Should I Tan My Balls? 1

Apparently ball-tanning is a thing now?

We’ve written about testicular hygiene and shaving, but the idea of tanning my balls is new to me. What’s the supposed benefit of ball-tanning?

One hypothesis is that red light helps mitochondria produce more ATP, and that this helps the Leydig cells in the testicles to produce more testosterone. Another hypothesis centers around vitamin D, which some studies have shown is low in men who also have low testosterone.

But there are problems with these ideas. To name one obvious one: vitamin D isn’t produced specifically in scrotal skin. You can increase yours by sunning any body part you choose, or simply by eating more food that contains vitamin D, such as fatty fish.

And when it comes to the effects of red light on mitochondria, this may be true—in skin cells. The testicles are internal organs, and light doesn’t penetrate skin by more than a few millimeters tops. There are light therapy treatments that work on the skin, but there’s not really a plausible way for your testes to increase their production of testosterone just because there’s light shining on the skin of the scrotum.

There probably isn’t medical benefit to sunning your balls, but it probably isn’t harmful either (as long as you avoid burns, of course) and might feel good.

The rest of the morning, my crotch felt warm. Alive. So I did it again. Glancing out my office window to make sure the lawnmower guy wasn’t tooling around in the grass, I pulled down my drawers and bathed myself in the heavenly, warm, tingly glow, this time for eight minutes.

That night, my wife and I made love. Admittedly, I felt – well – a unique heavenly, warm, tingly glow in my crotch. Nice.

Two days later, I waited until the evening, then wandered downstairs. I rubbed my hands together, took a deep breath, and flipped my JOOVV on. I called my mom to see how her day was going mom (she had no clue what was going on below the phone). Ten minutes. I read a blog post. Fifteen minutes. My crotch grew more and more warm, but in a pleasant, day-at-the-beach sort of way. I finished an email. Twenty minutes. Mission complete.

That night was date night, and I was a rock star.

So ball-tanning is probably no more silly than most other forms of home medicine! What do you think? How do you pamper your balls?

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Husbands can Learn from What Women Look For in Casual Sex Partners 2

Wives aren’t looking for casual sex partners (hopefully!), but husbands can learn a few things from the preferences of women who are looking for casual sex. Let’s look at the six elements listed in the article, even though we only have limited influence over several of the items.

1. You need to be taller than her.

Sadly, height bias is still very much real: 89. 5 percent of respondents said their short-term partner had to be taller than them, and only 11.9 percent viewed height as unimportant.

There’s not much you can do to make yourself taller! If you’re wearing shoes and your wife is barefoot then you can add an extra inch or so. You can position yourself above your wife in some circumstances, but not always.

2. But you don’t necessarily need to be smarter.

While having similar education levels may be important for women seeking a lifelong mate, only 46.7 percent of American women thought intelligence was an important trait in a casual partner.

Well that’s a relief! Just like height, there isn’t much you can do to make yourself smarter — but you can make yourself more interesting. If you’ve been married for very long at all, you may have noticed that your wife’s panties don’t drop to the floor when you solve an equation or win an argument on the internet. Raw intelligence isn’t as impressive as what you can do with it: write a poem, build a vibrator, use classical conditioning to enhance her orgasms.

3. Hair is great, but only if it’s on your face.

While bearded men are still beloved around the world, most women said they’d prefer a short haircut and a hairless chest for a fling than luscious locks and a virtual forest of upper body hair.

Finally! Something completely under our control. Here are some tips for husbandly grooming, and yes, you should shave your balls. Put in the (minor!) effort required to be clean and fresh.

4. You don’t have to be buff.

Unsurprisingly, about half (51.8 percent) of all women surveyed considered body type to be a very important factor when deciding on a partner for a casual encounter. But if you don’t have a six-pack or bulging biceps, don’t fret. Fit, athletic physiques were found to be the most popular among women (50.3 percent), followed by “average” body types (29.1 percent). Only 7.8 percent said they wanted someone who was very muscular.

Even if being fit and athletic doesn’t come naturally to you — as it doesn’t for me — you can take action to become the best possible you. Lift some weights. Go for a run (together!). Pick her up. You might also benefit from some more fitted clothing than you’re used to.

5. Your ethnicity and religion don’t matter.

Well ok!

6. And don’t forget to smile!

Having an attractive smile was one of the most important factors for women from almost every country in the Clue survey. So, when you’re on your date, remember to show that you’re enjoying yourself by flashing those pearly whites!

Mouthwash, toothbrush, and floss — and use some over-the-counter whitening product. But don’t just smile all the time for no reason, that’s a signal of unease, desperation, and submission for men.

