Applying the Fruit of the Spirit to Your Sex Life 1

How can we apply the Fruit of the Spirit to sex with our spouse?

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

Galatians 5:22-23

The Fruit of the Spirit is written in the singular form — there is one Fruit that manifests in nine ways. The Fruit of the Spirit is grown in the life of the believer by the work of the Holy Spirit, not by human effort. Being Fruitful is not a matter of trying hard, it’s a result of walking by the Spirit (v. 16) through the power of the Spirit.

So let’s take a look at the nine manifestations of the Fruit of the Spirit and consider what a Fruitful sex life with your spouse will look like.

Love. “Affection, good will, benevolence.” Fruitful sex is built on genuine affection for your spouse, not only physical pleasure. You pursue what is good for your spouse and look out for his or her best interests. Fruitful sex is intentional and consensual, not manipulative or domineering.

Joy. “Gladness, cheerfulness, calm delight.” A Fruitful sex life is bright and delightful. You cultivate a grateful attitude for your spouse and enjoy sex together.

Peace. “Harmony, concord, quietness, rest.” Fruitful sex is rejuvenating and harmonious, a refuge from the stress and frustrations of life. You and your spouse pursue agreement and compromise.

Patience. “Endurance, constancy, steadfastness, perseverance, forbearance, long-suffering, slowness in avenging wrongs.” A Fruitful sex life is a rock of stability and confidence, never wavering even in challenging circumstances. You wait on each other and serve each other without haste or grumbling.

Kindness. “Moral goodness, integrity, moral usefulness and excellence.” Fruitful sex is a fountain of goodness and blessing for your marriage. Fruitful sex edifies the spirit, body, and mind of both spouses.

Goodness. “Uprightness of heart and life, beneficence.” A Fruitful sex life is honest, virtuous, and excellent. When your sex is Fruitful it is one of the best parts of your marriage. Fruitful sex is a strong foundation for your relationship. You value your sex life and protect it.

Faithfulness. “Fidelity, the character of one who can be relied on, moral conviction.” Fruitful sex is dependable and steady no matter what else is happening in life. Fruitful sex is devoted and committed. Fruitful sex can be relied on in any storm. You are quick and eager to invest in your sex life.

Gentleness. “Mildness of disposition, meekness of spirit, humble.” A Fruitful sex life is generous and giving, focused on the good of your spouse. Fruitful sex does not make demands; you are focused on nurturing and caring for your spouse.

Self-control. “Temperance, the virtue of one who masters his desires and passions, especially his sensual appetites.” A Fruitful sex life is passionate and sensual, but it is ruled by the Spirit rather than by physical demands. Fruitful sex is not reckless, but uses our words and bodies carefully. You discipline your mind and body to make your sex life the best it can possibly be. You put in the effort required to be a sexual blessing to your spouse.

Consider praying through this list with your spouse and ask God to grow the Fruit of the Spirit in your sex life. Don’t berate yourself and promise God to try harder — this Fruit doesn’t come from you, it comes from the Holy Spirit. Repent of any sin in your life that may be hindering the work of the Spirit, and then wait on him and see how he works.

How have you seen this Fruit in your sex life? How have you and your spouse grown over time? Leave a comment and let us know!

"The Male Clitoris": Frenulum Technique 2

Men often wonder what an orgasm feels like for women — there’s no way to directly share the experience, but the frenulum of a man’s penis apparently has very similar nerve endings to those in a woman’s clitoris. What’s a frenulum, you ask?

The frenulum of prepuce of penis, often known simply as the frenulum, is an elastic band of tissue under the glans penis that connects the foreskin (prepuce) to the vernal mucosa, and helps contract the foreskin over the glans.

You’ve got a frenulum in your mouth, too: it’s the elastic band of tissue under your tongue.

tongue frenulum

Hopefully that’s enough info for you husbands to locate the frenulum of your penis. Unfortunately the frenulum is often removed during circumcision, but the important nerves may still be present in the V-shaped nook under the head of your penis.

