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Wife “ER” writes:

I noticed that you guys had an episode for husbands on how to navigate the clitoris. Do you have one for penis’s that maybe I’m missing? If you don’t have one, I’d like to see you guys create one for the wives!

Your wish is our command!

Humans have been representing the penis in art for thousands of years. From the Obelisks of Egypt to the Rockets of Jeff Bezos to “unique roman artifacts”, our fascination with the phallus is enduring. For those of us without a rod, or staff, or Johnson, the penis can be a tricky place to navigate.

The balls are a great place to begin with foreplay. Licking the balls all around is like soothing an ache. El Fury describes this as luxurious. Use the tongue for foreplay and your hand for an accessory to aid in orgasm. Cup the balls while he uses his hand, or if you are performing oral.

At the opposite end is the head of the penis. The head is the most sensitive area, so it is important to be gentle and avoid direct hand contact. Treat the head as the playground of the tongue. Swirl, flick, lick — the tongue can do anything to drive the head of the penis crazy. There is a spot on the under-side of the head (ball side) called the frenulum. With enough time and attention a man can orgasm just from extended focus in this area. The head is also a great place to tease when the wife is on top. Allow just the head inside the vagina and see how long it takes before the husband loses control. It’s fun to bounce up and down with the slightest movement, plus it feels great.

Connecting the balls and penis is the shaft. This area seems to be the least sensitive, but craves attention in order to orgasm. During sex or oral, taking the shaft in deep will push him over the edge. In a technique that El Fury calls “Around the World” the wife can start on the head, then take her tongue down the shaft, around the balls and back up the other side. The shaft is where to hold during a hand job.

Similar to the clitoris, the penis can vary from man to man. It’s important to explore together. It means a lot to a husband if the wife loves and appreciates his penis.

Wives, if you have any great tips for navigating a penis please share them in the comments!

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Sexy Corte prefers to have an orgasm while she’s on top of me and we’re using a vibrator wedged between us. This cowgirl position puts her in control of most of our body motion (because I’m flat on my back) and lets me control of the vibrator. This position usually works very well for us… unless I start having trouble holding back my own orgasm. It’s less fun for everyone if I have an orgasm before she does, so I’ve learned a few techniques for controlling the depth of penetration while we’re in cowgirl position. There are many reasons to play with shallow penetration, and shallow penetration will usually help the husband hold off his orgasm longer than deep penetration.

Here are a few techniques the husband can use to control depth of penetration in the cowgirl position.

  • Lift her up by the butt. I love my wife’s butt, so my hands are often there already when she’s in cowgirl. To control depth, I’ll use my hands to hold her up and prevent her from pushing all the way down on to me. This is extra fun when it makes Sexy Corte moan in frustration while she’s trying hard to push me deeper inside.
  • Lift my leg(s) to raise her seat. Instead of leaving my legs flat on the bed, I will pull one or both of my knees up slightly to elevate my thighs. My thighs act like a seat for Sexy Corte to sit on, and the higher I lift my thighs the shallower penetration we’ll get. This technique requires less strength than lifting her butt with my hands and can be maintained indefinitely. I’ll often raise and lower my thighs several times while my wife is riding me to control the depth of penetration and hold off my own orgasm.
  • Pull her chest down to yours. Pulling your chests together will automatically reduce the depth of penetration as her pelvis rotates. Feeling your wife’s breasts against you is an added bonus!
  • Pull down on her hips. If I want to go deeper I’ll grab Sexy Corte’s hips and pull her down while I arch my back and push up into her. As you can imagine this doesn’t usually make me last longer, and I won’t do this if I’m struggling to avoid orgasm. This maneuver will often elicit a sexy moan from my wife!

And if you’re in cowgirl, here’s a post with some ideas for what to do with your hands.

Do you have any wife-on-top techniques to share? Leave a comment and let us know!

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OMGYes has released a Pleasure Report that describes four penetration techniques that are reported to be the most pleasurable for most women.

“We asked thousands of women what they do to experience more pleasure from penetrative sex and found there are four techniques that work for most women,” says sexual and reproductive health scientist, Christiana von Hippel.

Dubbed Angling, Rocking, Shallowing, and Pairing, they stand out from suggestions provided by other scientific studies that tend to scaffold pleasure around specific sexual acts, or the involvement of specific objects or body parts.

Sounds super-scientific! I bet these techniques are going to blow our minds.

For example, 87.5 percent of the respondents claimed Angling did it for them – rotating or elevating the pelvis just right to find a position where the toy, penis, or digits touch just right.

So… find the most pleasurable angle for penetration. Genius.

