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Having sexual fantasies about your spouse is great, and sharing your fantasies with each other is a good way to deepen your sexual relationship.

Earlier this week Sexy Corte was on her period and going out with the kids for a playdate with some of their friends. She joked, “I know what you’ll be doing while I’m gone”. An evening with the house to myself?!

Me: “Playing video games.”

Her: “And jerking off.”

She was right, of course, and when she came home she asked about my fantasies.

Me: “Fantasy Sexy Corte is always home with me, and always eager to please!”

Her: “Oh yeah? And what exactly does Fantasy Sexy Corte do, hmmmm?”

Me: “She’s dirty and amenable.”

Now, Sexy Corte is very open minded and agreeable, so this isn’t a knock on her at all. But Fantasy Sexy Corte will give me an hour-long blowjob while I play video games. Sharing these fantasies with Sexy Corte is a fun way to expand our sexual conversation, and every real sex act we do starts in one of our minds as a fantasy.

Your spouse should be the focus of your sexual energy, in “real life” and in your fantasies. Be as open as you can when sharing your fantasies with your spouse, and when your spouse shares with you be sure to listen without judgement or offense.

Do you share your sexual fantasies with your spouse? If so, how do those conversations go?

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We’ve discovered two innovations that combine features from a few of our favorite positions. Before we get into the details, check out these earlier posts for background.

The innovations are tweaks on New Faithful, a position that works like this:

  • Wife lies on her back with her legs spread.
  • Husband straddles the wife’s arm/shoulder and holds his torso vertical, with his penis over the wife’s head and thrusting into her mouth.
  • Wife licks the husbands balls and penis.
  • Husband uses a vibrator on the wife’s clitoris to bring her to orgasm with his penis in her mouth.

New Faithful is great for three primary reasons:

  • It’s a good way for Sexy Corte to orgasm while she’s on her period.
  • The position is comfortable for Sexy Corte — she just has to lie on her back.
  • I love the feel of her having an orgasm with my penis in her mouth.

Ok, so here are the two innovations that made this post worth writing.

First, we’ve discovered that New Faithful is awesome for frenulum stimulation. (The frenulum is a small area under the head of the penis that is similar to the female clitoris.) In New Faithful the wife can lay with her head and mouth pointing straight up and the husband can rest his frenulum right on her lips and mouth — like a golf ball on a tee. The wife should use her tongue to wet her lips and lick the frenulum while the husband rubs himself forward and backwards on her mouth. You might also incorporate some tasty edible lube!

This technique can be sustained for a long time because the wife doesn’t have to twist her neck or work her jaw to perform oral sex, and endurance is important because reaching an orgasm from frenulum stimulation alone can take a while. I actually haven’t been able to do it yet — the nature of the stimulation is different and more gradual than what a man experiences “normally” with stimulation of the whole shaft of the penis. Achieving a frenulum orgasm is one of my sexual goals!

Second, we’ve discovered that Sexy Corte really enjoys the combination of her holding an egg vibrator on herself while I stimulate her clitoris with my fingers. The vibrator and my fingers work together to drive her crazy, and she has an easy time reaching orgasm this way while performing oral sex on me. This has become our go-to activity to give her an orgasm while she’s on her period.

Sometimes people have questions on how to do Old Faithful and New Faithful, so feel to ask in the comments. And don’t be shy about sharing your own tips!

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Here are some fun sex links to kick off summer!

A Wife Who Enjoys Giving Oral Sex? YES! — See also: Q&A: How Do I Get My Wife to Swallow and Enjoy It?, Three More Female Perspectives on Giving Oral Sex, How To Make Semen Taste Better

Eyes Open Orgasm — We’ve written about the intimacy of eye contact during sex, along with holding hands.

3 Fun Ways to Spice Up Your Love Life Using the Bible — Basically three fun date ideas.

Make Your Marriage More Fun — We’ve got a few fun ideas for you, too!

75 Ideas for Spicing Up Your Sex Life — That’s a lot of ideas.

3 Things That Make Sex Great — They all boil down to enthusiasm.

You Need a Sex Date and You Need a Period Sex Plan.

Do You NEED More Sexual Variety? — Perhaps surprisingly, the post indicates that wives want more novelty and report more boredom with routine sex than husbands do.

