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Welcome to another edition of our link round-up from around the marriage blogosphere!

What message does your sleepwear send? Wives, if you’re cold at night in the winter try some thigh-high socks (and nothing else). And while we’re being nakeder, why not walk around the house naked with your spouse?

“I want to stop sexual gatekeeping, but how?” Along the same lines, is it time to quit trying and start doing? (With a Yoda reference.)

The importance of sexual discipleship. The world is masterful at modeling its version of sexuality to your family.

How can husbands initiate sex without making their wives feel like a piece of meat. You can do better than, “The kids are asleep, let’s bang.”

Sex, sleep, or exercise? And we husbands expect our wives to do all three!

Write a letter to your teenage self. What would you tell your teenage self about sex and marriage?

If you’ve got another link to share, put it in the comments. Find a way to surprise your spouse this evening!

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Having frequent sex throughout a woman’s monthly cycle boosts her immune system and increases the chance of conception. No mention of whether men benefit from more sex, but I’m going to guess yes.

The researchers also found that during the follicular phase of the menstrual cycle—the period of time before ovulation—Type 1 T-cell count surged in sexually active. This helps the body safeguard against illnesses and infections that could ultimately inhibit a woman’s chance of becoming pregnant.

The second paper looked at immunoglobulin antibody levels in women who were sexually active and compared them to the levels in those who were not. These antibodies are produced by white blood cells and are critical to fighting off bacteria, viruses and other microbes. The researchers found that sexually active women had higher levels of certain antibodies at different times of their cycle, and the pattern reflected the body’s efforts to ramp up its protective defense to prepare for the potential for pregnancy. The researchers did not observe the same fluctuations in T-cell counts and immunoglobulins in non–sexually active women.

Short version: have more sex if you want to get sick less or are trying to conceive.

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This post is also available as a podcast: Podcast #015: You Should Sleep Naked, Even in Winter

Winter is coming, and wives are facing the annual dilemma: how can I sleep warmly and still ensure that my lady bits are available to my husband? Flannel pajamas are warm and comfy, but so frustrating for cuddly husbands! The top isn’t much of a problem if he can sneak his hands up underneath, but the bottoms are total killjoys. What’s a loving wife to do?

Great news! You can keep warm on a cold night and still sleep sexy with thigh-high socks! They’re the perfect compromise for nights when it’s too cold to sleep naked. Throw on a comfy top, some thigh-highs, and nothing else — everyone wins. You’re guaranteed to sleep well and wake up refreshed.

Update:

Commenter Marriagecoach1 points out that women have an easier time reaching orgasm when their feet are warm.

Update 2:

Buy a fitted electric heat pad to go under your sheets!

thigh high socks 3

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This post is also available as a podcast: Podcast #005: Yes, You Should Swallow

Since we posted on the topic of jaw pain during oral sex we’ve received a flood of questions with a similar theme, from both husbands and wives:

  • How do I get my wife to swallow?
  • How do I learn to enjoy swallowing my husband’s semen?

If your sex life with your spouse is otherwise good, the issue with swallowing semen might come down to communication. After El Fury told me how much it meant to him that I would swallow his semen, I figured I at least needed to try it — it’s already in my mouth anyways, so there’s just one more step! It was a little strange the first time I did it, but over time it got a lot easier. Husband, be open and honest with your wife about how important it is to you, and ask if she will at least try it a few times. If your wife has a hard time with it and does it anyway, you would be wise to express how much it means to you. If she gives it an honest effort but still doesn’t want to swallow, you might have to let it go. You don’t want to put so much pressure on her that she becomes reluctant to do oral sex altogether.

Wives: if you want to learn to enjoy it, you have the right intention at heart. My hope is that that desire is all you will need to overcome your difficulty swallowing. But, what are some more practical tips?

