The bratty wife scenario is fun for several reasons:
Power exchange. There’s an interesting power dynamic between the bratty wife and her husband. The bratty wife gets to play at being self-centered, petty, rude, and teasing. She can put him off, reject his advances, dismiss him, ignore him, and generally stick her tongue out until he demands better behavior. The husband gets to react to his wife’s disrespect with assertive dominance. Rather than pulling back or trying to appease her brattiness, the husband gets to play a commanding role, pushing his bratty wife to treat him with obedience and respect.
Letting loose. In real life we strive to treat everyone with care and respect, especially our spouses! But it can be fun to let loose with stronger, more active behavior without hurting anyone’s feelings. As long as both spouses respect each other’s boundaries (more on this later), you can play at being petty, demanding, and forceful in a way that you can’t do in normal situations.
Clear goals. Role-playing is enhanced when both spouses understand the goals they’re working towards, and in the “bratty wife” scenario the goals are pretty easy. The husband’s goal is to obtain obedience and submission from the wife, as represented by her words and deeds. The wife’s goal is to make him work for it! The scenario ultimately ends with the wife submitting, but she has the power to decide how long it takes.
So let’s talk about boundaries! Since this role-playing scenario is based around pretend bad behavior, it’s important to understand in advance what kind of behavior could actually end up being hurtful to your spouse. Here are some guidelines.
Don’t bring up real areas of disagreement or tension. Role-playing is a game, not a method for resolving your actual disputes. The game will quickly turn ugly if you bring up real flash points.
Don’t insult each other. Neither spouse should insult the other — you can be spoiled, petty, rude, and commanding without being insulting. Especially avoid insulting any attribute of your spouse that you know they’re sensitive about for real!
Don’t be mean. Being bratty or commanding doesn’t imply meanness or cruelty. Hopefully the examples below reflect that difference. The commanding husband and bratty wife love each other!
So how do you get started? It’s probably worth discussing your boundaries first — which may be short and simple, or may turn into a longer conversation. I recommending not having this talk immediately before you intend to start role-playing! Do it the day before, and then pick a time in advance to begin the game. “Bratty wife” can begin before the kids are even in bed, with whispered remarks and pouty faces. Then when you’re alone together, the husband can kick things off by saying something like: “Your behavior this evening was not acceptable.”
The game has three phases, dictated by the bratty wife’s behavior.
Refusal. The wife refuses to obey commands until the husband “makes” her.
Reluctance. The wife obeys direct commands without enthusiasm. The husband corrects her and shows her what he expects.
Submission. The wife is “tamed” and drops her bratty behavior, now eager to please her husband.
The bratty wife is the star of the show; here are some things she can do and say.
The bratty wife is “spoiled, self-centered, and badly behaved”, but not mean or cruel. She loves her husband, but is just a brat.
Don’t simply resist everything. Submit a little, then be bratty again, then submit, then be bratty, over and over. The ultimate conclusion of the game is that you submit — but make him earn it.
Don’t make the game into a physical fight: resist with your words and body language. The dominant husband should use his strength (gently!) to push you towards compliance; submit to his touch, but resist with your words.
Use body language: roll your eyes, sigh, cross your arms, turn your back, walk away, stick out your tongue.
“No.” “No way.” “Forget it.” — Phase 1, Refusal. Be dramatic and annoying. Refuse, then submit when he makes you do it.
“But I just want to…” — You care about you. Whine about what you want.
“I don’t want to!”
“Do it yourself.”
“I can’t believe you’re making me do this.” — Phase 2, Reluctance. As the game goes on, you begin to obey his direct commands, but without enthusiasm.
Whatever he tells you to do, do it half-way; stop in the middle of a task. If it’s a sexual activity, frustrate him just as he gets aroused.
“Yeah, yeah, I respect you.” — But don’t say it like you mean it until he makes you.
“Oh fine, I’m sorry.”
“Yes sir!” — Sarcastically.
“I’m sorry I was so disrespectful.” — Phase 3, Submission. When you’re ready to turn the corner of the game, show your husband that he has tamed you.
“You really know how to handle me.”
