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The term “blow job” as slang for oral sex performed on a man, or fellatio, pretty much rules the roost. There are plenty of other terms for the act, but “blow job” is by far the most common. It’s such a strange bit of slang: there’s no blowing involved, and though it can be a bit of work it’s an act of love, not labor. So what’s the deal?

Here are a couple of analyses that purport to explain the origin of the term — I’ll try to quote the less graphic parts. Click the links at your own risk, but the etymology is quite interesting.

The inestimable (and late) Christopher Hitchens wrote that “blowjob” is Victorian in origin.

The crucial word “blowjob” doesn’t come into the American idiom until the 1940s, when it was (a) part of the gay underworld and (b) possibly derived from the jazz scene and its oral instrumentation. But it has never lost its supposed Victorian origin, which was “below-job” (cognate, if you like, with the now archaic “going down”).

However, Chelsea G. Summers writes that no-one ever connected “blow job” with “below-job” until Hitchens wrote it. She digs deeper into the seventeenth century to inspect terminology used to describe oral sex. She decides that “to blow” has a long history as a euphemism for orgasm (i.e., to explode), and that “job” descends from many other labor terms used as sexual slang.

And it’s not just Americans: the English-speaking world at large has enjoyed a long, filthy history with “blow.” An explosion, a hard hit, or the act of producing a sound from a horn instrument, “blow” is already a versatile word, and slang takes full […] advantage of its flexibility. “Blow” meaning “fellate” dates to 1930, but the word has been doing sexy duty for centuries. “Blow” meaning to achieve orgasm came about in 1700; “blow” meaning to bring to orgasm showed as early as 1650; and “blow” meaning [sex] appeared in a 1644 edition of Mercurious Fumigosus, a weird, smutty zine-style newsletter produced by John Crouch, a Royalist journalist imprisoned during the British Interregnum. While other terms have lost their erotic luster with time, “blow” has held firm. Dudes have blown their loads only since 1993, but we’ve got more than three hundred years of people achieving orgasm with “blow.”

Sex slang through the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries was deep into play. People engaging in sexual intercourse would “dance on a rope,” “play at mumble-de-peg,” or “frisk,” while “larking” was the earliest slang term for oral sex. True, “job” as slang for [having sex with] dates to the early sixteenth century, and both “business” and “work” to the early seventeenth, but the sheer number of play terms vastly outweigh labor terms until the early twentieth century. Then, “job” proliferates—hand, mouth, brown, finger, rim, and non-specific “sex job” grow like mushrooms in the shade of “blow job.” In modern times, sex slang is all work and decreasing play, and “blow job” leads the way towards labor.

So there you go: two options for the history of “blow job”. “Fellatio” descends directly from Latin for “to suck”, but unless you really must discuss oral sex in polite company it seems unlikely that “blow job” is going anywhere anytime soon.

What do you and your spouse call it?

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Men, if you’re like me — married, kids, mid-career, home by seven — then you’re probably past the stage in life when you care that much about how you dress. Everyone at your job probably dresses pretty much the same, and your wife already likes how you look… she married you, right? True, true… but it’s pretty easy to kick things up a notch, and the benefits are plentiful. Let’s be honest… you wouldn’t mind if your wife dressed a little hotter, right? Maybe she’d appreciate a little more effort from you, too!

(For other posts with advice for husbands, check out Husbandly Hygiene and Do You Even Lift?)

Fortunately for you and me, the internet can help! I’m no expert on fashion, but I can read a webpage better than anyone (and send Sexy Corte out with a shopping list). The best resource I’ve found is /r/MaleFashionAdvice on Reddit, a site with more than 500k subscribers that focuses entirely on male fashion. (Go watch Zoolander and come back.) On the site you can ask for specific advice, but the most useful pages to me have been these four on building a basic wardrobe.

They include advice on how to select clothes for fit, versatility, and simplicity in an age appropriate way — as a 40-year-old, you wouldn’t want to dress like a 20-year-old and look ridiculous. None of these changes cost a lot of money or time — it’s just as easy to buy the right clothes as the wrong clothes, once you know the difference!

Just in case you ever get confused about what to where to an event, here’s a handy guide for all occasions.


 mfa dress chart

Finally, here’s the visual shopping list for your wives (haha, I kid).

mfa mens essentials

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A new study says that maintaining an active sex life is good for the health of your brain.

