand for modern readers who aren’t familiar with the context (which certainly includes me). I’m going to do my best to untangle the imagery, but some of it is guesswork.

The couple is not yet married at the beginning of the story and are fantasizing about each other. The book begins with the Beloved initiating sex rather explicitly.

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—
    for your love is more delightful than wine.
Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes;
    your name is like perfume poured out.
    No wonder the young women love you!
Take me away with you—let us hurry!
    Let the king bring me into his chambers.

Nothing ambiguous there. Note especially the “let us hurry!” This woman needs some action. The Beloved continues:

Do not stare at me because I am dark,
    because I am darkened by the sun.
My mother’s sons were angry with me
    and made me take care of the vineyards;
    my own vineyard I had to neglect.
Tell me, you whom I love,
    where you graze your flock
    and where you rest your sheep at midday.
Why should I be like a veiled woman
    beside the flocks of your friends?

She works hard and takes care of her family, but her own needs have been neglected. The Beloved wants to find her Lover — why should she wander around like a prostitute (“like a veiled woman”) searching for him among the flocks?

Her Lover replies:

I liken you, my darling, to a mare
    among Pharaoh’s chariot horses.
Your cheeks are beautiful with earrings,
    your neck with strings of jewels.
We will make you earrings of gold,
    studded with silver.

The “mare among stallions” imagery is pretty hot. We read above that the young women adore the Lover, and the Beloved is no less in demand. The Lover will array his Beloved in jewels befitting her beauty.  (Some have interpreted these jewels to be the Lover’s semen shot onto his Beloved, but that may be a stretch.) When the Beloved replies she again turns the conversation to sex.

While the king was at his table,
    my perfume spread its fragrance.
My beloved is to me a sachet of myrrh
    resting between my breasts.
My beloved is to me a cluster of henna blossoms
    from the vineyards of En Gedi.

These three verses focus on the fragrances of the Beloved and her Lover. While the Beloved is spreading her… fragrance… her Lover is feasting. Her Lover is a packet of perfume (“csachet of myrrh) between her breasts. Women commonly used henna as a beauty product (as a component of make-up or hair coloring), and her Lover makes the Beloved feel beautiful.

The Lovers go on to praise each other:

Lover

How beautiful you are, my darling!
    Oh, how beautiful!
    Your eyes are doves.

Beloved

How handsome you are, my beloved!
    Oh, how charming!
    And our bed is verdant.

“Verdant” is “green with vegetation; covered with growing plants or grass” — but figuratively: alive and fruitful. The Lovers’ marriage bed is full of primal, natural life. This is a joyous picture that always makes me smile.

The Lover closes the chapter with a metaphor that must transcend the ages.

The beams of our house are cedars;
    our rafters are firs.

That’s a lot of wood. Beams and rafters create a rather girthy image in my mind, but given the intimacy of the moment I suppose we’ll excuse the Lover if he brags a little.

The chapter break isn’t fluid here, so let’s finish this post with the first two verses of chapter 2.

She

I am a rose of Sharon,
    a lily of the valleys.

He

Like a lily among thorns
    is my darling among the young women.

If wood is the ancient metaphor for the penis, its equivalent for the female is the flower. The Lover’s member is a massive cedar, and his Beloved’s girly bits are a beautiful lily — compared to her, the other young women are thorns and thistles.

The Beehive Hut 6

If you say “Beehive Hut” around me or El Fury, you are bound to get a mysterious reaction. A knowing smile from him, maybe a blush from me. I couldn’t tell you exactly where the particular Beehive Hut in mention is actually located, but they all have a similar appearance to the one pictured.

El Fury and I went on our honeymoon exactly 6 months after we got married. As we were on a scenic drive around a beautiful coastline, we saw signs for a Beehive Hut. It sounded interesting, so we pulled over. A little old lady in a little old house apparently owned a really old historic landmark. She was charging 1 Euro, so we debated some before paying up. We were granted access to walk around her house and up a hill to the Hut.

It wasn’t anything extraordinary. The inside looked much like the outside, only very dark and quiet. We joked around about doing it inside. Our light banter led to some pretty heavy kissing, which then led to some questioning. “Really?” “Would you?” “Yeah, if you would.” “Seriously?” “What if someone walks in?” “Let’s just do it.” So we did. I bent over and El Fury took me right there. After, we composed ourselves and took a few pictures of us kissing in front. The timing was great. As we were leaving there were a few people walking up to see the Hut. We looked at each other knowingly and went on our way. We both felt it was 1 Euro well spent.

Our time in the Beehive Hut was short, but we remember it often. I think we learned a lot about each other in that moment. We are a lot more sexually daring and adventurous than I had ever dreamed we would be. This experience has spawned a whole lot of other fun sexual escapades. The vast majority of our sex life is spent in our bedroom, but the times outside the bedroom are the ones we remember the most. I think it’s important to create sexual memories with your spouse.

