I previously posted a roll-all-the-dice table for creating random sex adventures with your spouse, but it has come to my attention that not everyone has the geek dice required to make use of the table. So, as a public service, this page will roll the dice for you and generate a random sex adventure! Each time you reload this page you will get a different result. Enjoy!
If you’ve ever played a role-playing game like Dungeons and Dragons then you probably have a bunch of polyhedral dice like the ones in the picture: four-sided, six-sided, eight-sided, ten-sided, twelve-sided, and twenty-sided. However, unless you’re old-school you may never before have seen what’s called a roll-all-the-dice table. The idea is pretty simple: you roll all the dice and consult the results on a giant table. (If you don’t have a set of dice like this, you can pick up a set of polyhedral dice on Amazon for only few bucks.)
The answer to this question (at least sometimes) should be naked! Sleeping naked is very sexy. Not only does your skin feel amazing right up against your spouse’s, but feeling nice and silky sheets as you sleep is an added bonus. If your spouse is always wanting sex in the morning, but you have a hard time rousing yourself for it, sleeping naked is an excellent way to get yourself in the mood. Those last lucid dreams can turn very erotic, especially if you are naked snuggling. You are sure to wake up with a voracious sexual appetite!
I know depending on where you live that the cold winter months might not make sleeping naked sound very enticing. But, it only takes a few minutes to warm up underneath the sheets, and it is definitely worth that little time of discomfort. Plus it gives you a good excuse to snuggle up close to your spouse until you are warm. Sometimes if I get up in the middle of the night I like to crawl back in bed naked so that El Fury gets a surprise in the morning. He definitely wakes up faster! Especially with Valentine’s Day coming up, why not give your spouse a sexy surprise that morning?
A series on wifely orgasms — an ever-important topic for sex bloggers, to be sure.
Valentine’s ideas: gifts for husbands, gifts for wives. Sexy Corte and I aren’t much for gift giving; not our love language I guess. For gifts, we mostly create opportunities to spend time together.
Alright husbands, let’s talk about basic fitness. Did you let yourself blimp up after you got married? Shame on you! Or, like me, have you always struggled to be a little more fit? I’m blessed that Sexy Corte and I love to run, and we’ve managed to keep in the habit of running several times a week together (even pushing a ton of kids in strollers). Running or some some form of aerobic exercise is great, and I highly recommend it; it’s even better if you can do it with your spouse and kids. Aerobic exercise is great for everyone, so go do it.
However, in this post I want to talk about lifting weights. Women can lift and enjoy the benefits of stronger bones and muscles, but weight-bearing exercise is essential for men’s health. I’m by no means an expert on lifting, but I can share with you some basics: and basics are the key. All the new-fangled stuff is basically junk: P90X, CrossFit, “core strengthening”, “boot camps”, etc. It’s not that these are bad, but they over-complicate things. You don’t need an expensive gym membership either.
Barbells, dumbbells, weight bench, weight plates. Used sets can often be found cheaply on Craigslist. Put them in any open 50 square feet of your house.
20 minutes per day, a few times per week. You won’t get ripped with this minimal schedule, but you’ll get a lot stronger.
I recommend the book, but you can get the high-level ideas from here. You can easily use the internet to find articles by Mark Rippetoe and diagrams that illustrate how to properly perform the lifts he prescribes. (So you have some homework.)
Like I said up top, aerobic exercise is great, but men need to big and strong. If you follow some of this simple advice it won’t take long for your wife to notice and admire your muscles. You don’t need to be Adonis, you just want to improve yourself. If you aren’t lifting at all now you’ll see rapid strength gain when you start, which is great for your confidence. Of course your progress will plateau and improvement will get harder over time (like anything), but there’s a ton of low-hanging fruit that even a lazy man can grasp.
What does lifting have to do with sex? If you can’t figure out how size, strength, endurance, confidence, energy, and appearance will improve your sex life then I don’t think I can help you.
On to chapter 3! As background: The book is commonly understood as a celebration of marital/sexual love and it contains a lot of rather graphic imagery. It’s an especially important book because it’s very sex-positive and provides a powerful illustration of the joy God takes in the sexual relationship between a husband and a wife.
Chapter 3 opens with a dream sequence: the Beloved searching and longing for her Lover. Who hasn’t had a dream like that? She eventually finds him in her dream, and she awakens somewhat flustered. This the dream of the Bride on the night before her wedding.
On my bed by night I sought him whom my soul loves; I sought him, but found him not. I will rise now and go about the city, in the streets and in the squares; I will seek him whom my soul loves. I sought him, but found him not. The watchmen found me as they went about in the city. “Have you seen him whom my soul loves?” Scarcely had I passed them when I found him whom my soul loves. I held him, and would not let him go until I had brought him into my mother’s house, and into the chamber of her who conceived me. I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.
