When I Want an Orgasm

When I Want an Orgasm 1

Desire for a woman ebbs and flows in tune with her cycle. It can be hard enough for a woman to know what sort of “mood” she is in, let alone for her husband to be able to determine if she wants an orgasm or not. Here are some ways that I figure it out:

  1. During ovulation I am ready to go. I know I want an orgasm and I can feel that desire all day long. There is usually not a lot of guess-work on these days. Husbands and wives, pay attention to her cycle so you can capitalize on these days. Plan ahead and reserve time to devote to having sex.
  2. It’s amazing that one week later PMS can hit. Again, not a lot of guess-work: I most definitely do not want an orgasm. Usually I want extra space and minimal touching.
  3. Then there are the times in between. When we start to have sex El Fury often asks me “what are you in the mood for?” and I’m not sure how to answer. Many nights I don’t know how my body is going to respond. We have learned to give it a little time to let my body tell me what I want. If I don’t feel aroused after a little foreplay, we have sex and I don’t have an orgasm. Other times, a few minutes of foreplay can get me turned on and I’ll have a great orgasm. It can take some cuddling, kissing, and touching to get in the mood. If you jump right into sex you may be missing some opportunities.

Pay attention to yourself. It’s helpful to know how often you need to orgasm to feel sexually satisfied. For me it’s two or three times a week. For El Fury, it’s more frequent. Don’t deny yourself orgasms just because you aren’t immediately aroused and haven’t taken the time to let yourself get in the mood. Our bodies are complicated!

Tonight, don’t be rushed, take some time and make out for a little while!

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  1. When the kids were young, there were times that I was just too tired to care, so it was fine to skip one now & then. Now that we are older and have some out of the house, I don’t want to skip any. Cycle swings are in my past and I am a high-drive wife, so I like my husband. Still there is the occasional time that I have a responsive desire that takes more than “a little foreplay”–I’ll tell him, don’t give up on me and my body will get connected with my heart soon. It does and the time was a good investment! I can’t go back with all the knowledge I have now about my body and sex that would have made the early years easier but I can be thankful for what I know now.

  2. So glad to see you post on the importance of women’s cycles again. I meant to drop a comment on the first post, but never got around to it. In my opinion, this is one of the most ignored aspects of married sexuality, and many women and most men could benefit a lot from learning it.

    For us, the association between her cycle and desire were obvious even before we got married because we did NFP and were tracking her for months prior to the wedding. Once married, I knew her cycle better than she did and can still tell you that the standard deviation of her cycle length prior to conception of our first child was 0.6 days. So many other things can also be picked up from tracking the cycle–how greasy her skin will be, her weight, eating habits, and of course mucous (which will be related to how much lube may be needed).

    Now that we’ve added the vibe to intercourse, we’re finally getting the fun of seeing how her cycle ties to her ease and intensity of orgasming (she never O’d before the addition of the vibe). We only have about 1.5 cycles of information and she’s still transition from the birth of our last child, but it seems like the ease/intensity of the O’s aren’t necessarily aligned with how much she desires intercourse. I’m excited to learn more though :-)


    1. Thanks for sharing your experimentation and learning. People shouldn’t be afraid of discussing these things with their spouse and putting some thought into their sex lives!

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