Christmas Eve is always a whirlwind for parents: Christmas Eve dinner, visiting with family, Christmas Eve service, putting excited children to bed, setting up presents, and finally falling into bed exhausted. Well this year Sexy Corte and I tried something different… we managed to get all that important stuff done by around 9pm and then made time to have Christmas Eve sex on the floor in front of the Christmas tree.

You might think that sex is a big divergence from Christmas’ spiritual focus and all that family activity, but actually it was quite convergent for us. Our marriage is the foundation of our family and a critical part of our spiritual life, and sex is a linchpin of our marriage. (Linchpin: a central cohesive element.)

Having sex in front of the Christmas tree with Christmas carols playing in the background was a uniquely intimate and spiritual experience we could share after the business and responsibility of the day. It was a way for us to relax and take pleasure in each other while looking forward to the joy of Christmas Day. The sacredness of Christmas and the sacredness of our marital sex intermingled to bless us and glorify God.

It was a very intimate experience, as evidenced by Sexy Corte reading my mind. When she was close to orgasm she said, “After I come I know you’re going to have me turn around and face the tree so we can do it doggy style and you can get that image in your head.” And she was right! Sexy Corte face-down and butt-up in front of the tree is now one of my favorite Christmas memories

We hope you and your spouse and family had an awesome Christmas. May God bless you, your marriage, and your sex life in this season.

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Sexy Corte is planning a podcast episode about sex and art, and as we were discussing it I came up with the idea for the project behind this post: what’s it like to create art while sexually aroused? We’re pretty pleased with how it turned out, and there are many ways to take the idea farther than we did this time.

The project behind this post is pretty simple: Sexy Corte created an acrostic of marital sex advice while I stimulated her with a vibrator and zoom technique. I didn’t tell her what we’d be doing until we started, so she came up with everything below while sexually aroused.

I don’t know if acrostics are “art”, but the process of creating this list was definitely performance art and extremely erotic. I think that the prompt and structure of the acrostic was critical for making this project work — if I had given Sexy Corte a completely blank slate she would not have been able to create anything substantial under the circumstances. As it was, she struggled to focus on the task at hand.

Here are a few others ideas for artwork you could create while being sexually aroused by your spouse. You might want to consider using non-sexual themes so that the resulting artwork can be displayed in public areas of your home!

  • Painting or drawing: prompt the artist with a scene or situation to create, or have the artist copy an existing work.
  • Lettering or calligraphy: have the artist copy a poem or Bible verse with an elaborate style.
  • Poetry: give the artist a prompt for writing a short poem.
  • Music: prompt the artist to compose a short piece of music.
  • Lego or other model: have the artist assemble a model.
  • Singing or reading: if you’re brave, record audio of the artist reciting a poem or passage from a book, singing a song, or playing music.

If you’re feeling ambitious you can even take on a larger project that can’t be completed in a single session — and the artist is only allowed to work on the piece while being sexually stimulated by the spouse!

Have you ever created any art while sexually stimulated? Do you have ideas for more art projects? Leave us a comment below!

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Our youngest daughter found a Madonna CD somewhere and has been playing “Into the Groove” non-stop. These lyrics haven’t changed since the first time our ancient ancestors banged two rocks together and danced around a fire.

Live out your fantasy here with me
Just let the music set you free
Touch my body, and move in time
Now I know you’re mine

These are the human ur-lyrics, if you will.

ur- : a combining form meaning “earliest, original,” used in words denoting the primal stage of a historical or cultural entity or phenomenon: ur-civilization; urtext.

The emotion, sentiment, desire, longing, and invitation behind these words are the reason why humans invented music. This music propagates the species.

The only music that can surpass this power is the hymn of glory that is eternally lifted to God in his heavenly throne room. This raw and deep embedding into the human condition is why Song of Solomon is written so sexually — not because God is sexual, but because human sexuality is one of the most primal forces that God has created in us.

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Why is sex so good? Kinda like asking, “why is water wet?” But still, if we understand what makes sex good then maybe we can make it even better!

One of the main questions in life is: Why is sex so good? According to a new review paper, it’s because sex — like dance, yoga, and other body-based pleasures — is rhythmic, and that rhythm has a way of uniting and heightening the senses.

Authored by Northwestern University researcher Adam Safron and published in Socioaffective Neuroscience and Psychology, the paper argues that intercourse can be such a magical experience because of “entrainment,” which is a fancy way of saying that it gets your brain, sensory, and bodily systems all rowing in the same sexy direction. What happens in the run-up to orgasm, he argues, is what goes on in most ecstatic experiences (consider how a “beat drops” in your favorite new disco anthem). Rhythmic perception and action lead you to attend more to the stimuli that’s turning you on, leading to greater enjoyment, and greater attendance, making for “further enhancing entrainment, thus creating a positive feedback cycle of deepening sexual absorption,” he writes.

