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Reader “YK” asks:

Sexy Corte, I have followed you and El Fury for a few months now. I am a husband but wanted your view as a woman on a few things. What is your view on anal sex?

I know my wife enjoys it as I do. Not saying that because I am a guy and enjoy it but because she has asked for anal sex at times when we share a shower. (There have been times I’ve refused, if you can believe that.) What I do not understand is that she goes crazy enjoying herself, but afterwards goes into a mode of “what have I done” attitude. Almost like she feels bad for enjoying the moment as much as she did.

Needless to say this really takes away from that BLESSED coming together feeling I get afterwards because I feel as if I did something wrong.

She also enjoys anal using my thumb the same time we are in doggy style. I MEAN SHE LETS GO SO MUCH THAT I FEEL I’M BEING HIT BY A JACKHAMMER!!!! So I guess my question, and I need some serious input, why does she enjoy anal sex but it has to be on her terms?

Also, she enjoys cumming in my mouth from oral but as I am about to cum she immediately wants me inside her to pound her as hard as I can until I cum, which in turn causes her to lose her mind!

One final point (sorry for taking so long), now is it normal for a wife to well…want to make sure her husband is at maximum length every time? Before me she said she never had an orgasm. Now she says she has three or more each time we are together.

I know this all may seem funny. Most men would love my “problems” but sometimes I feel like a stereotype! I am a black male of 9 1/2 inches so my wife says (she actually measured) 🤯. She is a white female and treats my penis like The One Ring from Lord of the Rings (myyyy precious)! We have been married for 25 years but it always seems like “her maximum ecstasy ” comes with how she feels is the best use of my penis!

There is definitely more but I think this will either be enough to make you slap your head, cause you mouth to fly open, ask El Fury to hurry and read this to stimulate a quickie, or just say this guy doesn’t know how good he has it! I look forward to your response. BLESSINGS!!!

Thanks for your email YK!

El Fury and I have been exploring the anal world in the last year, and it has been an interesting journey. In the past I have had no interest in anal sex, and I’m sure that’s in part because it is such a taboo topic. It is something that El Fury has wanted to do forever, and so I finally was able to open up and be willing to try some anal play. It has been a slow progression! I’ve been surprised at how much I’ve enjoyed it when he teases that area with his fingers. Actual penetration is very uncomfortable for me, so we time that for when I’m highly aroused. With that said, I wouldn’t say I am that “experienced” with anal sex.

I can understand your wife’s feeling of shame afterwards. I think the view of a lot of people is that anal sex is wrong, degrading, etc. I have been in conversations with other women where the attitude is “well, of course I wouldn’t do that!” So, having all of that pressure put on certain sex acts can make someone feel ashamed after giving into their desires. The Bible seems to be sexually open about all sorts of sex acts as long as it’s within the boundaries of marriage. The Song of Solomon has references to oral sex, and we believe that God wants you and your spouse to have an X-rated sex life. It seems that as long as sex is between the two of you, within the confines of your marriage, consensual, and leads to mutual satisfaction then it’s ok! If your wife can come to change her perception of anal sex then I don’t think she would feel bad afterwards.

As far as sex being on your wife’s terms, I think that because anal sex has commonly been viewed as a degrading act she might feel degraded if she consents when you want it. I’m not saying that she feels like you are trying to degrade her, it’s simply the stigma around the act. Whereas if she is initiating it then she’s in control.

For your second question about swallowing, communication is important. I used to get irritated when El Fury didn’t just know what I wanted! I had to learn to tell him. If you want your wife to swallow, you should communicate that to her. It doesn’t have to be every time, but tell her once in a while it would mean a lot to you if she swallowed.

For your third question, about length, I know for me there is something very arousing at the thought of taking all of El Fury inside me. It’s intoxicating to feel like I have as much of him inside me as possible. Your wife probably feels the same way, and would still want all of you even if your penis was an inch shorter!

It sounds like you and your wife have a great, active sex life! I definitely think you could communicate all of these questions to her. The more we talk about sex, the more natural it is to talk about. I hope this helps!

Reader YK wrote back:

I really appreciate your feedback and you really gave me some seriously valuable insight into her possible mindset concerning anal sex. I just never thought about the stigma and taboo the church has about anal sex could be the cause of her discomfort. This also explains why after accepting Jesus we both thought HOT sex was over!

