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How to Rub a Clitoris: Pulling Back the Curtain

This post is also available as a podcast: Podcast #002: How to Rub a Clitoris

Not having been born with one myself, it took some time and experience for me to learn how to properly pleasure a clitoris — and I imagine most husbands are in the same boat. In fact, some surveys of women indicate that their husbands don’t really give their clits enough of the right attention. Hopefully this post will solve this problem for all couples everywhere for all time!

(The usual caveats apply: every woman is different, so when you use this advice make sure you continue to pay attention to what your own wife actually likes.)

First, here’s a diagram of the area in question.

If your wife is lying on her back, you’ll notice that the vagina itself is south of the clitoris. Husbands often want to focus on the vagina: that’s where it’s wet, warm, and receptive to penetration. The vagina is certainly a good place to spend some time during foreplay, especially to spread around some of her natural lubrication. However, for most women that’s not where the action is.

I’m sure that most men know where the clitoris is — as you can see in the diagram, it’s north of your wife’s vagina, between her labia. I’m sure you’ve used your tongue and fingers in this area many times, once you’ve gotten her wet (from her own juices, your mouth, or some lube). However, what you may not have know is that her clitoris has a “hood” that’s very similar to a man’s foreskin.

The clitoris often hides in its hood even when stimulated. This means that your best efforts are essentially being muffled by an extra layer of skin. Sure, this feels good… about as good as when she licks the shaft of your penis. It feels good, but not as good as when she sucks right on the head.

Fortunately you can pull back the hood and expose more of the clit. Sometimes you can do this just by pushing back and up along the top of the clit with your tongue or finger, sliding under the hood to touch the clit directly. However, it can be more effective if you use the fingers of your other hand to gently pull back and up on the skin around the hood and thereby pull the hood back indirectly along with the other skin. You probably don’t want to pull on the hood itself, but pull it along with the surrounding skin. This can be tricky because the area should be pretty slick to ensure her comfort. (Her clitoris and the surrounding skin is more sensitive than the head of your penis… would you want rough, callused, dry fingers rubbing you there?)

When you’re successful you’ll see her clitoris emerge from its shelter, exposed and ready for pleasure. You may need to maintain the pulling/pressure on the surrounding skin to keep the hood drawn back and prevent the clitoris from retreating. With the clitoris itself you need to be extremely gentle — the nerve density is much higher than anywhere on the male body. Make sure your wife is wet enough to enjoy your touch.

Here are a few tips for actually rubbing your wife’s clit. It’s not exactly rocket science, so ask her what she likes!

If you’ve got any tips to share please post them in the comments! I’m always eager to learn something new.

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