Older guys who get laid regularly have better “brain health” and are less likely to lose memory, according to the Coventry University study.

Men ages 50 to 89 with active sex lives scored 23 percent higher on cognitive word tests and 3 percent higher on numbers puzzles, according to the researchers, who quizzed 6,800 people across England.

Women who had more sex scored better on the word test but not the numbers test.

The improvement for men on the numbers test was pretty small (only 3%) so that result is questionable. It’s safe to say that more sex is good for the brains of both men and women (though correlation does not equal causation). So, if you want to protect your brain, maintain your ability to recall lists of words, and boost your immune system, I recommend that you have frequent sex.

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This post is also available as a podcast: Podcast #013: How to Admire Your Husband’s Sexuality

This probably strikes most wives as a strange topic, but maximizing the quantity of our semen is often a matter of pride and fun for men. What’s the deal?

More semen symbolically means more of all these things. In addition to the power of semen as a symbol, more semen can also have some some physical significance. Here are some facts.

  • Most men ejaculate about 5 milliliters of semen at a time. That’s about a teaspoon. Of course, there’s wide variation among men.
  • Semen and sperm are different. Semen contains sperm, but it also includes a host of healthy ingredients.
  • Semen quantity and sperm quantity are related, so more semen generally means more total sperm ejaculated; this can increase your chance of conception.
  • More semen often means that the man had a longer orgasm, which is certainly an indirect benefit.
  • As with most things in life, heredity plays a huge role in the quantity of a man’s semen.
  • Pills and supplements are extremely unlikely to affect the quantity of your semen. Save your money.

There are a few things a man can do to maximize the quantity and quality of his semen. I say maximize rather than increase because a man can move towards the top of his natural range, but he can’t change his physiology. So what can a man do?

  • Hydration. Semen is mostly water, so make sure you’re drinking enough. Unless you’re dehydrated though, drinking more water probably won’t increase your semen volume.
  • Edging. Here’s our big post about edging, but the idea is simple: long-duration stimulation that gets you to the edge of orgasm. The longer and more intense the stimulation, the more semen will be locked and loaded.
  • Excercise your pubococcygeus muscle. Women do Kegel exercises to improve their orgasms, and men can do them too. Strengthening your pelvic floor will improve your orgasms and give you more control over when you orgasm. (Make sure you practice contractions and extensions.)
  • Maintain your fitness. Exercise improves circulation, and improved circulation will improve the strength of your erection and orgasm. (Not to mention all the other health benefits of lifting.)
  • Reduce ejaculation frequency. As you’ve probably noticed, there’s more semen when you haven’t ejaculated for a couple of days — but is that a price you’re willing to pay? I’d rather have more sex with my wife than less sex with more semen per orgasm. However, increased semen volume can be a pleasant benefit when you come back together after being separated for a couple of days. It seems that a man builds up his maximum amount of semen in two to three days, so there’s no benefit to waiting longer than that.
  • Make it look like more. Since the desire for more semen is mostly about the symbolism, increase the power of the symbol by making your semen look like more. Spread your semen around when you ejaculate. See if your wife is open to you shooting it on her face, breasts, or stomach. When you ejaculate in her vagina, take a look before she cleans up. When you ejaculate in her mouth, ask her to show it to you before she swallows.
  • Enjoy what you’ve got. Talk about your semen with your wife. Before sex, tell her that you can’t wait to come inside her. Tell your wife you’d love her to beg for your come during sex or a blow job. After sex, savor the view of your semen on your wife, in her vagina, or in her mouth. Touch it, rub it around, taste it. Later, tell her how hot it is to you that your semen is still inside her or leaking into her panties. Wives: tell your husband that you love his semen, that it tastes amazing, that you want it all over your body, that you need it inside you. Make a show of enjoying your husband’s semen after he ejaculates. Revel in his power and masculinity!

So, husbands and wives, what do you think? Do you have any tips to share? Anything kinky we need to try?

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Having frequent sex throughout a woman’s monthly cycle boosts her immune system and increases the chance of conception. No mention of whether men benefit from more sex, but I’m going to guess yes.

The researchers also found that during the follicular phase of the menstrual cycle—the period of time before ovulation—Type 1 T-cell count surged in sexually active. This helps the body safeguard against illnesses and infections that could ultimately inhibit a woman’s chance of becoming pregnant.