SC, you and El Fury keep up the great work. There are too many married couples in the Body suffering due to these types of stigmas. BLESSINGS to you both!

How have taboos and stigmas affected your sex life with your spouse? And, of course, do you have any anal sex tips to share? Leave a comment below!

Please use the contact pages for Sexy Corte and El Fury to send us your questions. We will never reveal your name or any other identifying information. You can ask questions anonymously, or use a free anonymous email server like Mailinator.

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Truth-or-Dare can be a lot of fun, but when you’ve been married for a few years — and maybe have kids in the house — it might start to feel like there aren’t any interesting “dares” left! So here’s a long list of dares that are intended to evoke the embarrassment/challenging tone of truth-or-dare even for couples that have been married for a while and may not be able to play outside their bedroom. (Check out this earlier post for a list of truth-or-dare “truths” for married couples.)

The “dares” are numbered so you can pick one randomly, or use the random sexual truth-or-dare generator!

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Schools are shut down, and so are many workplaces. Your family is self-isolating at home for several weeks, and maybe a lot longer. It’s tempting to just “Netflix and chill” for the foreseeable future, but here are some more productive ways to spend your time during the global COVID-19 shutdown.

Have sex with your spouse. Sex has a ton of health benefits!

TV medical expert Dr. Mehmet Oz says that people stuck inside should be having lots of sex to combat the effects of social distancing for the coronavirus.

“The best solution if you’re holed up with your significant other, quarantined, is have sex,” advises the doc in a TMZ video Tuesday. “You’ll live longer, get rid of the tension.”

“Maybe you’ll make some babies,” he adds. “It’s certainly better staring at each other than getting on each other’s nerves.”

Be grateful for your spouse! Single people are having a really tough time dating thanks to coronavirus.

Alexsis Venable, 23, says she’s “a little more hesitant to go out on dates.” The New Jersey resident explains, “I know some people are touchy-feely, so if I was on a date and someone would like to hold hands or touch my face, I would be taken aback.”

Some people are nervous, but find their dates are not. Gen, 22, is “very worried,” adding, “I can’t see myself going home with or even kissing a random guy anytime soon.” (She requested her last name be withheld.) As for her dates? The Los Angeles resident notes, “I think guys are pushing less to meet up in person from apps than they might have once. In person, though, I find that guys don’t really seem to care about the coronavirus over their own desires.”

Maybe that’s part of the reason male life expectancy is a lot shorter than female.

Worship. Read the Bible together as a family. Our kids enjoy reenacting Bible stories as plays for us. Sing songs — our favorite hymnal is Hymns of Grace, and Grace to You offers MP3 files of piano accompaniment for free!

Exercise. Don’t just sit on your butt all day! You can still go outside to walk, run, or ride bikes with your family while social-distancing.

Board games and cooperative/multiplayer video games are great quality time for couples and families! Much more interactive than television.

Virtual sightseeing courtesy of Google. It’s not the same as being there, but here are a few cool resources:

Do you have any other suggestions for productive ways to spend your time during the coronavirus? Share them in the comments.

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Reader “AE” brings up a topic that we’ve received numerous emails about over the years but haven’t yet addressed.

My husband is an incredible and selfless man. I have zero complaints about him as a husband, and he has always been so willing to do anything to be the best husband he can be. He has a history of promiscuity before we were married as well as pornography. When he gave his life to the Lord before we were married, he surrendered all of that, and we both know he has been forgiven and absolutely redeemed.

However, our sex life is, as you call it, very vanilla. He has always been pretty closed to exploration, and when I have gotten adventurous, it seems to shut him down instead of turn him on (which has been tough on me). Your website has given us an incredible place to start from to dig into what’s holding each of us back in the bedroom. We’ve been using your articles to discuss things we’ve never even known we need to talk about. In one of those conversations, he realized that anything remotely risque triggers memories for him from those years before we were together. He is so determined to keep his focus on me and his mind pure, he’s shutting everything down mentally, including his own interest. I should note, he has never had any issues “rising” to the occasion. If I go all in, he’ll meet me there. But most foreplay is limited if not non existent.