Around three quarters of those surveyed advocated Rocking, an action defined by movements that help the base of the penis or toy rub consistently against the clitoris during penetration.

Stimulate the clitoris. Wow, thanks science!

About 84 percent of those in the study enjoy a penetrative touch towards the outside of the vagina, dubbed Shallowing.

Ok, Shallowing might be a little less obvious that the first two ideas. We wrote about this technique here: When It Goes In — Shallow Penetration. Most of the nerve endings in the vagina are near the entrance, so it can feel pretty great for the husband to slide the head of his penis in and out at a shallow depth — and it might help the husband delay his own orgasm longer if the full shaft of his penis isn’t being stimulated.

Lastly, there’s also Pairing activity: Just under 70 percent of survey participants claimed they thoroughly enjoyed having their clitoris stimulated with a toy or finger while being penetrated.

Pairing might seem obvious, but it actually took me and Sexy Corte about a year to figure it out after we got married. Now, our go-to position when she wants an orgasm is for her to sit on top of me while I hold an egg vibrator wedged between us against her clitoris. She is practicing to orgasm in other positions, but this is the easiest for her by far.

Research like this can be valuable for guiding sexual exploration in your marriage, but in the end each couple will need to discover what feels good to them. Play around and try new things! You never know what you might like until you try it.

Were there any sexual techniques that took you a while to discover? Leave us a comment and help out the rest of us!

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Since posting Podcast #008: How to Make the Most of the Size You’ve Got we’ve gotten feedback from readers who love deep penetration, and we’ve also received a few questions about positions to use for more depth. It just so happens that Sexy Corte and I have been experimenting with an edge-of-the bed position that is perfect for deep penetration, and that also creates an amazing visual experience for the husband!

ChristianFriendlySexPositions calls the position “Packing the Suitcase”.

It’s a pretty simple position:

  • The wife perches on the edge of the bed (or other raised surface) and lifts her legs up, pulling her knees towards her chest.
  • The husband stands facing her and enters.

This position enables extremely deep penetration by pulling the wife’s legs far out of the way and by pushing her pelvis up and forward towards the husband. You may even get deeper than in doggy style! As always with deep positions, the husband will need to be careful not to thrust too forcefully to avoid discomfort for the wife; the wife will likely find deep penetration more enjoyable if she is thoroughly aroused.

Edge-of-the-bed positions are great for a bunch of reasons!

  • Deep penetration. As we already mentioned, these positions enable the deepest possible penetration of any face-to-face positions.
  • Access to the wife’s clitoris. These positions don’t stimulate the wife’s clitoris directly, but they do provide easy access for either spouse to use their fingers, thumb, or a vibrator. The wife’s clitoris can be hard to reach in most husband-dominant positions — which makes it hard/impossible for the wife to orgasm — so this feature enables the wife to climax while the husband is in control of the action.
  • Great visuals of penetration. Men are very visual creatures, and edge-of-the-bed positions create an opportunity for the husband to get a good look at the action as he penetrates his wife and watch the response of her whole body when she climaxes. I find these visuals to be extremely hot, and one of the best features of these positions.
  • Keep cool in the summer. Sex in the hot months of the year can be sweaty and exhausting, but edge-of-the-bed positions can help you keep cool. You won’t get as hot in these positions as when you’re lying down because your bodies aren’t in full-length contact. We find it much harder to reach orgasm if we overheat.
  • Access to the wife’s legs and breasts. Because your bodies aren’t pressed together, the husband will have lots of access to the wife’s breasts and legs during sex. Breasts are also easily accessible during wife-on-top positions, but in most positions the wife’s legs aren’t within reach. You might both enjoy having the husband pet and rub the wife’s legs and feet during sex!
  • Edging marathons. Both spouses are in pretty comfortable positions — standing straight up and lying down — so you should be able to stay on the edge-of-the-bed for a while. The wife can have a relaxing, luxurious, drawn-out experience if the husband goes slowly and focuses his attention on her.

Edge-of-the-bed positions do present one significant challenge that hindered our enjoyment of them for years: what to do with the wife’s legs? There’s nowhere to rest them (since they’re hanging off the bed), and it’s tiring for the either spouse to hold them up for long periods of time. You can take turns, but you’ve also got to pay attention to the wife’s clitoris, and thrusting, etc. Here are a few ideas for keeping the wife’s legs comfortable, but you make need to juggle between them over the course of your encounter.

