Solve Your Marriage Difficulties By Having Sex

Solve Your Marriage Difficulties By Having Sex 1

We get emails from people every day who are having problems of various kinds in their marriage, and the simplest, most direct solution is often just have sex. Obviously this isn’t true in every single case, but you’d be surprised how often sex itself can smooth over differences and disagreements.

How does it make you feel when your partner is cold and distant? Or when they’re critical and prickly? Does it make you want to rip their clothes off, order in a vat of whipped cream and install a chandelier to swing from?

No? Well there’s your problem – according, at least, to Michele Weiner-Davis, the marriage-guidance counsellor whose Ted talk explaining her unconventional advice to warring couples has been viewed almost 3.5 million times online.

Her advice couldn’t be simpler: shag. Do it even if you don’t want to, do it especially if you don’t want to and, most important of all, do it frequently whether you want to or not. To make it even clearer, she’s borrowed one of the most famous advertising slogans of recent times: Just Do It. “Your partner will be grateful, happier and therefore nicer, too,” she explains from her clinic in Colorado. “It’s a win-win situation for both of you!”

Over the years, Weiner-Davis has honed her message. She’s now stripped it back to what she believes is the essence of a successful marriage. Gone is any therapeutic consideration of a couple’s history; of their emotional travails; of cause and consequence. Now she is entirely one-track minded: no matter how appalling the state of a marriage, she believes that kind, generous and frequent sex can bring it back from the teetering edge of collapse.

Let’s expand on the idea a little! Here are a bunch of related posts.

Sometimes we can get so wrapped up “communicating” that we forget the importance of body language. Maybe you should quit talking about your problems for a while and go have sex!


  1. I tried to adopt this “Just Do It” attitude a while back. I have a hard time being in the “mood” without preparing myself all day long in between the 4 trillion other things that take up the average stay at home mom/homeschooler’s day. So I tried to just do it whether I want to or not. However, my husband can obviously tell if I’m not enjoying it, and its completely unfullfilling for him emotionally and mentally. He hates it when i perform but do not enjoy. But if i don’t just do it, we might “cheesecake” (code word for our lovemaking) maybe three times out of the month, and I want more for him, and ultimately us.

    1. Hey Rebecca, thanks for your comment. We totally understand what you mean about “4 trillion other things” on your mind!

      I get where your husband is coming from, but I think there’s a difference between “I’m not going to have an orgasm now” and “I’m not enjoying this sex”. You should have as many orgasms as you want, but that doesn’t mean you need to have an orgasm every time you have sex in order to enjoy the encounter.

      It’s possible that your husband is having difficulty receiving the love you’re trying to show him because he feels like the sex is a failure if you aren’t having an orgasm. You can try to reassure him that you enjoy having sex and you enjoy being intimate with him even when you don’t have an orgasm.

      If you want more orgasms than you’re getting, speak up for that too!

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