We’ve realized, our bedroom is like a minefield for triggering his memories and it’s keeping us from enjoying the freedom the Lord has intended for us. We both believe there’s better for us and we’re both willing to work on it. Your site is already giving us ways to fight for that. But do you have any strategy for how we can explore together in the Lord’s favor the things he once explored inappropriately without triggering these thoughts and memories that take his mind off of me and the moment we’re in? Is there anything I can do to help him?

Thank you for any help! And thank you and SC for this safe place to find permission and strategy and FUN.

First off Mr. and Mrs. AE, don’t feel alone with this challenge! Many Christians fall short of God’s perfect standard that sex is intended for married couples only. Sexual sin can lead to serious, life-altering consequences — not to mention the harm it can do to your relationship with God. And yet, God is always eager to offer us forgiveness when we repent, thanks to the sacrifice of Jesus Christ.

Even when we’re forgiven, however, it isn’t always easy (or possible) to be completely free from the natural consequences of our sin during our lives on earth. The difficulty Mr. and Mrs. AE are experiencing is a natural consequence of sexual sin. Memories can be stubborn.

Caveat: We’re not trained therapists, and it’s possible that a couple in the position AE describes would benefit from talking together or separately with an expert who can advise them based on their specific circumstances. Every person and every marriage is different. The advice we’re going to give here is connected to the Bible and based on our experience, but it may not be right for you. We offer this caveat because we can imagine a direct approach, like we’ll describe, doing more harm than good for some people.

Ok, try this: don’t think of an elephant.

Could you do it? Probably not. It’s basically impossible to pick a specific thing and not think about it. In the most well-known Bible passage about anxiety Paul writes:

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Philippians 4:4-8

The bolded action words in the passage make our point: you can’t simply “do not be anxious” without replacing anxious thoughts with something else. Instead of merely commanding a negative, God teaches that the positive drives out the negative.

Mr. and Mrs. AE are dealing with a form of sexual anxiety and we think the principle from Philippians 4 can be applied. Instead of trying to banish distracting, undesired, harmful, or sinful memories by sheer force of will, we should work to replace them with “whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable”.

Application: replace negative sexual memories with new, positive sexual memories created with your spouse. Confront the negative memories head-on and create new memories that overwrite the old ones. This won’t happen all at once, but over months and years you’ll have sex with your spouse hundreds and thousands of times. When something “risque triggers memories” from your past, go straight at that memory and re-do it with your spouse. Your sex life with your spouse is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, and commendable. Even if that risque memory seems weird don’t shy away from it: face it and rewrite it.

Now, some prudence is in order. Sex that is non-consensual or involves people besides the married couple has no place in a Christian marriage — but just about anything else can be done in faith and can be part of a mutually satisfying sex life. Be patient and courageous with each other; your sex life isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon. Don’t force your spouse to go faster, but don’t drag your feet either. Put some effort into it and you’ll both be rewarded.

After sharing these ideas with AE she wrote back:

Awesome!! This is the strategy we talked about trying. We both had a few concerns that it could backfire, so we reached out to you to hopefully confirm, which you did!

It is not hard to be patient with this man of mine. He is such a good man and husband and daddy. Besides, this problem stems from his desire to honor and respect his commitment to me, even with his thoughts, so how could I not respect that. I’m incredibly excited to find freedom together and get our sex life to the level of the rest of our marriage.

You are absolutely welcome to use our question. It is tough being one of the few women who have a higher sex drive than her husband. I relate more to men in the stereotypical sex conversations, and it’s a challenge to not feel like something is wrong with me. So if my question can make another woman like me feel less alone, that’s great.

Thanks again, you two!

It’s always extremely gratifying to hear that our ministry is edifying to peoples’ marriages! If you have any thoughts or ideas to share, please leave a comment below.

Please use the contact pages for Sexy Corte and El Fury to send us your questions. We will never reveal your name or any other identifying information. You can ask questions anonymously, or use a free anonymous email server like Mailinator.

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We get emails from people every day who are having problems of various kinds in their marriage, and the simplest, most direct solution is often just have sex. Obviously this isn’t true in every single case, but you’d be surprised how often sex itself can smooth over differences and disagreements.

