We’re pretty frugal and my hair is simple, so Sexy Corte cuts my hair for me on a regular basis. (I don’t blame her for not requesting that I return the favor.) I’m sure many wives do the same, so here’s an idea for making the chore a little more entertaining.
I’m sure SC isn’t the only amateur barber! Does anyone else have a story to share about sexing up a chore?
“I never grow tired of your sexuality.” El Fury said these words to me a few weeks ago and ever since I’ve been percolating on them. Those words make me feel alive and treasured. God wired us to be sexual and gave us a great gift of sex to be experienced in marriage. This is something to be celebrated! There have been times that I have felt self conscious of my sexuality, wondering if I look funny or sound weird or think about what EF might think of me when I give into the moment. But I think that when I allow myself to lose control, it is those moments that EF cherishes the most. It is in those moments that we feel most connected. The marriage bed is a safe place where you can let go of your self consciousness and give into your passion. For women (at least me!) this can be hard to do at times. When you are in those moments, try to follow the direction your body is telling you to go, to lose yourself, to set aside your inhibitions. Your husband loves you and wants to pleasure you and experience your sexuality!
This post is also available as a podcast: Podcast #005: Yes, You Should Swallow
Since we posted on the topic of jaw pain during oral sex we’ve received a flood of questions with a similar theme, from both husbands and wives:
If your sex life with your spouse is otherwise good, the issue with swallowing semen might come down to communication. After El Fury told me how much it meant to him that I would swallow his semen, I figured I at least needed to try it — it’s already in my mouth anyways, so there’s just one more step! It was a little strange the first time I did it, but over time it got a lot easier. Husband, be open and honest with your wife about how important it is to you, and ask if she will at least try it a few times. If your wife has a hard time with it and does it anyway, you would be wise to express how much it means to you. If she gives it an honest effort but still doesn’t want to swallow, you might have to let it go. You don’t want to put so much pressure on her that she becomes reluctant to do oral sex altogether.
Wives: if you want to learn to enjoy it, you have the right intention at heart. My hope is that that desire is all you will need to overcome your difficulty swallowing. But, what are some more practical tips?
My first bit of advice is to at least try it. You might have a mental block simply at the thought of it. I remember how strange it felt the first time El Fury asked me to swallow. After a few times it became familiar and really wasn’t a big deal anymore. I actually thought it was easier than holding it in my mouth and rushing to the bathroom to spit it out right after.
Second, keep in mind that this could be an issue that is near and dear to your husband’s heart, so you really should have an open mind and give it a try.
Third, if you make up your mind to do it, then just do it. Don’t think about it when he ejaculates, just swallow it fast. You should be able to tell right before he comes, so be ready. If you still can’t get past it after a few attempts, your husband should be understanding and at least appreciate that you tried to like it. There are so many fun sexual experiences to have with your spouse that we shouldn’t get hung up on one issue.
Please use the contact pages for Sexy Corte and El Fury to send us your questions. We will only share your question if you give us permission, and we’ll never reveal your name or any other identifying information. You can ask questions anonymously, or use a free anonymous email server like Mailinator.
This post is also available as a podcast: Podcast #014: A Few Sexy Halloween Games
Sexy Corte and I have been inching our way through the Harry Potter movies in the evenings after the kids go to bed. We both enjoy the movies and the books, but SC is a super-fan. The movies are entertaining but confusing, and after we shut off the television it seems I’ve always got a million questions to ask SC about the series while we are getting ready for bed. So, I figured, why not make a sex game out of it?
Tie, Tease, Trivia Rules.
“You must think I’m a huge dork,” Sexy Corte laughed at the beginning of the game. Afterwards she asked, “Do you think you can find more Harry Potter questions?”
Orgasm permission is a submission technique that’s easy to add to your sexual repertoire and can add a little mind-play to an otherwise vanilla encounter. (And vanilla is great! When you’ve got a family there isn’t always time to set up all the toys.)
The basic idea of orgasm permission is simple: ask your spouse for permission before you climax, and then hold off until you receive it. You can easily initiate this submission by yourself — just wait till you’re close and moan/groan/yell, “can I come?! can I please come now?!” Then hold yourself close to the edge and wait for your spouse to say “yes, come for me now!”
Alternately, you can tell your spouse that you want them to ask before they orgasm. Since you’re asking something of them, make sure you briefly discuss your expectations. You and your spouse will figure out what works best for you, but you want the experience to be hot, especially the first time. Make sure the mind-play enhances the experience for both of you and doesn’t drain any of the sexual energy:
This submission technique can be used with almost any kind of sexual encounter, from missionary to blow jobs to vibrators (good luck!). Have you ever asked your spouse’s permission to orgasm? Leave a comment below!