The second paper looked at immunoglobulin antibody levels in women who were sexually active and compared them to the levels in those who were not. These antibodies are produced by white blood cells and are critical to fighting off bacteria, viruses and other microbes. The researchers found that sexually active women had higher levels of certain antibodies at different times of their cycle, and the pattern reflected the body’s efforts to ramp up its protective defense to prepare for the potential for pregnancy. The researchers did not observe the same fluctuations in T-cell counts and immunoglobulins in non–sexually active women.

Short version: have more sex if you want to get sick less or are trying to conceive.

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This post is also available as a podcast: Podcast #015: You Should Sleep Naked, Even in Winter

Winter is coming, and wives are facing the annual dilemma: how can I sleep warmly and still ensure that my lady bits are available to my husband? Flannel pajamas are warm and comfy, but so frustrating for cuddly husbands! The top isn’t much of a problem if he can sneak his hands up underneath, but the bottoms are total killjoys. What’s a loving wife to do?

Great news! You can keep warm on a cold night and still sleep sexy with thigh-high socks! They’re the perfect compromise for nights when it’s too cold to sleep naked. Throw on a comfy top, some thigh-highs, and nothing else — everyone wins. You’re guaranteed to sleep well and wake up refreshed.

Update:

Commenter Marriagecoach1 points out that women have an easier time reaching orgasm when their feet are warm.

Update 2:

Buy a fitted electric heat pad to go under your sheets!

thigh high socks 3

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Are you pregnant and suffering with morning sickness? Great news! Swallowing your husband’s semen will cure your nausea! Well, maybe… but better safe than sorry, I always say.

So what does Gallup say is the real culprit behind nausea and vomiting in early pregnancy? Semen. More specifically, unfamiliar semen. To understand where he’s coming from, we need to think back to the maternal immune system’s response to the fetus. Because half of the DNA the fetus is carrying comes from the father, the mother’s body may initially treat the organism as foreign tissue or an infection. This response, Gallup says, triggers an immune reaction that is commonly experienced as nausea, vomiting, and malaise (aka morning sickness). The best cure for this type of sickness, says Gallup, is, strangely enough, the same thing as its cause. The more exposure a woman has to her partner’s semen—that is to say, the more often she’s inseminated prior to conception and during the early stages of the pregnancy—the more tolerance her body develops to his genetic material. This tolerance generalizes to a tolerance for the fetus and leads to successful maternal immunosuppression—and subsequently allows her to feel less like an infected zombie with serious stomach troubles.

Swallowing your husband’s semen also appears to reduce the risk of preeclampsia.

Normal pregnancy is thought to be associated with a state of tolerance to the foreign antigens of the fetus, whereas in preeclamptic women this immunological tolerance might be hampered. The present study shows that oral sex and swallowing sperm is correlated with a diminished occurrence of preeclampsia which fits in the existing idea that a paternal factor is involved in the occurrence of preeclampsia.

So, dear readers: go do some research and report back.

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Being sick enough to require antibiotics is bad enough, but then just as you’re feeling better there’s more bad news: antibiotics mess with your birth control. Using an “alternate method of birth control” while you’re on antibiotics generally means abstinence, oral sex, or condoms. Abstinence for 10 days is lame. Oral sex is awesome, but can leave you longing for more after a few days. And condoms are… well… sigh.

Lots of people use condoms all the time, and maybe they’re used to it. If you’re slutting around with tons of people it makes sense to use condoms. But as a married couple condoms just feel wrong — not morally of course, but physically. It’s almost like you’re not even having sex. As I wrote in Yes, You Should Swallow the sharing of bodily fluids is incredibly intimate, and the condom is there to prevent exactly that. It’s like wearing rubber gloves to hold hands!

rubber gloves

But is the worry about accidental pregnancy while on antibiotics overblown? Basically, there’s little evidence that any antibiotics other than rifampicin can reduce the effectiveness of birth control pills. Rifampicin is generally prescribed for bacterial infections like tuberculosis and leprosy, so it isn’t very common. Nevertheless, the “better safe than sorry” mentality makes everyone paranoid.