  • Husband holds wife’s ankles or knees. Great for a while, but it requires both of the husband’s hands. The wife can stimulate herself while the husband holds her legs; this might work great for you, but Sexy Corte really prefers for me to stimulate her.
  • Wife holds her own legs up and back. The wife pulls her thighs up to her breasts and holds her knees with her hands. This works well and provides great access for the husband, but it can become tiring for the wife and also make her feel squished or cramped after a while.
  • Husband leans on wife’s shins with one arm. Similar to above — the husband pushes the wife’s thighs up to her breasts, folds her knees, and then leans forward against her shins with one of his arms to hold her legs. This leaves one of his hands free, but can make the wife feel squished and also negates many of the advantages listed above because their bodies will be pressed together.
  • Prop the wife’s legs up with something. Theoretically you can put two tall objects on the floor near the edge of the bed for the wife to rest her spread legs/feet on and that don’t block the husband. We’ve never been able to make this work. You’d probably need some sort of birthing table.
  • Use a bondage strap or rope. This is the approach we just discovered, and it works pretty well as an augmentation to the other techniques described above. Use one of your bondage straps or ropes (which I’m sure you already own!) to hold the wife’s legs up. You can position the strap behind her neck or shoulders, whichever she finds the most comfortable. Both spouses can take turns holding the wife’s legs to relieve the pull of the straps when desired. For example:

Once you’ve mastered the basics, here are some more edge-of-the-bed sex positions to try out. Share some of your tips or let us know what you think in the comments below!

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How to increase the feeling of length and girth, and how to get deeper penetration.

If this podcast is a blessing to you, please leave us a 5-star review on iTunes or wherever you listen to podcasts.

How to Make Most of the Size You’ve Got: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/physical-techniques/how-to-make-most-of-the-size-youve-got/

How to Get Deeper Penetration: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/physical-techniques/how-to-get-deeper-penetration/

How to Admire Your Husband’s Penis: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/mental-techniques/how-to-admire-your-husbands-penis/

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 10:38 — 11.8MB)

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We’ve written about how make the most of the size you’ve got, but today we’ll discuss how deeper isn’t always better. Shallow penetration is a fun rest-stop between foreplay/outercourse and deeper sex, so don’t speed past without checking it out. There are lots of ways to have fun with shallow penetration, and even some definite advantages.

  • That feeling when it goes in: The moment of initial penetration is amazingly intimate, physically and emotionally! We call it “burrowing in” when I’m on top, and I use tiny thrusts to gradually work my way inside. The feeling of my wife’s body softly yielding to my penis is indescribable. With shallow penetration, you can keep repeating this experience over and over.
  • Where the nerves are: 90% of the nerves in the vagina are in the first one-third of the depth. Similarly, the head of the penis has more nerves and denser receptive fields than the shaft. (The head of the penis has about the name number of nerves as the clitoris.)
  • Last longer: Stimulation on the head of the penis feels great, but it often isn’t enough to lead to a quick orgasm. Orgasm tends to be accelerated by squeezing pressure around the shaft, especially towards the base. Shallow penetration that focuses stimulation near the head can be a useful technique for delaying orgasm.
  • Reach her clitoris: When your bodies aren’t mashed together it’s easier for the husband to reach his  wife’s clitoris with his thumb or a vibrator. Shallow penetration leaves enough space for the husband to drive his wife crazy!
  • More possible positions: There are a lot of positions that just don’t lend themselves to deep penetration, mostly because your pesky legs get in the way. You’ll enjoy that crazy new position more once you realize that you don’t have to finish that way — you can transition to a more traditional position to achieve orgasm.

So what are some ways to enjoy shallow penetration?

  • Shallow thrusts near the vaginal opening are a great way to edge, and will eventually drive you both crazy. Who can stand it the longest? Make her beg for it!
  • In and out: While thrusting or riding, let the penis withdraw completely from the vagina, letting the head nestle just between the vaginal lips. Let the head slip in and out, repeatedly recreating the feeling of initial penetration.
  • Explore the territory outside the wife’s vagina. Use lube if necessary and rub the husband’s penis around her clitoris, lips, and inner thighs. Great motivation to shave your vulva and penis/balls.
  • With the wife on top she can rub her lips and clitoris over and around her husband’s penis, stimulating herself and the husband’s shaft and frenulum in between bits of short and shallow penetration. The wife can also gyrate her hips with just the head of her husband’s penis inside her, giving him a unique form of stimulation.
  • Use your hand to stimulate your wife’s clitoris while thrusting. Alternatively, in doggy style the wife can stimulate herself while the husband focuses on varying his thrusts to build up the tension.
  • Surprise deep thrusts: Whoever is on top can throw in a nice, hard, deep thrust every once in a while just to change things up, and enjoy the gasps of pleasure from their spouse.
  • Grab her hips: Even when the husband is on bottom, he can grab his wife’s hips or butt to hold her up and control the depth of penetration. If you love to hear your wife moan in desperation, keep her shallow when she’s expecting deep and you’ll get it! Just make sure your timing doesn’t ruin her escalation to orgasm.