In her dream, the Beloved catches her Lover and drags him to bed. The imagery of bringing him “into the chamber of her who conceived me” highlights the special intimacy of sex within marriage: this isn’t just sex, it’s loving sex that could lead to pregnancy. What could be more erotic?
When the Beloved awakens, she sees her Groom arriving for their wedding. Just as in earlier chapters the Lover admired his Beloved’s feminine attributes, here the Beloved is entranced by the Lover’s masculine wealth and power.
What is that coming up from the wilderness like columns of smoke, perfumed with myrrh and frankincense, with all the fragrant powders of a merchant? Behold, it is the litter of Solomon! Around it are sixty mighty men, some of the mighty men of Israel, all of them wearing swords and expert in war, each with his sword at his thigh, against terror by night. King Solomon made himself a carriage from the wood of Lebanon. He made its posts of silver, its back of gold, its seat of purple; its interior was inlaid with love by the daughters of Jerusalem. Go out, O daughters of Zion, and look upon King Solomon, with the crown with which his mother crowned him on the day of his wedding, on the day of the gladness of his heart.
Chapter 3 may not contain as many sexual metaphors as chapters 1 and 2, but I find the marital intimacy to be especially erotic. Trying to get pregnant is some of the best sex ever.
Sexy Corte and I like trying new positions, and we’ve found these sex position guides to be useful. (They definitely aren’t safe for work, but I didn’t see any actual nudity.)
When it comes to sexual positions, there are a few important things to remember.
Remember your purpose. Sex with your spouse should be fun, loving, and intimate. Husbands especially can get focused on accomplishing a position while forgetting the higher purpose.
Don’t get obsessed with novelty. Most couples have sex in the same few ways 90% of the time. That’s normal! It’s great to try new things, but it’s not a competition. Your friends and neighbors aren’t secretly out-doing you with insane new sex positions every night.
Combinations multiply your options. You can significantly increase your variety by using multiple positions in a single sex session. A set of 10 positions can make 720 permutations if you use three positions per session!
Some of the positions you’ll see aren’t anatomically possible. I mean, seriously… some pictures have joints bending backwards, limbs attached at the wrong place, or holes implied where they simply don’t exist. Some of the things pictured are impossible for any human to accomplish. I think the artists and authors of these guides just need to fill space.
“What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.” — Ecclesiastes 1:9. There aren’t really any new positions, just positions that are new to you. Humans have been having sex for a long time.
Don’t forget her orgasm. In our experience, most positions aren’t very stimulating for the wife. Don’t forget to take care of her needs. Ladies first, as we say.
Position guides make great foreplay. Sexy Corte and I sometimes email links to positions to each other during the day. Even if we don’t do anything fancy that night, the mental stimulation gets us in the mood!
Be careful! You can seriously injure yourself if you aren’t wise, especially husbands.
Do you have any more position guides that you’ve enjoyed? Any tips for exploring a variety of positions? Leave a comment!
In response to some recent posts about the “Double Feature” a commentor raised the topic of using code words with your spouse to discuss sex in public or around your kids. For example, if Sexy Corte says “double feature” I’ll know what she means, but any other listener will simply think that we’re going to watch two movies. Here are some more code words… but to be honest, many of them will only fool children.
Nap time – Right… Mom and Dad are going upstairs to “take a nap”. It fools our kids while they nap or watch TV, but I wouldn’t try it when our parents are visiting.
Ruins – Some of our favorite times have been in ruins. When we’re feeling frisky we might say “this place looks pretty old, don’t you think?”
Get ice cream – This is what we call it when we drop our kids off with a friend while we go on a date. If we “get some ice cream” after dinner, well, it’s not ice cream.
That’s what she said – Ok, it’s a corny joke, but our kids don’t get it yet and it definitely turns our minds to sexy thoughts.
Hangry – Originally it meant I’m so hungry that I’m angry, but sometimes we mean horny instead.
What about you? What code words do you use with your spouse? We promise we won’t tell anyone.
Christians, Stop Staying Pure Till Marriage — At the risk of spoiling the essay, Sarah’s point is that purity is for life; sex inside of marriage doesn’t make you “impure”, and in fact it’s quite the opposite.
The holidays have been (justifiably!) distracting us from our computers for the last few weeks, so posting has been light… but now that we’re deep into January we’re going to be getting a little more regular here.
One of our kids has been obsessed with the blanket fort that Sexy Corte built for her in her bedroom. Naturally SC and I couldn’t resist kissing a little in the fort while our kids played outside, which led to the realization that we need to build a giant pillow fort for ourselves! We’ve got a miscellaneous relationship date coming up, and we’re going to celebrate by building an awesome Sex Fort. Hopefully we don’t knock it down while we’re playing in it.