Husband: if you want more casual sex with your wife, make yourself an attractive casual sex partner! (Your wife will thank you.)

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Should I Shave My Balls? Yes! 3

Dr. Evil shaved his balls and you should too! Sure, it was an awkward joke in Austin Powers, but the truth is that ball licking feels incredible and your wife will appreciate it too — which means more licking! Both of those links have great tips and tricks for the ladies on how to pleasure their husband’s jewels, so check ’em out. The rest of this post is for the husbands.

So you’ve got a few questions before taking the plunge? Let me address some of the most common concerns.

  • “It’s weird!” Well, I don’t have any statistics about how many men shave, but I’ll tell you this: no one will be able to tell by looking at you when clothed. Unless you’re stripping down in front of people frequently, your shaving can be completely secret. Considering how many women shave, I bet the number of men is higher than you think.
  • “Shaving will hurt!” It doesn’t. It can be nerve-wracking the first time you put a safety razor down there, but if you use common sense you’ll be fine. You shave your face routinely, right? I personally shave in the shower with a cheapo disposable razor and don’t use any shaving cream or soap. The warm water is enough to lubricate the skin and razor, and the hairs just wash away. I’ve nicked myself a few times, but the spots of blood stop themselves before I get out of the shower.
  • “My bare balls will itch or chafe!” Actually the smooth skin feels awesome. No more hairs to be pulled or caught in skin or clothing. Once you go bare you’ll never go back.

There are numerous benefits.

  • First and foremost, I guarantee you will get more blow jobs. What’s that worth to you?
  • It will feel crazy intense when your wife licks your bare balls. You will love it.
  • Your wife will like not flossing with your pubes while she’s down there. The whole area will be cleaner, smell better, and be more inviting.
  • It feels great during intercourse too, especially if your wife is bare. No more hair to get caught or pulled, and lots more skin-on-skin contact in the most important places.
  • Your erection will look bigger.
  • Tea bagging is easier and awesomer when your balls can hang loose and slide into her mouth.

Do it! You won’t regret it. Tell us how it works out for you!

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Tea Time 4

The kids have an annoying electronic toy tea pot that sings a really catchy song that frequently gets stuck in our heads. Sexy Corte and I like to change the words around, and we think it’s pretty funny to substitute sexual stuff into the song. So last night while I was getting ready to brush my teeth and SC started singing the song I just groaned. “I don’t want that stuck in my head!”

She laughed and said, “I’ll just go lay down over the edge of the bed by myself then. Don’t forget your tea bag when you come back.”

Naturally this made it pretty tough to brush my teeth, so I abandoned that and followed SC to bed, but she stopped me. “Aren’t you going to brush your teeth? You know how I like distracting you.”

So that’s how I ended up attempting to brush my teeth while SC licked and sucked on my balls while hanging her head upside-down off the side of the bed. Needless to say, my teeth got a very thorough cleaning.

(I guess it’s time to write a post about the benefits of shaving your balls.)

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Licking Balls 5

El Fury never tires of having his balls licked. It is one of his favorite past times. He often describes his balls as aching for attention, and other than ejaculation, ball-licking is the only thing that can alleviate his discomfort. Our foreplay often consists of me licking El Fury’s balls while he rubs my clit. This is a win, win in my opinion. Here is what I’ve picked up over the years of ball licking.

  • Always use light pressure, caressing swoops, and cover as much surface area as possible. Be gentle, and treat them with loving care.
  • Using your tongue in circular motions over the whole ball gets major groans of satisfaction. Be fair and repeat on the other ball. Then repeat on the other ball. Then repeat on the other ball…
  • Once in a while it is fun to throw a little teaser in there and travel up to the head of El Fury’s penis, give a playful suck on the tip, then travel back down to resume ball licking. This seems to drive him crazy.
  • Occasionally I like to take a whole ball into my mouth and gently suck while swirling my tongue around. This technique works best if El Fury is standing up, but can also be fun while laying down.
  • If I can catch El Fury unawares while he is laying on our bed, I like to surprise him by crawling up him to give an aggressive (yet gentle) lick traveling up his balls and penis. This is one of my favorite ways to initiate sexy time.
  • It also drives El Fury crazy when I move my tongue very, very slowly over his balls. It makes him squirm a lot.
  • When I really want to build suspense, I move my tongue only around the base of his balls for a few minutes. This is sure to cause some not-so-subtle movements to try to get his balls in direct contact with my tongue. I hold off until he is on the brink of frustration, then give him a long, satisfying tongue swoop.
  • Tip for the men: shave. This makes you very sensitive.

In summary, any action involving your tongue and balls will make your husband very happy.

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