What do you do to enjoy shallow penetration in your sex life? Leave a comment and let us know!

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So here’s a term that’s new to me: “outercourse”, as opposed to intercourse. Basically, sexual stuff other than penetration, and somehow distinct from mere foreplay.

This term “outercourse” refers to sex that isn’t intercourse and doesn’t involve penetration. It can include kissing, touching, erotic massage and using sex toys, just to name a few options.

“When we equate intercourse and sex and call everything that comes before intercourse ‘foreplay,’ we are buying into the cultural script that sex should proceed as follows: foreplay (just enough to get her ready for intercourse), intercourse (during which both women and men orgasm), and game over,” Mintz said. But sex doesn’t have to involve intercourse at all. Even when it does, other forms of stimulation can add to the experience and may improve the odds of reaching orgasm.

Herbenick suggested that couples take a lesson from the early days of their relationship. “Sometimes, when people are first getting together, they spend time making out and touching each other’s genitals long before they start having oral sex or intercourse with each other,” she explained. “All too often, once oral sex and intercourse become part of their routine, the rest fades away — which is too bad, considering how powerful genital touching can be.”

It’s true that making out tends to give way to sex as your relationship matures, but is that somehow less than ideal?

Sexy Corte and I often invest a lot of time, creativity, and energy into foreplay (with various games, bondage, toys, etc.), but then we have sex. SC requires clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, but still strongly prefers to climax with penetration.

I definitely see the argument for more and better foreplay — and the importance of recognizing that the vast majority of women require clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm — but I’m not sure I get the idea of outercourse and sex without penetration. What do you think? What role does outercourse have in your marriage?

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This post is also available as a podcast: Podcast #008: How to Make the Most of the Size You’ve Got

We recently wrote about how to make the most of the size you’ve got and talked a bit about penis anxiety — the common fear among men that their penises just aren’t good enough. Go back and read that post for some survey data that reveals that men care more about penis size than women do. For the most part, girth is more important than length, and the previous post gave some tips for how to feel thicker.

In 2001, Russell Eisenman published a paper in BMC Women’s Health wherein 50 women were asked whether girth or length contributed more to their sexual pleasure. Ninety-percent of the surveyed women responded that the thickness of a penis was a more important elicitor of pleasure.

You may be surprised to learn that the average penis is more than long enough to reach the end of the average vagina — even accounting for the fact that the vagina lengthens when the woman becomes aroused!

The most commonly used measurements regarding the size of vaginas come from Masters and Johnson’s work from the 1960s. They looked at 100 women who had never been pregnant and found that vagina lengths, unstimulated, range from 2.75 inches to about 3.25 inches. When a woman is aroused, it increased to 4.25 inches to 4.75 inches. Regardless of how long the vagina is, the area that is thought to be important for most women’s sexual response is the outer one-third.

(The average American man’s penis is 5.6 inches long when erect with a girth of 4.8 inches.)

And as that quote indicates, the outermost one-third of the vagina, near the opening, contains 90% of the vaginal nerve endings and is much more sensitive to touch than the deeper two-thirds of the vagina.

Taking all that information into account, we can conclude that penis length matters a lot less than we husbands often think. Nonetheless, achieving the deepest penetration possible for you and your spouse can still be extremely pleasurable for a variety of reasons.

  • Nerves in the lower shaft of the penis are often the most powerful trigger for male orgasm. Shallow penetration (and stimulation of the head of the penis) feels extremely good but often doesn’t lead to a quick climax. Approaches like the frenulum technique or tip top technique are awesome for a slow build-up and edging (and will generally lead to orgasm eventually), but stimulating the nerves along the whole shaft will generally get you there faster.
  • Feeling of fullness. Even though the upper part of the vagina doesn’t have as many nerve endings as the lower third, filling it up can give the wife a pleasurable sense of fullness. The vaginal fornices (anterior fornix and posterior fornix) are to the front and back of the cervical opening, and stimulating them can produce an indirect feeling of pleasure. Because of the angle of the wife’s body, usually only the anterior fornix can be stimulated in missionary position; but in doggy style, when the wife is aroused and the vagina has lengthened, the head of the penis can also reach into the posterior fornix.
  • Mental and emotional pleasure. It is extremely intense for the husband to penetrate his wife to her greatest depth, and for the wife to share with her husband the most intimate parts of her body. Deep penetration creates an opportunity for gentleness, vulnerability, submission, and closeness that epitomizes the “one flesh” of the husband and wife.