A complex study published in May, 2011 involved about 18,000 women and 1330 episodes of contraceptive failure. Researchers looked at the data on women both during months of contraceptive success (i.e., not getting pregnant) versus contraceptive failure to see if taking antibiotics made any difference. The bottom line: contraceptive failures did occur, but it was no more likely to occur if a woman was taking oral antibiotics.

Now, it’s impossible with science to prove a negative. Even the best, largest studies can’t say with 100% certainty that a super-rare event can’t occur. It could be that in very rare cases, antibiotics could somehow affect the way oral contraceptives work. So if you want to be super-safe, using two contraceptives is never a mistake. But as far as could be determined by this large epidemiologic study, women on contraceptives (excluding rifampin) were no more likely to experience a contraceptive failure than women not taking antibiotics.

If you was to be “extra safe” go ahead and use an alternate method of birth control, but is isn’t necessary. As long as you take your birth control pills every single day as directed and avoid known drug interactions you almost certainly won’t get pregnant due to antibiotics.

 

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This post is also available as a podcast: Podcast #011: Fitness and Hygiene Advice for Husbands

Husbands: if you want your wife to be more enthusiastic about sex then it’s important to maintain proper hygiene. Most of the tips in this post are common sense male upkeep, but it never hurts to review the basics. Some of the items are matters of taste — yours or you wife’s. That doesn’t mean that you have to do whatever your wife says, but at least have the discussion with her and be intentional; don’t pick something she finds repulsive.

Wives: feel free to send this post to your husbands if they need some help.

(For other posts with advice for husbands, check out Basic Male Fashion, Do You Even Lift?, and Would You Put Your OWN Mouth There?)

Hands. Wash your hands frequently. It’s good for your health, and it feels better for whomever you touch. Wash your hands when you get home, after you change a diaper, after you play with your pet, after you use the bathroom, after you pick your nose, before you cook, before you eat, and before sex.

Shower. It’s not rocket science: take a shower every day, preferably before bed or whenever you’re most likely to have sex. I don’t wash my hair every day, but I do rinse it out. I find that maintaining some of the natural oils in my hair makes it feel and smell better, but this is a matter of taste.

Wash your feet, don’t just let shower water run over them and assume they’ll magically get clean.

Shave. Sexy Corte likes the feel of my face when it’s smooth, but likes the look when I have a short beard or stubble, so I change it up sometimes. It’s fine if you want to wear facial hair, but it needs to be maintained. Beards that accentuate the jawline make your face look strong, so shave your neck if you wear a beard. Here’s Hugh Jackman pulling it off.

hugh jackman

Also be a man and use a real razor, not an electric shaver or a disposable. I just bought a Edwin Jagger Kelvin razor that’s pretty sweet — you can find lots of options on Amazon for around $30. It doesn’t matter what you get, anything will be better than what you’re using.

Shave with the hair rather than against it, and touch up any strays that aren’t cut the first time.

Eye brows. You don’t need to go to a salon to get waxed, but get some control over your brows. Do you think it’s unmanly to discipline your eye brows? You can look like a unibrowed cave troll if you want to, but you’re leaving money on the table. Once you have a real razor instead of an electric shaver you can use it to at least shave around your eye brows and keep them in their intended place. Once you’re ready for advanced mode, get some tweezers and pluck the hairs that are out of bounds. It isn’t hard, and it will add some crisp lines around your eyes, so you don’t look like a big hairy smudge.

Nose. If you have hair sticking out of your nose you need to do something about it. You can pluck it, but ouch. In this case, an electric trimmer is your best option. Get one that looks like a tiny comb instead of the kind that looks like a tube. You’ll know what I mean when you start looking.

Blow your nose or clean it out in the shower. Don’t pick it in public or sniff constantly if you aren’t deathly ill.

Ears. Same as nose hair: eliminate. Wash around and inside your ears. Use an ear cleaning kit to remove the wax buildup. You’ll hear better, too. Scrub around the backs of your ears.

Face. Wash your face with face soap that removes the oil and dirt from your pores. Scrub it a little with a washcloth to remove the dead skin. Use acne cream if you need to. If your face gets oily during the day, take some time to wipe it off.

Teeth. Brush them at least twice a day, and don’t forget to brush your tongue! An anti-bacterial mouthwash will also improve your breath for a little while and may improve general mouth health. Floss before bed. Floss? Apparently daily flossing can add years to your life by reducing inflammation in your gums. It sounds crazy, but flossing is good for lots of other reasons.

