What Does the Bible Say About Masturbation? 1

We get this question pretty often but haven’t written much about it. The short answer is: nothing. The Bible doesn’t mention masturbation.

Developing a longer, more satisfying answer requires some discernment, wisdom, and judgement. The factors to consider are almost the same for married people as for single people, so we hope this post will be useful for both groups of readers who ask us about the topic.

It’s important to point out immediately that it’s not our place to give anyone permission for anything, or to condemn anyone for anything. We will attempt to lay out a Biblical perspective on masturbation, but we recognize that wise and well-meaning Christians disagree on this matter. We also recognize that the indwelling Holy Spirit is the ultimate resource for every believer, and we pray that you will rely on His guidance when making decisions for your life and marriage. Prayerfully consider 1 Corinthians 8 and follow the leading of the Holy Spirit.

Let’s begin with this question from an unmarried man, “SE”.

I am a single 21 man and wanted to ask about masturbation. I know this site is for married couples, but I can’t find ANYTHING from a Christian perspective that is helpful to me personally. I strive to follow Christ and want to be pure and live as God intended. And apart from getting a flat “NO, is it damnable SIN”, or “….uh, I don’t know. Ask your mother”, I feel screwed!

I have had a history with porn before, but now putting that chain off of me by the fear of God and submission to Him, I am currently in the process of resetting my frame of mind. And with that, I am resetting myself physically as well. I used to masturbate with porn when I could sneak it into the bathroom, but now it’s just me. I do well with staying away from pornographic or other disgraceful forms of sexual thoughts. Pretty much, it’s just me and the mirror.

My obvious question to you, as a married Christian man who knows how guys think: is this permissible in the sight of God? And is the guilt that I am feeling coming from my history or is it from the actuality of present sin? Is it a sexual addiction regardless of how scarce it may be done? (I was able to hold it up to 13 days, but ended up inflating my testicles and hurting myself. And felt all the more ashamed.) Is this desire, now breaking the old bad habit, still yet a reflection of it, or is this now natural from God’s word?

To be honest, of course I enjoy doing it. But because God’s word is so seemingly silent on masturbation, I am unsure of where to go from here.

From one man to another, was hoping you could shed some light on this. Whether it’s calming my fears, or if it’s a hard slap in the face! Can I truly glorify my Master in Heaven in this manner? And if not, can you please help me out of it or refer me to a good Godly counselor?

(And, no, I am not asking my pastor about this if that is what you will answer).

Out of all the emails we’ve received on this topic, we decided to quote this email from SE because we think he very eloquently describes the physical, emotional, and spiritual conflict that many godly men and women confront with masturbation. (And yes, women masturbate almost as much as men.)

In this post we will identify three questions for your consideration. If you’re married, then these questions affect your spouse and your marriage, so you need to discuss them together.

First, as already noted, SE is correct in saying that the Bible gives no specific commands about masturbation (including the story of Onan in Genesis 38, which is too long to discuss in detail now). Is the Bible silent on masturbation because people didn’t masturbate in the past? No. People from the past were as horny as we are now. Is the Bible silent on masturbation because the topic is too disturbing or unmentionable? No. The bible is full of murder, adultery, blasphemy, and every other kind of sin imaginable. In fact, the Bible discusses God’s expectations for sex very clearly in many places: sex is only acceptable for married couplies within the bounds of marriage.

So the first question to consider is, given this lack of specific direction and based on what God reveals about himself in the Bible, how can I best glorify God through my decision about masturbation?

Second, it’s wrong to covet another person. In Matthew 5:28 Jesus says:

But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

The word translated “lustful intent” is epithymeō, which is a covetous longing, a desire to take something for yourself that isn’t yours. The word is frequently used in the New Testament in a non-sexual context, and it’s important to note here that the emphasis isn’t on seeing or being attracted to beauty or sexuality, it’s on the covetous intent. Jesus is saying that if a man looks on a woman with the intent to possess her, that’s a serious matter of sin even if the two people do not have sex together.

So the second question to consider is, can I masturbate without covetous intent?

