Sex in the News: Tortoises, Bananas, Fireworks

Sex in the News: Tortoises, Bananas, Fireworks 1

I haven’t been able to figure out how to turn these weird news items into blog posts of their own, so I’m going to share them here just to get them off my to-do list.

“This playboy tortoise had so much sex he saved his entire species.”

A womanizing tortoise whose rampant sex life may have single-handedly saved his entire species from extinction has retired from his playboy lifestyle, returning to the wild with his mission accomplished. Diego’s unstoppable libido was credited as a major reason for the survival of his fellow giant tortoises on Espanola, part of the Galapagos Islands, after being shipped over from the San Diego Zoo as part of a breeding program. When he started his campaign of promiscuity, there were just two males and 12 females of his species alive on the island. But the desirable shell-dweller had so much sex he helped boost the population to over 2,000. The Galapagos National Parks service believe the 100-year-old tortoise is the patriarch of around 40% of that population.

“Not if you were the last tortoise on earth!” Good work Diego, you’re an inspiration to us all.

“Doctors beg men not to masturbate with banana peels.”

Doctors have warned horny young men to refrain from using banana peels to masturbate — the latest bizarre sex trend circulating on social media.

“It’s the closet thing to a blowjob,” wrote one randy Redditor, who claims “he’s been doing it for years.”

However, Dr. Diana Gill of prescription service Doctor-4-U cautions against the perverse practice. “You could develop a rash and sores on the penis which can be painful and might lead to infection,” Gill told the Sun. [snip]

Gill’s not the only naysayer. One Reddit user recounted a harrowing, cautionary tale where he used a banana skin to masturbate and allegedly ended up “falling in the mess I made, hit my head on the toilet and barely lived to tell the tale.”

Wives, if you find your husband unconscious in a pile of banana peels you might need to have a talk with him.

“Fireworks: Nearly Half Of Americans Had Best Sex Of Their Lives In 2019, Survey Finds.”

Incredibly, 2019 is close to being over, which means it’s time again to look back and reflect on the year that was. A recent survey of 2,000 sexually active American adults asked respondents to recount their sexual experiences in 2019, and found that a significant portion (44%) had the best sex of their lives this year. Moreover, 47% said their sex life was far better in 2019 than it was in 2018.

Apparently, this past year was one of sexual experimentation for many Americans: one in six tried phone sex for the first time, and 29% used their first sex toy. In fact, according to the research, which was commissioned by Pure Romance, 38% of respondents became more adventurous sexually this past year. Another 20% had sex in a car for the first time, and one in six had their first experience with sexual roleplaying.

We get a lot of emails asking us about phone sex, but it’s not something we do much since Sexy Corte and I are together most of the time. We’ve posted about almost everything else in this article! We also asked our readers to share their best sexual experiences of 2019, and if you haven’t shared yet then go leave a comment.

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