Once you’ve found the frenulum the rest is pretty easy: ask your wife to rub it or lick it until you reach orgasm. Here are a few tips to make the most out of your experience.

  • Light touch. Your wife should focus her touch on the frenulum and avoid stimulating the rest of your penis. She can use her tongue, one or two fingers, or her thumb, whichever is most comfortable for her. (Considering how long a frenulum orgasm can take to build up, she might decide to start with her hand and then finish with her mouth.)
  • Don’t squeeze. Refrain from squeezing your pelvic muscles — stay relaxed. As you get more aroused you’re going to feel a strong urge to squeeze, but squeezing will short-circuit the slowly-building orgasm and lead to a “normal” orgasm.
  • Lube. If your wife is using her fingers instead of her tongue, we recommend using silicone-based lube. Water-based lube evaporates pretty fast and she’ll have to keep re-applying it.
  • Communicate. Tell your wife what feels the best, but try not to beg for more intense stimulation. You’ve got to…
  • Be patient. Just like the clitoris, the frenulum builds up stimulation very slowly.The first time we tried this I wasn’t able to climax even after 45 minutes! The second time (after not having sex for 24 hours) I reached orgasm in about 10 minutes. (If you want to speed things up, you can cheat by squeezing your pelvic muscles.) As you do it more, you’ll learn how to reach orgasm from frenulum stimulation more quickly without cheating.
  • Return the favor. You may as well keep your fingers busy playing with your wife while she touches you! Your wife is hopefully pretty familiar with clitoral stimulation and will probably reach orgasm long before you do (if you don’t cheat).

Even though the stereotype is that men are more familiar with their bodies than women are, many men have little experience with their frenulum as a distinct part of their penis. Hopefully this technique will give some husbands and wives a new way to explore and enjoy the husband’s body! If you have any tips or questions, please leave a comment.

Update: Keelie Reason at Love Hope Adventure has posted a 10-minute video about frenulum technique. She’s right in saying that most men have no idea that they can have an orgasm this way, and it’s a great opportunity for a wife to show her husband something new about his body!

How To Help Your Wife Orgasm 3

Jay Dee has conducted a survey about wives’ orgasm experiences and posted the results as a nifty infographic. After the infographic there are a bunch of tips from husbands and wives on how to help the wife to orgasm. Maybe Sexy Corte will share her perspective, but here are my tips:

  • Relax! Don’t pressure yourself or each other. Men tend to be very goal-oriented, and it can be frustrating to “fail” to give your wife an orgasm when you’re really trying your best. Usually men react in one of two ways: try even harder or give up. Well, some nights she just isn’t going to get there no matter what you do, and trying harder just ramps up the pressure on her. Sometimes the right answer is to give up for the night and just enjoy being intimate… but that doesn’t mean you should give up on her orgasms forever! If she isn’t going to get there tonight, make sure she gets lots of snuggles instead.
  • Communicate! Wives, you need to let your husband know what feels good to you. Most women can’t orgasm from intercourse alone, but penis-in-vagina is what feels good to a man. If you don’t tell him differently he’s going to assume that’s how you orgasm too. Be brave enough to ask him to use his mouth or fingers on you, and when it feels good let him know! Most husbands greatly desire to sexually please their wives, but we can’t read your minds. I’ve discovered that using words is one of the best ways to communicate! “Harder”, “Softer”, “Faster”, “Slower”, “Touch me here”, “More lube please”, “That feels amazing!”, etc.
  • Patience! Keep pursuing her orgasm, but do it low-key — it will happen when you both relax and let it happen. It takes a lot more energy and investment for a women to orgasm than for a man. If she’s tired, cranky, worried, sick, in pain, or distracted she may not want to put in the effort to have an orgasm. Husbands, you probably won’t be able to solve problems like those with a few minutes of foreplay. Wives, be patient with yourselves and your husbands. Your body is complicated! Don’t worry if it takes a while to figure it out. Enjoy your journey to the amusement park of orgasms!

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