Third, we have the freedom and responsibility to honor the institution of marriage and our sex life with our spouse. In Hebrews 13:4 we read:

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

In “Can we *BLANK*?” we wrote that the answer to that question within marriage is almost always yes — you can blank all you want. We also wrote about mutual masturbation in some detail already, so for this post let’s focus on the question of solo masturbation. Whatever you decide for solo masturbation, it must be bring honor to the institution of marriage and must not defile your sex life with your spouse. These expectations are applicable to married and unmarried people alike: the Bible isn’t only concerned for your own marriage, but also for the honor of the institution of marriage.

So the third question to consider is, can I masturbate without dishonoring the institution of marriage or defiling my marriage bed?

We believe that only you can answer these questions for yourself, with the guidance of the Holy Spirit, sensitivity to your conscience, and honest dialogue with your spouse.

  • How can I best glorify God through my decision about masturbation?
  • Can I masturbate without covetous intent?
  • Can I masturbate without dishonoring the institution of marriage or defiling my marriage bed?

What do you think? Have you talked with your spouse about masturbation? What have you decided for your marriage?

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Will There Be Sex in Heaven? Part 2 2

We first wrote about the possibility of sex in Heaven in 2015 and built an argument primarily from the Bible, and today we’re revisiting the topic by looking at the works of a few brilliant thinkers and artists.

As we noted previously, one of the key verses relating to sex in Heaven is Matthew 22:23-33. Here, some Jewish leaders who don’t believe in an afterlife (the Sadducees) attempted to trip up Jesus by asking him about a hypothetical woman who was married to seven men: whose wife would she be in Heaven? Jesus responds:

You are wrong, because you know neither the Scriptures nor the power of God. For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.

Go to our previous post to learn more about what the Bible reveals on the topic of sex in Heaven (spoiler: some interesting clues, but not much definitive).

For today, let’s begin with this passage from the 20th-century’s preeminent literary critic Northrop Frye, who writes about these Matthew verses in his book “Words with Power”:

[w]hile many would feel that the inference was obvious that angels are asexual — “barren angels,” as Donne would call them — the inference is not inevitable.

Northrop Frye, “Words with Power”, Chapter 6

Just because angels are not “given in marriage” does not mean they are asexual.

In “Paradise Lost” John Milton gives us two striking perspectives on angelic sexuality. First, in Book V we read about Eve preparing a meal and serving it to Adam and the visiting angel Raphael.

… Mean while at table
Eve Ministered naked, and their flowing cups
With pleasant liquours crowned: O innocence
Deserving Paradise! if ever, then,
Then had the sons of God excuse to have been
Enamoured at that sight; but in those hearts
Love unlibidinous reigned, nor jealousy
Was understood, the injured lover’s hell.

John Milton, “Paradise Lost”, Book V

Milton writes that the angel Raphael, and indeed all sons of God, were attracted to Eve’s (pre-fall) innocent, naked beauty and service — though without lust or jealousy. (See “The Peak of Eve’s Sexuality in Paradise Lost” for more discussion of this passage.)

Second, in Book VIII Adam and Raphael hold a long discourse on love and sexuality; near the end, Adam asks Raphael directly how angels express their love for one another. This quote begins with Adam, and then Raphael responds.

To love, thou blamest me not; for Love, thou sayest,
Leads up to Heaven, is both the way and guide;
Bear with me then, if lawful what I ask:
Love not the heavenly Spirits, and how their love
Express they? by looks only? or do they mix
Irradiance, virtual or immediate touch?

To whom the Angel, with a smile that glowed
Celestial rosy red, Love’s proper hue,
Answered. Let it suffice thee that thou knowest
Us happy, and without love no happiness.
Whatever pure thou in the body enjoyest,
(And pure thou wert created) we enjoy
In eminence; and obstacle find none
Of membrane, joint, or limb, exclusive bars;
Easier than air with air, if Spirits embrace,
Total they mix, union of pure with pure
Desiring, nor restrained conveyance need,
As flesh to mix with flesh, or soul with soul.

Raphael blushes and says whatever pure thou in the body enjoyest, we enjoy in eminence — and goes on to explain that, even better, angelic embrace is unhindered by the obstacles of flesh and bone.

Influenced perhaps by Milton’s vision, William Blake writes about Heavenly sex in “Jerusalem. The Emanation of the Giant Albion/Plate 69”.

Will There Be Sex in Heaven? Part 2 3
Click to enlarge. William Blake, “Jerusalem. The Emanation of the Giant Albion/Plate 69.”

