Having sexual fantasies about your spouse is great, and sharing your fantasies with each other is a good way to deepen your sexual relationship.
Earlier this week Sexy Corte was on her period and going out with the kids for a playdate with some of their friends. She joked, “I know what you’ll be doing while I’m gone”. An evening with the house to myself?!
Me: “Playing video games.”
Her: “And jerking off.”
She was right, of course, and when she came home she asked about my fantasies.
Me: “Fantasy Sexy Corte is always home with me, and always eager to please!”
Her: “Oh yeah? And what exactly does Fantasy Sexy Corte do, hmmmm?”
Me: “She’s dirty and amenable.”
Now, Sexy Corte is very open minded and agreeable, so this isn’t a knock on her at all. But Fantasy Sexy Corte will give me an hour-long blowjob while I play video games. Sharing these fantasies with Sexy Corte is a fun way to expand our sexual conversation, and every real sex act we do starts in one of our minds as a fantasy.
Your spouse should be the focus of your sexual energy, in “real life” and in your fantasies. Be as open as you can when sharing your fantasies with your spouse, and when your spouse shares with you be sure to listen without judgement or offense.
Do you share your sexual fantasies with your spouse? If so, how do those conversations go?
Yes, we share our fantasies and doing so leads to some hot sex.
Awesome, that’s the point!
We’ve stopped sharing fantasies as it makes her feel like she’s not enough because my fantasies are mostly beyond her boundaries.
I can see how that could happen. Have you talked about her boundaries? Is she open to adjusting them?
But why on earth should she adjust her boundaries? Maybe he should be open to adjusting his fantasies.
Of course! Both spouses should be looking for ways to bless each other.
She might be open to exploring something new, or she may not. We all adjust our boundaries for other people all the time. Some boundaries are firm, and others are soft. E.g., I prefer not to work on the weekend, but I will when it’s necessary. Similarly, there are probably sex acts that one spouse likes more than the other. If you value variety, then it may be worthwhile for each spouse to sometimes do things that aren’t their favorite.
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As in testing your boundaries?
We do it through text, I do all the scenarios she enjoyes it but usually gives on liner responses. I would like her to be more descriptive and add to the scenarios but shes says she doesn’t know what to say back
Gina’s right. You don’t know what his fantasies are. Her boundaries might be perfectly reasonable.
There’s something about an empty house that invites teenage young men and older men alike to have enjoyable jackoff sessions. I explained that to my wife when we got married, and after 42 years, I still let her know when I’m planning to do it usually during her time out. That way she will pray for me per 1 Corinthians 7:4 with the authority she has over my body to make masturbating good. And man, it is always so, so good! So good in fact that inevitably I’m all over her when she gets home with me ready to have full-on sex with her that night. Because she loves me desiring her, she is all about me masturbating and her praying for me. As far a what goes through my mind when I masturbate, all I have to do is ask God and He will tell me. Usually, it’s remembering times we did particular things that turned me on. 4+ decades of sex, I have a lot of great memories! Other times it’s what I would like to do with her next time we have sex. And God is all over it! Sensing Him pleased that we are enjoying the pleasure of each other is amazing. Hearing Him tell me He’s glad I’m thrilling with enjoying the very woman He created just for me makes my climax unbelievably fantastic. As I approach the end of my life on earth, I’ve always wanted my last memory to be me 100% sexually enjoying the most wonderfully perfect woman I could ever have wanted. Wouldn’t it be neat if after my last breath on earth that was during sex, that my first breath in heaven would be me profusely thanking God in the deepest gratefulness for the very one He created to be my perfect helper and reliever? Sex is the central core to my gratefulness for my wife that then encompasses everything that I’m so thankful about her. And I want God to know that from me.