This post is also available as a podcast: Podcast #012: The Bifecta – Combining Sex With Another Activity
We’ve written about the trifecta previously — as inspired by Seinfeld: sex + food + television. This post is about the sex + television bifecta. We don’t watch a lot of television, but it can be a nice way to relax after the kids are in bed if we’re not up for a game or something more edifying. We’ve historically had mixed results combining sex and television, as I wrote:
Normally what this Bifecta means to us is that one of us starts twiddling with the other after we’ve finished our ice cream. I personally love watching television while SC plays with me, but when the roles are reversed she gets very antsy and frustrated. Usually we end up pausing the show and having sex, which is why I say the results are mixed.
However, great news! I think we’ve discovered the best way to combine television and sex: casual blow jobs. What do I mean by casual? Simply that the goal isn’t an orgasm. Sexy Corte is always generous when I suggest something new, and she agreed to lay on the couch with her head on my stomach while we watched a sitcom on Netflix, and she licked and nibbled and sucked through a whole episode. We talked and laughed together as we watched, and I was able to pet her hair and rub her back while she did her thing.
Frankly, it was pretty amazing: intensely erotic and intimate. With the focus on intimacy rather than orgasm we escalated slowly and were able to enjoy two aspects of togetherness at the same time: erotic touch and humorous conversation. By the end of the episode I was obviously ready to explode.
As you’re reading this you might be thinking: well, that’s pretty one-sided. True. Sexy Corte was sexually out of commission that evening, but like I said, she’s generous. I’m excited to see if I can find a way to casually play with her without driving her up the wall with frustration. (Update: Use the Zoom Technique on your wife while watching television.)
Do you have any suggestions for casual sexuality? Extended eroticism without the goal of an imminent orgasm?
Amy Cuddy describes how your body language can affect your hormones, thoughts, and behaviors. Tiny tweaks can lead to big changes.
[ted id=1569]
The specifics of her experiment apply to feelings of power and confidence, so they’re at least indirectly applicable to sexuality. Here’s an excerpt that describes some of her results. The 20-minute video is worth watching in full.
So this is what we did. We decided to bring people into the lab and run a little experiment, and these people adopted, for two minutes, either high-power poses or low-power poses, and I’m just going to show you five of the poses, although they took on only two. So here’s one. A couple more. This one has been dubbed the “Wonder Woman” by the media. Here are a couple more. So you can be standing or you can be sitting. And here are the low-power poses. So you’re folding up, you’re making yourself small.This one is very low-power. When you’re touching your neck, you’re really protecting yourself. So this is what happens. They come in, they spit into a vial, for two minutes, we say, “You need to do this or this.”They don’t look at pictures of the poses. We don’t want to prime them with a concept of power. We want them to be feeling power. So two minutes they do this. We then ask them, “How powerful do you feel?” on a series of items, and then we give them an opportunity to gamble, and then we take another saliva sample. That’s it. That’s the whole experiment.
So this is what we find. Risk tolerance, which is the gambling, we find that when you are in the high-power pose condition, 86 percent of you will gamble. When you’re in the low-power pose condition, only 60 percent, and that’s a whopping significant difference. Here’s what we find on testosterone. From their baseline when they come in, high-power people experience about a 20-percent increase, and low-power people experience about a 10-percent decrease. So again, two minutes, and you get these changes.Here’s what you get on cortisol. High-power people experience about a 25-percent decrease, and the low-power people experience about a 15-percent increase. So two minutes lead to these hormonal changes that configure your brain to basically be either assertive, confident and comfortable, or really stress-reactive, and feeling sort of shut down. And we’ve all had the feeling, right? So it seems that our nonverbals do govern how we think and feel about ourselves, so it’s not just others, but it’s also ourselves. Also, our bodies change our minds.
Take-away: try some power poses before sex and see how it affects you and your spouse. Bonus points for posing together!
Roll a six-sided die twice and consult the tables. Use the “Even” table is your first roll is even, and the “Odd” table if your first roll is odd.
First roll was odd:
First roll was even:
Nothing says “welcome home!” like a warm embrace from your spouse. Travel can be frantic, and if you have to travel for work it can be a stress on your marriage. Sexy Corte and I are fortunate that we don’t have to travel separately all that often, but when we do the old saying definitely holds true: absence makes the heart grow fonder. Or, as Solomon wrote three thousand years ago:
Proverbs 13:12 — Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.
Whether you’re separated for a long time or just a couple of nights, there are lots of things that the traveler and the spouse at home can do to make the reunion extra special.
Do you have any tips for welcome home sex? Leave a comment!