Happy New Year to all our readers! We hope your Christmas was amazing and that 2020 is a blessed year for your marriage. Thank you for reading our blog and for sharing your experiences and challenges with us. If you enjoy our blog or podcast please share them with a friend!
It’s incredibly gratifying to hear from our readers, whether it’s in celebration or heartbreak. Please use this comment thread to share your best sexual experience from 2019 and any sexual goals you may have for your marriage in 2020.
We’ll go first!
Best sexual experience from 2019: Having sex on a paddle-boat in a lake after midnight under a full moon. The whole night was amazingly intimate, and the lake sex topped it off.
Sexual goals for 2020: Learning for El Fury to give and Sexy Corte to receive orgasms more easily in a greater variety of positions. We’re making progress on this existing goal, and we’re going to continue in 2020.
Your turn! (If you don’t see the comments section, scroll all the way down on the individual post and click “load comments”.)
This year definitely was a down year for us but there were several good moments.
Best sexual experience of 2019: Tie between two events.
1. Vacation sex. My wife always worries about getting the sheets dirty so we never really have sex under the covers. On vacation this year we got a room with two beds in it and made one the “sex bed”. Being under the covers really helped her arousal as she can get cold very easily.
2. During another encounter I changed up my thrusting style during ejaculation (slow and deep instead of fast and deep). Made for a very enjoyable O.
Sexual goals for 2020: Build emotional intimacy with my spouse and at least double our intercourse frequency from last year. Want to also try to fulfill a major fantasy of mine (outdoor sex) this coming year.
Outdoor sex is awesome! We try to have sex outdoors every year. There aren’t a ton of opportunities for us, but if you plan for it you can make it happen :)
Best Sexual Experience from 2019
Our best sexual experience actually covers the whole last 1/3 of the year–our first uses of a vibrator (or toy of any kind). Other than some nocturnal ones while sleeping during pregnancy, DW had never O’d in her life. With a vibe plus simultaneous PIV, she is now O’ing 95% of our encounters (that’s not an estimate, it’s calculated). While I was worried the vibe could turn into a replacement for me, it’s done nothing of the sort, and DW has never O’d without me inside. Honestly, I couldn’t be happier for her, and I finally feel like the lover I’ve always wanted to be since we first got married (12 yr ago).
Goals for 2020
DW’s goal for 2020 is simple–triple digits for intercourse encounters. This would only be a ~5% increase over our rate in the back half of 2019, but we’d have to sustain that throughout the year. My main goal is to be less scared/more confident with initiating. My secondary goal would be for us to get DW an O while I hold her in my arms. That will require a position we haven’t succeeded in yet, like missionary or spooning, or for her to finish without me inside. Missionary likely won’t work unless we can get a vibe wedged in there, spooning will be tough because I doubt I can last long enough, and we don’t even know if DW can O without me inside of her (much less if she’d want that). Oh, and honestly my secondary goal would have been something else if I’d answered this on January 1, but just this last week we achieved it, and in some ways it was a perpetual lifelong married-sex goal. :-O
-Scott
Congratulations on improving your sex life! What an amazing blessing.
Sexy Corte also climaxes best with a bullet vibrator wedged between us during intercourse. I love to wrap my arms around her when she has an orgasm… it feels like I’m experiencing it with her. It sounds like you aren’t sure how to achieve that, so here’s what we do. I lay on my back with SC on top (“cowgirl” position) and a small bullet vibrator wedged between us. Sometimes I squeeze my hand between us to maneuver the vibrator, but most of the time it stays put on its own. When SC climaxes, she can lean forward so her torso is against mine and I can wrap her in my arms.
Does that make sense?
Thanks for the advice. I understand what you mean, and although WOT is rare for us, when doing it, it was common for her to be leaning forward pulled into my arms when I would O before we used vibes. But we’ve only tried the vibe in WOT once, with mixed results. Not every couple is built the same, plus every vibe is a different size, and ours isn’t a bullet (it’s the We-Vibe Touch). The vibe was a tight fit for sure, and we eventually switched to a more go-to position, leaving with the thought that WOT was an interesting possibility to revisit. One problem is that general vibration stimulation to that area may not be enough for her–she normally uses focused vibration in the area that she targets with the closed-loop feedback she gets by controlling the vibe. I don’t know if she’d be able to do that even if our anatomies were a good fit, as she really has to focus to O and WOT doesn’t lend itself to that.
About the closest we’ve gotten to missionary+vibe is using our wedge in a position similar to “Shoulder Holder”, see: https://www.christianfriendlysexpositions.com/shoulder-holder/ Next closest would be “Packing the Suitcase”. But these are a few cry from the full intimacy of missionary. Did you and Sexy Corte ever succeed with missionary yourselves? I.E. and update on this post: https://www.christianfriendlysexpositions.com/shoulder-holder/
Overall, I am of course not complaining about our sex life. It’s wildly awesome right now. But just looking to accomplish something we both might enjoy that wouldn’t be out of our comfort zones. Maybe I’ll just have to find a way to last long enough in spooning position.
-Scott
We tried Missionary with the vibrator, but it didn’t work that well. It’s important that I be able to use my hand on the vibe when necessary, and I can’t when I’m on top.
We have a We-Vibe and we didn’t like it. I strongly recommend that you try a cheap wireless bullet vibrator! WalMart sells them for under $10, so it’s not much of a risk :) Your wife will still be able to be active and grind on you while she’s on top, even if she isn’t controlling the power. The bullet vibration will be very focused on her clitoris if you place it there.
Thanks again for the suggestion. I will take a look at small bullet options. Since they’re cheap, that’s a lot easier to swallow than many nice vibes.
I’m assuming the We-Vibe you mention is the one you reviewed here:
https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/reviews/review-of-we-vibe-vibrator/
That’s the We-Vibe II, which is intended for couples/intercourse, whereas the We-Vibe touch isn’t hands free and probably is used more by solo-ing women than during intercourse. Here’s a link:
https://marrieddance.com/shop/vibrators/clitoris-cuddlers/we-vibe-touch/
It’s roughly the size (including thickness) of one of those slide advancer/laser pointer combos. We have found it incredibly effective!
-Scott
You’re right about the version of We-Vibe we were using. The version you linked to looks a lot like a bullet, except maybe larger around. It was the U-shaped thing that didn’t work for us.