I have been reading through the book “Sheet Music” by Dr. Kevin Leman. It has been a great read! If you decide to read it, I do recommend reading certain chapters before having sex because some of them are sure to get you in the mood. Dr. Leman has a great chapter on Sexual IQ. He describes your sexual IQ, not as how much you know about sex, but about how much you know about your spouse’s sexual preferences. He has a list of questions (see below) that I think is important for a married couple to know about each other. El Fury and I went through each question and guessed each other’s answers before sharing our own. It was interesting to see how our answers matched, or what we could learn about each other. We already have really open communication about our sex life, so this exercise was really fun! If you don’t have good communication about sex, this is a great ice breaker that gives you an opportunity to learn and share. I was pleased that El Fury and I have a high sexual IQ. Here is the list:
1. Does your spouse prefer candlelight, total darkness, mood lights, colored lights, or complete white light during sex? Does she or he like to experiment with light? If so, when, and in what mood?
2. Does your spouse like any particular smells during sex? Does she enjoy candles? If so, what fragrance? Does he appreciate any special perfume?
3. What is your spouse’s favorite time of the day to engage in sexual relations? Do you ever make room in your schedule to accommodate this time?
4. Does your spouse like you to talk during sex? Make more noise during sex? Does he or she want you to talk more before you have sex? Would she or he prefer that you start praying before or after sex on occasion?
5. Does your wife have a favorite massage lotion? Does she like the lotion heated, or straight out of the bottle?
6. Does your spouse like to have fun during sex, or is he or she more serious?
7. What are your spouse’s three favorite places to be touched? Kissed?
8. What position is your spouse’s favorite?
9. What is one sexual practice your spouse would really like to try that the two of you haven’t done yet?
10. What is your spouse’s favorite sexual fantasy?
11. What turns off your spouse quicker than anything else?
I’m sure there are a lot of other questions you can add to this!For example, on number 10, we also talked about our favorite sexual memory. You should always be a student of your spouse, and that includes learning more about them sexually.