Embraces are comminglings from the Head even to the Feet,
And not a pompous High Priest entering by a Secret Place.

William Blake, “Jerusalem. The Emanation of the Giant Albion/Plate 69.”

Like Milton’s Raphael, Blake writes that Heavenly embraces are total meldings of separate individuals into a single blended whole — taking one flesh to the next level, because in Heaven even souls and spirits can be united without bodies getting in the way.

That second line of Blake contains some brilliant imagery, comparing the annual entrance of the Hebrew high priest into the Temple’s veiled Holy of Holies with the limited nature of earthly sexual union. God’s glorious presence was in the Holy of Holies, and the high priest alone was commanded/permitted to enter it once per year to commune with God and make atonement for the sins of the people. Jesus Christ, as our great high priest, has eliminated the veil and invited us all into direct communion with God.

Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. […] Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Hebrews 4:14, 16

Blake’s metaphor is this: in the same way that our communion with God will be perfected in Heaven, our sexual unions will be perfected in Heaven; Heavenly embraces will be far superior to a penis (“pompous high priest”) entering a vagina (“secret place”).

Finally, consider this passage from C.S. Lewis in his book “Miracles”.

The letter and spirit of scripture, and of all Christianity, forbid us to suppose that life in the New Creation will be a sexual life; and this reduces our imagination to the withering alternatives either of bodies which are hardly recognisable as human bodies at all or else of a perpetual fast. As regards the fast, I think our present outlook might be like that of a small boy who, on being told that the sexual act was the highest bodily pleasure, should immediately ask whether you ate chocolates at the same time. On receiving the answer “No,” he might regard absence of chocolates as the chief characteristic of sexuality. In vain would you tell him that the reason why lovers in their carnal raptures don’t bother about chocolates is that they have something better to think of. The boy knows chocolate: he does not know the positive thing which excludes it. We are in the same position. We know the sexual life; we do not know, except in glimpses, the other thing which, in Heaven, will leave no room for it. Hence where fullness awaits us we anticipate fasting. In denying that sexual life, as we now understand it, makes any part of the final beatitude, it is not of course necessary to suppose that the distinction of sexes will disappear. What is no longer needed for biological purposes may be expected to survive for splendour. Sexuality is the instrument both of virginity and of conjugal virtue; neither men nor women will be asked to throw away the weapon they have used victoriously. It is the beaten and the fugitives who throw away their swords. The conquerors sheathe theirs and retain them.”

C. S. Lewis, “Miracles”

Lewis obviously rejects the notion of “sexuality” in Heaven, but then proposes the presence of a superior intimacy to displace it, presumably called by another name. But what’s in a name? Call the perfect Heavenly embrace whatever you like, “sex” or something else — either way, I see no reason to think that Heaven will be lacking for intimacy.

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Sex Q&A: Christian Wife Swapping, Swinging 4

We’ve gotten enough emails on the topic that it’s worth addressing: is it ok for Christians to engage in swinging or wife swapping? (None of the emails we’ve received are suitable for quotation.) I suppose we get these emails because it’s obvious from our blog that Sexy Corte and I are pro-sex and enjoy some kinky stuff that isn’t discussed at church. I’m not sure if the folks who email us are genuinely wondering what the Bible has to say on swinging or if they’re looking for someone to help rationalize existing behavior, but I’m going to give a sincere answer.

Swinging or wife swapping is a sin called adultery, and is never acceptable to God. It doesn’t matter if you, your spouse, and the other couple all consent — God doesn’t consent. The Seventh Commandment is short and to the point:

Exodus 20:14, “You shall not commit adultery.”

Jesus raises the bar set in the Old Testament:

Matthew 5:27-28, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

A person might claim, “It’s not adultery if my spouse knows about it and approves.” However, the definition of adultery makes no such distinction, and never has throughout human history.

voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than his or her lawful spouse.

The bottom line here is similar to an earlier Q&A on threesomes:

God’s will is that sex should be reserved exclusively for a husband and a wife. So, while there aren’t many limits on what you and your wife can do together, you can’t bring someone else into your sexual relationship. Neither spouse can give the other spouse permission to commit adultery — adultery isn’t just a sin against your spouse, it’s a sin against God. Permission from your spouse doesn’t make adultery acceptable to God. It is never acceptable to have sex outside of your marriage. See also: Proverbs 5, “be intoxicated always in her love”Hebrews 13:4, and Proverbs 7.