It’s not enough to call this increased arousal or pleasure: A better way to understand the way people can lose their sense of selves during the act of sex is with trance, the same way that you might feel a sense of absorption on a particularly good night of dancing, a particularly strenuous yoga session, a particularly deep meditation, or a particularly satisfying run. “Intensely focusing on immediate sensations — such as those produced by rhythmic stimulation — is likely to reduce the amount of mental capacity available for other things,” Safron writes, like ruminative self-narratives, wondering about what could have been, or generally having your mind someplace other than where you currently are. “Such an experience of sensate focusing and altered self-processing may be most appropriately referred to as a kind of trance state,” he writes. “If this trance occurs in the context of another individual who is similarly absorbed, then it could potentially contribute to feelings of connectedness along with the expansion of self-other boundaries.”

bolded the part that jumped out at me, and it matches my experience. Sex is best when you are “intensely focusing on immediate sensations” — which is closely related to our posts about the importance of enthusiasm and responsiveness. There’s a feedback loop: in order to have great sex you need to pull your mind away from the mundane considerations of life, and the act of pulling away is self-reinforcing, leading to enhanced focus and even better sex!

So how can you use this information to improve sex with your spouse? In addition to the posts I’ve linked to above, here are a few ways you can focus more intensely during sex:

  • Sight. Get rid of visual distractions. Unless you’re just playing around you should turn off the television, put away your phones, and lock your door. Focus your eyes and attention on your spouse. You can dim the lights, maintain eye contact, or even wear a blindfold for some power play. Wear something sexy. Do a danceKeep your bedroom orderly and comfortable to avoid seeing your surroundings as a to-do list while you’re having sex.
  • Sound. Put on some sensual music, something with a beat! Like the article says above, a good rhythm helps synchronize your bodies and senses. Turn off the baby monitors, silence your phones. Replace the batteries in the #&%&(#@% smoke detector. In my post about sexual responsiveness I talk about how important it is to use words and sounds during sex, so go read that whole post. Moan and groan, cry out, say your spouse’s name, beg for an orgasm.
  • Smell and taste. Using food in your sexy time can be fun, but it may also be a distraction.  If you want to focus intensely on the sexual experience, engage with the taste and smell of your spouse. Bury your face in your spouse’s hair or neck. Kiss deeply. Lick your spouse all over. Use oral sex not only to stimulate your spouse, but also to engage your own senses! During oral sex the attention is usually on the receiver, but try flipping that around: when you’re giving oral sex, focus on absorbing all the sensations that come from being close to your spouse’s sexuality. (Husbands especially: hygiene is important if you want your wife to enjoy your taste and smell.)
  • Touch. Sex obviously involves a lot of touching, but the touching can often be very goal-oriented: orgasm. However, sex with your spouse isn’t (usually) a race — you can focus your sense of touch more intensely if you just slow down. Revel in touching and being touched all over your bodies. An average human has twenty square feet of skin, so don’t just use your fingers: lips and tongues are obvious, but you can touch anything to anything else. (Check out Body Part Twister for some ideas (automated spinner).) Touch, tickle, massage, tease, and you can learn to build your spouse up to some huge orgasms.
  • Restraint. One of the reasons that light bondage is fun is that the person being restrained (the receiver) is free to focus completely on his or her sensations. While restrained, the receiver doesn’t need to think about giving pleasure, only receiving it. Being tied up is permission to be the center of attention, even your own attention. The receiver doesn’t have to do anything, just be.
  • Trust and vulnerability. In order to really lose yourself in a sexual experience you have to trust your spouse enough to let yourself be vulnerable. Your relationship needs to be past the point where you worry about looking right, acting right, or moving right. If you’re worried about impressing or disappointing your spouse, or being awkward, you’re not going to be able to focus on your senses. You each need to be comfortable with your own bodies and sexuality, and you need to respect and cherish each other.

“Losing yourself” doesn’t come naturally to everyone, but I think we can take some intentional steps to eliminate distractions during sex and really focus on the sensations we’re creating with our spouses. If you have any tips to share, please leave a comment!

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Here’s a 90s playlist I made for sexy time. You can copy/paste the songs and artists into YouTube and even create a playlist there if you don’t own the music.

(Note: there’s lots of sexual language in these songs.)

  • “Closer” — Nine Inch Nails
  • “Smooth” — Matchbox 20
  • “Would” — Alice in Chains
  • “Everlong (Acoustic)” — Foo Fighters
  • “Possum Kingdom” — The Toadies
  • “Man in a Box” — Alice in Chains
  • “Genie in a Bottle” — Christina Aguilera
  • “Heart Shaped Box” — Nirvana
  • “Sail” — Awolnation
  • “Pony” — Ginuwine
  • “Boombastic — Shaggy
  • “Dance With Me” — Debelah Morgan
  • “Possession” — Sarah MacLachlan

What do you listen to when you have sex?

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Ok, so, this product isn’t intended to be sexual I don’t think… but… how can I resist posting about an insertable speaker than lets you play music from your vagina? The intended audience is unborn babies.

The pale pink device, which costs 150 euros (£110), is controlled by a phone app but does not use Bluetooth. Parents-to-be can share their babies’ listening experience using split headphones which hang out of the vagina.

The Babypod, which has a top sound level of 54 decibels, is recommended for use from the 16th week of pregnancy, and for between 10-20 minutes a time.

Babypod was launched at the “first concert for foetuses ever held in the world” in which Soraya Arnelas, who finished 23rd in the 2009 Eurovision song contest, “serenaded” 10 pregnant women fitted with the speakers, singing Christmas carols.

Babypod reassures customers that the vibrations of the device do not adversely affect a foetus – “this is why sex toys are allowed in pregnancy”.

So it plays music and vibrates inside your vagina. Seems like it would be hard to use during intercourse. Maybe it could provide musical accompaniment during oral sex? I feel like there’s are sexual opportunities here that I can’t quite think of. Leave your ideas in the comments.

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