Some sex topics can be awkward to bring up even if you and your spouse have great communication, especially when it comes to secret fantasies that may not be entirely mainstream. You may be afraid that your spouse will do more than say no — you may fear that he’ll judge you or even be disgusted. Hopefully your spouse is more open to hearing about your sexual desires, but the nervousness can be real nonetheless.
To open the lines of communication with a little less anxiety you might want to try taking one of these sex questionnaires with your spouse. There are probably many more options online, but these two will get you started. In both cases the questions are answered anonymously and the sites do not require registration. What’s more, the sites only share answers between spouses when both husband and wife indicate a positive response to a given activity. If you say “yes” to something but your spouse says “no” then your “yes” won’t be revealed.
In the best case, you and your spouse will discover an activity that you both have been dying to try but have been too afraid to bring up!
One huge caveat: these questionnaires contain short descriptions of activities that no Christian should participate in. If you don’t want to be exposed to such ideas then you should not take the tests.
Questionnaires:
I took this off “The Marriage Bed” forum from 2007 (Paul & Lori Byerly)
http://www.boards.themarriagebed.com/viewtopic.php?t=21645#p315686
It give a lot of options. Perhaps you need to do as we did and work thorough sections, one date night at a time. Also, the initiator of this should “weed out” parts that your partner is completely turned off to doing. You may keep this “weed out” list and show it to them later so they get the full benefit from it but with out feeling forced.
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While this is an interesting, creative idea, it would be nice if these forms could be customized to eliminate some of the items before giving the form to one’s spouse in the first place. I would be hesitant to show these surveys to my hypothetical spouse, because some of the items are so plainly non-Christian or downright gross-enough that I don’t want there to be any chance of my wife concluding that I’m subtly suggesting those activities by presenting them as a possibility. By the core design of the websites, there’s no way for her to know that I said “no” to (e.g.) an orgy just as vehemently as she presumably did.
Maybe you could tell her that in advance! “Sorry honey, no orgies.”