We’ve gotten enough emails on the topic that it’s worth addressing: is it ok for Christians to engage in swinging or wife swapping? (None of the emails we’ve received are suitable for quotation.) I suppose we get these emails because it’s obvious from our blog that Sexy Corte and I are pro-sex and enjoy some kinky stuff that isn’t discussed at church. I’m not sure if the folks who email us are genuinely wondering what the Bible has to say on swinging or if they’re looking for someone to help rationalize existing behavior, but I’m going to give a sincere answer.
Swinging or wife swapping is a sin called adultery, and is never acceptable to God. It doesn’t matter if you, your spouse, and the other couple all consent — God doesn’t consent. The Seventh Commandment is short and to the point:
Exodus 20:14, “You shall not commit adultery.”
Jesus raises the bar set in the Old Testament:
Matthew 5:27-28, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
A person might claim, “It’s not adultery if my spouse knows about it and approves.” However, the definition of adultery makes no such distinction, and never has throughout human history.
voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than his or her lawful spouse.
The bottom line here is similar to an earlier Q&A on threesomes:
God’s will is that sex should be reserved exclusively for a husband and a wife. So, while there aren’t many limits on what you and your wife can do together, you can’t bring someone else into your sexual relationship. Neither spouse can give the other spouse permission to commit adultery — adultery isn’t just a sin against your spouse, it’s a sin against God. Permission from your spouse doesn’t make adultery acceptable to God. It is never acceptable to have sex outside of your marriage. See also: Proverbs 5, “be intoxicated always in her love”, Hebrews 13:4, and Proverbs 7.
If your marriage is happy, swinging won’t strengthen it; if your marriage is unhappy, wife swapping won’t fix any of the underlying problems. We strongly exhort every married couple to keep their sex life exclusive to themselves. This is what God commands through the Bible, and worldly experience says the same thing.
See also: Are There Any Sexual Limits or Boundaries in a Christian Marriage?
Please use the contact pages for Sexy Corte and El Fury to send us your questions. We will only share your question if you give us permission, and we’ll never reveal your name or any other identifying information. You can ask questions anonymously, or use a free anonymous email server like Mailinator.
A curious thought comes from “non-Christian” sources to further help any couple.
They say that there are many inherent dangers when couples try to “swing”. There are warnings from these “lifestyle” folks even if someone is not trying to follow the Bible.
Your conclusion is also a similar statement that those folks use. If the marriage is unhappy or not satisfied, it is an emotional, relational problem, not a “sexy” technique issue.
Your post is on target for anyone who is walking in the footsteps of Jesus, marriage partner swapping is a sin. They are not your husband/wife therefore you are violating the covenant made at the wedding.
Thanks for handling this subject with open candor.
Jerry Stumpf recently posted…Is busyness slowly killing your marriage?
On this blog we mostly target readers who already have good sex lives and want to kick things up a notch, but yeah: just trying new things isn’t likely to help a marriage that is going badly.
I don’t even like the term “wife swapping”. It connotes what I did back in the day when I traded baseball cards. How am I showing respect to my wife, when I want to trade her like I do my cheap baseball cards? The term also shows disrespect because it is sexist. No husband would find it flattering if our wife came to us with the idea of “husband swapping”, so why do they use such a vile term?? #JustSayin
Keep up the good work, El Fury and Sexy Corte.
Thanks for the comment!
You’re right, of course, that the term “wife swapping” is degrading to the wife — and the whole concept is dishonoring to God.
Thank you for his straightforward answer. Jesus’ point in Matthew 19 about “male and female” is that He created ONE male and ONE female n the beginning. This was purposeful, not happenstance. God spoke clearly, according to Jesus, by what He did in creation. This speaks directly to the issue of threesomes and swinging.
Why is this question even asked on a biblical Christian site? I am sure those asking the question know it is not in Gods plan for this… This is probably one of the obvious sexual sins, especially being married.
Like the commenter D. stated…I am incredulous why Christians are even asking or considering swinging or wife-swapping? I know God only knows the heart yet one cannot wonder if either they are truly saved or if they are backslidden.
Tristan Vali recently posted…Here’s What No One Tells You About Sexual Refusal
Amen. Swinging is not cool. The 2 became 1 flesh. When you think about it from the perspective of Eve came from Adam, it was like Adam reuniting with a part of himself. That’s what marriage is. A spiritual supernatural holy union, holy in it’s own way.