Long-Distance and Masturbation 1

Is it acceptable for married couples to masturbate? What if they’re separated by distance due to work or family obligations? We get variations on this question pretty frequently, like the two below.

Wife “NS” asks:

Hello! And thank you for having a discreet place where we can come ask questions and not be judged, but receive honest, faith-based answers to help us have a sex life that’s pleasing in God’s eyes.

I grew up in a Christian home (I’m a Pastor’s Kid), but we did not talk about sex (other than, don’t do it outside of marriage). So it’s not like I can talk to my parents about questions I have.

My hubs and I have been very happily married for 15yrs now. What are your thoughts on masturbation and sex toys? I can’t find anything in God’s Word that specifically speaks to this. We often travel and are apart for a week or more. We assume sexting is permissible since it’s strictly between us. But at times we have dreams and awake pleasuring ourselves when we’re apart.

And Wife “EB” asks:

Hi y’all, I’m curious as to your thoughts on solo masturbation due to distance. My husband is currently deployed and while sexting and phone sex are great, the opportunities are rare.

We’ve both done it but sometimes I feel guilty afterward, even though I only picture him.

We’ve written about masturbating together a couple of times, so I’m going to focus this post on the topic of solo masturbation.

I don’t see anything wrong with masturbation or sex toys in-and-of-themselves. The Bible doesn’t mention either one. I think if the focus of your sexual pleasure is on your spouse, then go for it! I do use sex toys — in fact a vibrator is the best way for me to orgasm through intercourse, which has brought incredible intimacy to our marriage.

I don’t personally masturbate, but we receive emails from women who do (particularly military wives). I can imagine that being separated from your spouse for long periods of time would be difficult. The Bible gives us spiritual freedom in gray areas like this (see 1 Corinthians 8) where we should be guided by the Holy Spirit and our own conscience. I don’t see anything wrong with masturbation as long as your spouse is your source of intimacy. I tell these wives that if it strengthens their marriage and doesn’t violate their conscience then I think it’s acceptable.

Please refer to the post Can we *blank*? for some deeper thinking on these questions. Obey the Bible, pray, talk with your spouse, and follow the leading of the Holy Spirit.

Please use the contact pages for Sexy Corte and El Fury to send us your questions. We will never reveal your name or any other identifying information.

Best Christian Sex Links of the Week 2

Some of the links we’ve most enjoyed over the past week:

Delight Your Marriage has started a podcast; try this one: “How Being Happy Saved Her Marriage” (via HHH).

Why Men Avoid Counselling — I think some men may connect better with a female counselor; the biggest hesitation is that a man might feel like he’s walking into an ambush.

Toss Your Score Card, Liver Generously — good policy for all areas of life.

What If Gatekeepers Are Victims? — as a father with daughters, it’s hard to deliver just the right message: you should vigilantly abstain while you are single, and then do it like bunnies when you get married.

What If the Batteries Died? A Sex Toy Story — don’t let toys dominate your intimacy with your spouse. Also, keep spare batteries handy.

3 Simple Ways to Create a More Intimate Bedroom – we wrote about this in our two-part series about making your master bedroom your sex room.

The Fantasy Box — Looks fun, especially if it’s a different experience every month. Hey, where’s our free review copy?

The Happy Couple’s Guide To Marriage (And Sex) After A Baby