How does it make you feel when your partner is cold and distant? Or when they’re critical and prickly? Does it make you want to rip their clothes off, order in a vat of whipped cream and install a chandelier to swing from?

No? Well there’s your problem – according, at least, to Michele Weiner-Davis, the marriage-guidance counsellor whose Ted talk explaining her unconventional advice to warring couples has been viewed almost 3.5 million times online.

Her advice couldn’t be simpler: shag. Do it even if you don’t want to, do it especially if you don’t want to and, most important of all, do it frequently whether you want to or not. To make it even clearer, she’s borrowed one of the most famous advertising slogans of recent times: Just Do It. “Your partner will be grateful, happier and therefore nicer, too,” she explains from her clinic in Colorado. “It’s a win-win situation for both of you!”

Over the years, Weiner-Davis has honed her message. She’s now stripped it back to what she believes is the essence of a successful marriage. Gone is any therapeutic consideration of a couple’s history; of their emotional travails; of cause and consequence. Now she is entirely one-track minded: no matter how appalling the state of a marriage, she believes that kind, generous and frequent sex can bring it back from the teetering edge of collapse.

Let’s expand on the idea a little! Here are a bunch of related posts.

Sometimes we can get so wrapped up “communicating” that we forget the importance of body language. Maybe you should quit talking about your problems for a while and go have sex!

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Reader “ME”, who is a wife, wrote to Sexy Corte with this question:

I am curious about a type of “funishment” that involves a peeled piece of ginger inserted into the vagina. Do you or your husband have any information about this?

Thanks again for the wonderful website!

Neither one of us had heard of this practice, so Sexy Corte passed the question to me. A little bit of NSFW internet research revealed that the activity is called “figging”.

Figging is the practice of inserting a piece of skinned ginger root into the human anus or the vagina in order to generate an acute burning sensation. Historically this was a method of punishment, but has since been adopted as a practice of BDSM. [snip] The effect reaches climax within two to five minutes after insertion, and persists for around thirty minutes before gradually easing.

The intensity of the burning can be modulated by rinsing the root before inserting it, and some people apparently find the feeling to be quite pleasurable. Figging seems to be particularly popular practice when combined with light spanking. Maybe the heat is similar to the sensation created by “warming jelly” lubricant?

Sexy Corte says: “Sounds like it could be interesting!”

Hopefully it doesn’t turn into another serrano pepper incident.

Please use the contact pages for Sexy Corte and El Fury to send us your questions. We will never reveal your name or any other identifying information. You can ask questions anonymously, or use a free anonymous email server like Mailinator.

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I love it when we sleep naked but Sexy Corte isn’t too keen on the idea right now. There are several reasons why she is reluctant to sleep naked, and yet I can’t help but pursue it. (Sexy Corte and I just talked about it this morning, and this post isn’t a passive aggressive note to her!)

First off, a quick recap of previous post about sleeping naked:

  • The benefits of sleeping naked and waking up early: improved relationship, improved vaginal health, reduced stress and anxiety, look younger, lose weight, improved self-esteem, better sleep.
  • Tips for wives on staying warm in the winter while still sleeping mostly naked: thigh-high socks! Women also tend to have an easier time reaching orgasm when their feet are warm.
  • Sexy Corte herself writes that sleeping naked is very sexy. “Not only does your skin feel amazing right up against your spouse’s, but feeling nice and silky sheets as you sleep is an added bonus. If your spouse is always wanting sex in the morning, but you have a hard time rousing yourself for it, sleeping naked is an excellent way to get yourself in the mood. Those last lucid dreams can turn very erotic, especially if you are naked snuggling. You are sure to wake up with a voracious sexual appetite!”
  • Commenter Bald Buy Mike offered a great suggestion a few months ago: “In the next couple of days we will be buying a heating pad for our bed. This goes on like the fitted sheet, but it’s padded and heated! I never knew these existed until a few days ago! All problems solved.”

We bought a heating pad and Sexy Corte loves it. We bought her thigh-high socks which she doesn’t love, but she does like to wear leg warmers which are pretty similar. I think she’s warm enough at night to sleep naked, but she still doesn’t like to for a few reasons that we haven’t solved yet.