“Yes, I’ll do whatever you say.”
“What do you want me to do?”
“How can I show you my love and respect?”
“Deal with me however you see fit.”
“I’ll do whatever you want.”
The husband’s behavior is consistent in all three phases of the game. Here are some things the husband can do and say.
The husband is confident and commanding, but not unkind. He doesn’t ask, defer, or apologize — he demands respect and submission. He doesn’t cater to the wife’s feelings or appeals for fairness. He expects good behavior and submission from his wife.
Be firm, clear, and direct. Tell your wife what you expect her to do — how you want her to demonstrate her respect and submission. Don’t give in to her whining.
Use your hands (gently!) to encourage her submission. Position her how you want, lead her to where you want her to be. Touch her and handle her.
“Your behavior this evening was not acceptable.”
“I expect you to show me respect.”
“You will apologize.”
“Don’t roll your eyes at me.”
“Look me in the eye when I’m talking to you.”
“Don’t walk away from me until I say so.”
“You obviously need some instruction on how to show respect to your husband.”
“When I tell you to do something, you do it.”
“Give me a good apology.”
“You don’t sound very sorry to me. Try again.”
“Show me that you mean it.”
“Stand up.” “Sit down.” “Bring me a drink.” “Put your hair up/down.” “Go change your clothes.” — Issue arbitrary orders to test her obedience.
“You don’t get an orgasm until I say so.”
“If you’re going to act like a brat, then…” — Impose consequences for her behavior, like:
“… you don’t deserve those nice clothes. Give me your pants/shirt/panties/whatever.” — Maybe she can earn them back.
“… bend over my knee so I can spank you.”
“… I’ve got a better use for your mouth.”
“… hold this vibrator on yourself without climaxing, and tell me when you’re ready to apologize.”
Sex can either be part of the scenario or take place afterwards, it’s up to you.
When you’re done role-playing, talk about how it went. Have a good cuddle. Talk about your favorite parts of the scene, and stay positive. Later on, after the glow wears off, discuss anything you didn’t like and wouldn’t choose to do again. If your spouse really liked some element that wasn’t your favorite, negotiate and find some common ground that works for your marriage.
Have you played a game like this before? Are you going to try it? Leave a comment!
The most common emails we get are about oral sex, but a little way down the list are questions from folks who want to incorporate role-playing in their sex life, but aren’t really sure how to get started. I wrote a post about how to do sexual role-playing, and today I’m going to give more specific tips for how to play out a professor-and-student scene. This scenario is probably the most common role-playing that Sexy Corte and I do, and maybe these ideas will get your creative juices flowing.
(If you haven’t read the how-to post yet, you might want to start there. Don’t worry… it’s normal to feel a little silly and awkward at first!)
From here on, I’m going to assume that the wife is playing the Student role, but you can easily flip it. Remember: role-playing is play. Both spouses should be comfortable and have fun, even though the play puts them in roles of power and submission.
The professor-and-student scenario is fun for several reasons:
Power exchange. The power dynamic between the Student and Professor is fun to inhabit. Instead of being equals, the Student (temporarily, for the purposes of fun) gives up her power in the encounter and pretends to reluctantly submit to the Professor’s sexual advances. She gets to play coy, innocent, and desperate for the Professor’s approval, while the Professor gets to play at using his power and authority to “prey” on the Student’s vulnerability.
Familiar emotional hooks. The emotions behind the role-play are easy to grasp, because we’ve all been in the position of the student who really needs to pass her class. She doesn’t want to get kicked out of school! What will her parents think if she fails? Will she have to repeat the class? Will she graduate? She’ll do whatever it takes to satisfy her professor, even….
Clear goals. The professor-and-student scenario is relatively easy to improvise because both characters have clear goals: the Student wants her grade, and the Professor wants the Student. It’s not like you’re playing a pirate or an astronaut or Hamlet. Both roles can take initiative and play into their parts without any confusion about where the scene is going. No one should need to break character or say “I don’t know”.
Ok, so how do you get started? I enjoy prompting Sexy Corte with a note early in the day. Something like this:
To: Miss Corte
Please come see me during office hours this evening around 7:30pm. We need to discuss your midterm exam.