Arm pits. Use antiperspirant deodorant.

Nails. Clip and file your nails instead of biting them. Your wife’s lady bits will thank you. Keep your toenails short so you don’t scratch your wife’s legs up when you’re spooning.

Clothes. Wash your clothes regularly. Don’t weak stuff that stinks. Even if you “just wore it around the house” yesterday, it’s not clean anymore.

Sheets. Wash your sheets at least once a week. Just because you shower before bed doesn’t mean you never need to wash your sheets, trust me.

Moisturize. Especially important in dry weather, not just for soft skin but to prevent cracking. Keep some lotion outside the shower and slap some on when you get out. Don’t buy anything expensive — a very thin rub of Vaseline will do nicely, and it’s dirt cheap.

Sneezing and coughing. Don’t sneeze or cough into your hand, use your elbow. It’s a lot more sanitary.

sneeze

Penis. Pretty important to keep him clean if you want your wife’s face to spend any time with him. Make sure to give him a good washing when you’re in the shower, pulling back the skin if necessary. I also rinse and dry him off after I pee to avoid unpleasant smell or taste in spontaneous situations. It wouldn’t hurt to let your wife know you’re keeping him clean, in case she has any concerns or suggestions.

Balls. Shave the whole area. You and your wife will be pleased. Even if you don’t take my advice to shave, you’ve got to discipline your pubic hair and trim it back. You’ll smell better, stay cleaner, and your penis will look larger.

Butt. Wash your butt crack when you shower. Get in there and scrub it clean. Again, it won’t magically get clean just because water runs down your body.

Get a bidet attachment for your toilet like the Luxe Bidet Neo 120 so you can clean your butt every time you poop. They’re easy to install and cost less than $50. You’ll love it, and your wife can use it to clean herself too, front and back. If you got poop in your hair you wouldn’t just wipe it off with a piece of paper and call it good, would you?

bidet

Got any great male hygiene tips to share? Leave a comment!

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I learned something very interesting while listening to a podcast on Delight Your Marriage titled “Understanding the Female Orgasm with Dr. Jessica McCleese”. Oxytocin, which is a chemical your body releases to form bonding during sex, is released at different points for men and women. It is released during foreplay for women, and during orgasm for men. Dr. McCleese makes two very good points in regard to this:

1. This can explain why women often don’t feel a need to orgasm every time they have sex. I know this is very true for me. While orgasm is amazing, there is a good percentage of the time that I am fulfilled without needing to climax. My body still needs that release regularly, but at least I now know when that release doesn’t happen I am still getting enough of that feel-good chemical.

2. It’s interesting that God created us this way, so that we help each other out. I think she says that beautifully. God designed us to fit together so well, even in the details that we can’t see.

The whole podcast is worth listening to when you get the time, but here are some other points I think are good advice:

  • She says that sex, when compared to the total amount of time spent with your spouse, is a relatively small amount of the relationship. However, she describes it as sort of a barometer for the relationship. If things are good in the bedroom, it’s a lot easier to talk about other issues. I totally agree. El Fury and I have great communication, and our sexual intimacy makes me comfortable with initiating any conversation with him. I also think that good communication can feed right back into having better sex.
  • Another point Dr. McCleese makes that I have been pondering is how our spouse’s actions are confirmed by our beliefs about our spouse. One action can be taken two completely different ways depending on the attitude you are filtering your spouse through. For example, if you think they are manipulating you, you will interpret something far different than if you think they love you and have your best intentions in mind. This is a great concept. If your attitude towards your spouse isn’t positive, pray for God to give you eyes to see them differently.
  • Dr. McCleese talks about her own marriage and how they fight for their marriage. She gives an example about not talking about marital problems with anyone else until you talk with your spouse. Great advice, and a great way to guard your marriage. I would go further in saying if you do talk about a marital problem with someone, be very careful about who. Make sure it is a person that won’t try to poison your mind against your spouse.
  • The last thing I want to share about Dr. McCleese’s interview is to encourage your spouse! In the bedroom, outside the bedroom. Your spouse needs to be told how important they are to you, what they do that you appreciate, how blessed you are to be with them, and definitely what they do to turn you on!
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