  • Kids. Our darn kids still wake us up at least once a week in the middle of the night, and it’s a hassle to get dressed to take care of them. Sexy Corte has a robe she could throw on when it’s her turn to handle them, but the robe isn’t hanging right by her side of the bed. Maybe I could install a hook nearby?
  • Handsy husband. When Sexy Corte sleeps naked I tend to get a little handsy and it makes it hard for her to fall asleep. I know… I try not to… but she’s so sexy! It’s even in her name. I blame her, for being so hard to resist. I need more self control.
  • Sex fluids. We most frequently have sex in the evening, which makes it hard for Sexy Corte to avoid panties and a pantyliner because she’s leaking semen. We like having sex in the morning, but on school days it’s tough. I’m not sure how to solve this one.

Do you and your spouse frequently sleep naked? Do you have any obstacles? Do you have any suggestions for how we can overcome ours?

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Even if we know in our heads that the pursuit of earthly wealth is ultimately empty, it’s easy to fall into our culture’s assumption that money and happiness are connected. The primary purpose of this post is to remind myself that more money won’t make me happier.

First, remember that happiness is not the highest prize. Jesus was described prophetically as a Man of Sorrow, and when we suffer through Godly sorrow we participate in his essential nature.

He was despised and rejected by mankind,
a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.
Like one from whom people hide their faces
he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.

Isaiah 53:3

Second, here is some evidence that more money won’t make you happier.

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

Third, here’s a quick refresher on what is likely to make you happier:

I hope this post is a blessing to you! Please share your experiences in the comments.

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I haven’t been able to figure out how to turn these weird news items into blog posts of their own, so I’m going to share them here just to get them off my to-do list.

“This playboy tortoise had so much sex he saved his entire species.”

A womanizing tortoise whose rampant sex life may have single-handedly saved his entire species from extinction has retired from his playboy lifestyle, returning to the wild with his mission accomplished. Diego’s unstoppable libido was credited as a major reason for the survival of his fellow giant tortoises on Espanola, part of the Galapagos Islands, after being shipped over from the San Diego Zoo as part of a breeding program. When he started his campaign of promiscuity, there were just two males and 12 females of his species alive on the island. But the desirable shell-dweller had so much sex he helped boost the population to over 2,000. The Galapagos National Parks service believe the 100-year-old tortoise is the patriarch of around 40% of that population.

“Not if you were the last tortoise on earth!” Good work Diego, you’re an inspiration to us all.

“Doctors beg men not to masturbate with banana peels.”

Doctors have warned horny young men to refrain from using banana peels to masturbate — the latest bizarre sex trend circulating on social media.

“It’s the closet thing to a blowjob,” wrote one randy Redditor, who claims “he’s been doing it for years.”

However, Dr. Diana Gill of prescription service Doctor-4-U cautions against the perverse practice. “You could develop a rash and sores on the penis which can be painful and might lead to infection,” Gill told the Sun. [snip]

Gill’s not the only naysayer. One Reddit user recounted a harrowing, cautionary tale where he used a banana skin to masturbate and allegedly ended up “falling in the mess I made, hit my head on the toilet and barely lived to tell the tale.”

Wives, if you find your husband unconscious in a pile of banana peels you might need to have a talk with him.

“Fireworks: Nearly Half Of Americans Had Best Sex Of Their Lives In 2019, Survey Finds.”

Incredibly, 2019 is close to being over, which means it’s time again to look back and reflect on the year that was. A recent survey of 2,000 sexually active American adults asked respondents to recount their sexual experiences in 2019, and found that a significant portion (44%) had the best sex of their lives this year. Moreover, 47% said their sex life was far better in 2019 than it was in 2018.

Apparently, this past year was one of sexual experimentation for many Americans: one in six tried phone sex for the first time, and 29% used their first sex toy. In fact, according to the research, which was commissioned by Pure Romance, 38% of respondents became more adventurous sexually this past year. Another 20% had sex in a car for the first time, and one in six had their first experience with sexual roleplaying.

We get a lot of emails asking us about phone sex, but it’s not something we do much since Sexy Corte and I are together most of the time. We’ve posted about almost everything else in this article! We also asked our readers to share their best sexual experiences of 2019, and if you haven’t shared yet then go leave a comment.

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