The Trifecta: Food, Television and Sex 7

This post is also available as a podcast: Podcast #012: The Bifecta – Combining Sex With Another Activity

In Seinfeld George Costanza decides to improve his sex life by adding food and television, creating “the Trifecta”. Hilarity ensues:

However, George’s girlfriend becomes displeased upon discovering him eating a pastrami sandwich while watching a portable TV during foreplay. This later creates problems for George, as he cannot eat anything without becoming aroused.

George was on to something, but apparently he didn’t have the skill or prowess to execute successfully. Lucky for you, Sexy Corte and I have tried all three versions of the Bifecta and I’m here to report the results!

Food and television: A great combination, but we recommend it for snacks rather than a major meal. We prefer to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner at the table as a family. However, after the kids go to sleep you might catch me and SC on the couch with some wine and ice cream.

Food and sex: Another winner! George’s major mistake was failing to bring his woman in on his food-play. Sexy Corte and I have gone through numerous cans of whipped cream on each other, and it’s probably our favorite sex food. It is fun to spray, cleans up easily, and doesn’t stain. The texture and temperature are great. Chocolate sauce other other sweets can be enjoyable, but so far we haven’t found anything as good as whipped cream. Are there any other foods we’re missing out on? (I don’t think we’re going to attempt to incorporate a pastrami sandwich.)

Sex and television: We’ve had mixed results. Normally what this Bifecta means to us is that one of us starts twiddling with the other after we’ve finished our ice cream. I personally love watching television while SC plays with me, but when the roles are reversed she gets very antsy and frustrated. Usually we end up pausing the show and having sex, which is why I say the results are mixed. Since we don’t want to watch porn together, are there any shows or movies that would particularly lend themselves to viewing during sex?

The Trifecta: We’ve never attempted the Trifecta… the closest we’ve gotten was one time when SC started sucking me off while I finished my ice cream. Things escalated from there, but no food or television was involved. I’m not convinced that the Trifecta is worth perfecting.

What’s your experience? Do you have an alternate Trifecta we need to try?

Hotel Sex While Sharing a Room With Your Kids 8

Staying in a hotel is great! But less fun if you’re sharing a room with your kids. Fortunately if your kids are young you can still get in some adult activities after they fall asleep or in the middle of the night. Obviously you don’t want to disturb your precious little ones as they slumber, but you can’t be expected to keep your hands off each other for the whole trip, right?!

This isn’t rocket science, but here are a few tips for having sex while you’re sharing a hotel room with your kids.

  • Be quiet. Well duh. Bite your lips, and stifle your moans into your spouse’s neck.
  • Two queen beds. Obviously you don’t want to share a king bed with your kids while you’re getting it on.
  • Darkness is your friend. Turn off all the lights and close the curtains. Most hotel rooms can be made very dark, so do it. That way if the kids do hear something at least they won’t see anything.
  • Turn the temperature down as cold as possible. This keeps the fan going (to cover any noise you make) and it also keeps you comfortable while you’re writhing around under the covers.
  • Missionary position is good because you can do it under the covers and the movements required are pretty minimal. Girl-on-top positions will be much harder to conceal.
  • Or you can always do it in the shower with the door closed!

Unfortunately the need for stealth may make it hard for the wife to orgasm. Obviously this will depend on the woman, and if you have any tips for getting her off silently then please share them in the comments.

Licking Balls 10

El Fury never tires of having his balls licked. It is one of his favorite past times. He often describes his balls as aching for attention, and other than ejaculation, ball-licking is the only thing that can alleviate his discomfort. Our foreplay often consists of me licking El Fury’s balls while he rubs my clit. This is a win, win in my opinion. Here is what I’ve picked up over the years of ball licking.

  • Always use light pressure, caressing swoops, and cover as much surface area as possible. Be gentle, and treat them with loving care.
  • Using your tongue in circular motions over the whole ball gets major groans of satisfaction. Be fair and repeat on the other ball. Then repeat on the other ball. Then repeat on the other ball…
  • Once in a while it is fun to throw a little teaser in there and travel up to the head of El Fury’s penis, give a playful suck on the tip, then travel back down to resume ball licking. This seems to drive him crazy.
  • Occasionally I like to take a whole ball into my mouth and gently suck while swirling my tongue around. This technique works best if El Fury is standing up, but can also be fun while laying down.
  • If I can catch El Fury unawares while he is laying on our bed, I like to surprise him by crawling up him to give an aggressive (yet gentle) lick traveling up his balls and penis. This is one of my favorite ways to initiate sexy time.
  • It also drives El Fury crazy when I move my tongue very, very slowly over his balls. It makes him squirm a lot.
  • When I really want to build suspense, I move my tongue only around the base of his balls for a few minutes. This is sure to cause some not-so-subtle movements to try to get his balls in direct contact with my tongue. I hold off until he is on the brink of frustration, then give him a long, satisfying tongue swoop.
  • Tip for the men: shave. This makes you very sensitive.

In summary, any action involving your tongue and balls will make your husband very happy.