Everyone loves to be spontaneous when it comes to sex, and many couples feel that a lot of planning or scheduling can ruin the mood. However, a little advance preparation can grease the wheels (insert lubrication joke here) for future spontaneity. One of the biggest deterrents to spontaneous away-from-the-bedroom sex can be worrying about the aftermath: sex is messy! So here’s a simple tip: take an old wash cloth with you wherever you go. It’s easy to stash a washcloth in the glove box of your car, in your backpack, in your purse, or in your briefcase. You’ll be ready for spontaneous sex whenever you’ve got 10 minutes to kill alone with your spouse and you won’t have to worry about cleaning up.
Even for the bedroom Sexy Corte and I keep a drawer full of old wash cloths right next to the bed. We call them our “sex rags” — not a very sexy name, but very handy for after sex that isn’t near shower time.
XXX Church has a post with some tips for great sex in your marriage (thanks for the pointer, SC). There’s definitely no shortage of tips on the internet, but here are my top two from this post:
#1 Twice a week.
#5 NO More Excuses.
For #1, I think twice a week is pretty modest. I guess if you’re at twice a month then quadrupling that would seem like a bonanza (or a hassle), but really, this is a very low bar. Sexy Corte and I have young kids, jobs, hobbies, etc., and we do it 8-10 times a week. If that sounds crazy to you, then one of both of these is true:
- You don’t want to have sex that much
- Your spouse doesn’t want to have sex that much
If it’s both of you, then great. I’d still recommend having sex twice a week, but whatever. If you both want to miss out then that’s up to you.
If your spouse wants it and you don’t, then you need to check yourself before you wreck your marriage. Introspect. Maybe your spouse can “improve” something to increase your libido, but honestly, your lack of desire is primarily your problem to fix. So get on it. This is #5 above: no more excuses.
If you’re desperate for sex and your spouse isn’t interested, then maybe there are some things you can do to help the situation. Here are some basics:
- Hygiene. Seriously, are you clean? Are your sexy bits clean? Do you shower, or stink? How’s your breath? This is pretty basic, but it’s worth mentioning.
- Grooming. Do you make an effort to be attractive? Do you shave your face or legs (or balls)? Do you put on something sexy? Or do you expect your spouse to swoon for a slob?
- Attitude. Is your attitude crappy? Do you complain a lot or pick fights over stupid stuff? Are you grateful for your spouse, or bitter? Are you helpful and understanding, or dismissive and impatient? Are you like Christ?
- Enthusiasm. When you initiate sex are you demanding, resentful, whiny, desperate… or enthusiastic? Everyone loves to have fun, so be excited! “Want to try something crazy?” “Look what I just read on Married Christian Sex!” “I can’t wait till we’re alone together later….” Be flirty and fun. Build up anticipation.
- Pray! Yes, God cares about your sex life, and He wants it to be awesome. If it isn’t all you want it to be, then pray about it. Confess your sins, look inside yourself and change what needs to change. Pray that God would be at work in your spouse too. Pray that God would give you a great sex life, and that your spouse will want it as much as you. God works through prayer.
I’ve still got to write my post about enthusiasm….
Dr. Evil shaved his balls and you should too! Sure, it was an awkward joke in Austin Powers, but the truth is that ball licking feels incredible and your wife will appreciate it too — which means more licking! Both of those links have great tips and tricks for the ladies on how to pleasure their husband’s jewels, so check ’em out. The rest of this post is for the husbands.
So you’ve got a few questions before taking the plunge? Let me address some of the most common concerns.
- “It’s weird!” Well, I don’t have any statistics about how many men shave, but I’ll tell you this: no one will be able to tell by looking at you when clothed. Unless you’re stripping down in front of people frequently, your shaving can be completely secret. Considering how many women shave, I bet the number of men is higher than you think.
- “Shaving will hurt!” It doesn’t. It can be nerve-wracking the first time you put a safety razor down there, but if you use common sense you’ll be fine. You shave your face routinely, right? I personally shave in the shower with a cheapo disposable razor and don’t use any shaving cream or soap. The warm water is enough to lubricate the skin and razor, and the hairs just wash away. I’ve nicked myself a few times, but the spots of blood stop themselves before I get out of the shower.
- “My bare balls will itch or chafe!” Actually the smooth skin feels awesome. No more hairs to be pulled or caught in skin or clothing. Once you go bare you’ll never go back.
There are numerous benefits.
- First and foremost, I guarantee you will get more blow jobs. What’s that worth to you?
- It will feel crazy intense when your wife licks your bare balls. You will love it.
- Your wife will like not flossing with your pubes while she’s down there. The whole area will be cleaner, smell better, and be more inviting.
- It feels great during intercourse too, especially if your wife is bare. No more hair to get caught or pulled, and lots more skin-on-skin contact in the most important places.
- Your erection will look bigger.
- Tea bagging is easier and awesomer when your balls can hang loose and slide into her mouth.
Do it! You won’t regret it. Tell us how it works out for you!
We talk a lot about sex and what turns us on, so I thought it would be good to address the flip side of that. I want to say first that this is not a retaliation post directed at El Fury.
- Swearing/vulgarity – This is very unattractive for both men and women. I have always appreciated that El Fury doesn’t swear. He doesn’t need obnoxious filler words to express what he is saying. Now, in the right moment, talking a little dirty can be pretty sexy. Choose those moments wisely.
- Low self esteem – There is a difference between this and humility. I think you can still be humble and have confidence.
- Arrogance – While low self esteem is unattractive, don’t go over-board. Cockiness is just as bad. Again, a quiet confidence is very hot. From a woman’s perspective, It assures me that you are going to be able to make good decisions for our family, as well as take charge in the bedroom. I am sure this is just as unattractive on a woman.
- Rejection – I am an affection giver. I frequently like to give hugs, pats and kisses to El Fury whenever he is within reach. If he is working in his office I like to give drive-by affection. On occasion if this isn’t well received, I feel a sense of rejection. It makes me uninterested in later sexy time. If you can’t accept a peck on the cheek now, why should I want to engage when it’s convenient for you? You should never be too busy that you won’t welcome a love pat from your spouse.
- Disrespect – I am disappointed at how I see people treat their spouses sometimes. The way they talk to them or about them can be very disrespectful. No one will respect your spouse more than you do.
- Take a shower! – Even if you can’t smell yourself, your spouse can. Plus, there is nothing better than the feel of clean skin on skin.
- Laziness – It means a lot when spouses help each other out.
Next time your spouse isn’t acting very amorous towards you, stop and think if you’ve done something to turn them off. Then figure out a way to turn it back on!