My first bit of advice is to at least try it. You might have a mental block simply at the thought of it. I remember how strange it felt the first time El Fury asked me to swallow. After a few times it became familiar and really wasn’t a big deal anymore. I actually thought it was easier than holding it in my mouth and rushing to the bathroom to spit it out right after.

Second, keep in mind that this could be an issue that is near and dear to your husband’s heart, so you really should have an open mind and give it a try.

Third, if you make up your mind to do it, then just do it. Don’t think about it when he ejaculates, just swallow it fast. You should be able to tell right before he comes, so be ready. If you still can’t get past it after a few attempts, your husband should be understanding and at least appreciate that you tried to like it. There are so many fun sexual experiences to have with your spouse that we shouldn’t get hung up on one issue.

Please use the contact pages for Sexy Corte and El Fury to send us your questions. We will only share your question if you give us permission, and we’ll never reveal your name or any other identifying information. You can ask questions anonymously, or use a free anonymous email server like Mailinator.

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This post is also available as a podcast: Podcast #014: A Few Sexy Halloween Games

Sexy Corte and I have been inching our way through the Harry Potter movies in the evenings after the kids go to bed. We both enjoy the movies and the books, but SC is a super-fan. The movies are entertaining but confusing, and after we shut off the television it seems I’ve always got a million questions to ask SC about the series while we are getting ready for bed. So, I figured, why not make a sex game out of it?

  1. I found some Harry Potter trivia on the internet (not hard to do!) and picked out a bunch of questions. If Harry Potter isn’t your thing, pick something else. Maybe Star Wars trivia for the husband? Bible trivia? Civil War history? Prepare the questions (and answers) in advance and print them out or put them in a document on your phone/tablet.
  2. In addition to the trivia questions, I gathered the rest of the required toys. When I’m planning to do something elaborate, especially something that involves restraints, I try to make sure that all the toys are prepared and positioned in advance so that we don’t lose momentum while we’re playing. In this case, the toys were simple: wand vibrator and egg vibrator.
  3. Then I stripped SC down and tied her near the edge of the bed with her legs spread using our under-mattress restraint system (which is always prepared for use). I intended to use a blindfold, but it turned out to be more fun to watch her face. Once I had SC tied down I applied the wand vibrator and explained the rules.

Tie, Tease, Trivia Rules.

  • I apply the vibrator to you and ask you trivia questions. If the husband is the contestant, the wife can use her hand and mouth to stimulate him. The goal is to provide constant, low-level stimulation to tease the contestant while she tries to focus on the questions.
  • When you get one right, I go down on you. This is the motivation for the contestant to stay focused on her task. The frequent swapping between vibrator and mouth drove SC crazy, along with the tip of my finger teasing penetration. If the husband is the contestant, the wife can use both her mouth and lady bits to reward correct answers.
  • When you get one wrong…. I had considered using ice to penalize incorrect answers, but decided against it. Your mileage may vary, depending on the temperament of your contestant. When SC got one wrong I feigned great disappointment, shook my head, and ran the tips of my fingers along her inner thighs. I’d ramp up her stimulation and then remove it briefly, to her great frustration.
  • You may not orgasm until you score 10 points. Ramp up the stimulation and remind her that she isn’t allowed to come yet. Make light conversation and push her to the edge while you slowly peruse your set of questions. Make her beg for the next question. “Do you want an easy one or a hard one?” Make her keep score. “How many points do you have now? I forget. Are you sure?” Award bonus points and extra licking when she earns it, and take a point and stimulation away if she misses an easy one. Take your time.
  • Eventually, you win. When you’re ready to end the game, tell her that the questions are over. Ask her how many points she earned. Ramp up the simulation. “Do you think you’ve earned an orgasm?” Make her say yes, she’s earned it. Praise her performance under pressure. “You did great, sweetie. I think you earned an orgasm. Go ahead and get it.” Then give it to her.

“You must think I’m a huge dork,” Sexy Corte laughed at the beginning of the game. Afterwards she asked, “Do you think you can find more Harry Potter questions?”