Signed: Professor Fury
[You haven’t been doing so well in class, but you really need to pass! You might have slightly cheated on your midterm… hopefully the professor hasn’t figured it out.]
The note proposes a time and place for the scene to begin, which means we can jump right into it after the kids are in bed. The last part, in brackets, gives Miss Corte some motivation for her character so that we’re on the same page when she shows up in my office. She needs to pass the class (of course), but she also has a secret that she hopes Professor Fury doesn’t know, which might give her an extra edge of desperation if it’s revealed.
If Sexy Corte is up for the plan she’ll send me a note or text message back. We’ll probably text back and forth several times, building up the tension and arousal. After the kids are in bed I’ll go to my office and wait for Miss Corte to knock on my door. Here are a few ideas for how each role can be played once the scene begins — this isn’t a script, just some thoughts to spur your imagination!
Things the Professor can do or say:
Dress formally, like a professor. You are powerful and intelligent, at the top of your profession — your students tremble at your gaze.
Sit in your chair behind your desk. Act stern, aloof, and disappointed in the Student.
“I finished grading your test, and you didn’t do very well at all.”
“I’m disappointed that you aren’t taking my class seriously.”
“If you don’t improve your grade, you’re not going to pass my class.”
“You could lose your scholarship, and might not even graduate.”
“What do you intend to do about this situation?” — This line is fun, because it puts the Student in the position of having to “reluctantly” propose some sexual favor.
“You might be able to earn some extra credit, if…” — Trail off, as if you’re considering some options.
“I’m not sure you’re willing to put in the work it will take.” — Make the Student assure you that she is.
“Yes, I’m afraid I must insist.”
“You say you’re a good girl, but you need to show me.”
“Very well. Kneel here in front of me while I think about how to help you. I’m sure you know what to do.”
“Before you can bring up your grade, you need to be punished for your cheating. Bend over my knee and pull down your panties. This is for your own good.” — Spanking is always fun.
“How many spanks do you think you deserve?” — Make her pick a number. Does she understand how serious this situation is?
“Are you really trying your hardest? Is this your best effort?”
“You’ve done well on the oral portion of the exam.”
“I expect to see you in my office every week, Miss Corte.”
“While you’re coming, say I’m a good girl! over and over.”
And here are some things the Student can do or say:
Dress demure or slutty, depending on how you want to play the Student. Wear a dress or skirt.
Act worried, reluctant, and desperate. You need to pass this class, but what will it take?
Say “sir” or “Professor” in every sentence. He is handsome and powerful. You respect him and need his approval.
If you and your spouse are comfortable with it, you can protest and refuse the Professor’s insinuations and demands until he uses his power to coerce you into submission. It’s up to you both how far you want to go with this kind of power play, and you should probably discuss it beforehand and potentially use a safe word so that no one’s boundaries are crossed.
“Why did you want to see me, sir?”
“I really need to pass this class, Professor.” — Be desperate, flash your eyes, look worried.
“If I don’t pass, my parents will kill me, Professor!” — Be scared of the consequences.
“But then I might not graduate, sir.”
“I always try my hardest, sir.” — You really want to pass. This poor performance isn’t like you at all.
“What can I do to improve my grade, Professor?” — You see where this is going, but you’re reluctant.
“I couldn’t possibly do that, sir!” — Protest! Refuse!
“But I’m a good girl!” — You can’t trade your virtue for a grade… can you?
“Yes, professor, I’ll do whatever it takes.” — What choice do you have?
“I’m sorry I cheated, Professor. I want to earn back your trust.” — Submission.
“Thank you for correcting me, sir.”
“Yes sir, I’ll be your best student!”
“What else can I do, sir?” — You want to please him, you want to prove yourself to him.
“I’m a good girl, sir! I’m a good girl!”
Afterwards, break the scene and leave your roles. The game is over (for now), so go back to being your normal selves. Have a good cuddle. Talk about your favorite parts of the scene, and stay positive. Later on, after the glow wears off, discuss anything you didn’t like and wouldn’t choose to do again. If your spouse really liked some element that wasn’t your favorite, negotiate and compromise and find the common ground that works for your marriage.