Sexy Metalwork — We’re not really into piercings, but the Bible doesn’t condemn them. See also: Secret Engravings Gift Idea.

Creative Sex in Marriage — Make your default answer “yes”.

18 Things I’d Tell 16-Year-Old Me About Sex and Relationships — If you have kids, these will make for a great conversation with your spouse.

The Perks and Pitfalls of Sex Research — A really excellent post! We’ll add: The most important sex research for your marriage is the research you do with your own spouse. Be an intentional student of your spouse and you’ll learn a lot.

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Desire for a woman ebbs and flows in tune with her cycle. It can be hard enough for a woman to know what sort of “mood” she is in, let alone for her husband to be able to determine if she wants an orgasm or not. Here are some ways that I figure it out:

  1. During ovulation I am ready to go. I know I want an orgasm and I can feel that desire all day long. There is usually not a lot of guess-work on these days. Husbands and wives, pay attention to her cycle so you can capitalize on these days. Plan ahead and reserve time to devote to having sex.
  2. It’s amazing that one week later PMS can hit. Again, not a lot of guess-work: I most definitely do not want an orgasm. Usually I want extra space and minimal touching.
  3. Then there are the times in between. When we start to have sex El Fury often asks me “what are you in the mood for?” and I’m not sure how to answer. Many nights I don’t know how my body is going to respond. We have learned to give it a little time to let my body tell me what I want. If I don’t feel aroused after a little foreplay, we have sex and I don’t have an orgasm. Other times, a few minutes of foreplay can get me turned on and I’ll have a great orgasm. It can take some cuddling, kissing, and touching to get in the mood. If you jump right into sex you may be missing some opportunities.

Pay attention to yourself. It’s helpful to know how often you need to orgasm to feel sexually satisfied. For me it’s two or three times a week. For El Fury, it’s more frequent. Don’t deny yourself orgasms just because you aren’t immediately aroused and haven’t taken the time to let yourself get in the mood. Our bodies are complicated!

Tonight, don’t be rushed, take some time and make out for a little while!

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Several years ago I started experiencing some sexual frustration. El Fury and I had a few kids and life was getting more complicated. I felt like there were frequent times I would be in the mood, but the stars would not align properly and the sex would be more hurried than I’d like. Or by the time we got to the end of the day I would be so worn out I wouldn’t be in the mood enough to want to put forth the energy it takes to have an orgasm. Then a few days would pass and we would have time, but I wouldn’t be in the mood anymore. Over time this could make me feel frustrated and annoyed. I decided to start tracking my cycle.

Sexual desire ebbs and flows in tune to a woman’s menstrual cycle. If you pay attention, you can figure out your peak times. Ovulation happens about mid-way through a woman’s cycle. This is when a woman is at peak fertility, so your body’s natural desire to procreate makes you experience heightened sexual desire. Take advantage of this! Make space for it in your calendar. The first day of my period I create a calendar event for two weeks ahead so that El Fury and I know that we have plans that evening. We try our best to guard that time. It’s usually a good time to try something new and to have extended sexual playtime. Cycles can differ between women, so if you’re having a hard time figuring it out pay attention to your body. To put it bluntly, you’re probably ovulating when you’re feeling horny about a week after your period.

Most of the ovulation info on the internet is for couples trying to get pregnant, but ovulation is a great time for sex even if you aren’t trying for a baby.

Unfortunately there is the other side of the cycle. PMS typically hits one or two weeks before the start of a woman’s period. For me it is one week after ovulation. Just like with my ovulation reminder, the first day of my period I go ahead and put a PMS reminder in our shared calendar (I label as “P.lease M.ake me S.mile” so that it’s a little discreet). Before I started tracking it, PMS would often catch me off guard and I would spend a few days wondering why I was so sad before I realized why. During this part of my cycle I typically do not want to be touched, and El Fury knows to give me some space. It has been helpful to both of us to know what to expect at this time of the cycle. Just knowing it’s coming gives me emotional comfort because I know that there’s a chemical reason why I’m crabby, and that I will feel better soon.

