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Some sex topics can be awkward to bring up even if you and your spouse have great communication, especially when it comes to secret fantasies that may not be entirely mainstream. You may be afraid that your spouse will do more than say no — you may fear that he’ll judge you or even be disgusted. Hopefully your spouse is more open to hearing about your sexual desires, but the nervousness can be real nonetheless.

To open the lines of communication with a little less anxiety you might want to try taking one of these sex questionnaires with your spouse. There are probably many more options online, but these two will get you started. In both cases the questions are answered anonymously and the sites do not require registration. What’s more, the sites only share answers between spouses when both husband and wife indicate a positive response to a given activity. If you say “yes” to something but your spouse says “no” then your “yes” won’t be revealed.

In the best case, you and your spouse will discover an activity that you both have been dying to try but have been too afraid to bring up!

One huge caveat: these questionnaires contain short descriptions of activities that no Christian should participate in. If you don’t want to be exposed to such ideas then you should not take the tests.

Questionnaires:

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This post is also available as a podcast: Podcast #011: Fitness and Hygiene Advice for Husbands

Alright husbands, let’s talk about basic fitness. Did you let yourself blimp up after you got married? Shame on you! Or, like me, have you always struggled to be a little more fit? I’m blessed that Sexy Corte and I love to run, and we’ve managed to keep in the habit of running several times a week together (even pushing a ton of kids in strollers). Running or some some form of aerobic exercise is great, and I highly recommend it; it’s even better if you can do it with your spouse and kids. Aerobic exercise is great for everyone, so go do it.

(For other posts with advice for husbands, check out Husbandly Hygiene and Basic Male Fashion.)

However, in this post I want to talk about lifting weights. Women can lift and enjoy the benefits of stronger bones and muscles, but weight-bearing exercise is essential for men’s health. I’m by no means an expert on lifting, but I can share with you some basics: and basics are the key. All the new-fangled stuff is basically junk: P90X, CrossFit, “core strengthening”, “boot camps”, etc. It’s not that these are bad, but they over-complicate things. You don’t need an expensive gym membership either.

What do you need?

  1. Starting Strength, by Mark Rippetoe
  2. Barbells, dumbbells, weight bench, weight plates. Used sets can often be found cheaply on Craigslist. Put them in any open 50 square feet of your house.
  3. 20 minutes per day, a few times per week. You won’t get ripped with this minimal schedule, but you’ll get a lot stronger.

ripped-for-her-pleasure

I recommend the book, but you can get the high-level ideas from here. You can easily use the internet to find articles by Mark Rippetoe and diagrams that illustrate how to properly perform the lifts he prescribes. (So you have some homework.)

Like I said up top, aerobic exercise is great, but men need to big and strong. If you follow some of this simple advice it won’t take long for your wife to notice and admire your muscles. You don’t need to be Adonis, you just want to improve yourself. If you aren’t lifting at all now you’ll see rapid strength gain when you start, which is great for your confidence. Of course your progress will plateau and improvement will get harder over time (like anything), but there’s a ton of low-hanging fruit that even a lazy man can grasp.

What does lifting have to do with sex? If you can’t figure out how size, strength, endurance, confidence, energy, and appearance will improve your sex life then I don’t think I can help you.

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I have been reading through the book “Sheet Music” by Dr. Kevin Leman. It has been a great read! If you decide to read it, I do recommend reading certain chapters before having sex because some of them are sure to get you in the mood. Dr. Leman has a great chapter on Sexual IQ. He describes your sexual IQ, not as how much you know about sex, but about how much you know about your spouse’s sexual preferences. He has a list of questions (see below) that I think is important for a married couple to know about each other. El Fury and I went through each question and guessed each other’s answers before sharing our own. It was interesting to see how our answers matched, or what we could learn about each other. We already have really open communication about our sex life, so this exercise was really fun! If you don’t have good communication about sex, this is a great ice breaker that gives you an opportunity to learn and share. I was pleased that El Fury and I have a high sexual IQ. Here is the list:

1. Does your spouse prefer candlelight, total darkness, mood lights, colored lights, or complete white light during sex? Does she or he like to experiment with light? If so, when, and in what mood?

2. Does your spouse like any particular smells during sex? Does she enjoy candles? If so, what fragrance? Does he appreciate any special perfume?

3. What is your spouse’s favorite time of the day to engage in sexual relations? Do you ever make room in your schedule to accommodate this time?

4. Does your spouse like you to talk during sex? Make more noise during sex? Does he or she want you to talk more before you have sex? Would she or he prefer that you start praying before or after sex on occasion?

5. Does your wife have a favorite massage lotion? Does she like the lotion heated, or straight out of the bottle?

6. Does your spouse like to have fun during sex, or is he or she more serious?

7. What are your spouse’s three favorite places to be touched? Kissed?

8. What position is your spouse’s favorite?

9. What is one sexual practice your spouse would really like to try that the two of you haven’t done yet?

10. What is your spouse’s favorite sexual fantasy?

11. What turns off your spouse quicker than anything else?

I’m sure there are a lot of other questions you can add to this!For example, on number 10, we also talked about our favorite sexual memory. You should always be a student of your spouse, and that includes learning more about them sexually.

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Next time you’re giving your wife the business you can throw in some historical sex slang from her favorite century to liven things up before ringing her bell. Just make sure you pick some chronologically consistent slang… anachronisms really kill the mood.

Slang timeline for sexual intercourse.

Slang timeline for other sexual acts.

Slang timeline for orgasms and various secretions.

Slang timeline for the vagina.

Slang timeline for the penis.

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