Here are a few tips for getting the most from deep penetration.

  • Husbands, lose weight! Excess fat can bury your penis and reduce its usable length. We’ve said it before, but go lift some weights. This is basically the only real way to make your penis longer.
  • Turn her on. Most women won’t find deep penetration to be comfortable or pleasurable if they aren’t aroused. During arousal the vagina not only lengthens, but the cervix actually rotates upward and out of the way of the penis. If a woman isn’t aroused deep penetration will likely result in the penis pounding into her cervix, which most women don’t enjoy.
  • Leg positioning. Missionary position isn’t the best for deep penetration, but you can still do pretty well if you position the wife’s legs properly. Spread them wide open and push her knees up to her chest. Depending on her flexibility, the husband can put the wife’s legs over his shoulders or hook his arms behind one or both knees to hold them up. This positioning accomplishes two things: first, it moves the wife’s legs out of the way of the husband’s hips; second, it pivots her hips and stretches her vagina so that it can accept more length. Sexy Corte and I find this arrangement to be especially intimate after she has an orgasm — we roll her over onto her back, I climax as deep into her as I can reach, and then we cuddle.
  • Doggy style. Probably the position that enables the deepest penetration, but without as much intimacy as missionary. The wife should arch her back (pushing her tummy down towards the bed) to create the most depth for her husband, and even with her legs together he should be able to reach her posterior fornix. Sexy Corte and I have found that doggy style is a great position to transition to once she is warmed up, but it isn’t the right way to begin.
  • Wife on top. The wife-on-top position is good for letting her control the depth, but often doesn’t enable very deep penetration. To maximize depth, the wife can stand on the balls of her feet while straddling her husband rather than resting on her knees. This positioning puts her knees higher and moves her thighs up and out, which creates room for the husband’s body to get closer to her vagina. Then she can bounce up and down and drive her husband crazy.

It’s worth noting that the intimacy of deep penetration isn’t limited to vaginal sex — it’s also extremely intimate for the wife to receive her husband deep into her mouth as well.

Do you have any thoughts about deep penetration? Leave a comment!

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This post is also available as a podcast: Podcast #008: How to Make the Most of the Size You’ve Got

I think that unmarried men worry more about penis size than husbands do, but penis anxiety is pretty common among men — just like other forms of body shame are common among both men and women. It may be reassuring for a husband to learn that we worry more about our penis size than our wives probably do.

Men worry far more than women about penis size, according to Veale and his colleagues. One study, published in April in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, found that women preferred larger penises only up to a point (anything bigger than a flaccid length of 2.99 inches (7.59 centimeters) did not additionally impress women), and preferences also varied based on a guy’s height. A 2012 study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found similarly ambivalent female preferences. In that study, women who experienced frequent vaginal orgasms were much more likely than other women to express an interest in better-endowed guys. For women who didn’t prefer vaginal orgasms, penis size was a far less pressing matter.

In case you’re wondering, the average American man’s penis is 5.6 inches long when erect with a girth of 4.8 inches. (You can measure girth (circumference) by wrapping a string around the widest part of the shaft and then measuring the length of the string.)

The real question though is: how can you make the most of what you’ve got? Here are a few suggestions.

  • Lose weight. If a man is carrying too much weight, the extra fat can submerge some of his length and hide it inside his body. Lift some weights!
  • Penis ring. They’re cheap and help maximize your erection (and can even help you last longer). A ring with a vibrator might also be fun for your wife!
  • Deeper sex positions. Missionary position isn’t the best for deep penetration. This topic deserves its own post, but the short version is this: while in missionary, push her knees way up towards her head; or try doggy style and have her arch her back. (“Arch” means to push her tummy down towards the bed, not to push her spine up towards the sky.) These positions will let your penis reach farther into her body and give her a greater sensation of fullness.
  • Legs together. Whatever position you use, your penis will feel thicker if your wife keeps her legs together rather than spread open.
  • Vaginal exercises. This deserves a post of its own as well, but your penis will feel bigger (to you both) if your wife tightens the muscles of her vagina by performing Kegel exercises. She can also squeeze her vagina and butt during sex to increase the feeling of girth. Your mileage may vary, but I find that Sexy Corte tightens when I give her a little spank on the butt.
  • Thank God for her clitoris. Don’t forget… most women orgasm primarily from clitoral stimulation!

Wives, please realize that your husband takes his penis very seriously. Making fun of his penis is probably worse than if he called you “fat” — you can always lose weight, but his penis isn’t going to change. Instead, show admiration for his penis!

Do you have any tips for making the most of what you’ve got? Leave a comment! (Plus, I’ll post a funny gif in the comments: “bigger than you think”.)

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