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This post is also available as a podcast: Podcast #005: Yes, You Should Swallow

We occasionally receive questions from our readers, and we’re going to start posting some of our answers on the site in this new category.

Reader “D” asks:

Hello, I need some advice on how to give my husband oral sex so that he eventually ejaculates. I sometimes have TMJ, so I need to try to refrain from doing it too long. Let me know if you have some pointers.

Thanks for the email, D! My jaw gets tired sometimes during oral sex, and that’s without TMJ! Do you think it would bother your jaw just to hold the head of your husband’s penis in your mouth? If not, you could try laying your head on your husband’s stomach, and holding the tip of his penis in your mouth so you can play/tease it with your tongue. With your hand you can play with his balls or the rest of his penis. If you focus on this for a while it will get him closer to ejaculation before you start on the harder work of taking him entirely in your mouth. Sometimes I count the strokes when I am taking El Fury into my mouth. I might start with 10 or so, then I will pause and only play with his head for a while with my tongue — and that gives my jaw a break. Then I will restart and go for 20 or so. I keep adding to the number and it drives him crazy while also keeping my jaw from getting too stiff. I hope that helps! Oral sex is really important to men, so it’s great that you are trying to find a way to get past your discomfort.

Got any tips for D? Leave them in the comments.

Please use the contact pages for Sexy Corte and El Fury to send us your questions. We will only share your question if you give us permission, and we’ll never reveal your name or any other identifying information. You can ask questions anonymously, or use a free anonymous email server like Mailinator.

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Have you ever found yourself lying in bed awake in the middle of the night? This happens to me every so often, as well as El Fury. What do you do to get back asleep? Sometimes it feels like you can toss and turn for hours. Want to know a better and more fun solution? Have sex!! Orgasms can make you very sleepy. You can peacefully fall back into dreamland without the frustration of lying there in the dark. Plus it is fun the next day to feel like you and your spouse shared a secret midnight tryst.

Think you will upset your spouse by waking them up in the middle of the night? That depends on your spouse. You should definitely communicate how they would feel about it so when the time comes you aren’t setting yourself up for disappointment. How your spouse responds might also depend on the manner of which they are woken up. I would discourage an elbow to the side followed by a “you up?” El Fury always says the best way to wake up is by me licking his balls. If you don’t have good access, try a little gentle petting in the right area to see if this generates any interest. Or try some erotic snuggling. It is possible to get your spouse aroused before they even wake up.

Sex in the middle of the night can be very passionate, probably because it has a dream-like quality. All of the kids are asleep (hopefully!) so you can take your time and really let loose. So the next time you can’t sleep, instead of reaching for the Benadryl, reach for your spouse!

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Are you pregnant and suffering with morning sickness? Great news! Swallowing your husband’s semen will cure your nausea! Well, maybe… but better safe than sorry, I always say.

So what does Gallup say is the real culprit behind nausea and vomiting in early pregnancy? Semen. More specifically, unfamiliar semen. To understand where he’s coming from, we need to think back to the maternal immune system’s response to the fetus. Because half of the DNA the fetus is carrying comes from the father, the mother’s body may initially treat the organism as foreign tissue or an infection. This response, Gallup says, triggers an immune reaction that is commonly experienced as nausea, vomiting, and malaise (aka morning sickness). The best cure for this type of sickness, says Gallup, is, strangely enough, the same thing as its cause. The more exposure a woman has to her partner’s semen—that is to say, the more often she’s inseminated prior to conception and during the early stages of the pregnancy—the more tolerance her body develops to his genetic material. This tolerance generalizes to a tolerance for the fetus and leads to successful maternal immunosuppression—and subsequently allows her to feel less like an infected zombie with serious stomach troubles.

Swallowing your husband’s semen also appears to reduce the risk of preeclampsia.