If your marriage is happy, swinging won’t strengthen it; if your marriage is unhappy, wife swapping won’t fix any of the underlying problems. We strongly exhort every married couple to keep their sex life exclusive to themselves. This is what God commands through the Bible, and worldly experience says the same thing.

See also: Are There Any Sexual Limits or Boundaries in a Christian Marriage?

Please use the contact pages for Sexy Corte and El Fury to send us your questions. We will only share your question if you give us permission, and we’ll never reveal your name or any other identifying information. You can ask questions anonymously, or use a free anonymous email server like Mailinator.

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Sex Q&A: Can Christians have Threesomes? 5

Reader “B” asks:

What are your thoughts on FFM threesomes?

My wife has expressed interest in a FFM threesome where I as the husband would only interact with my wife and she can interact with the other female. We are both Christians and are struggling with this desire. While wanting to pursue this we are also burdened with the sinful nature of it. What are your thoughts regarding this? There has been some girl/girl stuff happen in the past as part of some experimenting while we were married and I was present for it. But we are looking into the swinging lifestyle and have rules and boundaries in place and nothing has happened yet. Wanting another Christians viewpoint on this situation.

As we wrote in our post about sexual boundaries in marriage, God’s will is that sex should be reserved exclusively for a husband and a wife. So, while there aren’t many limits on what you and your wife can do together, you can’t bring someone else into your sexual relationship. Neither spouse can give the other spouse permission to commit adultery — adultery isn’t just a sin against your spouse, it’s a sin against God. Permission from your spouse doesn’t make adultery acceptable to God. It is never acceptable to have sex outside of your marriage. See also: Proverbs 5, “be intoxicated always in her love”Hebrews 13:4, and Proverbs 7.

If that’s not enough, it’s easy to Google for something like “threesome ruined my marriage” and find hundreds of horror stories. Of course, you think your marriage is differentbut everyone thinks that. 93% of Americans think they’re better-than-average drivers. If you and your spouse are currently pretty happy in your marriage, having a threesome is very likely to cause a huge amount of damage. You can read one such story in Genesis 16 and 21, about Abraham, Sarah, and Hagar.

On the other hand, if you and your spouse aren’t happy in your marriage, a threesome won’t fix things. There are a zillion reasons for marital dissatisfaction, but think about it: why would adding a third person to the dynamic strengthen your relationship with your spouse? It may temporarily distract you from the pain and frustration you’re feeling — like becoming an alcoholic — but it won’t resolve any of the problems that are actually causing dissatisfaction. If your marriage is having trouble, drinking more alcohol isn’t likely to improve things… you’ll just self-medicate yourself into oblivion. In the end, you’ll be worse off than you are now. Peruse our blog or any of the links on the sidebar for ideas on how to spice up your sex life with your spouse.

We strongly exhort every married couple to keep their sex life exclusive to themselves. This is what God commands through the Bible, and worldly experience says the same thing.

“B” replies:

Thank you for your response. We have done a lot research and we agree that it is sinful and should not be pursued. That being said, the feelings are still there for us both and that will be a struggle. Our faith was strong when we first got married and there have been bumps in the road but we are both very happy in our marriage and in life. I do struggle in my faith because of my job as a firefighter/paramedic and the stuff I have to see and deal with makes it hard to believe that there’s a God that loves us and watches over us.

It’s good that B and his wife have avoided this sin. It’s common to look at the evil, pain, and death that surround us in the world and wonder why God hasn’t prevented it — but he’s given us the ability to stand against evil by the power of the Holy Spirit. The choices we make can be holy, glorifying to God, and healing to mankind, or they can be selfish and evil. Resist temptation and make good choices! We’re grateful for people like B who put their lives on the line to protect us.

See also: Sex Q&A: Christian Wife Swapping, Swinging

Please use the contact pages for Sexy Corte and El Fury to send us your questions. We will only share your question if you give us permission, and we’ll never reveal your name or any other identifying information. You can ask questions anonymously, or use a free anonymous email server like Mailinator.

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