We get this question pretty often but haven’t written much about it. The short answer is: nothing. The Bible doesn’t mention masturbation.
Developing a longer, more satisfying answer requires some discernment, wisdom, and judgement. The factors to consider are almost the same for married people as for single people, so we hope this post will be useful for both groups of readers who ask us about the topic.
It’s important to point out immediately that it’s not our place to give anyone permission for anything, or to condemn anyone for anything. We will attempt to lay out a Biblical perspective on masturbation, but we recognize that wise and well-meaning Christians disagree on this matter. We also recognize that the indwelling Holy Spirit is the ultimate resource for every believer, and we pray that you will rely on His guidance when making decisions for your life and marriage. Prayerfully consider 1 Corinthians 8 and follow the leading of the Holy Spirit.
Let’s begin with this question from an unmarried man, “SE”.
I am a single 21 man and wanted to ask about masturbation. I know this site is for married couples, but I can’t find ANYTHING from a Christian perspective that is helpful to me personally. I strive to follow Christ and want to be pure and live as God intended. And apart from getting a flat “NO, is it damnable SIN”, or “….uh, I don’t know. Ask your mother”, I feel screwed!
I have had a history with porn before, but now putting that chain off of me by the fear of God and submission to Him, I am currently in the process of resetting my frame of mind. And with that, I am resetting myself physically as well. I used to masturbate with porn when I could sneak it into the bathroom, but now it’s just me. I do well with staying away from pornographic or other disgraceful forms of sexual thoughts. Pretty much, it’s just me and the mirror.
My obvious question to you, as a married Christian man who knows how guys think: is this permissible in the sight of God? And is the guilt that I am feeling coming from my history or is it from the actuality of present sin? Is it a sexual addiction regardless of how scarce it may be done? (I was able to hold it up to 13 days, but ended up inflating my testicles and hurting myself. And felt all the more ashamed.) Is this desire, now breaking the old bad habit, still yet a reflection of it, or is this now natural from God’s word?
To be honest, of course I enjoy doing it. But because God’s word is so seemingly silent on masturbation, I am unsure of where to go from here.
From one man to another, was hoping you could shed some light on this. Whether it’s calming my fears, or if it’s a hard slap in the face! Can I truly glorify my Master in Heaven in this manner? And if not, can you please help me out of it or refer me to a good Godly counselor?
(And, no, I am not asking my pastor about this if that is what you will answer).
Out of all the emails we’ve received on this topic, we decided to quote this email from SE because we think he very eloquently describes the physical, emotional, and spiritual conflict that many godly men and women confront with masturbation. (And yes, women masturbate almost as much as men.)
In this post we will identify three questions for your consideration. If you’re married, then these questions affect your spouse and your marriage, so you need to discuss them together.
First, as already noted, SE is correct in saying that the Bible gives no specific commands about masturbation (including the story of Onan in Genesis 38, which is too long to discuss in detail now). Is the Bible silent on masturbation because people didn’t masturbate in the past? No. People from the past were as horny as we are now. Is the Bible silent on masturbation because the topic is too disturbing or unmentionable? No. The bible is full of murder, adultery, blasphemy, and every other kind of sin imaginable. In fact, the Bible discusses God’s expectations for sex very clearly in many places: sex is only acceptable for married couplies within the bounds of marriage.
So the first question to consider is, given this lack of specific direction and based on what God reveals about himself in the Bible, how can I best glorify God through my decision about masturbation?
Second, it’s wrong to covet another person. In Matthew 5:28 Jesus says:
But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
The word translated “lustful intent” is epithymeō, which is a covetous longing, a desire to take something for yourself that isn’t yours. The word is frequently used in the New Testament in a non-sexual context, and it’s important to note here that the emphasis isn’t on seeing or being attracted to beauty or sexuality, it’s on the covetous intent. Jesus is saying that if a man looks on a woman with the intent to possess her, that’s a serious matter of sin even if the two people do not have sex together.
So the second question to consider is, can I masturbate without covetous intent?
Third, we have the freedom and responsibility to honor the institution of marriage and our sex life with our spouse. In Hebrews 13:4 we read:
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.
In “Can we *BLANK*?” we wrote that the answer to that question within marriage is almost always yes — you can blank all you want. We also wrote about mutual masturbation in some detail already, so for this post let’s focus on the question of solo masturbation. Whatever you decide for solo masturbation, it must be bring honor to the institution of marriage and must not defile your sex life with your spouse. These expectations are applicable to married and unmarried people alike: the Bible isn’t only concerned for your own marriage, but also for the honor of the institution of marriage.