Have you ever role-played as professor-and-student with your spouse? How do you play it? Leave a comment!
The specifics of her experiment apply to feelings of power and confidence, so they’re at least indirectly applicable to sexuality. Here’s an excerpt that describes some of her results. The 20-minute video is worth watching in full.
So this is what we did.We decided to bring people into the lab and run a little experiment,and these people adopted, for two minutes,either high-power poses or low-power poses,and I’m just going to show you five of the poses,although they took on only two.So here’s one.A couple more.This one has been dubbed the “Wonder Woman” by the media.Here are a couple more.So you can be standing or you can be sitting.And here are the low-power poses.So you’re folding up, you’re making yourself small.This one is very low-power.When you’re touching your neck, you’re really protecting yourself.So this is what happens.They come in, they spit into a vial,for two minutes, we say, “You need to do this or this.”They don’t look at pictures of the poses.We don’t want to prime them with a concept of power.We want them to be feeling power.So two minutes they do this.We then ask them, “How powerful do you feel?” on a series of items,and then we give them an opportunity to gamble,and then we take another saliva sample.That’s it. That’s the whole experiment.
So this is what we find.Risk tolerance, which is the gambling,we find that when you are in the high-power pose condition,86 percent of you will gamble.When you’re in the low-power pose condition,only 60 percent, and that’s a whopping significant difference.Here’s what we find on testosterone.From their baseline when they come in,high-power people experience about a 20-percent increase,and low-power people experience about a 10-percent decrease.So again, two minutes, and you get these changes.Here’s what you get on cortisol.High-power people experience about a 25-percent decrease,and the low-power people experience about a 15-percent increase.So two minutes lead to these hormonal changesthat configure your brainto basically be either assertive, confident and comfortable,or really stress-reactive, and feeling sort of shut down.And we’ve all had the feeling, right?So it seems that our nonverbals do govern how we think and feel about ourselves,so it’s not just others, but it’s also ourselves.Also, our bodies change our minds.
Take-away: try some power poses before sex and see how it affects you and your spouse. Bonus points for posing together!
Should you spank your wife? Of course! I highly recommend it. Sex starts long before penetration, and spanking is a fun way to build sexual tension. Spanking is a power move, a move of possession, and a not-so-subtle way for you as the husband to prime the sexual pump and set expectations. A smack on the ass says you are my woman, prepare to be boarded.
So how to do it right?
I love to pat Sexy Corte’s butt whenever it is in reach. She has a fantastic rear, and I feel like it deserves to be touched and admired. These love-taps are pretty expected by now, to the point where I sometimes catch myself doing them in public. Haven’t had a complaint yet!
When there’s time for a kiss, you can escalate with a spank. This always gets a friendly wiggle and purr. Feel free to grab a cheek while you’re down there if the kiss lingers.
If you really want to get your wife’s attention, spank her a bit harder so she jumps and lets out an “oh!” If she turns back to you with a how dare you look (real or pretend) just smile and say something naughty. “I have got to have that ass later tonight.”
Spanking as foreplay works great, especially when it’s an unexpected surprise. Spanking is also a great accent move for when you’re having sex, but it doesn’t work in Missionary Position. Here are some ideas:
Wife on top. No matter which way she’s facing you should be able to work in a few spanks just as she’s reaching orgasm.
Doggy-style gives you clear access to your target, and this is already a powerful position for the husband. Avoid the temptation to go overboard.
Wife standing, bent over. This position is great for quickies, and a spank is great for getting a reaction if your wife is trying to be quiet because you’re being naughty in a semi-public place.
Arousal and orgasm generally increase a woman’s pain threshold, and she might enjoy a little more force when you’re in the throes of passion. As always, communicate.
Do you and your spouse spank? Got any tips to share?
Update, this evening:
After getting the kids out of the tub, Sexy Corte caught me in our room getting ready to shower. She said “how about a quickie?” so I laid on the floor and she started riding me. She must have liked this post because she said, “Don’t forget to spank me!” Solid.