If you don’t already track your cycle, I recommend it! Tracking it and planning for it in advance has been very beneficial to me and our sex life. You can be intentional and have fun during the upswings, and brace yourself emotionally for the downswings. Does anyone else track their cycle?

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It’s been a while since we’ve done a link round-up, so let’s see what other Christian sex bloggers have been writing about!

Share some more links in the comments!

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For whatever reason, Sexy Corte’s period is often one of the times in her cycle that she is especially amorous, which can obviously lead to frustration for both of us! The topic of period sex probably deserves its own post, but since we don’t have time to write it right now we wanted to share something new that we did a few weeks ago.

Actually, it’s not entirely new: we wrote about “Old Faithful” almost four years ago! What’s new is that we realized that we can do this position pretty effectively while Sexy Corte is using a tampon without making a big mess if we use a vibrator instead of my fingers. To refresh your memory on the position:

I lay on my back while Sexy Corte kneels over my body at a 90-degree angle with her legs spread. I play with her lady bits while she performs oral sex on me. I’ll use my fingers to play all around outside and inside her body (see: Zoom Technique) to the point that she usually loses focus and forgets what she’s supposed to be doing.

Old Faithful can be carried to completion and it’s one of the best positions for getting Sexy Corte off with my fingers. Sometimes she has a hard time reaching orgasm if I’m not inside her, and Old Faithful makes this possible. From my perspective, there’s almost nothing hotter than my wife having a powerful orgasm with me in her mouth.

Using a vibrator instead of my fingers makes the orgasm faster and easier for Sexy Corte (which can be very important when you’ve got kids), and there’s less movement to dislodge the tampon and make a mess. Sexy Corte generally has a better orgasm when I’m in her vagina (obviously), but having me in her mouth is more stimulating for her than when we’ve tried fingers or vibrator on their own.

As for me, I get some bonus fun: I love it when Sexy Corte has an orgasm while I’m in her mouth. Don’t get me wrong, her orgasms always feel great to me, but it’s a special treat for me when she climaxes while performing oral sex. It feels amazing physically, but it also drives me crazy mentally to feel and see and hear her pleasure while she’s going down on me.

There are several other things we do to make period sex work for us that we’ll write about in a later post, but we wanted to share this one now because it was so surprisingly fulfilling for both of us. Let’s hear your thoughts in the comments!

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It’s that time of month again! No, not that time. The time to share awesome Christian sex links!

Periods… it’s both your probs — A week of blow jobs and shower sex.

3 Reasons I Delight in Giving My Husband Oral — Yeah, I put this on top because I know you’ll click it.

An intimate gift for Hubby — “Wives, if you want to give Hubby a really intimate and special treat, allow him to watch you masturbate, all the way to orgasm.” Here are a few tips about masturbating for your husband.

Are You Thinking Sexy Thoughts About Someone Other Than Your Spouse? — James 1:14-15 warns about the progression from temptation, to sin, to death. Be wary of opposite sex friends. Fallen as we are, temptation is to be expected. Prepare for it by nurturing your marriage so that temptation cannot take root and grow into sin, by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Intimacy in Marriage’s top sex posts of all time — Shockingly, only one post explicitly about oral sex!

Ban “I don’t know/I don’t care” from your bedroom — And a few other tips, but this is my favorite.

Are you sexually alive? — Your bodies are an amusement park of orgasms, and nothing is sexier than enthusiasm.

“How do I get my turn?” — Asked by a wife, but could be asked by a husband as well. Each spouse needs to take responsibility for asking for what he/she wants and making sure the other spouse gets what she/he desires. If you don’t ask or you don’t give then fix yourself first!

Have sex twice in one day — For us this is usually Sunday, for whatever reason. See also our posts on double features for him and her.

Why do some women shake when they orgasm? — Sexy Corte does, and it drives me crazy. Let go of your inhibitions and amplify your responsiveness during sex.

Choosing to enjoy what she enjoys — It’s about pecan pie, but applies to sex, too. Maybe the thing your spouse loves isn’t your favorite, but you can choose (and learn) to enjoy it as a blessing to her.

One way to help women feel more “in the mood” — Hint: foreplay begins long before sex. Try one of our sex games to get things started. I’m working on a post like this, but aimed at turning on your wife.

If you’ve got a thought or link to share, do it! Do it!

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