So the third question to consider is, can I masturbate without dishonoring the institution of marriage or defiling my marriage bed?
We believe that only you can answer these questions for yourself, with the guidance of the Holy Spirit, sensitivity to your conscience, and honest dialogue with your spouse.
- How can I best glorify God through my decision about masturbation?
- Can I masturbate without covetous intent?
- Can I masturbate without dishonoring the institution of marriage or defiling my marriage bed?
What do you think? Have you talked with your spouse about masturbation? What have you decided for your marriage?
Thank you for your excellent write up.
I must commend SE on his willingness to seek help. As you rightly, said everyone should allow the Holy Spirit guide them. However we must also remember that as believers self control is a fruit of the Spirit for both single and married people. The question I like to ask people is, if you weren’t exposed to sexually explicit content would you be aware of masturbation? We also have to realise that our bodies are the temples of God and if we are to walk in the spirit without measure we have to by the spirit of God be able to trust the Lord for the grace for self control. Another question for SE and any other person struggling with masturbation is, if Jesus were in the room with you physically would you be comfortable masturbating?
Finally let’s remember that when we find that we aren’t able to let go of a problematic habit, it may have become a stronghold and fasting and prayer is a wonderful way to put the flesh under and activate the spirit.
Blessings
Lolade Olakulehin recently posted…Questions to Ask Him/Her before you Marry them – PART 1
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Yes. Animals masturbate. Humans have been doing it since long before pornography existed.
I wouldn’t want to have sex with my wife if Jesus were in the room with us. Or poop, for that matter.
Oh definitely Jesus will give you your privacy. He knows how to “read the room” before he shows up in His MANIFEST presence though He’s omniscient.
Every Christian single person who has masturbated or just starts our masturbating knows that the guilt they feel is conviction from the Holy Spirit and so they ask themselves “is it right, how can it be right if I feel this horrible” The Bible doesn’t have to state things expressly before we use spiritual wisdom to discern good and right. This is the trap eve fell for at the garden of Eden “the devil said to her sis Gos say” Because people fail to pick a side doesn’t mean God doesn’t have a side. We as humans were created in the image and likeness of God so even if animals or humans since time immemorial have been masturbating that isn’t our standard at any point in time as BELIEVERS.
Any single person masturbating please réalisé that there is help for you in Christ through the Power of the Spirit and you shouldn’t be a slave to your desires. You don’t walk on the road and ask if it’s right. You don’t pray and ask if it’s right because you have an inward witness.
The summary is you can’t manifest the glory of God while indulging in selfish fleshy desires. Nobody is casting our demons after masturbating or laying hands on the sick for them to recover after masturbating i can guarantee you that.
I pray whoever reads opens their heart to the truth God and love of God. Amen.
If someone feels horrible when they do something, they do not know that it is the Holy Spirit convicting them – it is just emotions. In the same way people say that because they feel good about doing something therefore the Holy Spirit is telling them it is okay, and they justify all kinds of sins by that. Emotions need to be examined to see if they are right or not.
“If our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart, and knoweth all things.” 1 Jn 3
The reason I personally felt bad about it (when I was perhaps 11) was simply childishness: I thought that those parts of my body were bad, because I only associated them with excrement. Later I was still confused about why elimination and reproduction seemed to use the same parts of the body, and prayed about it. That day we read this in our Bible reading:
“…and those members of the body, which we think to be less honourable, upon these we bestow more abundant honour; and our uncomely parts have more abundant comeliness. For our comely parts have no need: but God hath tempered the body together, having given more abundant honour to that part which lacked: that there should be no schism in the body; but that the members should have the same care one for another.” – 1 Cor 12
Even if he was not directly referring to the private parts as those which we think to be less honourable, I learned the principle by God answering my prayer: elimination and reproduction use the same parts because they are utter opposites. If parts of our body were only for elimination, that would be a schism in the body, as a child actually thinks there is (at least a child that hasn’t been raised around animals, haha).
Touching oneself isn’t being a slave to desire any more than reading a book or listening to music.
This is the sort of intellectual sloppiness that gives Christians a bad reputation among secularists.