Normal pregnancy is thought to be associated with a state of tolerance to the foreign antigens of the fetus, whereas in preeclamptic women this immunological tolerance might be hampered. The present study shows that oral sex and swallowing sperm is correlated with a diminished occurrence of preeclampsia which fits in the existing idea that a paternal factor is involved in the occurrence of preeclampsia.

So, dear readers: go do some research and report back.

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In our bondage for beginners post we first mentioned the under-the-mattress restraint system and we got a few questions about it, so here’s some more information about why it’s great and how to use it. The banner photo doesn’t show how it’s installed, so here’s a diagram:

under mattress diagram

There are a few key features that will make such a system one of your most-used sex toys.

  • Easy to install. You have to lift your mattress and then shuffle the straps into place, but it’s once-and-done. After it’s installed, that’s pretty much it. Unlike many other restraints, you don’t need a headboard or bed posts.
  • Concealed. When you’re not using it, the cuffs can be tucked under the mattress and the system is invisible. You can show off your room to visitors or let your kids play without worrying that they’ll notice anything unusual.
  • Convenient. The system doesn’t need to be set up every time you play, and you don’t have to plan ahead. If the urge strikes you while you’re in the middle of the action, just reach under the mattress and grab a cuff.
  • Adaptable. The diagram shows the straps wrapping over the top and bottom edge of the mattress, but the system works equally well if you pull the straps over the sides. It just depends how you want to stretch and restrain your spouse: more length-wise or more spread-eagle.
  • Adjustable. The lengths of the straps can be easily adjusted to enable a variety of positions. Most systems come with removable cuffs as well.
  • Effective. It does exactly what you’d expect: holds wrists and ankles in place. If you want to hold knees open, make sure your cuffs are big enough.

So what positions you use the straps for? Here are a few ideas.

  • Spread-eagle is the most obvious position, either face-up or face-down. If the husband is restrained face-up the wife can easily have her way with him; if the wife is restrained, face-up is awesome for foreplay and teasing, and face-down is easier for sex.
  • Arms above head. For face-to-face sex with the wife restrained, it’s convenient to set her ankles free after foreplay but keep her arms above her head. This let’s her legs and hips get into a good position while still restricting her movement.
  • Arms out, legs up. The straps are easy to reposition, so with the wife in a face-up position you can pull her arms out straight and then lift her legs up. This position is always amazing for deep penetration, and adding the restraints puts the husband in complete control.
  • Doggy style. Almost the reverse of the position above. Put the wife on her knees and then pull her arms down between her legs and put her face on the mattress. Cuff her ankles and wrists. You can criss-cross the straps to hold her legs together — attach the left wrist to the right strap and the right wrist to the left strap.
  • Pillow under the hips. Pillows can be put under the restrained spouse’s hips, whether it’s the husband or wife, face-up or face-down. The pillow can  can be used to improve access, penetration, and enable angles that are hard to do when laying flat.

And don’t forget your blindfolds, vibrators, and other toys!

Have you ever used an under-mattress restraint system? Got any tips to share with our readers?

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Welcome back for another installment of the best Christian sex links on the internet! Pull up a chair and make yourself comfortable.

Is my penis big enough? and Is my vagina tight enough?

Giving a great hand job — more techniques than I knew existed.

“Lean Forward” into better sex — “I love the idea of women leaning forward – putting just a little extra energy and “muscle” into creating a great sex life with their husbands.”

What does it mean to respect him? and The respect knob — It isn’t intuitive for husbands to love and wives to respect.

The benefits of paying for sex — Spend some money to get the kids and chores out of the way so you can have better sex with your spouse.

Is being valued for sex such a bad thing? — “I thought I wanted my husband to value all of me—my whole self! However, what I really meant was that I wanted my husband to value me for everything else—but not for sex.”

Craving more in the bedroom? — Lots of ideas, plus a link back here!

God designed women to enjoy sex even more than men — are you? But it’s not all about orgasms.

That’s all for this week. Share your thoughts below!

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