You implicitly made two arguments in your original comment: 1. People shouldn’t masturbate, since they only know about masturbation because of a sin–namely, pornography. 2. People shouldn’t masturbate, since they wouldn’t masturbate in front of Jesus. El Fury succinctly and politely noted that your first argument is factually incorrect and your second one contains a non-sequitur.
At that point, it would have been appropriate for you to self-reflect, acknowledge the flaws in your reasoning, and *only then* present a new argument. Instead, your responded with a flurry of new, equally spurious arguments, while construing the flaws in your own arguments (e.g. that pornography exposure is relevant to masturbation) as flaws in his.
How can you expect people to carefully consider and learn from your comments (or YouTube videos), given that you don’t provide them the same courtesy?
I have taken care of many children, including my own. Both preschool boys and girls rub their genitals because it feels good. They discover it on their own; they do not have to be taught to do it.
I was raised in a very strict Christian household with a long list of rules and a constant sense of guilt because I failed to be perfect and keep them all. I received no sex education from my parents. I discovered masturbation on my own, never viewed porn, and did not fantasize as a single. The physical release felt natural and God given. I did not feel guilty over it at all and was often asking God to show me where I needed to change my life.
I got married to a supposedly Christian man and was greatly looking forward to intercourse on our wedding night. Our sex life was horrible and almost nonexistent. I suspect there was homosexual activity and unbeknownst to me, he had some hidden addictions that I did not know about and one of them was porn. I was a very high drive woman who was constantly rejected by her cruel, abusive husband. I feel solo masturbation was God’s merciful way of helping me cope. I never used porn and when I fantasized it was imagining what I hoped our sex life would become. For almost 20 years, it was all focused on my husband. I did pray and God did not convict me one tiny bit about that.
Now I am divorced and was told by my godly Catholic Ob/gyn that it would be better for my menopausal health to masturbate, “use it or lose it”. I have followed his advice and thank God for the wonder of my body and sexuality. I think God does see me as I masturbate and is pleased that His creation is good.
This is one of most reasonable responses I’ve read.
I would mention that masturbation is actually more or less mentioned in Scripture: “And if any man’s seed of copulation go out from him, then he shall wash all his flesh in water, and be unclean until the even. And every garment, and every skin, whereon is the seed of copulation, shall be washed with water, and be unclean until the even. The woman also with whom man shall lie with seed of copulation, they shall both bathe themselves in water, and be unclean until the even.” Le 15
In short it is treated the same as childbirth and intercourse and similar things (at least for the male – for a woman it apparently doesn’t even make one unclean). :)
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Thanks for addressing this subject. For a deeper explanation of Matthew 5, I highly recommend the following article. (The vast majority of the page length comes from comments, so don’t be too intimidated by it.)
http://www.jasonstaples.com/bible/most-misinterpreted-bible-passages-1-matthew-527-28/
I wrote a long response to masturbation by single solo. It seems to have gotten lost. So, here is a short version.
First, babies have been photographed in the womb playing with themselves. It just plain feels good even to them. So, Are they the unborn somehow sinning. I think not! It still feels good to those who have gotten old and can’t have ‘regular’ sex. God has written lots about what is sexual sin in scripture, nothing about masturbation. If God doesn’t require sacrifice for it He must not think it a sin. This is what is contrary to what many legalists say. A legalist is one who uses scripture out of context to condemn others. Jesus came to put the legalists out of business.
There are many cases where masturbation is even necessary for singles and marrieds.
1. single long pent up urges.
2. sick spouse
3. disabled sexually spouse.
4. Spouse away.
5. Person has a higher sex drive than the other.
6. just need release.
Once I saw a young man in the student union sleeping on a couch. He had a wet dream and woke up with a large wet cum spot in his pants for all to see. If he had jerked off perhaps he wouldn’t have had the wet dream.
If you don’t release it as a young man, mother nature will and it may not be at the best time.
We need to stop letting folks who have (good intentions?) lie on God.
If God said it I believe it, If He didn’t say it don’t bother me with it! I, we, don’t need your guilt trip. The guilt trip layered on us by those who try to make it a sin.
U won’t go blind or grow hair in the palm of your hand as they claimed in the old days.
In short I have never seen a scripture condemning it for single babies, girls/boys, men/women, singles or marrieds. So Don’t let the old ones break your spirit. I once had a deacon try to tell me it was a sin. He would not listen to scripture or reason so stop letting the old ones guilt trip u. His children went off the deep end I believe because of his wrong doctrine that he learned probably from some controlling priest or preacher. Just my speculation.